Rock the Boat (4 page)

“What if he cheats on me, too?”

“You can sit and wonder all day long, but not every guy you meet is going to be a douchebag. Yes, there’s always a chance it could go wrong, or he could break your heart, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again. Trust me, I’m not thrilled about starting over with someone new either. I may act like it’s easy for me, but I’m scared shitless about letting a new guy into my world—into the life I’ve worked so hard to build from next to nothing. But I would rather take a chance on the wrong one, than live the rest of my life wondering what could have been if I would have gotten over my anxiety and tried.”

“I’d be so screwed if you weren’t here, Noelle. I don’t say thank you enough, but thank you for helping me through this break-up. And thank you for helping me find myself again.”

“All I want is for you to be happy. Plus, I need my partner in crime back. Lets show these guys what they’ve been missing all their lives.”

“Deal, but what do we do now that we have their names?”

“We wait. The letter says they’ll contact us on these pager things when it’s time to meet.”

She hands me a round electronic pager exactly like the one in her hand. “This makes me feel like I’m waiting for a table at a restaurant instead of for my date.”

“Just go with it, Lark. They must have a method to the madness or we wouldn’t be here. I guess we can start unpacking while we wait. Or watch another one of these boring informational programs.”

“I’m not sure it will be so boring if the ship goes down and we can’t find the life jackets.”

“We’re not going to sink.”

“That’s the same thing they said about the Titanic. The unsinkable ship sunk.”

Noelle pauses with a hanger in her hand before walking over to the TV and turning the volume up a little louder. “Just in case,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders.

By the time we’re both unpacked, my pager vibrates on the floor next to me. I pick it up, staring at the message blinking on the screen.
Meet me in the lounge in thirty minutes.

“What’s it say, Lark? You’re killing me.”

My hands are shaking as I hand the device to her. While she reads it for herself, I find the map that got us to our room and search for the jazz lounge. After scanning it twice before comprehending any of the words I was looking at, I realize this is really happening. I’m about to meet Easton.

“What the hell is this shit?” I yell to Dom, as I open an envelope left sitting on my pillow. “My perfect match?”

Dom walks through the door connecting our two staterooms, rubbing a towel over his wet hair. It gets cramped living on a ship for months at a time, but leaving that one small door open, keeps my room from feeling like a cage.

Already smiling, he takes the paper out of my hands. He knew about this. “Looks to me like my girlfriend is playing matchmaker again.”

Gina’s a great girl, she really is, but she must have been a Disney princess in a past life. The chick has the most romantic soul I’ve ever seen to go along with one of the most memorizing voices I’ve ever heard. From the second I walked in on her audition, I knew she would get the job even if she jacked up the interview—she was that talented. Her only downfall is her never ending desire to find me a woman.

“I love your girl man, but this isn’t happening. I’m here for the music, the paycheck, and to see the world. That’s it.”

We’ve been on this ship for six months and each and every week a new flock of hopefuls waltz through the gangway like their entire world depends on the outcome of their cruise. Sure, some of them probably make out pretty well, have some sex, see the islands, and get drunk a few times without the responsibilities of the real world holding them back, but there’s little chance of survival as a couple once the ship docks a week later.

“Dude, you take it up with her. I have nothing to do with this.”

Just as I’m about to toss the letter in the trash can, Gina’s next to me with a hopeful smile plastered on her face. “Please, say yes.”

“This isn’t happening.”

“Come on, Easton. This is our last week on the ship before our contracts expire. Please, if you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me.”

“Why does this matter to you so much? You’ve been on my ass about taking one of these tests for weeks. I took it to get you off my back, but I never agreed to going through with this.”

“Months,” she clarifies. “I’ve been trying for months to make this happen. This is your last shot. Your next contract could assign you to any ship in the fleet. You’re on the only ship on this side of the world that does The Perfect Match. You may never get another chance like this ever again.”

“I can live with that.”

She takes my hand and sits me down on the couch like the protective mother hen she’s become to the entire band. “East, I care about you a lot. From day one, you took me under your wing, introduced me to your band, and made me feel like one of the guys—even though I’m obviously not. You’re responsible for me meeting Dominic. I owe you for that and so much more, but there’s no other way to repay you than to return the favor. I don’t have any more gorgeous women left to throw at you. You turned them all down. Well, after you slept with a few of them first, but we’ll forget about that for now.”

“I’m not exactly proud about that.” Each time I hooked up with a random girl Gina sent my way, I felt like I was cheating on Shay. Still, it didn’t stop me from getting wasted and doing it anyway. I was a total hypocrite sometimes, especially once the guilt set in and I ended up with an entire bottle of whiskey in my hands. Luckily, Dom caught on fast and put an end to that shit before it got out of hand again.

“You don’t deserve to spend the rest of your life alone. It’s okay to want to meet someone new. Even if you don’t admit it, I see the way you watch other couples—even me and Dom. You want that for yourself.”

“I had it all, Gina. I’ll never find that again.”

She doesn’t try to disagree with me. She never met Shay, but she’s heard enough about her to know we were the real deal. After staring into space for a few seconds, she tucks a piece of her golden hair behind her ear and looks me straight in the eyes. “Shay was so lucky to have you—and I’m positive she knew that because of the man you are. What you did for her in her last days, she took that with her to heaven.”

I close my eyes, the pain still torturous when I hear her name and heaven in the same sentence. Shay was my world—my other half. She was as close as it gets to perfection. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to replace her, or if I want to try, even if everyone is telling me it’s time to move on.

“Easton,” she whispers, her breathing labored and her skin so pale this morning it shocks me. Even with her fragile, frail body, she’s still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known. Before long, all I’ll have left is the memory of her love, her touch, and her gentle spirit. This body in front of me isn’t the one I’ve worshipped—it’s merely a shell that will be left behind once she’s transported to a better place.

I wasn’t sure if I believed in an afterlife until Shay’s health started to rapidly decline. After watching her endure so much pain and suffering, there has to be someplace beyond this Earth where she’ll be loved and taken care of for eternity. And if I’m lucky, I’ll see her again someday, no matter what the future may bring for me.

“Baby, I’m here,” I tell her, as I hold her shaking hand in mine. I thought yesterday was as bad as it would get. I’ve prayed so many times for God to ease her pain, to put her out of her misery, but truth be told, I’m too damn selfish to imagine her gone from my life. I don’t want her to hurt, but this is all I have left of her, and I’ll never be ready to say goodbye to her.

She sucks in a breath, her eyes fluttering open and closed. “Thank you for loving me. You didn’t have to stay knowing I was going to die.”

“Don’t do that, Shay. Don’t talk about us like we’re over. Stay with me.”

“I’m so tired. Sing to me, East. I want you to sing our song one last time.”

Her dry lips quiver and when her eyes close, her entire body relaxes. The last time I’ll see her sparkling blue eyes has come and gone and I didn’t even have a chance to appreciate it. I need her to open them one last time so I can memorize the color. “Shay, baby. Please don’t leave.”

I rest my head on her stomach, my sadness suddenly crushing the anger and denial I’ve been carrying around with me for weeks as each test came back worse than the last. There were days I thought if I loved her enough, she would get better. But no matter how many times I told her I loved her, she continued to slip away.

My throat is raw as I choke out the lyrics to “Amazed”—the song I sang to her when I asked her to marry me, and now as I’m saying goodbye to her.

“Love you,” she whispers so faintly I can barely make out what she’s saying.

Her chest rises and falls before one final gasp passes between her lips. I don’t need confirmation from the nurse or doctor to understand what just happened. Like all the air was sucked out of the room, I already know she’s gone.

I clench the blanket covering her, digging into it so hard my nails cut into the palms on both of my hands. I watch the doctor check for a pulse, a routine move he’s probably done a million times, and when he gives the nurse the signal, a barely noticeable nod of his head, she removes the oxygen from Shay’s nose. Each of them give me a weak smile, their eyes downcast as they move to the door to her room.

I didn’t have any expectations of what would happen when she slipped away, yet it hurts more than I ever imagined. The thought of never seeing her face or hearing her voice again for as long as I live scares the ever loving shit out of me. I barely remember a world without her in it. How can I be expected to pick up the pieces and walk out of here, leaving her body for someone else to take care of when I’ve been the one making sure she had it all?

Dom steps into the room, the jingling of the chain connecting his wallet to his jeans giving him away before I even turn my head to see who it is. He stands next to me in support, his hand resting on my shoulder while I break down for the first time since she started her hospice care. I always thought if I kept my emotions locked up, they wouldn’t have the power to control the outcome. Now that she’s passed, the most crippling pain squeezes my throat shut until it hurts so bad I have no choice but to let it out. “What am I going to do, Dom?”

“She’s at peace now, East. You have to let her go.”

Fuck, peace. What about me? How am I supposed to find tomorrow when my today has just been destroyed?

“Easton? Are you okay?”

I turn my head toward Gina, wishing that when I did, her voice would somehow morph into Shay’s. I’d give anything to hear her say my name again—anything to hold her in my arms and feel her hug me. “I don’t think I’m ready for something this serious.”

“But you’ve come so far. You’ve changed. You even dated that dealer for a while. She was from Canada wasn’t she?”

“How do you know about that?”

“Dominic told me.” Considering Dom didn’t have all the facts, I guess it would have appeared to be more than it was. In my eyes, it was nothing more than a string of repeat performances between two people looking to have some fun.