Rock My Heart (4 page)

“Well, that is one of the reasons why I am very excited to talk to you and the band about this opportunity. We both know Winter’s Regret is on the verge of breaking out to be as big as you and that was a once in a lifetime opportunity. The next time they go on tour, they’ll be headlining and…although Scarlet Fever is a legend of a group already, I don’t quite see you guys as the Rolling Stones.”

Kaz scoffed loudly without realizing it. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you don’t exactly strike me as the type who wants to still be touring when you get to be in your late thirties, forties, fifties and sixties. Wouldn’t it be better if the audience came to you? What if you could perform your gigs in one place and have the safety and security of knowing you could make the kind of money on tour without traveling the world?”

“Wait, are you saying what I think you’re sayin’? A hotel has offered us a permanent gig?”

“Well, as you know, Vogue Hotel & Casino have prime real estate on the Strip. They bought the abandoned lot behind them where a casino went into bankruptcy and are building a state of the art concert arena. Only, they are modeling themselves after Caesars Palace and Planet Hollywood. They want to sign artists in two-year, iron-clad contracts where you would perform there for a number of nights…usually it’s three or four concerts per week. They’ve already signed Chyna Bleu so she will be performing three nights a week. They want to have variety, obviously.”

“Well, this is definitely something that will be best talked about when we get there this weekend. As you know, we all have lives here in L.A. and that is quite a commitment—”

“Oh, the executives are willing to wait until you finish recording your latest album. They understand how a decision like this can’t be made overnight. They’ve given your group a couple of months to make up your minds. Mostly because if you say no, they plan to offer the spot to another musician or band,” Paul explained in a professional manner.

Kaz looked toward Syd who lay back and was busy reading her Kindle. “Yeah, we’ll definitely be there this weekend and I will discuss this with the guys. They should really have a say in this as well.”

“Okay. Look forward to hearing from you and have a nice evening, Kasper.”

“You too, Paul.” He ended the call and set his cell phone on the outdoor table before he strolled over and took a seat next to Sydney.

“What’s going on?” she questioned though she didn’t look up from her Kindle.

“I’m not sure yet.” His tone, non-committal.

“It’s big news, huh?”

“Huge.”

This caused her blue-gray eyes to widen and she stared into his. “What do you mean when you say…
huge
?”

Kaz sighed out loud. “There might be a possibility we will be living in Vegas for the next couple of years. Is that big enough for
you
?”

The silence between them grew so thick, he could have heard a pin drop.

Chapter Three

Big Lights, Bright Vegas

IN MY HASTE to carve out my own destiny and become my own person, I’d forgotten just one little tidbit. Being engaged to—and eventually marrying—a rock star, I would still be trapped in a certain way of life. I’d traded the gilded cage and safety of my mother and grandfather for another that sparkled and shimmered but all that glittered wasn’t gold.

I’d felt like I’d already sacrificed so much when I’d gone on the tour and became the band’s bitch as a photographer. Then I was railroaded into doing the official
Gods of Rock Tour
book project with Laurel. And now this?

I could see the look in Kaz’s eyes. He was excited about the opportunity to move to Vegas when all I could see was yet more instability in our lives.

When would we ever settle down and make a home between the two of us? Where would we finally put down our roots? I was tired of running and for once, I was ready to put my foot down.

I ran my hands nervously through my long, honey blonde locks. “Sweetie, we just got back from a six month tour that was tiresome and grueling. Don’t you think we should rest a bit before we make a decision that will change our lives yet again? I’m expecting our child and I don’t want our life to be constant turmoil and strife. Fuck it, I just want us to get it over with and have our happy ending.”

Kaz stood and sat beside me on the lounger before he cupped my face. “Babe, that’s what this life is about. You knew what you were doing the first night you stepped to me at your birthday party. Our life will be in constant flux but as long as we have one another then we are going to be all right. I love you with all my heart and you love me too. As long as we have one another, we can take on the world. It’s always gonna be you and me and I have to know you’re in my corner. Are you feelin’ me, babe?”

I smiled slightly before I kissed his mouth. “Yes, I’m feelin’ you but at the same time, this has to be partly my decision too. You just can’t hoist something like this on me and not expect me to react. How would you feel if I did the same to you?”

Kaz stood and stared down at me. “You’re not a rock star, Syd. You don’t know what it is like with all the constant invasion of privacy and not being able to go anywhere because everyone knows who you are. My life is a dream and I love making music but at the same time, I can’t do another tour for a while and Introspect is going to expect us to do something to promote this new album. I would rather have this deal on the table to go to Vegas than nothing at all. Hell, I don’t even want to do local shit or anything that is going to have me on a tour bus for the next ten years if I can help it.”

He began to pace before he poured himself a Jack Daniels and swallowed it in a single gulp. “Listen to me, you will have your input but I have to speak to the guys first anyway. If they say no then it’s a no-go regardless—”

“I’m not an idiot, Kaz.” I finished the rest of my water, stood and began to walk inside the house where he followed me, and secured the glass doors behind us. “Jaden, Will and Grant
aren’t
going to say no. Listen, just go and take the guys to Paul’s. You don’t need all of the girlfriends and fiancées just hanging around. We’ll be in the way. Discuss the deal and when you know more, you can inform me when you get home, all right? I don’t feel like going anywhere right now, not even boarding a plane to Vegas and it’s forty-five minutes from here.”

Kaz grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. “I know you’re tired and this pregnancy has your hormones all over the place.”

“This is me, talking, Kaz.
Me
. What I am saying to you has fuck all to do with my pregnancy. Did you forget I was an independent and free-spirited young woman when you met me? Well, the tour grew me up very quickly and the more time we are together, the more I realize my life has become all about you. Your
wants
and your
needs
. When do I get to have an opinion? I’m going to be the mother of your child. Think about that for a moment and then tell me I am wrong to want a say in this colossal decision you guys have to make.”

His eyes turned to blue-green ice and I knew he was pissed off, he was a Cox after all despite his carrying of the Gillian name, and the thug would always be unleashed when I pushed him too far.

“Listen to me, Sydney, because I will not repeat myself again. This is a
band
decision. You got that? Scarlet Fever will come to an agreement about the Vegas situation and you have no say what so ever. If you don’t like it then run back home to Mommy and Granddaddy but we’re in a relationship here and you are to be my wife! Put your big girl panties on and stop acting like a spoiled child who doesn’t get her way and decides to pout over it.”

If I had a weapon in my hand at that moment, I would have used it.

“You know what? Fuck you. I’m sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight. I don’t have to put up with your sexist bullshit talk. But then I forgot, once a Cox, always a motherfucking cock and you’re no different from your father, no matter how far you try to run away from him. The same blood in his veins runs through yours and right now, you’re acting just like that fucking asshole.”

I knew we had to stop these awful yet heart-breaking arguments between the two of us. It wasn’t healthy for either of us to continue down this road and it wouldn’t lead to a sustained relationship.

Unfortunately, neither of us were very practiced in this department because we both had our issues when it came to the opposite sex.

I was reared by my grandfather but I knew no man would ever adore me as much as he had. Kaz had a step-mother who could barely disguise her hatred of him and a father who couldn’t stand to look at his own son because he had not come from his seed.

Instead of merely thinking about it, I would stop it. My heart raced and I was left feeling exhausted when my pregnancy was added into the mix of my seemingly bipolar emotions. I just wanted to go to bed and forget the whole evening.

I turned away from him and began to climb the stairs when he grabbed my left arm and pulled me to him. I fought him with every ounce of energy I possessed but it wasn’t much since my pregnancy left me tired and lethargic.

He was a strong guy and he didn’t stop until he had me wrestled down to the floor and he was on top of me, his strong thighs straddled my hips.

“Get off me, Kaz!” I said through clinched teeth. “I’m fucking pissed off right now and not in the mood for any of your games!”

He leaned over and kissed me brutally until we were both fighting and embracing. We were all teeth and tongue, strong, urgent mouths, which locked and bruised one another. I wanted to battle him and fuck him at the same time. That’s how angry I was with him but as his hands wandered underneath my t-shirt and grabbed my sensitive breasts, anger melted into desire and soon, I only wanted him to take me right then and there.

Kaz stood, scooped me in his strong arms and carried me up the stairs as we continued to kiss one another with urgent need and want. Our tongues swirled against one another and I fisted his perfect hair with my hands as his own cupped my ass and held me tight against his warm body.

The moment he threw me on the bed, I forgot all about our fight and his hands were on me again, peeling my shorts off, panties included and stripping me of my flimsy t-shirt.

There was a lot about Kaz that could drive me absolutely crazy, like his utter and irrational need to control everything between us. However, when he had me pinned against the bed with his hands, his mouth devouring mine in a hungry, passionate way that brought me to the brink of desire, all my feelings about what I didn’t like about us went flying off the emotional radar.

His lips left a hot trail down my neck as his hot, wet mouth covered the nipple of my right breast. He teased it softly with an insistent tongue before he switched to my left breast and did the same. The coolness of the house had my nipples pebbled to attention and as his mouth led lower, kissing the slight roundness of my belly before he parted my thighs, I was deliriously lost in desire.

My arms continued to remain stretched out and away from my body as he removed his hands and they parted the lips of my mound, which was a dripping inferno of unfulfilled lust. His hot tongue licked every inch of me before he zeroed in on my clit and I moaned out loud.

I arched my back as he tongue-fucked me and then he sucked on my clit again, coaxing an orgasm out of me I wasn’t ready to give yet. Only then did he sit up on his hunches and took off his wife-beater and unbuttoned his jeans. He managed to get them halfway down his thighs, his long, hard thick cock pressed against his taut stomach muscles before he situated himself between my spread-eagled legs and entered me.

I felt him all the way to the core of my throbbing sex, his dick stretching and filling me as he began to work himself in and out of me with deep, pounding strokes that seemed to punish me as much as they pleasured me. His breath turned ragged and his lust-filled aquamarine eyes zeroed in on my own and for that brief moment in time, we were in perfect tandem with one another.

Christ, I loved the way he felt inside of me and I grabbed the globes of his ass to keep him buried as deep inside me as possible.

I hated how every time we had a disagreement, we always used sex as a band aid to cover up any feelings of betrayal or hurt we had with each other. I loved this man with all my heart but we had to be able to talk to one another if we wanted our relationship to remain stable, long term and attainable.

Both of us were screwed up and dysfunctional but somehow we seemed to work for now. I knew this couldn’t be a long term solution, not if we wanted to maintain a normal relationship and stop ourselves from making the same mistakes our parents had done with us.

Kaz withdrew from me, still rock hard and removed the rest of his clothing as I sat up and flipped over to my stomach before I got on all fours.

His mouth tackled my snatch again, greedily licking the juices that soaked me from the inside out. He was insatiable as his tongue licked my perineum and then flicked against my asshole. Lately, he’d become more and more brave as his need to have his cock in every hole on my body just to prove his ownership of me grew with every sexual experience we’d had together.

I’d given in shortly after we’d come back from the tour and after drinking Macallan 50 and smoking a couple of joints made with some excellent chronic, I’d relaxed enough to allow him to fuck me anally. It had been an interesting experience and though I’d actually enjoyed it, I didn’t want to make it a usual part of our sexual repertoire. That didn’t stop him from trying to get me to do it again and my patience on the subject was beginning to wear thin.

Kaz’s tongue trace the contours of the most intimate parts of my body and I found myself on the urge of coming undone yet again. No matter what problems or challenges we faced, we never had any issues in the bedroom.