Rock My Heart (15 page)

This was, officially, the end of us.

Part Two

The Heart Heals

Seven Months Later

Chapter Fourteen

The Last Goodbye

KAZ HELD HIS son, Kasper Cillian Landvik-Gillian, and couldn’t believe how gorgeous and precious he was. He was only seven weeks old but he still marveled at the sight of him every day because he was now old enough to appreciate the beauty and fragility of life.

So many milestones had passed and now that it was almost the end of November, he had less than two weeks before he left for Vegas and Scarlet Fever began their contract with Vogue Hotel, Spa & Casino.

He’d already purchased a beautiful home in the community of Lake Las Vegas, where the superstars who worked the Vegas circuit and the mega-rich in general, owned mansions with gorgeous views of a large man-made lake.

He had everything a man could want except the stubborn woman who’d left him seven months previously the same day she’d fucked his half-brother.

That alone should have had him beyond upset but all he wanted in life was stability, a family and a woman to complete his many gifts. He refused to be like Jaden who still snuck around and continued to lead Faith on while he’d pretty much committed to Talia but she hadn’t pushed him to make anything public because they both had too much to lose, she more than him at this point.

Talia Viaro-Stewart, former songwriter for Introspect, was now the gorgeously tattooed lead singer of Winter’s Regret and had driven the group farther than they ever thought was possible. There was a bidding war in Vegas between Planet Hollywood and Caesars Palace for the group to sign a contract meanwhile they were planning a three month tour in the spring with Trilogy as their opening act.

Meanwhile, both groups had released albums in the past couple of months and were both constantly battling it out for the number one and two positions on the Billboard pop chart.

Scarlet Fever’s
Nothing Lasts Forever
was a brooding, hard rocking album about love and loss while Winter Regret’s
Delusions of Lost Love
was not only haunting but a beautiful album that music critics lauded as one of the best albums of the year and the band was featured yet again on the cover of
Rolling Stone
for their December issue.

Talia had also given birth but her son, Kaelan Viaro-Stewart Cox, was four and a half months and she was very protective of him when it came to the press. She lived alone though Syd had purchased a house just down the street from her and the two were inseparable. She was now closer to Talia than she was Laurel or Sasha; Faith was an afterthought and the two women who’d been former best friends hadn’t spoken in almost a year.

Kaz still had so much to do before he had to leave for Vegas, including numerous radio, television and magazine interviews but no matter where the day took him, he never forgot about that precious bundle Syd had carried for nine months and always stopped by her place to see him.

It hadn’t been easy between the two and no matter how much he tried, there was nothing he could do to break through to her. He didn’t understand if she was punishing him or herself for what she did but she hadn’t thought of a man nor had she dated since they broke up.

Syd and Talia either spent time together or she was photographed on her way to the gym, coming out of Starbucks or Whole Foods. She lived a fairly ordinary life and kept herself to herself.

Edge of Entertainment
,
Fact or Fiction
,
US Magazine
,
In Touch
,
People
and
Society Magazine
had a field’s day when rock n’ roll’s number one couple broke off their engagement. There were so many stories—some true, many of them false and fabricated—about the demise of the “golden couple”, they’d managed to turn their break up into one of the biggest news stories since the demise of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston.

Kaz was far from stupid and knew she loved him just as much as he still loved her. If he could have reversed their past and took back the way he’d treated her, he would but it was all water under the bridge and the only way to move was forward.

He kissed his son’s bald head and stared into his own eyes. Baby Kaz, as everyone called him, had crystal blue eyes with a hint of green surrounding his pupils. Eventually the green would spread and become the gorgeous aquamarine color of his father’s irises but he would be a towhead blond judging by his bald head, which had sprouted only the finest amount of peach fuzz the color of blond so light, it looked almost white.

Kaz teased his son as he held him up, careful to support his neck and head. “No one ever bothered to tell us how strong those Norwegian genes were, did they?”

“Especially since he’s only a quarter. Grandpapa insists on speaking to him in Norwegian though because he said that it’s a family tradition that should never be lost.”

Syd walked into the nursery and gently grabbed the baby from Kaz’s arms. He sat down on one of twin ottoman chairs she’d arranged in Baby Kaz’s bedroom suite and undid her top before she popped a boob in his mouth. He latched on quickly and began to drain her as if it were his last meal.

She more or less looked the same though pregnancy had agreed with her and just seven weeks after giving birth, she was thinner than she was when they were together. A bit too thin for his taste but her double-Ds made up for the weight she lacked in other areas.

Everything about Baby Kaz’s upbringing would be natural according to Syd, whether Kaz wanted a say in it or not. Her mother and grandfather had come out to visit her for two weeks but before they’d done so, they’d arranged a shipment of fish and other various products to be delivered to her directly from the source.

Her chef was French and everything he made for her was natural yet rich in calories because she needed them to keep up her milk production for Baby Kaz. Apparently, he loved his mother’s breasts as much as his father did, if not more.

There wasn’t any food in her house that wasn’t organic and she constantly carried around a liter of Evian or San Pellegrino water regardless where she went. He could say a lot about the way she treated him but she was a damn good mother and hands on in a way that Damira would never and wasn’t capable of being with Xander.

Shortly after her mother and grandfather left, Lin had showed up on her door step. She was a twenty-four year old nanny trained in Norway and had a Master’s Degree in Child Development. The nanny was a gift from her grandfather and not allowed to speak English to the baby at all therefore their son would grow up bi-lingual, even if one of the languages he knew wasn’t known by very many people.

Syd liked the idea of Lin but she didn’t want her to be on call twenty-four-seven so she also hired another nanny, Mairéad—who hailed from Enniskillen, Northern Ireland—and was fluent in Gaelic, aged twenty-six and also had a Master’s Degree in Child Psychology.

The two took turns with Baby Kaz and also were allowed to have a life of their own. In theory it was great but it was hard coming by to face two women who were young, attractive, and also took care of his child. His will to get laid was pushed and he’d fallen victim to his weakness by allowing himself to get pulled into an ill-timed affair with Faith.

There was much to be said about her but she was smart enough not to broadcast her issue with drug dependency and she was clean. Jaden hadn’t touched her in months and although she could easily find someone on the side, she preferred Kaz and he preferred her rather than a random groupie who would kiss and tell.

Often times he felt guilty because in the back of his mind, he still wanted Sydney. He knew they belonged together but convincing her of this was damn near an impossibility. She always avoided talking about them and always focused on the baby.

Until tonight when she looked at him with bright blue-gray eyes and smiled. “So, you’re getting down to the wire, aren’t you? Ready to leave the smoggy City of Angels for Vegas?”

“Yes and no. I mean, I won’t miss this place but I will miss seeing this little angel every day. I really do enjoy the time you let me spend with him. Thank you.”

Syd cleared her throat and switched breasts with the little one before she continued. “I don’t think it’s fair to deny you the opportunity to see your son and since he’s been born, you’ve been here. Hell, you used to check on me every week even when I would curse a blue streak and scream at you to leave me alone. You’ve always been a dedicated father and who am I to take that away because I decided to end our relationship?”

“What does that mean?” Kaz’s heart thudded in his chest and he could sense an opportunity—no matter how small—opening up to him.

“I bought a home in the same community as Paul and Jerrica. I know it’s a trek for you but with your concerts being three nights a week, there is plenty of room for you to sleep over when you come by to visit the baby.”

“Wait a minute. Are you moving to Las Vegas?”

“Do I have a choice? What’s holding me here? Talia and the band will be taking a deal in Vegas…it’s only a matter of time but she spends a lot of time there anyway because Jerrica lives there so we’ll see plenty of one another. My family is back east and my friends are going to be in Vegas too. What exactly is keeping me here in L.A. other than a home I can sell in a heartbeat?”

“True but I want you to be sure about this, Syd.” He stood up and looked out the window. The view was more ostentatious houses, pools, and blue skies ringed with smog. “I would feel terrible if you’re doing this because you feel a sense of duty to me that shouldn’t be there. You don’t owe me anything and perhaps if I’d treated you like a human being instead of merely the object of my affection, we would have ended up in a much different place than we are now.”

Kaz turned toward her and she stood before she set Baby Kaz in his crib, turned on the gentle rocking mechanism and pressed play on the iPod Classic mounted to small speakers. The music that played was classical at a very low level and apparently, Baby Kaz slept quite peacefully to it.

She readjusted a sexy, black lace bra that didn’t look like a nursing bra at all and buttoned up her peasant blouse.

“Listen, nothing that happened between us was your fault. I was the one who fucked around on you and with your brother no less. You should have hated my guts.” Syd sighed and strolled over to him until they were only a foot away from one another. “My hormones were crazy and you have no idea how terrible I feel about the way I treated you. Any other man would have told me to go ‘fuck myself’ and walked away but you didn’t. I will always appreciate that and you have earned a place in your son’s life. What, exactly, is holding me back from moving? I don’t have any ties here and all the money in the world. Money is freedom, true freedom—I can buy ten more houses in any city I desire and I wouldn’t even put a dent in my trust fund. I’m luckier than most and I know that.”

“But what about work? I know you are heavily involved in charities, especially projects having to do with AIDS research.”