Road to Reason (6 page)

Ryan snickered when Dean looked up at the tall muscular man with the military haircut and serious expression across his face, then backpedaled off the stool. “No problem.  Nice to meet you, Kaitlin.”

Ben took Dean’s spot next to his sister. “What’s wrong with you? I could see sleaze ball written all over him from a mile away. You’re like a babe in the woods. Please tell me you don’t fall for that stuff,” he said, scoffing. “And who the hell wears a three-piece suit out to a bar? Even pretty boy next you shed his jacket and tie,” he said, nodding his head at Ryan, laughter surrounding his eyes.

Kaitlin looked at Ryan, he could see the red hue creeping up her neck, most likely for him witnessing yet another humiliating scene in her life. 

She smiled grimly. “No worries. My virtue is intact.”

“So you see, Sophia, even if I was stupid enough to fall for that guy’s cheesy pick-up lines—which I wasn’t—or if I wanted to go home with some stranger—which I don’t—I still couldn’t have because my brother stepped in and shot down any chance I might have had.” She sighed, flopping down on the couch.  “I might as well be the poster child for a spinster at this point in my life,” she said dejectedly.

Sophia laughed on the other end of the phone, the throaty sound vibrating on every last nerve Kaitlin had.  “I don’t know, Kaitlin, I think you should just try not to focus on it so much and live your life day to day. It will happen when you least expect it,” she offered helpfully.

Kaitlin hated how those words reminded her of what Ryan had said when he kissed her cheek after leaving her house weeks ago.  And thoughts of Ryan popping in her head were the last thing she needed right now.

Shocked was the least of the words she could come up with when she saw him at the bar last night, but thankfully he went along with her ruse.  No one was the wiser that the two of them were already reacquainted
and
she could keep her embarrassing confession to him a secret.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to forget about it. I’ve been focused on it for so long, it seems like it’s never going to happen. I just want it over with,” she said with an exaggerated whine.

“Really, Kaitlin.  Do you even hear yourself? Where did that cool sophisticated woman of the last five years go?”

“She’s still a virgin, too. So I guess it really doesn’t matter who I am at this point,” she said.  Suddenly the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She spent the last five years trying to be someone she wasn’t, to no avail.   She would have to think of that more at another time.

“What about that one guy you told me about? Bryan or something? One of your brother’s friends?”

“Ryan,” Kaitlin corrected her.  “I’m still thinking about him.” It was the truth. She was still thinking about him. A lot. But she wasn’t about to tell Sophia that she got shot down there, too. Sophia would only say, “I told you so.”

“Well, while you’re thinking about it, I’m going to let you go. Since you got me up this early I might as well run to the market now before it gets too busy out.  I’ll check in with you in a few days.  Just go relax and enjoy your weekend alone.  Someday you are going to wish you had time to yourself.”

Kaitlin hung up the phone and decided to take Sophia’s advice. She changed into an old pair of shorts, a faded T-shirt and pulled her hair into a messy bun on her head.  No time like the present to finish unpacking those boxes in the guest room.

***

Ryan had no idea what he was doing.  Well, that was wrong. He knew what he was doing. He just didn’t know why he was doing it.  Or what possessed him. And thinking about it only perplexed him more. 

Sometime in the middle of the night, hours after he had gone to bed and continued to stare at the ceiling, he came to a conclusion.  And that conclusion brought him here.

He rang the doorbell once and waited.  A few minutes passed with no answer.  He knew he had the right place, and the Volvo sedan in front of his Mercedes looked like the type of car she would drive.  So he rang the doorbell again.

Ryan heard a yell and turned the handle, thankfully he found it unlocked. Pushing the door open, he stood staring at the sight in front of him with his mouth hanging open.

***

Kaitlin had the music cranked up loud while she swiveled her hips to the dance song playing out of the portable speakers she set up with her iPod in the guest bedroom. Nothing like a little bit of music while she worked.

When she opened the closet door and reached up for the light to start hanging her winter wardrobe she came in contact with a rather large spider web, causing her to squeal loudly. 

Batting it away only made it get in her hair; then the spider dropped down and stared right at her.  Big, black, hairy, skinny legs clinging by one fine piece of web, and it was grinning at her. She swore it was.

Arms flaying, she raced out of the room yelling and jumping around in an attempt to get the spider and its offending web out of her hair. Because she was positive it sprang on her after it grinned. 

Turning, she saw Ryan in the doorway, immediately stopped moving, and stood immobilized.

Until she felt what she thought was the spider on her arm and screamed again. “Get it off me, get it off,” she said, hopping around the room.

He raced forward. “What? What is it? Stand still so I can get it.”

“It’s a spider. Get it off. Get it off me,
now
.”

He finally reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders to stop her motion.  “Stand still so I can see.” He ran his hands up and down her arms. “I don’t see or feel anything.” He looked on her head, pulled out the few cobwebs and stood back.  “You must have scared it away.  It’s probably on its way out of the state in fear of your yelling.” He smirked at her, then burst out laughing.

Disgruntled, she crossed her arms over her chest, which only pulled her small T-shirt even tighter against her ample breasts. She caught him staring and moved her arms up more, trying to cover the source of his gaze. “It was a big spider,” she said, indignantly.

He stopped laughing but didn’t remove the grin from his face. “I’m sure it was. But it’s gone now.” Then he let his eyes wander down to the rest of her clothing.

Embarrassment flooded her face. Suddenly she became aware of the whole situation.  What she was wearing, Ryan in her home, and another humiliating episode of entertainment she just provided him.   “What are you doing here?” she asked, a bit more defensively than she meant.

He sobered himself, wiped the smile right from his face, looking ominous.  “I think you know.”

“No, I don’t. Tell me.” She wanted him to say it. She wasn’t about to guess and make a fool out of herself once again.

She watched him standing in front of her silently.  Today he was wearing a pair of old fashionable distressed jeans and a shirt that did nothing to hide the body underneath.  Wow, he had some muscles.  Who would have known under that suit?

“I’ve been thinking about your problem,” he started out staying, causing her to raise her eyes that had been staring at his arms, their big muscles and defined biceps.

“Yeah?  How do you know it’s still a problem? Maybe I took care of it in the last two weeks.”

“You didn’t.”

“How do you know?” she asked again, holding her ground.

“I do. Trust me.  Why were you out at a bar last night? Looking to pick someone up to take care of it for you?”

“Maybe?” she said, before she realized she just admitted it was still a problem.

“Guess Ben ruined your chances last night then, huh?”

“How could you tell anything with that blonde bimbo hanging all over you? I’m surprised you could hear a word with her mouth in your ear,” she pointed out, stubbornly. 

She hadn’t missed the girl that came up to talk to him prior to Dean introducing himself.  Though she didn’t stay very long, she had leaned in, said something close to his ear, which caused him to grin brightly, then shake his head. 

“Jealous?” he asked with a smirk.

“Nope.”

“I don’t believe you,” he said crossing his own arms in front of him, his muscles bunching even more.  But then he stopped, frowned, and took a deep breath.  “I’m sorry. Let me start over. Can I come in?” he asked politely.

“You’re already in, aren’t you?” she said sarcastically. She was still irked that he accused her of being jealous. Why would she be jealous of who he talked to in a bar?

“Can I sit down then so that we can talk?”

“Maybe I don’t want to talk to you.”

“That would be your choice,” he replied stiffly.

Then she felt bad.  There was no reason to be so angry with him.  She couldn’t understand what it was about him that brought out the worst behavior in her.

If she wasn’t acting like a fool embarrassing herself, then she was acting like a jealous girlfriend embarrassing herself.  Either way, she ended up embarrassing herself in front of him.

She needed to get over this. She turned and led him into the living room. “Have a seat,” she said, gesturing toward the chair while she sat on the couch and pulled one foot under her leg.

He groaned when his eyes fell on her legs. Self-consciously, she tried to tug her shorts down, but they weren’t budging and she refused to stand up and tug them down. Besides, he’d made himself clear—he didn’t want her. 

Taking his eyes off her thighs, he stared hard, almost right through to her very soul. “Do you still want my help?”

“What do you mean by ‘help’? Do you know someone?” she asked.

“No. I mean, yes.  Me,” he said simply.  “But I have some conditions.”

Her heart started to race. This was what she wanted.  But now all of a sudden she was nervous. And afraid. “What type of conditions?”

“First off, it’s not a one-night stand. Despite what you may have heard about me, I outgrew one-night stands in college.” Angling her head to the side, she gave him a doubtful look but it didn’t stop his explanation. “Everyone that I sleep with I’m in some form of a relationship with. Doesn’t mean it’s serious, but it’s not a one-night thing either.”

“So when you aren’t dating someone, you go without?” she said, challenging him.

“I didn’t say that. I said some form of relationship.”

“Like friends with benefits?” she asked curiously.

“Some could be considered that.  We’re friends.  No strings attached, but it’s not just sex.  I’ve got some friends that I attend functions with when needed and such.”

“Okay. That makes sense. Lots of my friends in Manhattan have similar relationships. It can come in handy. There is nothing worse than attending work or social functions solo.” She would know, she had done it plenty in her life. “So this would be a friend with benefit type of thing?”

“No.  I wouldn’t do that to you.  First off, you don’t know the rules.  Second of all, I don’t want you to have any regrets. And you might if you thought it was that casual.”

“If not that, then what?” she asked, confused.

“Let me ask you a question first.  How far have you gone with a man?”

Her face turned red.

“I’m not trying to embarrass you,” he said, trying to explain. “I want to know more so I can fully understand and go from there.”

OK, made sense. “I’ve dated quite a bit.  Normally somewhere between the third and fifth date things would get a bit heated, and one thing would lead to another.  We would start talking about sex and taking it to the next level, but whenever I confessed I was a virgin things slowed down. Sometimes immediately.  A few times, the guy and I would date a bit more while he slowly pulled away. Once I had someone get up and leave right then.” She wouldn’t tell him how much that hurt. She had really liked Stephen.  She’d thought he was the one.  His rejection was the last one, not counting Ryan’s, and it hurt the most.

“So that is what we’ll do. We’ll date, go out a few times and get to know each other. As if I never even knew about your problem. Which isn’t a problem by the way, I just want to make that clear.”

“So then what?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, looking a bit puzzled.

“After we’ve had sex, then what? We’re done?” She really wanted to know. She wasn’t sure she wanted to agree to this. There was danger in getting too close to him if she went by his rules and conditions. 

Suddenly this was turning into something much more complicated than she had originally thought. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all.

“No,” he said definitively.  “No set time on anything. We would be dating.  Your problem as you call it brought us together, but it’s not going to dictate an end date. One day at a time, like you would with any relationship.”

“OK,” she said, unsure.  She wanted to believe him. He had given her no reason not to. So far he had been nothing but considerate and even gentlemanly through the entire situation. Except she still wasn’t going to let herself feel anything more than friendship any time soon. 

“My next condition,” he said after she agreed to that term.  “You mentioned that you’ve learned to be a different person for the last five years, correct?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want you to be anyone other than who you are. No games and no pretending, no cover up.  Just be yourself.  I think you have been with me.”

“Yes, I have. With you more than anyone else in the past few years.”

“Well, I like the real you. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. Not for me and not for anyone,” he said fiercely.

She was taken back by the conviction in his voice and could only nod her head.

“I have one more condition. Well, it has two parts to it. But before we get to that, do you have any conditions?”

She paused for a minute. “Yes.  I want to handle my family.  I don’t want them to know anything about this, about my problem that is. It’s embarrassing enough as it is and it’s no one’s business.”