Road To Nowhere (13 page)

Teresa touched his arm. She wanted to touch his face, but he looked so distant; she didn’t know if she could reach that far. He wasn’t looking at her, that was it. He wasn’t thinking of her. She sensed the shift in his attention more than she saw it. The light had been on and now the light was off.
Nothing, nothing at all.
How swift God’s universe moved. One moment there was order, the next chaos. The floor could have opened beneath her; already she felt herself falling into a cold abyss. She didn’t need to ask the questions but she did anyway.

“Does this
nothing
have a name?” she asked.

He swallowed and nodded. “Yes.”

She was having trouble breathing. “Do I know her name?”

“Yes.”

She choked. “Oh, God.”

Bill rolled over and took hold of her shoulders. There was pain on his face, but he was no mirror for her because her pain was beyond comprehension. When he spoke, his words sounded so stupid he should have kept his mouth shut.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he said.

“You can’t want her instead of me,” she whispered.

“Teresa, I didn’t
want
any of this.”

“Does she know?”

He raised his voice. “Of course she knows! She feels the same way I do. I’m telling you, we didn’t want this to happen.”

Teresa felt herself going into shock. Her mind couldn’t keep up with how fast her heart was sinking. “What happened?” she cried. “What have you two been doing together?”

“Nothing. I swear to you, nothing’s happened yet.”

She felt so exposed, so used. “Yet?” she croaked. “Is something going to happen?”

“Teresa.”

“No! You can’t do this to me. I was going to sleep with you next weekend. I was going to love you. I
do
love you. You’re my boyfriend. She’s my best friend.” Teresa wept pitifully. “You’re the only friends I have.”

Someone knocked at the door.

Bill got up and answered it.

Rene was there. Beautiful Rene.

“Alf decided to walk home,” she said quickly to Bill. “And I’ve discovered that I have a flat tyre. I was wondering if I could borrow you to help me...” Her gaze strayed inside the apartment. “Teresa?”

“I told her,” Bill said quietly.

Rene was sad. They were all so sad. “Oh,” Rene said. “Teresa?”

“No.” Teresa sat up and wiped her face. “I don’t want either of you to say anything. I want to be by myself.” She raised her hand when they started to protest. Her fingers shook. “Please do this for me.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone now,” Bill said.

Teresa sighed. “I’ve been alone before. It’s not so bad.” She shut her eyes; a red glow burned deep inside her brain. A fire trying to warm a place that was always cold. The place between the living and the dead. She no longer felt totally alive. She only wished somehow that she could die. “Please leave,” she whispered.

They did as she asked. They said goodbye and closed the door. She collapsed on the floor and lay there for a very long time.

“They deserve to die,” Freedom Jack said when she was finished. “Are you sure you didn’t kill them? Is that the reason you’re running away from home?”

“I didn’t kill them and I’m not running away from home,” Teresa said softly. Relating the events had shaken her up somewhat. Her eyes were damp and she raised a hand to swipe at her face. Free reached over and touched her arm.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean to be crude. I just hate it when people hurt each other. I always feel like getting back at whoever hurt me. You must have felt the same way.”

Teresa forced a smile. “I still do.”

“There’s always time.” Free glanced over his shoulder. “What did you think of her story, Poppy?”

“I think there’s more to it,” Poppy said.

“They got together – what more is there to say?” Teresa said.

“When did this happen?” Free asked.

“Earlier tonight,” Teresa said.

“Well, no wonder you want to get out of town for a few days,” Free said. “Did you see either of them just before you left?”

Teresa hesitated. “No.”

“There was no point in it was there?” Free asked, nodding sympathetically. “The past is past is what I say. Let it go, it’s dead. Don’t you agree, Poppy?”

“Truer words were never spoken,” Poppy replied.

Free got angry. “You don’t care at all what Teresa’s just been through, do you? You think Bill and Rene did the right thing. I know the way your mind works. Come on, say it whose side are you on?”

“I don’t need to answer these questions,” Poppy said. “You’ll make a liar out of me no matter what I say. But I do care what’s happened to Teresa. I think she’s been through a difficult time, and I know she’s still going through it.”

Teresa shook her head. “No, I’m finished with it. Free’s right the past is the past. It’s dead.”

“We can learn from the past, though,” Poppy said.

“Yeah,” Free broke in. “We can learn not to trust jerks like Bill and Rene. Ain’t that a fact, Teresa?”

“Yeah,” Teresa said grimly.

“Bill and Rene are still the same people they were a month ago,” Poppy said. “They’re still your friends, Teresa.”

“I knew it!” Free shouted. “They cheat on Teresa and you think it’s all right. You’re warped, Poppy. Do you know what those two are probably doing right now? They’re probably in bed – you have to forgive me, Teresa, I’m trying to make a point – screwing their brains out. In fact, I bet they had sex with each other right after they met. What do you say, Teresa?”

“I wouldn’t put it past them,” Teresa said. She appreciated his support, she just wished he wouldn’t talk about the betrayal in such graphic language. She didn't
like
what Poppy had to say. It was so easy, she thought, to be philosophical and forgiving when you weren’t in the middle of a situation. She bet Poppy had never been dumped in her life.

“Leaving someone can be as hard as being left,” Poppy said.

“I can’t believe you,” Free said, shaking his head in amazement.

“I really don’t appreciate your comments,” Teresa said to Poppy. “You don’t know what happened. You weren’t there. I would just as soon you kept your mouth shut.”

Poppy didn’t answer right away. She took time to light up another cigarette. Finally she spoke, coughing when the air inside the car was unbreathable again.

“I’m sorry,” Poppy said.

“Can we talk about something else?” Teresa asked, a note of pleading in her voice. “Tell me more about John, Free. What happened to his hand? Did it get better?”

“It never got better,” Free said. “How could it? But I’ll tell you about him later. Mother is next on the agenda.”

“Where does she live exactly?” Teresa asked.

Free pointed to the dark cliffs up ahead. They were now a long way past San Luis Obispo. The road had begun to rise, to twist and turn. Angry black waves pounded the rocks off to their left and below. A wall of stone stood on their right. The rain continued to fall. It was as if it was never going to stop.

“Not far from here,” Free said. “We’ll be there soon.”

CHAPTER NINE

They didn’t reach the place until an hour later. During that time Free leaned back against the seat and took a nap, his snoring rocking softly in rhythm with the turns in the narrow road. In the back seat Poppy sat silent and still. Many times Teresa thought she, too, had drifted off to sleep. But then she’d flick her lighter, the orange flame flaring briefly in Teresa’s rear-view mirror, and exhale a cloud of fresh smoke. Teresa didn’t attempt to make conversation with her. She didn’t want to wake Free and she was still mad at Poppy for taking Bill’s side in what happened. Oh, Poppy would deny that, Teresa was sure, but it was the truth. Poppy was an ingrate, when you got right down to it. She took and never gave anything in return. One day she’d have to wake up and smell the coffee.

Teresa did not feel well physically. Her fever had begun to subside, but now she was getting the shakes. She turned on the heat, but it didn’t work that well because she kept having to roll down the window to get rid of Poppy’s cigarette smoke. Her stomach was unsettled. She’d had a few handfuls of Poppy’s peanuts and wondered if they were to blame. Nausea pulsed through her in gurgling waves. Each time she thought it was about to end, the sickness would move through her again. She had the flu, she must.

On top of everything else her left wrist started to hurt worse than ever. She had passed the dull ache stage – it was into throbbing now. She honestly wondered if she’d broken it without knowing it. Of course, that should have been impossible. She couldn’t even use the hand now to help steer. She was relying solely on her right, dangerous on tight turns. Yet she didn’t want to ask Free or Poppy to drive.

She passed maybe three cars on the road, no more.

Lightning flashed far out at sea as she navigated a particularly difficult turn. The trees had begun to thicken on both sides of the road. Thunder rumbled through the branches and shook the dark leaves. Beside her, Free stirred, sat up, and yawned.

“Where are we?” he asked.

“Closing on Big Sur,” Teresa said. “But we haven’t passed any houses. I think your mom’s place must be in front of us.”

Free nodded. “It is, it’s just round this turn.”

Teresa frowned; it was hard to imagine any place could be close. “It’s a good thing you woke up when you did or we’d have gone right by it.”

“Poppy wouldn’t have let us go without paying a visit,” Free said. “Isn’t that right, Poppy?”

Poppy snorted softly. “I’m not going inside.”

Free feigned astonishment. “Don’t you want to have your future read?”

“She can’t see the future,” Poppy said. “She can only read the past.”

“But I thought you said we learn from the past?” Free asked innocently.

“I don’t want to see the old woman,” Poppy repeated. “You don’t want to see her either, Teresa, if you have any sense.”

“Why not?” Teresa asked, although she had a feeling she wasn’t really following the conversation. This woman didn’t sound like a normal mother. She fingered her left wrist briefly. Would the thing never stop hurting?

“Because she believes everything she sees in a person,” Poppy said. “When a lot of it is just garbage better left ignored.”

“My, haven’t we become the philosophical critic?” Free said. “You don’t want to see her because she’ll tell you what a loser you are.”

“You can always tell a loser by the company she keeps,” Poppy quipped.

Without warning Free held up his hand. “Slow, Teresa. The driveway’s coming up in a second.”

Teresa squinted through the rain-soaked windshield. “Here? There’s nothing here.”

Free clapped. “There it is! See? The driveway leads down beside the water. Make a left here.”

Free was right. Wow. A narrow driveway that led into a stand of swaying trees appeared on the left. Quickly Teresa twisted the steering-wheel round and put mild pressure on the brakes. They crossed the yellow centre line and the front of the car dipped down sharply. She pressed the brake harder. The headlights swam round a tunnel of trees. They didn’t appear to be redwoods, which confused her. The branches arched over the roof of the car, cutting off the wet sky. Teresa rolled down her window as she moved forward gingerly. She could hear waves crashing, the wind howling. Free squirmed in the seat beside her. He was obviously excited to be seeing his mom again.

“Wait till you see her place,” he said. “You won’t believe it.”

Teresa agreed a moment later, when the tunnel of trees suddenly came to an end and the road emerged close to the ocean and foam-covered rocks with a huge stone castle in the foreground. It was almost medieval, a transplant from dark centuries of fanatical beliefs and cruel punishments. There was no moat, but there could have been. Twisted tree trunks hugged the hard walls, bare branches clawing at the stones. Lightning flashed again, and Teresa thought of wicked witches, haunted woods, and flying bat creatures. She wanted above all else, to go home. Yet that wasn’t what she really wanted, she told herself, because she
knew
she couldn’t go back. Free had been right when he said the past was dead. The future was all she had left She brought the car to a halt on the bumpy cobblestone driveway.

“This is too much,” she gasped. “Walt Disney must have built this place on drugs.” Free laughed and opened his car door.

“I told you I know all the great places to stop,” he said, climbing out. “Come along, Teresa. Mother’s waiting.”

Teresa turned off the engine and glanced in the back seat at Poppy. “Is this place safe?” she asked.

Poppy sighed. “Let’s just say you won’t die inside.”

Curiosity and a desire not to offend Free had her. Teresa glanced once more at the building and cleared her throat. “I suppose that’ll have to do,” she said.

Free had his garment bag with him as he and Teresa stepped up to the front door. It wasn’t an ordinary door, of course, but rather a rectangular gateway into mystery. Free pulled a skeleton key from his back pocket.

“Don’t you want to knock?” Teresa asked.

“Mother doesn’t like people to knock,” Free said confidentially, sliding the key into the lock. Metal scraped metal and the door slowly swung open with protesting creaks. Just before they stepped inside, Teresa glanced over her shoulder and saw Poppy leaning her head back on the seat as if, finally, the strange girl was going to take a short rest.

Short?

Teresa had no idea how long they’d be inside. She checked her watch. It was four in the morning. God, the night seemed as if it would never end.

Inside was an entranceway of lit torches and shadows plucked from a horror movie set that had long been abandoned. The air was damp and the stone walls oozed moisture. They crept through a claustrophobic passageway into an immense hall filled with the sound of their own footsteps echoing over and over. The light from the torches was swallowed up by the rich darkness. Teresa put her hand, her sore left hand, on Free’s arm and whispered the words that had been on the tip of her tongue since they had turned off the main road.