Road to Absolution (5 page)

“Nobody calls me
Carter anymore, Cassidy,” he said in warning.

“Not even your
parents?” I challenged. “Or have you wiped them from your lives, too?”

“Fuck!”

I yanked my arm
from his grasp and shoved at his chest. “Stop posturing, Cart… Ace, whatever
you want to be called now. When did you become such a bully? If your mom heard
you right now, she’d smack you upside the head!” My tears quickly dried up,
although, the hiccupping continued until I took a few calming breaths.

I heard male
chuckling behind me, but I didn’t look… mostly because I couldn’t stop staring
at Carter. Good lord, the man could still render me immobile and, even though
he was yelling and swearing more than I’d ever heard him, I knew he’d never hurt
me. And damn it if seeing him in person didn’t drive home how much I really
still loved him.

He ran his hands
through his hair then dragged them down his face. “You should go.”

“Okay,” I
whispered, and started to head down the hall to get Maverick. Again, I didn’t
get far.

“Wait,” Payton
said. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you can’t just chase her out.”

“Babe,” Hawk
warned.

“What, Alex?
Cassidy has as much right to be here as Ace. If he’s so hell-bent on not seeing
her, then perhaps he should leave.”

“Actually, Ace
has more of a right to be here, it being his club and all,” Hawk countered.

“
Hawk
,”
Payton warned.

“It’s fine,
Payton. I’ll just grab Maverick and go,” I said.

“Maverick?”
Carter said. “You named your kid Maverick?”

I nodded.

“Fuck me, Cassidy.
Way to drive the knife in deeper.” He scowled at me. “I’m fuckin’ leavin’. Stay
or fuckin’ go. I don’t give a fuck.”

He stormed down
the hall and out of my sight and I found myself sliding down the wall onto my
butt in a puddle of tears.

Dani hunkered
down beside me and squeezed my knee. “How about we take this somewhere
private?”

“Take her to our
room, babe,” Booker said. “I’ll text you when it’s time to eat.”

“Wait,” Aidan
said as Dani and Payton helped me up.

“You gonna give
her trouble, Knight?” Hawk asked.

“Fuck you,
Hawk,” he snapped.

“It’s okay,” I
said. “Can you guys give us a minute, please?”

They backed up a
bit, giving me and Aidan a little privacy.

“Hey,” he said,
leaning against the wall and sliding down just enough so he could be eye level
with me.

“God, Aidan, how
tall are you now?” I asked.

“Six, six,” he
said.

I took a deep
breath. “You always did have those big puppy hands and feet.”

He smiled and
cocked his head. “Are you doin’ okay, Cass?”

“I’m fine. Good…
yeah, good.” I swallowed and forced myself to look at him. He was almost as
gorgeous as Carter… almost. “How are you?”

Aidan crossed
his arms and continued to study me. “I’m good, Cass.”

“How’s Carter?”
I rasped. A darkness covered his face and I shook my head. “You don’t have to
tell me, it’s okay.”

“He’s different,
babe. But that’s not entirely your fault,” Aidan said.

“Right.” I
folded my lips between my teeth and blinked back tears. “I’m sorry, Aidan.”

“You got nothin’
to apologize to me about, Cassidy. I love you like a sister, always have,
always will. I had Ace’s back because he’s my brother, but that didn’t change
how I felt about you.”

I gave him a sad
smile. “Well, that’s sweet, Aidan. Thank you.”

“I don’t do
sweet, Cassidy.”

I let out a
quiet snort. “Oh, you absolutely do sweet.”

He grinned.
“We’ll keep that between us.”

I nodded,
crossing my arms just to have something to do with my hands.

Aidan stood to
his normal height again and I craned my neck to look up at him. “He’ll come
around.”

“I just want him
to be okay,” I admitted.

“He will be.”
Aidan kissed my forehead, gave me a hug, and then led me back to Dani and
Payton.

We headed
upstairs to where the private bedrooms were. Dani unlocked a door and led us
inside, flipping on the light and closing us in. “Make yourself comfortable,
Cass. I’ll grab some water.”

I flopped into
an easy chair by the window and Payton handed me a box of tissues before
sitting in the chair beside me. I gave her what I’m sure was a pathetic smile
and set the Kleenex on my lap. As Dani pulled waters out of a mini fridge in
the corner, I took in the room. It looked like a pretty normal master bedroom,
with a king-sized bed and a sitting area with television. I wondered how often
they stayed here considering they had an amazing apartment overlooking the
Willamette in downtown Portland.

“So you know Ace
and Knight,” Dani said, and handed me a bottle of water.

I nodded. “Since
I was six.”

“Wow,” Payton
whispered.

“Carter…um, Ace,
was my best friend until… well, until I got pregnant.”

“Is he Maverick’s
father?” Dani asked.

I shook my head
and groaned as the tears flowed again. “Do you know how long it’s been since I
cried? Gah!”

“Well, you’re
obviously due,” Payton observed.

As I pulled
another tissue from the box, I filled these two virtual strangers in on
everything. My life before Maverick and after, leaving no detail out. It was
surprisingly cathartic, but it left me drained.

“Do you still
dance?” Payton asked.

“When I can, but
mostly in my living room nowadays.”

Dani smiled.
“Why was Ace so upset about you naming Maverick, Maverick?”

“Because in my
heart, he’s Carter’s. Carter always had this weird obsession with flying, and
could probably quote
Top Gun
beginning to end. He made me watch it more
than a dozen times, until I said no more.” I grimaced. “It was a given that
he’d go into the Air Force, and when I was in the hospital giving birth to this
beautiful little boy, all I could think about was how he should have been his,
you know?”

“He kind of
looks like him,” Dani said. “Sorry.”

I sighed. “Don’t
be. He does look like him, but that’s not a surprise. Pierre looked a lot like
Carter at the time. It’s probably why I let him manipulate me.” I groaned
again. “I don’t understand what Carter’s even doing here! Last I heard he was
in the Middle East somewhere.”

“I think he’s
been part of the club for a while,” Dani said. “But I don’t know for sure. He
does different stuff than Austin and Hawk.”

Payton grimaced.

“What?” Dani
asked.

Payton shook her
head. “Nothing.”

“No, if it’s
about Carter, tell me,” I said.

“He’s got a
reputation,” Payton said. “Like a bad reputation. He sleeps with a different
woman every night, rarely repeats… Lisa’s the only one he’s kind of kept
around, but they’re not exclusive or anything. Plus, he likes to fight.”

“Women?” I
asked, horrified.

“No!” Payton
rushed to say. “Well, at least, I don’t think so. Alex said he’d never hurt a
woman, but he warned me to stay away from him because of… well, Alex gets
jealous. He gave me the same speech about Mack, but for different reasons. Mack’s
a lover and sleeps around because he’s charming and sweet and women thank him,
even when he’s showing them the door. Mack doesn’t have an enemy on the planet…
Ace, not so much. He’s kind of a dawg and doesn’t care who he hurts.”

I groaned.
“Great.”

“Sorry, Cass,”
Payton grumbled.

“I should
probably get out of here before he comes back.”

“I think you
should stay,” Payton countered. “At least until you feel okay to drive. Eat
something and get a little energy back in your body.”

“I
am
kind of hungry.”

Payton smiled.
“Well, it’s a good thing you’re here then. There’s always more than enough
food.”

“Thanks for
being so… I don’t know… un-chick-like. Ever since I moved up here, I don’t get
to see my sisters much and I miss them.”

Dani waved a
hand dismissively. “It’s not a problem. We’ll grow your girl mob, just wait and
see. Kim will be here later and she’s a hoot.”

“Your best
friend?” I asked. Dani had talked a little bit about her best friend’s exploits
over the last year, so I had an idea of who she was.

“One in the
same.”

I smiled.
“Sounds fun.”

Payton pulled
her phone from her pocket and glanced at the screen. “Food’s up. Hawk’s got the
kids.”

“Is there
somewhere I can freshen up?” I asked.

“Yeah. Use my
bathroom,” Dani offered.

I rose to my
feet and headed through the door Dani pointed to.

A
CE PULLED UP to his brother’s house and
slid his kickstand down. He allowed his emotion to take hold again as he
dragged his helmet off. He’d buried his rage, unwilling to risk himself or his
Harley on the drive over. Cassidy fuckin’ Dennis. Shit.

She’d always
been rail thin and muscular, the perfect ballerina, but now, she’d filled out.
She had an ass he wanted to grab and tits he wanted to bury his face in. She
was still just as gorgeous as he remembered, her blonde hair a mass of soft
curls that he wanted to run his fingers through. She used to keep her hair at
shoulder length, but now it was halfway down her back and it suited her. She’d
worn dark jeans that hugged her heart-shaped ass, and a tight, long-sleeved T-shirt
that showcased every gorgeous curve. Fuck!

He stomped up
the stone steps and pounded on the door. Jaxon didn’t answer right away, so he
pounded again.

“What the fuck?”
Jaxon snapped as he slammed the door open, his gun at his side. “Carter?”

Ace shoved his
brother back and stepped inside. “Did you fuckin’ know?”

“Did I fuckin’
know what?”

“Don’t fuck with
me, Jax. Did you know where she was?”

His brother
sighed and closed the door, locking it before sliding his gun into the holster
he’d left on the kitchen counter. “Yeah. I knew where she was.”

“Did Aidan?”

“No. I don’t
think so.”

Ace slammed his
helmet and gloves onto the sofa and scowled. “God
damn
it, Jax. Why the
fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you
asked me not to.”

“And you figured
that would be the one fuckin’ request you’d listen to?”

“Beer?” Jaxon
asked, pulling open the fridge.

“No.” Ace paced
the great room.

Jaxon shrugged,
grabbing himself a bottle and flopping onto his recliner by the fireplace. “So,
what happened?”

“She showed up
at the club.”

“Fuck.
Seriously?”

“Where the hell
has she been this whole time?” Ace demanded.

“Vancouver.”

“Do Mom and Dad
know?”

“No idea,” Jaxon
said, and sipped his beer. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they did, but then
again, I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t.”

“Helpful, Jax,
thanks.”

“Sit down,
Carter, you’re making me dizzy.”

Ace lowered
himself onto the sofa and dropped his face into his hands.

“What are you
going to do?”

“No fuckin’
clue,” Ace admitted.

“You don’t have
to see her again, right?”

Ace shook his
head.

“But?” Jaxon
pressed.

“But, how do I
never see her again when I know where she is?” He glanced at his brother. “She
named her kid Maverick.”

“I know,” Jaxon
admitted.

“Fuck!”

“Look, she’s a
good girl, Carter. She made a mistake when she was seventeen and she lost you
in the process, but she doesn’t date, she doesn’t do anything except take care
of her son. You can’t fuck that up unless you’re willing to forgive and move
on.”

“I have.”

Jaxon raised an
eyebrow in disbelief.

“What? She fuckin’
shut me out!”

“You
left
,
brother,” Jaxon reminded him.

“She fucked some
douchebag Frog and had his fuckin’ baby! What choice did she leave me?”

“You act like
she cheated on you, Carter.”

“What would you
call it, Jaxon?”

Jaxon shrugged.
“She didn’t know how you felt about her. And how many women did you fuck before
her?”

“She knew about
them!”

“And that makes
it better? Any scares with a busted condom, Carter? Any time where you might
have said, ‘Fuck it, I’ll go ungloved tonight’?”

“Fuck you,
Jaxon.”

“You’re not my
type.” He drew in a sip of beer. “How ’bout you cut her some slack?”

Ace dropped his
face in his hands again and squeezed his eyes shut. Jaxon was right. He was
always right, but what Ace still wasn’t ready to admit was that he was more to
blame for Cassidy’s mistake than anyone. If he’d just let her know how he’d
felt, confirmed she felt the same way, then none of this would have happened.
She may have still gone to Paris, but she sure as hell wouldn’t have slept with
someone else. Of that, he was certain.

“Better?” Jaxon
asked.

“No.” Ace sat up
and settled his ankle over his knee. “I fucked up, Jax.”

Jaxon took
another swig of his beer and nodded. “You gonna fix it?”

“Don’t think I
can.”

“Won’t know
unless you try.”

Ace studied his
brother. “She really doesn’t date?”

“Yep.”

“Do I want to
know how you know that?”

“Nope.”

“You’re a pain
in the ass, you know that right?” Ace retorted.

Jaxon grinned
and nodded.

Ace grabbed his
helmet and stood. “Well, as fun as this has been, I’m gonna get out of here.”

Jaxon pushed out
of his chair and followed Ace to the door. “I’ll run by your place and grab the
dog for the night… give you a chance to figure some shit out.”

“Thanks.”

“Love you,
dumbass.”

Ace chuckled.
“Love you too, asshole.”

He climbed on
his bike and made his way back to the club. He hoped Cassidy was still there,
because if she disappeared on him again, he might destroy something.

* * *

I was in the club kitchen wiping
Maverick’s face with a wet paper towel when I felt the temperature in the room
change. I glanced up to find Carter walking toward me and my heart raced as he
approached.

“Ow, Mom,”
Maverick whined.

“Oh, sorry,
honey.” I focused back on him and lifted his chin. “You’re good to go play if
you want.”

He took off into
the playroom and I made myself busy with washing dishes and loading the
dishwashers. I hadn’t been alone in the room, but within seconds I was...the
rest of the women scurried out quickly and quietly.

“Cass,” Carter
said, and settled his hip against the counter next to me.

“Hmm-mm.” I
stepped to the side, not wanting to look at him.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” I
asked, scrubbing a plate a little harder than it needed.

“Shut me out.”
He laid his hand on top of mine and pushed the plate back in the sink. “Can we
talk?”

Still not
looking at him, I shook my head. “No.”

“I guess I
deserve that,” he said.

“And a whole lot
more,” I mumbled. I noticed out of my peripheral that he crossed his arms which
just made him appear even bigger than he was. Good lord, he must have put on a
hundred pounds of muscle.

“Talked to
Jaxon,” he continued.

I paused in my
scrubbing, a little taken aback by what he said. Had he not talked to Jaxon
before? I set the plate in the dishwasher and went about scrubbing the next
one.

“He filled me in
on everything,” Carter continued.

Scrub, load,
scrub, load.

“He thinks it’s
all your fault.”

“What?” I gasped
and glared up at him. “He does?”

“No.” Carter
smiled. “I just wanted you to look at me.”

“Jerk.” I
wrinkled my nose and stared back down at the sink.

Carter chuckled
and I don’t really know what came over me, but the sprayer was
right there
,
and he was also right there, and, well, he deserved it. A great sense of relief
settled over me as he jumped away from the sink and let out a strangled
expletive.

I smiled smugly
and went back to the dishes. My mistake. I shouldn’t have turned my back on the
beast. Without warning, I was lifted and gently thrown over his shoulder, his
hand landing with a smack on my bottom.

“Carter!” I
squealed, only I couldn’t quite get enough breath to say anymore.

I felt air move
through my hair as he walked me across the common room and up the stairs. He
put me down in front of a door and then unlocked and opened it, guiding me
through. “We’re gonna talk.”

I crossed my
arms and waited while he turned the light on and closed the door behind him. “I
need to check on Maverick.”

“Your son’s
fine, Cass. Payton will make sure.”

“And how do you
know that?”

“Because I just
sent Hawk a text,” he said, and dropped his phone on a nightstand next to a
very large bed. He waved a hand toward the chairs at the end of the bed. “Have
a seat, babe.”

“I’m not your
babe,” I grumbled, but did sit down.

“Your family
still call you ‘Sassidy’?”

“What’s that got
do to with anything?” I snapped.

“Nothin’, ba—I
mean, Cass.” He dragged the chair next to mine to settle in front of me,
folding his humongus body into it and leaning forward. I studied my lap. Carter
covered my hands with his and squeezed gently. “Hey.”

I met his eyes
and forced back tears. “What.”

He grimaced. “We
have a lot to talk about.”

I shrugged and
dropped my head again.

“Look at me.”
When I did, he smiled gently. “I’m sorry, Cassidy.”

Those three
words broke me. Shattered me into a million pieces and I found myself pulled
onto his lap and sheltered in his embrace while I sobbed into his chest.

“Shhh, baby,
it’s okay,” he whispered.

“I ruined
everything,” I cried.

“No you didn’t.”

“Yes I did. I
should have waited. I shouldn’t have been so weak.”

“And I should
have told you how I felt.” He stroked my hair. “If I had, you would have
waited.”

I sat up,
dragging my hands down my cheeks in an effort to dry them. “What do you mean,
you should have told me?” I asked with a sniffle. “How long did you feel that
way? Was it before… you know?”

“Yeah.” Carter sighed.
“Remember Shelly?”

“Your senior
year girlfriend… the one you took to prom?”

He nodded. “I
shouldn’t have taken her to prom.”

“What?” I
frowned. “Why not?”

“Because I
should have taken you.”

“Ohmigod,
Carter, don’t be a dork.” I pushed at his shoulder. “You were totally into
her.”

“No, I was
totally into sex and she gave it up… a lot.”

“Ew, okay, I
didn’t really need to know that,” I ground out.

“I thought I
could deal with my feelings for you and still screw around. What I realized on
prom night was that I loved you and there would never be anyone else.”

I scrambled from
his lap. “What?”

He rose to his
feet, but I held my hand out to keep some distance. He crossed his arms but
didn’t come any closer. “I had this misguided sense of something, I don’t know
what… bullshit really, that if I said out loud how I felt, I’d take your
virginity before you were ready, and then I’d feel guilty because I knew I was
leaving. I guess I just wanted you to have the freedom to get through high
school without that weighing on you.”

I shook my head.
“You loved me back then?”

“Yeah, Cass.
It’s why Shelly was the last one… well, until…”

I blinked back
tears again. “God! I am so sick of crying!”

“Sorry, babe.”

“Still not your
babe,” I snapped. “Is that why you came over that night? You said Shelly had
gotten sick and you drove her home.”

“Kind of true… I
broke up with her.”

I gasped. “You
dumped her on prom night?”

“Yeah.” He had
the good sense to look contrite.