Risking It All (17 page)

Was it her own insecurities stopping her, or was it something more? Or
someone
more? The way she could easily push Brooks from her thoughts when she was around Memphis was unsettling when she actually stopped to think about it. He hadn’t even crossed her mind most of the trip, but even if she wasn’t thinking about him, he would have still been reason enough to not be with someone else. 

But it wasn’t just
someone else
. It was Memphis. If she had kissed a complete stranger, the guilt would have eaten her alive over betraying Brooks. But she felt none of that over her kiss with Memphis. 

So if it wasn’t guilt over Brooks making her freeze when Memphis went to make a move, what was it? 

Kennedy slipped off the machine. She didn’t want to disturb him, but she couldn’t stay away from him in that moment, either. The sound of the snow crunching beneath her boots alerted him to her approach, and he lowered his camera but didn’t turn to face her.

Slowly, as if not to spook him or herself, Kennedy wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his cold back.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He didn’t respond, but he turned around in her arms and looked down at her. She felt shy in his presence all of a sudden.

Memphis cupped her face with his hands again and wiped away the wet trail of the single tear that had escaped unnoticed down her cheek. He lifted her chin, forcing her to look up at him properly.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he said.

Kennedy licked her lips and instantly regretted it when the cold nipped at the wetness and made them freeze.

“You have no idea of the gift you’ve given me by bringing me here, Memphis.”

He smirked and shook his head.

“If only you knew,” he said.

“Knew what?”

“Knew why.”

Kennedy frowned and darted her eyes over his lips before looking back into his eyes.

“Why you brought me here?”

“I had my own selfish reasons, Kennedy.” He grimaced at his confession. “It wasn’t just because I knew you’d always wanted to come.”

“What reasons?” She was almost afraid to hear his answer.

“Doesn’t matter. Not now.” He gave her a sad smile and dropped his hands from her face.

“Memphis.” Kennedy whirled around and grabbed at his arm when he made an attempt to walk away. “Don’t do that. Please,” she begged. “Don’t tell me something doesn’t matter when I can tell it obviously does.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, pulling his arm free. “Let’s warm you up.”

“I’m not cold.” She crossed her arms and glared at him.

“You said you were a few minutes ago.”

Kennedy uncrossed her arms and shook her head, giving him the same sad look he had moments ago given her.

“I’m sorry about that, Memphis,” she said. “That was a stupid thing to say. I don’t know why I did.”

“Yes, you do.” She narrowed her eyes at him in question, and he scoffed at her. “Let’s not play games and pretend like you didn’t know what I was about to do. It’s fine, Kennedy. I get it.”

“Get what?”

 “Just . . .” Memphis shook his head and glanced from the snowmobile back to her. “Just forget it, Kennedy. We’re cool. It doesn’t matter.”

“I won’t forget it! Just like I won’t forget you had reasons for bringing me here, Memphis. Just tell me!”

Memphis huffed and stalked back to the machine, throwing his leg over the seat and straddling it. Kennedy watched as he shoved the helmet back on his head and stared at her, telling her with hard eyes to either get on or be left behind.

Not that she thought Memphis would ever leave her behind, but she knew there was no point standing in the middle of nowhere trying to continue a conversation that he had just shut down.

Silently, Kennedy took the bag from him and shouldered it again. She climbed behind him and carefully fit the helmet over her head. She didn’t press against him this time; she didn’t wrap her arms around him as tightly. She made sure to leave space between his back and her front and only rested her hands on his sides, grasping his jacket rather than his body.

“You need to hang on, Kennedy,” he told her, the words muffled by his helmet.

“I am hanging on,” she said, not moving an inch closer.

“Kennedy—”

“I’m hungry, Memphis. I’d like to get back for breakfast.”

She figured he would start the machine and take off immediately. Instead, he shifted on the seat as if he was going to turn around and look at her. She waited, but all he did was stare out in front of him. She was about to ask him what he was thinking when he spoke.

“It doesn’t matter why I really brought you here, Kennedy, because you made it very clear after our kiss that any intimate reaction you have to me is a result of Brooks. If it wasn’t, you would have kissed me now.”

Before Kennedy could respond, the machine purred to life. He gunned the throttle too hard and it jerked her backward. She grabbed onto him tighter as he flew back down the snow-packed trail. She wanted to yell at him to stop, to listen to her and let her explain, but she knew it would be useless. There was no way he’d hear her over the wailing of the engine.

When they arrived back at the resort, Memphis parked by the stables and hurried away from her, disappearing inside the building. She waited nervously, watching the door until finally it opened and Memphis emerged, a man following behind him.

She expected him to come back for her, but instead he stormed off toward their cabin. Kennedy scrambled off the snowmobile as quickly as she could, yanked off the helmet, and thrust it and the backpack at the guy with an apologetic smile.

She jogged to catch up to Memphis, which in a snowsuit and heavy snow was easier said than done.

“Memphis!”

He continued walking, ignoring her as he passed people who stopped and gave them curious looks.

“Memphis, goddamn it, stop!” She stopped a few feet behind him outside their cabin, out of breath from both anger and exhaustion in trying to keep up with him. “It wasn’t about Brooks!”

She watched as his back stiffened and his movement to open the door stopped. He stood there, silent and still. Slowly she moved toward him, her legs feeling as if they were going to give out any at second from what she was about to say.

“I lied to you.” Her voice was just above a whisper. “That kiss . . . When I asked you to kiss me, I didn’t think it would be anything more than that, just a simple kiss. But it was more than that, and I was confused and . . . scared.” She inhaled a shaky breath and repeated, “It wasn’t about Brooks.”

Memphis looked over his shoulder at her. Kennedy fidgeted under his unwavering stare, clasping and unclasping her gloved hands.

“And just now? When I went to kiss you now, why did you pull back?”

“I’m . . . ” Kennedy swallowed, her eyes wide as she shook her head and pressed her lips together, trying to think of what to say rather than just blurt it all out.

“That’s what I thought,” Memphis said as he opened the door and went inside.

Anger rose up in her at that moment. How dare he walk away and not give her a minute to think. Didn’t he know how hard this was on her? Didn’t he realize this could ruin their friendship and that scared the hell out of her? Didn’t he fucking feel how confusing all this was, too? It wasn’t as black and white as he wanted it to be.

Kennedy marched into the cabin. Fueled by her anger at him, she slammed the door and tried to look as serious as she could wearing a white and pink snowsuit and tuque. Kennedy snatched the hat off her head, trying to keep her dignity, at least.

“Listen, you ass, you don’t get to just shoot questions at me and then walk away when I can’t answer them fast enough.”

Memphis looked up at her, surprised by her outburst. He furrowed his brow as he removed his ski pants and slung them over the back of the couch with his jacket. Damn, the man shed clothes quickly. Kennedy put that thought out of her head and glared at him.

He stood in front of her and crossed his arms, waiting for her to continue her little rant.

“I’m terrified, Memphis,” she said, noting the hardness leave his eyes and empathy cloud over them. “I’m terrified that this is just some vacation fling for you, and when all is said and done and we’re back at home, it will ruin everything we have. I didn’t ask you to kiss me because of Brooks. I asked you to kiss me because I wanted you to, Memphis.”

The empathy was gone from his eyes and they were back to the dark smoldering she’d seen at the lake.

“And now you stand there and accuse me of basically using you to get back at Brooks for standing me up!” She stomped her foot in anger. “Goddamn it, you obviously have no idea the confusion I have going on inside me right now. You’re supposed to be my friend, Memphis. That’s all you’re supposed to be. But now . . . now all I can think about is how much I want you, how nothing else matters except being with you since that kiss.

“So if you’re going to run from me, at least run knowing that it was all about you. I kissed you because I wanted
you
. And I stopped you from kissing me just now because it scares me how much I want you. But none of that, not the fear, not knowing that in the end we could ruin all these years of being what we are to each other, is enough to stop me from needing you in a way I’ve never needed anyone before.

“Is that what you thought, Memphis?” she said. “Is all that anything close to what you believed, you self-righteous pain in the ass?”

“Are you done?” His voice was deep and menacing.

“Yes!”

“Good.”

And before she could blink, Memphis had crossed the distance between them, pulled her into his arms, and crushed his mouth to hers.

Kennedy stood there, arms at her sides, too shocked to move. But slowly the shock wore off as she felt Memphis’s tongue slide across her bottom lip. She closed her eyes and flung her arms around his neck at the same time she opened her mouth.

His tongue thrust against hers as he backed her up against the door. Hard. Kennedy moaned at the savage feeling of it. She snaked her hands through his hair, grasping at the strands as she pressed her mouth harder to his.

Memphis groped along her jacket until he found the zipper and tugged it down. He slipped his hands inside and wrapped them around her waist, pulling her closer to him. But the snow pants were still in the way, creating a thick barrier between him and what he wanted.

Without breaking the kiss, Kennedy stripped out of her jacket, tugging it off her body frantically as Memphis worked on sliding the pants over her hips and down her thighs. She wrapped her arms around his neck again as she tried kicking off her boots and stepping out of the pants at the same time.

Memphis slipped his hands under her sweater, his fingers brushing her stomach as he slowly skimmed them up to her chest. Kennedy’s breath caught, and she pulled her mouth away from his, needing air. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the door, her breathing coming in short, rapid pants.

Memphis buried his face in her neck, nipping her skin as he kissed his way to her ear. His hands cupped her breasts at the same time his teeth captured her earlobe. Kennedy moaned as his fingers twisted her nipples through her bra, and his teeth gently bit her flesh, flicking it with his tongue.

With his hands on her chest and his mouth teasing her ear, she was lost in the way he was making her body come alive. Never before had she felt like her body was one big coiled nerve, ready to explode at any second just from a single touch. Her skin tingled, her heart pounded, even the hairs on the back of her neck felt more sensitive.

Kennedy dug her nails into Memphis’s shoulders as he pulled down the cups of her bra and bared her skin to his hands. She whimpered as he tweaked her nipples, pinching them in a way that felt both painful yet incredibly erotic at the same time. His mouth was back on hers in a fevered kiss. Kennedy sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and tugged on it with her teeth, earning her a groan.

Their hands reached for the button on each other’s jeans at the same time. Memphis was quicker and had her button popped and zipper down in seconds. Kennedy fumbled with his belt buckle as he slipped his hands inside her jeans, stroking her through her lacy panties.

Kennedy tore her mouth away and tried to focus on his pants. A few more fumbles and a low chuckle from Memphis, and his belt was free.

“In a hurry?” he asked, breaking the silence they had fallen into since he had grabbed her.

“You have no idea.” She spread his jeans open and slid her hand inside his boxers.

Memphis groaned and thrust against her hand as she wrapped it around his length, slowly stroking him inside the restraint of his underwear.

“I think I have some idea.” He dipped his finger beneath the elastic of her boy shorts and dragged it through her wet flesh.

Kennedy gasped and jerked her hips against his hand, causing his finger to slide deeper inside her. Memphis slowly circled her, drawing out a long moan as his finger hit just the right spots, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted more. She wanted all of him.

She released her hold on him and hooked her fingers into the waistband of his boxers, tugging them and his jeans down at the same time. She ran her thumb over the head of his shaft, spreading the moisture over the tip as she stroked him.

Memphis wasted no time roughly tugging her pants and underwear down, barely giving her enough time to step out of them before he lifted her off the floor. Their eyes locked for a split second as his cock brushed against her center, both pausing in their frantic movements for a heartbeat to give the other a chance to back out. Kennedy wrapped her legs tighter around Memphis’s waist, pulling him closer. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back as Memphis thrust his hips forward.

The air whooshed out of her lungs as he filled her, stretching her in a way that was both familiar and foreign. His hands gripped her ass, and he pressed her back against the door as he rocked into her. His movements were slow at first, drawing out the pleasure for both of them, but soon his pace quickened.

Kennedy cried out as Memphis rotated his hips, pulling her down harder on him as he pushed deeper inside her. Grunts and moans mixed together as their movements became almost forceful. There was nothing sweet or slow or gentle about it as his fingers dug into the flesh of her ass, and her hands pulled at his hair.