Rising Darkness (13 page)

Jonathon got up from his chair and walked to the window. He didn't say anything for a while. I assumed he was so disgusted with me now, he'd just leave. It was the reaction I expected—and the reason I'd never told anyone what my father was doing.

Finally, he turned around, and his eyes met mine. The expression on his face made my heart beat faster. “If I'd known, I would have been tempted to kill him.”

My mouth dropped open. “I—I don't understand.”

He came back over and sat down, a terrible look on his face. “I may be a pastor, Sophie, but I'm still a man. I would have done something. I would have stopped him somehow.” He shook his head. “Did your mother know?”

I wiped away a tear that dripped down one of my cheeks. “I honestly don't know. She didn't act like she did, but sometimes I felt she suspected something wasn't right.”

Without thinking, I reached out and touched his hand. “You wouldn't have killed him, Jonathon. You're a good man.”

He sighed. “I probably wouldn't have killed him, but it would have crossed my mind. I'm human, Sophie. That means I'm not perfect.” He cocked his head to the side. “Is that what you think? That Christians have to be perfect?”

I withdrew my hand and picked up my sandwich. “Isn't that what the church teaches? That you're supposed to be like Christ? I could never do that. Never come close to that.”

“No church should make you feel you have the ability to be righteous by yourself. Our righteousness comes from Jesus. He gives it to us when we become His. You don't have to
try
to be perfect. When God sees you, He sees Jesus. You're already perfect in His eyes.”

His words were like arrows piercing my heart. “That's ridiculous. So I can act any way I want to, and God will accept me? No matter what awful things I do?”

“No. You're putting the cart before the horse, Sophie. Al
lowing God in your life means He comes in and changes you—if you let Him. Too many people are trying to be
good
. But we can't do that without Him.” Jonathon crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “The Bible tells us that it's the goodness of God that leads to repentance. If you'd had a good father—a loving father—you'd want to please him. Be like him because he loves you and you love him. That's what love is. But your father didn't love you. He hurt you, so you rebelled. Unfortunately, now you're angry at the Father who wants to give you the love you've missed. That's a terrible mistake.”

I sighed. “Look, I know you're trying to help, but I'm just not interested. I like the life I have now. I've worked hard, and I know what I want. This church and God thing? It's just not for me. Being around judgmental people who always know what I should and shouldn't be doing? Never again. I'll figure things out on my own. I'm the only one who truly has my best interests at heart.”

I knew Jonathon believed what he said, but I didn't. And I never would. I'd spent my life being judged by
church people,
and I'd come up wanting. I was done with that. I expected him to get angry about what I'd said, but he just smiled.

“Let's get back to the reason you're here,” he said. “You explained some of it earlier, but I have a few questions.”

I picked up my plate and carried it to the sink, where I rinsed it off and set it on the counter. “I'm still tired, Jonathon. Can we talk about it tomorrow?”

“Sure. It's just . . . I'll need more information . . . if I'm going to help you.”

I turned around to gape at him, but I moved too quickly. A wave of dizziness hit me, and I grasped the countertop, trying to steady myself.

Jonathon jumped to his feet and took my arm, helping me back to my chair. “Are you all right?”

“I'm . . . fine. Those pills. Maybe I shouldn't have taken two.” I waited until he sat down. “I don't understand. Did you say you're going to . . . help me?”

“I'm as surprised as you are. But yes, I'm going to help you. Finding an evil man and bringing him to justice is . . . praiseworthy.” He pointed at me. “But no more lies, Sophie. I mean it. Not one. If you lie to me, I'm done.” He glanced at his watch. “Let's get you to bed. I'm going to ask Zac to keep an eye on you the rest of the night. When you get up, if you feel the least bit dizzy, you call him for help getting downstairs.” He picked up a slip of paper. “Here's his cell phone number. I'll stop by his room on the way out and let him know. In the morning, I've got to help prepare for the church supper. But let's talk after that. Say around two? I'll have some time before I have to get back to the church. You bring me up to date on everything you've found. And tell me what you need to know. I'm not a longtime Sanctuary resident, but I'm acquainted with people who are. Together, we might be able to figure out if this Chase guy is really here. Why don't you meet me at The Oil Lamp? If you feel up to it.”

“I don't know what to say. Th-thank you.”

“You get some rest.” He stood up and offered me his arm. I took it, and together we made our way up the stairs. After he deposited me in my room, I heard him walk down the hall
and knock on Zac's door. Although I couldn't make out the words, I could hear them talking.

I climbed back into bed and lay there for a long while, trying to make sense out of the strange turn my life had taken. But try as I might, I couldn't figure it out.

I woke up the next morning feeling pretty good, but I'd been plagued all night by strange dreams. I was lost inside a big house. Every time I thought I'd found a way out, the doors disappeared. Sometimes the house changed, as well. No matter what I tried, I couldn't find a way of escape. When I opened my eyes, my first impulse was to seek safety. But then I remembered where I was—and what had happened the night before. Jonathon knew who I really was, and instead of telling me to leave town, he'd decided to help me look for Terrance Chase. It was still almost impossible for me to believe.

After lying in bed for a few minutes, I decided to get up and take a shower. I gathered my clothes together and headed to the bathroom. After my shower, I felt much more human. The pain pills had really knocked me for a loop. They were probably the source of my weird dreams.

After brushing my teeth, putting on makeup, and fixing my hair, I went back to my room. In the hallway, I heard voices coming from downstairs. Zac and Esther. I wondered if she'd
told Zac why I was really here. I hoped not. I'd wanted to keep my reasons for being in Sanctuary to myself, but now two people knew my secret. That was two too many. Besides, Zac worked for a television station. I couldn't allow him to scoop me.

I was getting ready to go downstairs when my phone rang. Donnie's number. Make that three people who knew the truth. Before long, I might as well take out an ad in the local newspaper and make sure everyone was up to date on my reason for being in Sanctuary.

Ignoring the call for the time being, I quickly straightened my room then went downstairs. I found Zac and Esther in the kitchen, sitting at the table.

“There you are,” Esther said when I came into the room. “Zac was getting ready to check on you.”

I smiled at her. “I'm feeling much better.”

“Good,” she said, returning my smile. “You sit down. I'll get you some coffee and something to eat.”

“Thanks, Esther, but I'm not hungry. I came down here last night and made a sandwich. Just some coffee, please. That's all I really need.” I craved a kick of caffeine to push away the final cobwebs from the day before.

“Of course,” she said. “Have a seat, and I will pour you a cup.”

Zac pulled out a chair for me. “Glad you're feeling better.”

“Thank you.” I sat down and waited while Esther got a jadeite mug from the cupboard and filled it with her delicious coffee. When she put it in front of me, I picked it up and took a sip. A sigh of satisfaction slipped out.

Zac laughed. “Esther's coffee will cure anything. I thought
the only coffee in the world was from Starbucks. Until I tasted this.”

I grinned. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“I buy coffee almost every morning when I'm working,” he said. “It gets my day going in the right direction. Don't know how I'd get by without it.”

Seemed we had something in common. “So do you enjoy working at a television station?”

“I love it. Every day is different. They're letting me work with the reporters now. Besides taking pictures and video, I get to do some research.”

“Sounds great.”

“Esther tells me you're an accountant?”

Obviously, Esther had kept my secret. I breathed an inward sigh of relief. “Yes. I'm afraid it's not as exciting as your job. But I enjoy dealing with numbers, and I like the people I work with.”

Zac took a sip of his coffee as he looked me over. “You don't seem like someone who would be an accountant.”

What in the world did people see that I couldn't? “You're not the first person to say that. I'm not sure what an accountant looks like.”

He grinned. “A little man with glasses and a bow tie. His best friend is his calculator.”

I laughed. “Sounds like an old movie.”

“You're probably right. I love old movies.”

“I do, too.” After I left Kingdom, I discovered television for the first time. I couldn't believe some of the things I saw on TV. Although it helped teach me about modern hairstyles, fashion, and makeup, the regular shows were too graphic
for me. So I'd found channels with old movies that kept me entertained and intrigued. I'd cried over Cathy's death in
Wuthering Heights
and laughed at Jimmy Stewart in
Harvey
and Cary Grant in
Arsenic and Old Lace.
Of course, I didn't admit to watching those movies with the people at work. I just smiled and nodded during conversations about their favorite shows.

Esther put a plate with pancakes and bacon in front of Zac. He added butter and syrup then began to eat. Although it looked delicious, it reminded me of my mother. She'd loved anything sweet. Especially fattening cupcakes and desserts. Sometimes I snuck some of her food since she was selfish with it. In a weird way, I guess I'd been trying to find some kind of control by taking the things she loved. My mother's food gave me a rush. Made me feel better. It wasn't until I left Kingdom that I realized food had become a drug. Something to dull the pain—and it had taken over my life. Rather than giving me control, it controlled me. It took a lot of work to change my habits. I had no plan to ever again use food as a panacea for the hurt in my soul.

“What are your plans for the day?” Esther's question brought me back to the present.

“I have some work to do on my laptop. And then I'm meeting Pastor Wiese later today.”

“You have accounting work to do on vacation?” Zac asked, looking confused.

I thought quickly. “It's March,” I said. “April is right around the corner.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

I nodded as if it actually did.

He got up and poured himself another cup of coffee. Then he held out the coffeepot. I stuck out my cup, and he filled it.

“More coffee, Esther?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I have a lot of baking to do. I need to get at it.”

Zac put the pot back on the stove and sat back down in his chair. “Jonathon's a great guy, isn't he?”

I nodded, not knowing what to say. Zac must have heard our angry confrontation last night. Surely he was curious about it.

“He needs to find a wife, though,” he continued. “There are a lot of women interested, but he doesn't really date. Seems to be waiting for the right person.”

I frowned at him. “He knew my grandmother. We're just planning to talk about her.”

“Oh.” He turned his attention to Esther. “Do you mind if I hang around and help you get ready for the church supper? I don't have anything else to do.”

She reached out and patted his hand. “I think you could find something if you wanted to. It is more likely you are concerned I will work too hard, and you plan to keep an eye on me.”

Zac's eyebrows shot up. “I'm wounded to the quick. How can you be so suspicious?”

He winked at me, and Esther saw him. We both laughed.

“You are welcome to stay and keep me company,” she said. “As long as you know that you have not fooled me.”

“I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about,” he said innocently.

How wonderful it would be to have such an easy friendship
with someone. Although I had acquaintances at college and at the newspaper, I didn't really have any friends. I told myself I didn't need them, yet I couldn't help but envy Esther and Zac. Despite their age difference, they got along famously.

“I need to get to work.” I got up and went over to the coffeepot. “Can I help with the dishes, Esther?”

“No, honey. Zac loves to do dishes. You go on and get your work done. We'll be leaving for the supper around five o'clock. If there's not enough room in Janet's car, Zac will drive you over.”

“Yeah, I'd be happy to.”

“Thanks, but I'll probably walk to the church after my meeting with Jonathon. If I'm not here at five, just go without me.”

After filling my cup one more time, I went upstairs to my room. I couldn't help feeling unsettled. I needed to be careful from now on. Make sure I stayed around other people and didn't get into vulnerable situations. The only comfort I had was that whoever hit me had only been interested in my list and my picture of Chase. If they'd wanted to permanently put me out of commission, they could have—yet they didn't. After thinking about it, I decided it was best to let everyone think I'd tripped. That I'd just imagined someone hitting me. Except for Jonathon. If he brought it up again, I'd stick to the truth. If I changed my story now, he might think I was being deceitful and decide not to help me.

I really wished I had something more to go on than old church records and staring at men in town, trying to figure out if they looked anything like Terrance Chase. I should have worked out a better plan. I'd been so excited about coming
here, maybe I hadn't done enough research. Would an experienced investigative reporter have come up with something better? It was possible, but the trail was so cold I was pretty certain anyone would have had trouble figuring out how to track down Chase.

I grabbed my laptop and plopped down on the fainting couch. Then I scooted around and got comfortable. There were twelve names on my list. Three of the men had left town. Three had died. That left six men who still lived in Sanctuary. Of course, Chase could have been one of the men who'd moved away. Or maybe he'd died, although that was less likely. He wasn't an old man, and if he'd passed away, it was possible his true identity would have been discovered. I really needed to go back to the church and look through the final book. It was possible Jonathon or Esther might be able to fill in the blanks, but I couldn't take the chance that someone might slip through the cracks. I'd come too far and worked too hard to leave any loopholes. I had to make sure my list was accurate.

I stared at the list, and my mind drifted to the incident yesterday. Whoever took my notebook had these names—and a few others, the names I'd written down yesterday. If it was someone looking for Chase, would my attacker find him before I could?

I studied the names and recognized one of them. Reuben King. Esther had told me he was the man the other Emily had married. I started to mark his name off but decided to wait until I saw him, although he was probably too young to be Terrance Chase. Chase was forty-two when he robbed the armored car company. That meant he was now around
fifty. Esther had mentioned that Emily, or Wynter, was near my age. I doubted she would marry someone so much older than she was, but I couldn't be sure.

Jonathon's name was on my list, so I crossed him off. For a second, I wondered if he might be in danger from whoever had stolen my notes, but he was way too young to be Chase. Anyone looking for the elusive criminal would know that.

One of the names, Peter Bakker, sparked something. Where had I heard that name? Suddenly, I remembered. The post office. The clerk's last name was Bakker. Sarah Miller had mentioned an Evan Bakker who was smoking a turkey for the church supper. The postal clerk couldn't look less like Chase if he tried. Besides, Chase had no relatives, and Evan Bakker had a brother. In researching Chase, I'd found that his parents had died when he was young. He'd lived with his grandmother until he was eighteen. Not long after he left home, she'd passed away. There was no one else. I didn't feel sorry for him. Being alone doesn't give you the right to take the lives of innocent people.

I quickly wrote the remaining names down in another notebook I'd brought with me. I needed to talk to someone about each of these men. Esther was out because she was spending the afternoon with Zac. I had a meeting with Jonathon at two. He'd be able to help me some, but he hadn't been here that long. I'd just have to do the best I could with his help until I could get some time alone with Esther.

I put the notebook in my purse and then spent some time figuring out what I was going to wear to meet Jonathon. The last thing I wanted to worry about was what he thought about me, but I couldn't help it. I would probably never stop lov
ing him. My love for him was like a fire burning somewhere deep inside—in a place I couldn't find and couldn't control. It was something I'd have to learn to live with, along with the pain that fueled the flames. I finally settled on a black leather jacket to wear over a dark green sweater and jeans. It was simple, but the black emphasized my blond hair, and the sweater highlighted my eyes.

By the time I got ready to leave, I knew I looked good, but no matter what I wore or how I fixed up my outside, I was certain Jonathon would always see me as the person I'd spent the last few years trying to destroy.