Rise (17 page)

At the front door, the monk grabbed the door handle, and gave three hard raps. The door swung open, and Victoria was ushered inside.

She was at first struck by how similar the monastery was, on the inside, to the convent; long, dark narrow hallways lit by torch. In seeing the style somewhere else, other than where she was used to, Victoria decided that both buildings were in desperate need of renovation.

A flame flared up next to her, and Victoria turned to find herself looking, by firelight, into the face of Brother Ammon. “Good to see you, Victoria. Roman’s room is this way.” He said, without ceremony, and started off down the hall. As she was following, Victoria found herself feeling particularly bothered by what he’d said. Why did he have to assume she was here for Roman? Couldn’t she just be, enjoying the scenery?

Her thoughts turned as they rounded a corner, and stopped at a door. “Here you go.” Brother Ammon handed her the torch he was carrying, and then disappeared back into the inky hallway, leaving Victoria to wonder about the oddities, that being one of them, of the monastery.

Victoria raised her fist and knocked on Roman’s door. There was a moment of silence before she heard a distinct shuffling, and then “Come in." She pushed the door open gently, and stepped inside slowly, unsure of what she might find.
She was immediately accosted by a putrid smell. “Good lord, Roman. What is that horrible smell?” Although she had intended for the first thing out of her mouth to be “Hello”, Victoria couldn’t help herself. The smell was too hard to ignore.

Roman, who’d been sitting on the edge of his bed, got up and took a quick survey of his room. “What smell?” Victoria waved her hand around while holding her nose, and stepped further in the room. She stepped wide to avoid food wrappers and clothing that were strewn everywhere. “You don’t smell that?” she asked, while she still attempted to avoid the mess that was Roman’s floor. “I can’t even imagine how you live here, to be honest—Wait, there it is.” Victoria’s eyes zeroed in on the dirty hamper near Roman’s bed. It was now clear to Victoria why Roman’s clothes were everywhere. He simply had too many, and obviously hadn’t taken the clothes in his hamper to be washed, anytime recently. “Why do you have clothes anyway? You’re a monk.” Victoria looked around the room once more, with a look of pure disdain.

Roman leaned back on his bed, with a small smile on his face, evidence that he was enjoying her freak out. “Why are you freaking out? I never pegged you for the type to be concerned with cleanliness.” Victoria rounded on him, eyebrows raised. “What do you mean, not concerned with cleanliness? Are you saying I’m some sort of slob?”

“
No, no no.” Roman backtracked quickly. “I just mean that I never thought of you as being the super clean type. That’s all.” Victoria narrowed her eyes at Roman, and then turned away to survey the rest of the room. It was, without a doubt, the dirtiest room she’d ever been in her entire life. It was true, she wasn’t the type apt to scrub floors with a tooth brush, but even she liked to see her floor sometimes. Roman’s floor might as well have been made of comic books, candy wrappers, and clothing.

“
So, why are you here anyways?” Roman’s voice brought her back from her inspection of the room. Victoria sighed. She hadn’t really been looking forward to having this conversation. In fact, in creating a fuss about his room, Victoria had hoped to perhaps make him forget why she was really here, but evidently, that hadn’t worked. “I’m here, because…you seemed a little angry the other day. You just got up and left, and you haven’t been back since.” “I guess I was a little angry.” Victoria felt her temper flare slightly. “What right do you have to be angry? Remind me what I did, if I did anything at all.” She shot back.

His face remained impassive, and that only made Victoria want to smack him in it. “You said you still wanted to do the task.” He looked up at her, expectantly. “Right, I did say that. I don’t have a choice, remember?” Roman sighed deeply. “I just wanted you to say no. I wanted to know that you don’t have to kill someone to feel fulfilled.” “Is that what this is about?” Victoria asked, her voice unintentionally raising an octave. Roman nodded, still not looking away.

Victoria had hoped to have a civil conversation, but as she watched Roman nod his head, his face smooth and unconcerned, she threw all caution to the wind.

“
Look here, Roman. I’m starting to think that you don’t understand as much about me as you think you do. I came here looking to apologize, actually. Silly me, I felt kind of bad. I thought that you cared, but it’s starting to look like you are more concerned with making sure I fall in line with your beliefs. I thought we were friends. More than friends, really. I didn’t know that I had suddenly traded my friendship for a father. If that’s what you’re looking for, someone—someone to lecture, then it won’t be me. I won’t have it. I admit, I still want to do this quest. I want to do it for fun, and that’s the truth. I don’t think it’s because I’m searching for fulfillment, but if it is, I’d like it if you stopped pointing that out. There are some things I need to figure out on my own. If you can’t accept that, then we can’t be more than friends, and frankly, I don’t even know if we can be friends, because I don’t want any friends that think it’s acceptable to tell me how to live my life.” Victoria finished her rant, feeling simultaneously relieved and guilty. Relieved, because it needed to be said, and guilty because she knew it had been a bit harsh.

Roman said nothing for a long while, instead choosing to look down at the floor, filling the air with an unseemly amount of tension. At the point at which Victoria felt as if she couldn’t take anymore, and was just going to have to get up and leave, he looked up and spoke. “Victoria, I didn’t mean it like that. I just wish you would listen to me.”

Victoria narrowed her eyes, and wondered if he had even listened to a thing she said. “I see you’ve made your decision, then. We’re done.” Roman snapped his head back up, and looked at Victoria as if he’d just been punched in the face. “What do you mean, we’re done?” His voice came out in a whisper. Gone was his impassivity, and its place was the face of someone who realizing that they just might have gone too far. As Victoria looked down at him, searching his face, she felt an urge to take it all back, but something stopped her. No. He needed to understand that she was not going to change for him. If she ever felt the need to change, it would be for her, and her alone. “We are done.” She said again, this time emphasizing every syllable. “I told you. I don’t like you trying to force me to change. Since you clearly don’t like me the way I am, why should we be anything but friends?” “But I’m just trying to help.” His voice came out strangled, and distant. “I don’t need your help. What I need is a friend. Maybe now that you’re just a friend, you’ll be able to understand that.” Victoria’s words hung in the air, and there was no doubt concerning the finality of them.

She found herself sighing inwardly. She hadn’t wanted it to go this way. In her mind, she’d pictured an understanding Roman, who was willing to give her space and time to think, without her having to force the option. In reality, Roman was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking in her direction, but not at her, as she could see in his eyes that he was somewhere else entirely.

And what were they going to do about the task that still loomed over their heads? Victoria wondered. She’d been meaning to bring that up as well, but as the conversation didn’t go as planned, she couldn’t possibly bring that up now. Surely, that was the last thing either of them wanted to talk about at the moment. But she couldn’t wait. She and Roman were still expected to do the task, regardless of the status of their friendship. The task she’d once been excited for, but was now tinged grey by her falling out with Roman.

Victoria cleared her throat and spoke up, feeling a bit awkward. “Um, we still have to talk about the task, since I’m all healed up.” Roman didn’t budge, electing to continue to stare off into space. “That’s right.” He said, softly. “We’ll need to start it soon. As you said, a good assassin watches, and then becomes his target first. That should take a while, so, we should get on that quickly.” The words came tumbling out of her mouth, and Victoria couldn’t shake the feeling that she sounded incredibly stupid. “How soon do you want to start?” he asked, hollowly. “As soon as possible. Perhaps, tomorrow.” Victoria shrugged.

In reality, she wanted anything but to start tomorrow, but she knew that it was unlikely that they could wait any longer. They were set back several weeks by her injury, and time was running out.

“
Tomorrow it is, then.” Roman shifted, and turned his back to her. Feeling slightly offended, but also relieved that the conversation was over, Victoria made a quick getaway. Once into the hallway, she stood there for a moment to catch her breath, so to speak. Really, she was reliving every moment of her conversation with Roman. She didn’t know where to begin. For all intents and purposes, she’d just broken up with Roman. If they were ever together, that is. Victoria shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She just didn’t know, and maybe that was the problem. Somehow, over the past few months, Roman had assumed the role protective boyfriend, and Victoria didn’t know if she entirely liked that idea. It felt too protective, too stifling. She’d never answered to anyone before, so why should she start now?

But on the other hand, her time with Roman, dare she say it, had been magical, in a way. Victoria remembered, that for most of her life, she’d known only one thing that made her feel in a similar way; quickening breath, rapid heart beating; it was assassinating. She’d never been a real assassin before now, but she’d snuck into the meetings before, eavesdropping so that she could hear the story of the night. It had all been so interesting, so daring.

Then, she’d met Roman. He made her feel the exact same way, and there was no killing involved. It was a nice feeling, but just like assassinating, he couldn’t be her entire being. She had to be more than that. Victoria nodded her head. There was no doubt in her mind, that she had made the right decision, and she was going to enjoy this mission, even if Roman was there, scowling in the background the entire time.

She made her way through the dark, narrow halls of the monastery, and when she burst out into the light once more, she found herself once again, soaking up the ambience. Victoria looked around for the silent monk. To her relief, he was nowhere to be found. Feeling emboldened by his absence, she wandered over to the edge of jagged cliff, upon which the monastery sat, and looked over.

Instead of seeing the ground as she expected to, Victoria saw what looked like a never-ending drop that culminated in a spattering of white, fluffy clouds. From where she was standing, it looked like an infinite sky, and that if you fell, you’d be falling forever. There was something oddly hypnotizing about it, and Victoria forced herself to step back.

She looked around and saw several circular mats on the ground behind her. The monks must meditate in front of the view, she thought, as she slid a mat over to herself. And what a view it was. Victoria crossed her legs. She’d never meditated before, but she supposed this was how it was done.
She stayed there for a few hours, meditating above the sky.

When she finally found her way back to the convent, just as the sky grew tinged with pink, Victoria’s mind felt incredibly clear. She really would have to try meditating more often.
She made her way across the convent grounds, watching as the few remaining nuns packed up the day’s supplies, and meandered back inside. Victoria followed their lead, and headed to her room for an early night. The next day, she would be meeting with Roman again, and they would begin the mission. Victoria felt nervous, as nervous as she was when she visited the city for the first time, but most of all, she felt the thrill of anticipation running up and down her spine. As she settled down in her bed for the night and reached over to blow out her bedside candle, she smiled to herself. Victoria Slade has risen again.

XII.

The next day arrived quickly. As she stumbled out of bed, and fumbled around for her robes and dagger, Victoria found herself wondering where the last eight hours had gone. She shrugged on her night robes, the ones she’d altered herself, to visit the city, and slid her dagger into her robe pocket.

She checked her watch anxiously. It was almost seven, meaning Roman would be arriving soon. Victoria didn’t know how she felt about that. The day before, she felt great. Empowered, even. There was just something about independence. She craved it. But as she sat perched on the edge of her bed, Victoria found herself wondering how Roman would be today. He seemed in shock the day before, but, she wondered, would he be angry now? Would they even be able to complete the task?

Victoria bit her nails nervously for a moment, looked down at her ragged fingertips, and then chewed some more, until a soft knock at her door interrupted her. “Come in.” She gripped her bed railings, as if they would somehow give her strength.

Roman slid inside her room. His curly hair was combed down over his eyes, something Victoria immediately suspected was intentional. He hovered around the door, as if he was uncertain as to whether or not he was allowed to come in. Victoria wasn’t sure. She didn’t know how close friends, that used to be more than friends should be. It was all too confusing, really, so she opted to say nothing, leaving them both in a tense silence.

“
Are you ready to go?” Roman asked, although he made no motion to move. “Yes, I suppose I am.” Victoria hoisted herself up from her bed, and walked over to join him by the door. As she did, she saw him flinch slightly. “If my presence bothers you so much, I’ll do this alone” She spat, and she moved swiftly in front of him, opened the door, and stepped out.