Ripping Pages (19 page)

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Authors: Rachel Rae

BOOK: Ripping Pages
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By the time I had gotten to the apartment I shared with Tatum, the snow had begun falling harder, almost where the driver couldn’t see out the front windshield. I cried the whole way home. Tears, and now snow-covered windows, both were blurring my vision. I paid the driver and ran into the lobby and up to our apartment. I closed the door behind me and slid down to sit on the floor, tears streaming uncontrollably.

How did this happen? How did my sweet, caring, understanding Van go from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye?

It just didn’t make any sense. Where did I go from here? Obviously, we would be moving again. Van paid the difference on this apartment from the checks Tatum’s parents sent her, and even with the amount that I’d always chipped in, it wasn’t even close to covering it. I could pitch in more, but not that much. I had quit my job per Van’s request because of the peanut, who was no longer here, and I couldn’t ask Tatum to front more. What the hell was I going to do? He just kicked me out of his apartment. Out of his life. Out of us.

I thought about going to Buffalo to see Tatum, and my aunt and uncle for Christmas, but it was already almost Christmas Eve, and I thought I would be horrible company, anyway. I was too depressed to even think about how Christmas day would be. My first without my mother, and now I was all alone. I continued checking my phone for any sign that Van would see the error of his ways and contact me or just send me something, anything. I was not about to contact him. I was too prideful. My pride got the better of me, and then I got angry.

Fuck that stupid motherfucker. I lost the baby, which was absolutely devastating, and he has the audacity to fucking blame me for something so absurd I couldn’t even fathom how he jumped to that fucking conclusion. Maybe he was insane.

Yeah, we’ll go with that, because I was all out of ideas as to why he turned on me so fast, and for no reason at all, especially without listening to a damn word I had to say. After checking it for the billionth time like a needy, desperate loser, only to find a text from James asking if everything was ok, I sent him a quick text back that Van and I were done, and then I turned my phone off and laid in bed. As the night went on, my anger dissipated, and the sadness came creeping back in. I cried myself to sleep and didn’t wake up except to use the restroom.

It was Christmas afternoon when a knocking at my front door woke me from a fitful sleep. I crawled out of bed and opened the door not caring that I hadn’t showered since the night Van broke my heart. I had no bra on and the same pajamas I had put on after I came home that night.
Merry Freakin’ Christmas.
The door opened to a cheerful James holding presents and a few bags.

“Merry Christmas, Tin!” he exclaimed. James had always been goofy like me when it came to holidays. We used to shop for everyone together and decorate our apartment and my mom’s house together. He indulged me in all my Christmas rituals such as watching
Christmas with the Kranks
and
A Christmas Story
over and over again. I would always throw a little
Elf
and
Christmas Vacatio
n in there too, just to make him happy. I smiled a small smile at his cheerful disposition and returned a “Merry Christmas, James.”

“Come in…” I gestured him inside.

He walked in and made a low whistle at the surroundings and smiled as he put the bags down on the counter in the kitchen. “Nice digs.”

“Thanks, um, no offense, but what are you doing here?”

Rummaging around in one of the bags, he pulled out copies of my favorite Christmas movies. “It’s Christmas. And I know how you are, so I brought you a little pick me up. No one should be alone on Christmas.”

I stared at him in awe. Here he was all alone in New York on Christmas, and he was worried about me. He pulled out two turkey dinners with all the fixings and a pecan and pumpkin pie out of the other bag.

“James Anthony Townsen. I can’t believe you did all this. Thank you,” I said through tears as I went to hug his neck.

He held me for a few minutes and then leaned back and placed a friendly kiss on my forehead. “Of course, I did. Tinley, I know you’ve been through a lot in the past few weeks, and I’m so sorry. I just want to be here for you any way that I can. I don’t want anything from you. I know you’ve just had your heart broken… again, and I’m sorry. I just want to be your friend again. We started out as friends, and I just want to go back to that place. I miss my best friend,” he shrugged and half smiled.

“Thank you so much, James. I miss mine, too. Ok, enough with this. I’ve had a shitty few days, and I haven’t eaten since the night all that happened. Let’s enjoy this wonderful meal you brought us and watch some
Christmas with the Kranks
!”

He smiled. “Deal.”

We sat on the couch and watched the movies on the big TV. After we ate the delicious food, I turned my phone back on realizing that it was almost evening and Christmas in London was almost over, and I hadn’t spoken to my mother. How shitty of me!

She picked up on the first ring. “Tinley? Where have you been? I’ve been calling you since last night.”

“I’m so sorry, Momma. My phone’s been messed up. And I’ve been crazy busy you know, holiday parties and everything.” The lie slid out of my mouth with ease. I hated lying to my mother mainly, because she could always see right through my bullshit and would call me out on it. I wanted to tell her everything, but I was still reeling from all the events of the past week. My heart hurt, and I almost lost it on the phone with her, but I kept it together while she told me all about Steve’s presents for her. He was taking her on a tropical vacation for Valentine’s Day and then to Italy. I was so happy for my mother. She was so giving, and so selfless. She deserved such a doting husband. Steve really was perfect. We talked for a while, and she asked about Van. I never told my mother about my pregnancy, so she had no idea. I was vague, but said that we were amazing. James looked at me disapproving. I rolled my eyes and shrugged filling my mother in on our first Christmas together. I didn’t want to have to admit that I’d failed miserably at yet another relationship. It was all too fresh. New Years, Van was supposed to be back on tour, so I didn’t have to worry about explaining his absence. With tears forming in my eyes, and choking back a sob, as she talked about how excited she was and glad that I was in love again after everything with James, I hung up the phone and let the tears consume me.

James walked over and squatted down in front of me so he was in my blurred line of vision. “Tinley, I’m so sorry. I know you loved him. Maybe he’ll realize he was way off and come back.”

I looked up at him and shook my head in defiance. “No,” I wailed. “No. I don’t want his sorry ass back. He didn’t love me enough to believe me, and he concocted such a bullshit theory. I can never forgive him for that.”

I lay down on the couch, and through my tears, I watched the rest of
A Christmas Story.

Oh, Ralphie, your stupid BB problems are nothing. Wait until you grow up and someone rips your heart out and plays baseball with it.

James brought my comforter from my room and laid it over me as I cried. He walked toward the front door.

I looked up at him. “Where are you going?”

He pointed toward the closed door to my apartment. “Home. I thought you might want some space.”

“No. It’s Christmas, and we’re watching movies. I’m sorry I’m such sucky company, but please don’t leave. I’ve enjoyed this day with you.”

The unsure look on his face turned into the happy one that I always felt safe and loved with. My best friend. My James. Well, if my heart was broken and no one could fix it, at least I had my friend back.

He sat on the far side of the couch and laid my head in his lap. He stroked my hair as he used to, and I fell asleep to the joyful sounds of Ralphie finally getting that BB gun he had wished for.

If only life were like the movies.

 

 

 

 

On New Year’s Eve, I went to pick mom and Steve up from the airport. Tatum was supposed to be home the next day. There was so much I wanted to tell her. Mom and Steve were going to be in the city with me for about a week, and then they were going to see my aunt and uncle in Buffalo for the remainder of their trip.

The minute I saw mom at the terminal at JFK, I burst into a blubbering mess. Her presence mixed with me not seeing her in almost a year, and all the drama of the past few weeks, only made it worse. Momma always made me feel better. I couldn’t wait to get home and visit.

I hadn’t seen James since the day after Christmas. We both fell asleep on the couch and woke up when the light shined through the windows. He had to work that day, so he had to leave fast since he was already severely late. We had spoken on the phone quite a bit and texted. He always asked if I needed anything, if I was ok. I guess he thought he owed me, considering he had done this to me not long ago, even if the circumstances were different. I hadn’t heard a single word from Van. I was afraid to turn on the television or check the internet for fear of what I would see. I had made that mistake once the day after Christmas. Ripping Pages concerts were sold out all around the country. They even added dates and they would be heading over to Europe in February for another leg of the tour.

The minute I turned on the television, it was on Inside Edition. I wasn’t paying any attention. I just wanted some background noise while I finally cleaned the apartment. I heard the reporters’ voice as they came back from commercial break.

“Ripping Pages, the nation’s best-selling rock band of all time, rivaling the success of Aerosmith and Queen, has added several more dates to their comeback tour, TORN. You might want to hurry and get yours. These are selling out like never before. The front man, Van Whitaker…” I held my breath. “…has been seen around the clubs and after parties with his on again girlfriend, Jade. Jade is an actress on the current CW drama, Social Networking. The two began a tumultuous relationship back in 2008. Cameras spotted the two looking extremely cozy after the bands show in Chicago last Sunday. She’s been seen around the band since their tour began in October...”

I clicked the TV off and threw the remote across the room. It shattered into pieces on the floor.
October? He accuses me of cheating on him and killing my baby so I could be with James, and this slut has been hanging around him since the tour began? Was he fucking kidding me?

If only they were playing in New York, I would go give him a piece of my mind. I stopped being domestic and broke into sobs on the floor next to the dishwasher. I couldn’t believe him. What happened to “I would never hurt you, Tinley”? Well for someone claiming he was a changed man, he sure did get back into the habit quick.

 

 

Mom and Steve were so excited to see Tatum and my new place.

We arrived at the apartment, and I helped carry their bags in. London was five hours ahead of New York so, needless to say, they were exhausted. We never planned to do anything for New Year’s Eve because I knew that they would be tired, so I had decided that I would curl up with my e-reader and get back into my romance novel land. Real life wasn’t being so good to me lately, so it was time to get into my fictional world and get back to going to bed with a different book boyfriend every night.

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