Righteous Lies (Book 1: Dancing Moon Ranch Series) (14 page)

When Jack
returned for the crib, Grace braced her hands on his chest, kissed him on the jaw,
and said, "Thank you."

Jack eyed her,
curiously. "For what?"

"For being
special."

Jack raised his
hand to her face and looked at her intently, as if he were about to kiss her,
then dropped his arm, and said, "I'd better get the crib."

Grace scrubbed
her mind of a kiss that never came, and said to Jack's back, as he rolled the
crib out of the room and down the hallway, "I can't find Mei Ling. I think
she's gone off to have her kittens. I can't get down on the floor, so could you
help me?"

"Where
have you looked?" Jack asked.

"Everywhere
except under the beds and in your closet. The doors to all the closets except
yours have been closed since I turned her loose, but she could be under a
bed."

Jack got a
flashlight from the kitchen and went to Grace's bedroom. "First litters
are usually small," she said. "I doubt Mei Ling will have more than
two kittens. The father is a chocolate Burmese, so the kittens could be either chocolate
or blue."

Jack dropped to
the floor and aimed the beam under the bed, and announced, "Nothing here.
I'll check the closet in my bedroom." There, he crouched on his heels and
started parting the shirts that hung from a low pole... And then came the soft
sound of newborn mewing...

"She's in back
on some old wool shirts," Jack announced. "You want me to drag her
out."

"Not yet,"
Grace replied. "Get the nesting box in my bedroom and bring it here and
you can put her kittens in it first. Mei Ling will go in after them. How many
are there?"

"Looks
like two," Jack replied. "I'll get the box."

Grace couldn't
resist. Awkwardly, she lowered herself to the floor, knowing she would not be
able to get up without help, and peered between the shirts, which Jack had
shoved to the side, and said to Mei Ling, "Hi sweetie. It's all over for
you, you lucky girl. Let's see what you have." Grace saw that Mei Ling had
cleaned up the afterbirth and bathed her kittens, who were different from each
other—one blue Burmese, and one chocolate. Mismatched twins. One, Mei Ling's.
One, the kittens' father's. Maybe boys. And as she looked at the tiny infants,
nuzzling their mother for a tit, she knew she'd keep them both. And hoped it
was a prophetic sign.

Jack walked
into the room and set the box on the floor. "What are you doing down
there?" he asked, seeing her semi-sprawled in the closet.

"Looking
at the kittens. There's one blue and one chocolate." She reached for one
tiny kitten. "The brown one's the bigger of the two," she said.
"Put out your hand." She placed the brown kitten in the cup of Jack's
big palm, and when she looked up she saw a look of pleasure on Jack's face.
Then an awareness...

"Ironic,
isn't it," she said. "Marc had blue eyes and the littlest kitten is a
Blue Burmese. Your eyes are brown and the big one's a Chocolate. I'm keeping
both."

"That's a
lot of cats in the house," Jack grumbled.

"I won't
split them up," Grace said. "They'll be raised together."

Jack eyed her
with an intensity that said it all...

...she'll be raising both babies together
too, if she can get Susan to agree...

Jack placed the
brown kitten in the box then put out his hand for the blue one. But while he
was looking at it, Mei Ling left her woolen-shirt nest, stretched first her
back legs, then her front ones, like the ripple of a wave, and walked over to
rub against Jack's arm. She licked his hand holding the kitten then clamped her
mouth on the loose skin at the back of the kitten's neck, lifting it from Jack's
hand, and crawled through the opening in the box. Loud purrs could be heard
coming from inside. "Three cats," Jack said under his breath, while
eyeing the nesting box.

Sensing Jack's
words as more about acceptance than repudiation, Grace kissed him on the cheek
and said, "Thank you, Jack. You won't be sorry."

"I already
am," Jack said. To Grace's surprise, he smiled, and she got the feeling he
was adjusting to more than having three cats in the house, two of which would
be raised together. But then, it could just be wishful thinking, raising two
sons with Jack...

After Mei Ling
and her kittens were settled in Grace's bedroom, Grace said to Jack, "I
think you should get Ricky and bring him here to see them."

"He wasn't
feeling well this morning," Jack said, "and it's almost Ricky's bedtime."

"Maybe
this will perk him up. He loves Mei Ling."

"I
suppose..."

When Jack left
to pick up the toddler, Grace felt a pang of guilt. Ricky was fading, and she
could be carrying the cure. And in New Jersey was a hospital that could process
the blood from her baby's cord and transfer it to Ricky, and for the first time
since he was born, Ricky might have the chance to live a normal life, and go to
kindergarten when it was time, and play with other little boys and girls, and
grow up to be a man...

Jack returned a
few minutes later, carrying Ricky in his arms. "They're right over here,
bud," he said to the boy, then set Ricky down in front of Mei Ling's box.

A smile crossed
Ricky's pale face. "I can pet them?" He looked at Jack for a
response.

"Very
gently," Jack said. "They were just born."

Ricky put his
little hand on the kitten, then looked at Grace and smiled...

And Grace knew then
that she could not let this little boy die. The notion of flying terrified her,
the idea of giving birth in a hospital far from home, maybe even on the plane,
was deeply troubling, and the realization that Jack would not be able to
deliver their son after all, was a profound disappointment. But she could not
let Ricky die…

Ricky moved his
hand from the kitten and slumped back against Jack, and his eyes drifted
closed. "Ricky?" Jack said. "Son?" When Ricky didn't
respond, Jack scooped him up in his arms and rushed out of the house. A few
minutes later, Grace heard Sam's SUV out front. She hurried outside to see Sam
at the wheel, and Susan in the back seat, with Jack passing Ricky into Susan's
arms. Sam and Susan had made the run to the hospital in Portland many times,
Grace learned from Maureen earlier, but this time, she couldn't help wondering
if there was a greater urgency. From the look on Jack's face as he stood in the
driveway watching as the SUV sped off down the road, she knew he too was
worried.

After they
returned to the house, while Jack was standing at the window looking out, Grace
said, "Would you consider donating sperm to Susan again? It could be done
at home with a turkey baster so there'd be no chance of a mix-up. Sam could
help Susan do it."

"No,"
Jack said. "I donated before because Sam and Susan were desperate and it
was a possible way to save Ricky, but with Susan talking about not wanting the
baby she's carrying—"

"Again?"
Grace cut in. "Susan brought it up again after the night in the
kitchen?"

"Yeah. I'm
not about to give her more sperm. She could end up..." Jack stopped.

...killing the baby...
were his unspoken
words.

"I want
him," Grace said, tears filling her eyes. "He's all I have of Marc.
Talk to Sam." She put her hand on Jack's arm. "Please talk to
him."

Jack turned and
looked at Grace, and when she couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her
cheeks, he held her by the shoulders, and said, "Honey, you'll have enough
to do taking care of our son. There's no way you could take care of two
babies."

"Your
mother raised twins," Grace said.

"She had
my father to help," Jack countered.

"Don't I
have you, Jack?" Grace said. "At least for a little while?"

"You have
me to help with our son," Jack said.

Grace crossed
her arms, and said, "Okay then, I'll put an ad in the paper. Single mother
wants husband to help raise two boys. Father of one boy dead. Father of the
other boy around. House and food and the love of a good woman provided. End of
ad. There must be at least one man willing to take a chance on me," she
said, with irony. When Jack said nothing, Grace thrust her hands up in disgust,
stormed into her bedroom and slammed the door.

It was some
minutes before Grace heard the door open and felt the mattress tilt as Jack sat
on the side of the bed, behind her. He put his hand on her shoulder, and said,
"I'm sorry, Grace. I wish I could be everything you want right now, but I
can't. Maybe after the baby's born things will be different. But for now, this
is all I can give you." He stretched out on the bed behind her, curved his
arm over her belly, and snuggled against her. "You've been working too
hard, honey," he said. "You're tired and overwrought."

 
"No," Grace said, "I'm
frustrated. I had the love of a good man, and every night he held me, and
kissed me, and made love to me, and I miss that, and I
will
find someone who will make me feel like a woman again."

Jack leaned
over and kissed her on the neck, and along her jaw, and on the side of her
face, and said, "I'll stay with you like this for a while, but I don't
want you getting your feelings all tangled up with mine. We've been thrown
together in this situation—"

"Is this
all it is to you, Jack? A situation?" Grace asked, staring at the window.

"That's
not what I meant."

"Then,
I'll word it another way. You've been thrown together with a woman who
accidentally got impregnated with your sperm, and now you're forced into
dealing with it, and she's making physical demands you don't want to meet. I'd
call that a situation."

Jack pulled her
against him. "Honey, whatever this is, I wouldn't change it if I could
because I know you'll be a good mother for my son. As for physical demands... we
don't want to rush into something we might have to undo." He started
rubbing her back... and her shoulder... and up to massage her neck...

After a few
minutes, Grace said, "I'm sorry what I said about uncircumcised men. It
was just a survey. I doubt it meant anything." She had no idea what
prompted her to talk about circumcisions at the moment, but it seemed to fit
into their disorganized conversation about feelings and situations. But she was
also putting demands on a man who might feel lacking after her emphasis on the
pleasure a woman can get from an uncircumcised man.

"Like I
said, I haven't had any complaints," Jack replied, continuing to rub her
back, his palm moving over her shoulder and up to massage her neck again.

"Can I ask
you something?"

"You can
ask anything you want, honey, but I might not answer."

"After the
baby comes, do you think you'll ever want to make love to me?"

After a stretch
of silence, Jack said, "I want to make love to you right now, Grace, but
it's just basic physiology. I've got something sticking out that's looking for
a place to go, and you've got something that's vacant and wants to be filled, but
the act of making love is more than the joining of bodies. It's a link between
a man and a woman that's not easily broken. When it's right for both, it stays
strong. But when it's wrong for one, it's like tearing a baby from its mother's
breast because it's time to wean him. One knows it has to be done, the other
feels betrayed."

"Is it
asking too much for you to rub the front of me a little?" Grace asked.

"No,"
Jack replied. He slipped his hand beneath her nightgown and passed his palm
over her bare belly, circling the full round breadth of it, then across the
top, and caressed first one breast, then the other, and across her chest, and
back to each breast before moving down her belly again...

Grace couldn't
get enough of Jack's big broad palm moving over her. "Thank you for doing
what you're doing," she said, wishing she could have Jack in her bed every
night of her life, hoping it wasn't an impossible dream. "Pregnant women
get emotional."

"It's
okay, honey. You can get as emotional as you want," Jack said, his thumb
teasing her nipple into a tight bud.

"That
feels good," Grace said. "I've missed this sort of thing."

Jack glided his
hand over her belly and down between her legs and concentrated on that area
until Grace at last found satisfaction. But after she'd settled into quiet
contentment, he kissed her on the side of the face, and said, "Do you feel
better now?"

"Yes,"
Grace replied. "But you must be very frustrated."

"Nothing a
cold shower won't cure." Jack gave her another kiss on the side of her
face and left the room, closing the door behind him. A few minutes later, Grace
heard the shower running.

It wasn't until
then that she realized she hadn't broached the subject of flying to New Jersey
to have the baby.
But for the first time
since she'd lost Marc, she felt like a woman. Except for the frustration of
having had a man make a kind of pseudo love to her while he was encased in
denim, and leather, and a wide belt buckle, and wearing boots with spurs. But
as soon as the baby was born, she intended to change all that.

***

The next day, after
emptying the baby dresser of baby clothes, then having breakfast with Maureen
at the lodge, Grace returned to Jack's house as Jack drove off in his pickup
with the baby furniture in back, and knew he'd packed it up while she was at
breakfast. She thought he might stop and talk, but instead, he gave her a kind
of salute as he passed. He'd left the house early to feed the horses, so she
hadn't seen him since the night before, and she felt lonely. She'd wanted to
see him before he left, maybe have him give her a little affectionate kiss goodbye.
Or maybe she might see one of his rare smiles. And she wanted him to come to
her bed again tonight. But it wouldn't end with him taking a cold shower...