Riding the Wave (19 page)

T
anner didn’t know what to expect when he walked through the kitchen door out to the patio. The sun was at the right spot in the sky to light up the courtyard. His mother was at the far end, her head bent over a trellised plant. In contrast with the shot-silk blouse she wore with a dark blue skirt, which was subdued as far as Eileen-wear went, she had on worn gardening gloves that once had been red. They were now closer to the color of mud.

If Tanner didn’t know better, he’d think they were the same exact gloves she’d worn years ago, when he was in high school, before he’d left for the circuit.

Tanner approached slowly, and Eileen didn’t lift her head even though she had to have heard his steps. He crossed his arms over his chest, but he suddenly worried that he might look too confrontational. It wasn’t his mom’s fault that he’d just had such a giant fight with Avalon.

Because shoving his hands in his pockets felt awkward, too, he settled for picking up a small clay pot. An herb sprouted in it, looking too weedy for basil. A fragrant and earthy scent wafted up from it. “Do you want me to leave, Mom?” The words were hard to wrench out.

She shook her head, but didn’t look up. Her neck was graceful. The blond hair that pooled at her shoulders was shot with gray. “I want this all to have happened ten years ago.” She gave a quiet huff. “No. I want this to have happened twentysomething years ago.”

“Dad should have told you.”

Her head snapped up. Her eyes flashed and the grooves around her mouth flashed white. “
You
should have told me.”

Tanner felt the insides of his elbows wrench tight, along with the base of his spine. “It wasn’t my place. I was twenty. How was I supposed to go to my mom and tell her that I’d met my half brother. And his mom too?”

“I’m an adult and your mother. Please don’t treat me like a child.” There was no anger in her words. Only soft, chiding disappointment that scraped his skin off. It hurt almost worse than the argument with Avalon had. Her hands kept moving with quiet efficiency, cutting back dead flowers and dropping them into a basket.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. The pain there was subtle, but demanding. He breathed deep. “I never meant to.”

Eileen set the basketful of withered purple flowers on a side table and stripped her gloves off. “I know that. You’ve always had a good heart, Tanner. You get a little bullheaded at times, but it’s part of the magic of your makeup. You’re a world champion and you’re going to do it again. You’ve made the life you want for yourself. I only wish you’d given me that same agency.”

He shifted from foot to foot. His flip-flops stuck to him. “Mom . . .” He sighed and shook his head. He should have done this a long time ago. So many should haves; they stacked up like surfboards behind a team
house. “Fuck, Mom. I’m sorry. I got so pissed at Dad that I let it get into everything else, didn’t I?”

She gave his cheek something that was a little more than a pat but way less than a smack. “You watch that language, mister. But otherwise, yes. You stepped outside the bounds, Tanner.”

Tanner scrubbed both hands over his face, then through his hair. “I was trying to do the right thing, Mom. I loved you, and I loved our family, and I wanted to keep you safe.”

“I’m the parent here, Tanner.” She patted his cheek more softly this time. “Even though you’re a grown man now, I’m still your mom. I make choices around here, especially the ones for me.”

He folded her hand in both of his. “I’m sorry. So sorry, Mom. I won’t do anything like it again.”

“God, I hope not,” Eileen said with a wry smile. “I hope there are no other secrets left to keep. I’m about done with them. Tanner, I’m so sorry I snapped at you, though.”

He shook his head immediately and squeezed her hand. “Mom, I get it. You don’t have to apologize at all. Not even a little bit.”

Tanner wanted to be able to accept things like his mom did. He wished he could be that sort of optimist. But that was another element of his father within him, most likely. The asshole side of him. He’d spent years
trying
to do the right thing, only to realize too late that he’d screwed up. And screwed up badly.

An hour later, the guilt had frothed into a level of upset that had him on edge. Eileen puttered around her courtyard, Sage had taken up residence in the living room with the TV remote in one hand, and Avalon was
upstairs. She was probably hiding from him, and as well she should. He didn’t know what he’d say to her. The tension in the house was riding higher and higher.

It kind of figured that it would. This wasn’t any sort of happy reunion. Avalon had arranged a meeting with all the so-subtle tension of a meeting with North Korea.

Tanner leaned against the archway between the living and dining rooms. His arms didn’t feel comfortable anyplace except crossed over his chest. He glowered at the TV, which was running racing footage from Germany. “Why are you watching cars go in tiny circles around a track?”

“They are not tiny circles,” Sage replied without looking at him. “Albert Park is a street course. And if you’re going to be so negative, you can take it outside. I don’t need your crap.”

He huffed, but he stalked outside anyway. Sage had a point. She didn’t need anything from him.

None of them did.

Seeing Mako walking up the street was almost a blessing. His anger found a target. The other man wore tan cargo shorts and a bright green polo shirt with the collar lifted in the back. He drew to a halt at the foot of the walk. “Are you here to stop the meeting? I thought I was . . . invited.” His mouth lifted in a smirk.

Tanner’s fists locked. “It doesn’t count as an invitation if you’re blackmailing people into it.”

“That’s the difference between you and me, Tanner.” Mako propped one foot on the stone of the front step. He leaned an elbow on his lifted knee. “I take the expedient route. I don’t have time to dick around for a decade before capping off my career.”

Tanner narrowed his eyes. The ups and downs were
hitting a ridiculously erratic level. Like riding a roller coaster that seemed to go in an eternal loop. “You were five years younger than me. Dad missed my first day of kindergarten for your birth, didn’t he?”

Mako’s dark hair slipped into his eyes when he tilted his head down. “I wouldn’t know. Being only a day old and all makes the memories a little fuzzy.”

“I didn’t do the math until the night I went to your house.” Standing in the middle of that dinky hut, with the screams flying around his head. “I wondered what else Dad missed or skipped or didn’t show up for because of you. And it wasn’t like he’d told me where he was going. So every time, it was another lie.”

“That’s the way lies work.” Something dark and angry flew behind Mako’s eyes. He shoved a hand through his dark hair. “They keep adding up like that. The beginning gets lost in the mess.”

“I wish you’d get lost.”

“Why so mean, Tanner?” Mako drawled. “What have I done to you?”

Tanner couldn’t help a step toward the other man. He was younger than Tanner, but he wasn’t a kid anymore. He’d filled out through the shoulders and his face had lost the roundness he’d had as a teenager. “The magazine article isn’t enough? And more threats about my dad? No one’s going to believe he’s that scuzzy.”

“You’re right.” Mako’s teeth glinted in a sharp smile. “I’ll have to do better next time.”

Tanner couldn’t take it anymore. He snapped. His fist was up and back, then flying through the air. He punched Mako. His half brother’s head snapped back. His hair flew.

Mako staggered back a half step, but then he threw
himself at Tanner. He swung. Tanner blocked it. They staggered off the step, locked together. A punch to Mako’s gut had him doubling over with a groan.

The door swung open behind them. Two feminine voices rose in protest. Through the blood pounding in his ears, Tanner couldn’t tell who they were. Soft hands wound around his biceps—and yanked hard. The unexpected strength threw him off balance. He stumbled backward two steps, and quickly righted himself.

But the small interference was enough. Sage pushed herself between Tanner and Mako. She had her back to Tanner and her open hands raised in front of her. “Get out of here!”

“You don’t know who you’re fucking with,” Mako growled.

“No,” Sage snarled. She seemed about as far from her usual calm self as possible. “Your mistake is thinking I
care
.”

Tanner tried to suck in a long, calming breath. He figured out the long part of it, but calming was something far, far away. Even the fact that Avalon had her hands on him contributed to the mess in his head. He didn’t even know which way was up, much less what to do. A low, grinding noise bubbled up from his throat.

Avalon spread her hands across his arm, then pushed over his chest. “Stop it. Stop it right now, Tanner. You have to surf tomorrow. What are you going to do if you’re injured because you’re fighting?”

Pain shot from the bridge of his nose toward his temples. His fists balled. He hated that she was right. Absolutely hated it, all the way through him, but he couldn’t deny the truth of it. And more echoed in his head, about the conversation he’d just had with his mom. What she
deserved. How he shouldn’t try to interfere in her life anymore.

“Get Mom,” he managed to bite out.

Avalon looked at him with wide gray-green eyes. Her lips were parted enough that he could see the delicate pink skin of her inner lip. “Tanner . . .”

“I can behave myself.” He shot a look at Mako, whose features were set in a steely edge. The skin over his cheekbones was tightly drawn. “I can’t speak for others.”

Avalon slipped away, darting into the house at a flat-out run. She was back with Eileen faster than Tanner expected. Red splashed over Eileen’s cheeks and across the back of her neck. “What is going on out here?”

“Mako, say what you need to.” Tanner managed to grit out the words. His knuckles were starting to throb, but he’d had worse before from a run-in down in Mexico. “Say it fast, before I lose my temper.”

Mako’s eyes narrowed. “Fuck you.”

“You better be talking to me and not my mom, or I’ll make you regret that.”

“You ought to be
thanking
me. I didn’t tell
SURFING
everything that I could have about Hank.” Mako stood straight, running both hands through his hair. It stood up in disarray. “You don’t know what kind of trouble you’re sowing here. I’ve got enough for a whole series of articles. Maybe a documentary.”

Eileen came off the front step, but she didn’t step between Tanner and Mako. She balanced herself evenly between them, and pointed a sad smile at Mako. “I don’t really care, Mako.”

“He was your husband. You were the one he picked as his real family.” Mako sneered, his eyes narrowing.

“Real family?” Eileen stepped closer to the younger
man, her hand lifting toward his shoulder. But he flinched before she managed to touch him. “Is that what this is about? You’re so angry with us, with the whole world. You can’t live like that. It’ll eat you up inside.”

Tanner felt himself holding his breath. This was what his mom was so good at, what he’d gotten the benefit of all his life and particularly through the antagonistic teenage years. Mako didn’t realize how damn lucky he was to get a taste of it.

“What am I supposed to do?” Mako snapped. “He practically abandoned me. My mom lived and breathed for his rare visits. I’m supposed to just forgive him?”

“Eventually I hope you can. Your father was a flawed man. I’m going to have to work hard to be able to see past that. But I’m going to try.”

“Why?” He swallowed hard. There was something in his chest that he couldn’t seem to breathe past. “What’s the point of trying so hard?”

Her mouth curved into something that was near a smile, and yet miles away. She stepped forward again, curving a hand over his cheek and patting. “Because I don’t want my anger and my fury to color everything else. Whatever else I have to work through, your father gave me at least two children whom I adore. I have that much, at least. Do you think we could spend some time together? I’d like to get to know you too.”

There were tears shining in Mako’s eyes, but Tanner did him the favor of pretending he didn’t see anything. “I’m not sure if I can stand to look at you yet, but my mom’s a much better person than me. Take her up on it, bro. You won’t regret it.”

•   •   •

After everything was said and done, Tanner surfed for the love of the ride. That perfect moment when man and board actually came close to conquering the monster ocean. Grabbing hold of something so distinctly elemental it became a level above ordinary. A truth.

The entire event came down to him and Jack in the last heat. Jack actually went in two points ahead, having nailed a sweet spot on his second heat. But Tanner . . . Tanner took the finals.

And he had to admit that having Avalon watching him had something to do with it.

She was in the water, her hair skinned back into a severe ponytail, clutching her camera in its waterproof housing. Everything they’d said to each other over the last three days spanning the Sebastian Pro competition had been nothing but business. So polite, there could have been a shell made of dried salt over them each. But her dusky green eyes watched him.