RIDE (A Stone Kings Motorcycle Club Romance) (30 page)

A
ndi had been texting
and calling me almost non-stop since the morning after Grey had come to the bar and beaten Wes to a pulp. We hadn’t seen each other in several days, in spite of her persistence, and I knew she was worried, even though I had texted her back a couple of times to tell her I was fine.

I hadn’t bothered to call in sick for my next two shifts, and I hadn’t heard a word from Wes about it. I knew he was afraid to fire me after Grey almost killed him. I also knew I couldn’t go back to work at the Cactus after what had happened. In fact, it didn’t seem like I could go back to anything in my life. Ever since Grey had told me the truth about who he was, it seemed like everything had screeched to a halt at once. My job was gone, my brother was pulling away from me, and the one man who had ever made me feel like I could trust him — like a real, complete woman — had apparently been lying to me from the very beginning. My father’s death, now that I knew Grey’s uncle had killed him, rushed back to the front of my mind as though it was yesterday. I couldn’t stop thinking about the little boy whose eyes had met mine that day — the boy I had hated so much because I knew he probably had a father to go home to. Little did I know that the reason I didn’t have my own father anymore was because of that little boy’s flesh and blood. It was like my past and my present had just driven full-throttle toward each other and crashed in a fiery explosion, leaving me with nothing.

For almost a week, I sat in the apartment, rarely leaving, eating, or showering. I didn’t answer the phone, I rarely looked at text messages. Mostly, I just lay on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, or sat unseeing in front of my computer screen as old movies I had seen a million times played on mute. Carly had tried to talk to me numerous times, but had eventually given up when I waved her off tiredly, telling her that I was fine, that I just needed to rest.

One afternoon, as I was sitting on the couch, mindlessly leafing through one of Carly’s magazines, there was a knock on the door. I contemplated not answering it, but I knew she was expecting a package, so I went to see on the off chance that it was the delivery man. I peered through the keyhole to see Andi on the other side, looking impatient.

“I know you’re in there, Seton,” she called sternly. “Open the door.”

Sighing, I did as she asked. She stood in the doorway, arms crossed. “You scared me, Seton. Don’t do that.”

“I’m sorry,” I said automatically.

“Can I come in?” she asked in a voice that wasn’t a question.

“Sure.” Listlessly, I stood back from the screen door and let her open it. She came into the entryway and gave me a big hug before I could push her away.

“Seriously, Seton, Don’t do that again. You’re my friend. Don’t make me worry like that,” she said fiercely.

I felt a wave of regret and apologized again more sincerely. She let go of me and stepped back. “You don’t look so good,” she said with a skeptical look, though not unkindly.

“I don’t feel so great,” I admitted.

She led me over to the couch. “Look, See,” she began, her eyes growing dark with concern. “Is this because of what happened with Wes? Because he is a fucking prick, you know that, right? Did he… how far…”

“No,” I cut her off. “It’s not that. I mean, he tried to…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. “But he didn’t get very far before Grey stopped him.” I winced as I said his name out loud.

Andi looked relieved. “You’ll be glad to know that ever since your boyfriend beat him up, Wes has been creeping around the bar like a terrified field mouse. He’s afraid to talk to anyone. He won’t even look women in the eye, much less leer at them.” Andi gave me a satisfied look. “Also, I gave my notice,” she announced. “I would have just quit right then, but I felt bad for the servers and other bartenders, so I’m giving that asshole the time to hire someone else. And, I notice he’s only been interviewing male bartenders,” she said smugly.

I didn’t bother to correct that she had called Grey my boyfriend, and gave her a weak smile. “That’s great,” I said. “But are you gonna be okay finding something else?”

“Oh, yeah,” she waved off my question with a flick of her hand. “I actually already got another job tending bar at one of the places our band plays. So, no worries.” Andi smiled reassuringly, then looked at me more closely, her brow furrowing. “Seton, honestly, you look like shit. Have you been eating?”

“Not a lot, but I’m okay,” I confessed. “I had something to eat yesterday. So far today I’ve only had some coffee.”

“Okay, get up.” Her voice turned stern. “You are coming with me.”

“Ugh, Andi, I don’t want to go anywhere,” I pleaded.

“Nope, you don’t get to decide,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re coming with me to Gus’s. You seriously need to eat something. You look gray.”

Grey
…

“You need comfort food. A burger and fries. And then you’re going to tell me what’s wrong,” she ordered. “So, go wash up. I’m starving.”

When Andi takes that tone, it’s useless to argue with her, so I nodded mutely and hauled myself up the couch. Ten minutes later, I had at least brushed my teeth and pulled on jeans and a tank top. I pulled my hair back into a messy pony and let her lead me out the door to her car. She grabbed some sheet music that was sitting on the passenger seat and threw it in the back so I could sit.

Andi didn’t ask me anything else until we had already ordered and gotten our meals. She made me get a burger, fries, and a chocolate malt, most of which I knew I wouldn’t be able to choke down.

“Okay,” she finally said, after she had personally witnessed me eat a few bites of the food. “If it’s not what happened with Wes, what’s wrong?”

I knew it wasn’t an option not to tell her, after I’d let her drag me all the way here. And frankly, maybe letting it out would help somehow. As much as I didn’t want to talk about any of it, I’d been thinking about it nonstop for a week, so it wasn’t like saying it out loud was going to bring anything back that wasn’t already right there in front of me.

Andi knew that my father had been killed when I was little. She knew that the man who killed him was my mother’s lover. But what she didn’t know was that he had also been a member of the Stone Kings. And when I told her that Grey was not only his nephew, but that he had been there that day, and had concealed all of that from me, her eyes grew wide with shock.

“Holy shit, See! That’s like a soap opera!” Her face reddened. “Sorry, that probably didn’t sound very sympathetic. I didn’t mean it that way. I mean, it’s your life, not a soap opera.” She whistled. “But whew! That is crazy!”

“I know.” I took a tentative bite of a fry and shook my head. “And honestly, Andi, I feel like
I’m
going crazy. Part of me hates him for this: that he didn’t tell me, that all this time he knew, and thought, what, that I would never find out? Like I wouldn’t care? I don’t know
what
he was thinking!” I closed my eyes, all my emotions flooding to the surface.

Andi reached over and patted my hand. “And the other part of you?” she prodded.

“The other part of me… is in love with him,” I whispered.

She nodded. “That’s what I kind of got,” she said gently. She sat for a moment, and then continued. “How did you find out about his uncle and your dad?”

“He told me. The day after the thing with Wes.”

“But he did tell you, of his own volition?” Her brow furrowed. “You didn’t have to find out on your own?”

“No,” I admitted.

“Seton,” she said, leaning toward me, her elbows on the table. “Imagine how hard it might be to tell someone something like that. I mean, ‘My uncle killed your father and I saw it happen’ is not exactly an easy conversation to have.” She peered at me. “Do you think he knew it when he met you?”

“Not exactly.” I thought back to the day we met, to how abruptly his attitude shifted when I told him my name. “I don’t think he recognized who I was until he heard my last name was Greenlee.”

“Well, I have to tell you, I guess I don’t one-hundred percent blame him for not bringing up something that was so traumatic for you,” she answered. “I can only imagine how hard it would be to tell you a member of my own family had done something so horrible to yours.” Her eyes locked on mine with a knowing smile. “Especially if I was in love with you.”

I scoffed. “He’s not in love with me.”

“Seton.” Her voice was sharp. “The expression on that man’s face as he led you out of the Cactus after what Wes did? The fury in his eyes? That was the expression of a man protecting what was his.” She sat back. “You tell yourself whatever you want, but he’s in love with you.”

I was silent. Was it possible Andi was right? I thought back to everything that had happened between Grey and me. How he had told me I was the first woman to stay the night at his place, to sleep in his bed. How he had almost killed a man who had tried to hurt me. How he always made sure that I was fully satisfied before he took his own pleasure. I could barely allow myself to believe it might be true.

“How did you react when Grey told you?” Andi persisted, interrupting my thoughts.

“I was furious,” I admitted. “I kicked him out.”

“And you haven’t seen him since?”

“No,” I said miserably.

“See.” Andi reached over and put her hand over mine again. “He’s not gonna come looking for you. He’s gonna respect your wishes. Hell, he probably feels terribly guilty about it all, and terrible for not telling you sooner.” She looked me in the eye. “If you want him back, you need to go to him.”

In the days that followed, I spent a lot of time weighing what Andi said in my mind. Damn her, she was always so smart and reasonable, I couldn’t help but consider things from a different point of view, even though my gut wanted to continue to hate Grey for deceiving me. The more I thought about it, the easier it was to imagine things from his perspective. Instead of hating the little boy of the past for not losing his father that day, I began to feel compassion for him for seeing a man killed in front of him and knowing his uncle had done it. The memory I had of the expression on young Grey’s face, which I remembered so well despite it being so many years ago, looked less curious and detached, and more shocked and afraid. I recognized the wide, wild-eyed stare that locked on mine as one of fear and dread. And now, fifteen years later, two children that had been caught up in a world of violence finally found connection and solace in each other’s eyes.

Grey, I had finally come to realize, was not what I had assumed him to be. As a child, I believed him to be just a curious witness to my family tragedy. As an adult, I had taken for granted that a man who was a member of a motorcycle club would be just another unreliable man who would use me and let me down. Yet this man, whose hard, rough exterior would lead most people to believe he could not be trusted, was in truth the kindest, most responsible man I had ever met.

I thought back to what Andi had said that day at the restaurant. If I wanted him back, I needed to go to him.

Which, I decided, was exactly what I was going to do.

I
t had been
over two weeks since Seton had ordered me out of her life, and I was doing a piss-poor job of getting over it. I had tried to drown my sorrows in booze, then in pussy, but nothing worked. I was in such an angry mood that I noticed people starting to shy away from me. Club whores who used to come and flirt with me now eyed me silently and moved away when I walked by.

It was for the best, I knew. Hell, it was what I wanted. I was no good for Seton. This life was no good for her, either. Club life was dangerous, and she deserved better. I knew deep down that the reason I’d had such a hard time telling her about my uncle and her father was because she would be right to be pissed off that a Stone King was responsible for Clayton Greenlee’s death. Her anger at that, and her fury that I had kept it from her, were blessings in disguise. The look of hatred in her eyes, the memory of the pain I had caused her, were what I had needed to make good on my vow to stay the fuck away from her forever.

But goddamn if it didn’t hurt like hell.

I tried to focus on club business to keep Seton out of my mind, since whiskey and women weren’t holding my interest. I had decided to send word to the new president of the Cannibals, Skull, requesting a meet-up at a secure location. The time had come to meet him face to face, to try to read what was in his mind.

I planned to take five men in with me, plus a handful of others, including the prospects, to mount a guard outside the warehouse where the meet was. Both Cal and Frankenstein were getting handier with their guns, and the possibility of an upcoming war made it more of a priority to test them and make sure they had the balls and the guts for the kinds of work they’d be facing as Stone Kings. I was in the chapel making arrangements with Trig, who would be on crutches for another week or so, when Levi knocked at the door and stuck his head in.

“Boss, there’s someone here to see you,” he grunted.

“Who is it?” I tossed back, irritated at being distracted from our work.

“The woman you…” He stopped, then tried again. “That woman.”

No other words were necessary. I knew who he was talking about, of course.

There was no other woman.

“Fuck,” I bit out. “Goddamn it, son of a bitch.” I took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, trying to ignore the fact that my heartbeat had just doubled.

“You want me to leave you two alone?” Trig asked, cocking a brow.

“No,” I retorted. “I don’t want to meet her in here. I’ll go out to the bar. You keep working on the plans.”

I strode outside, determined to keep this as short as possible. Out in the bar, Seton was waiting for me, and when she saw me her face broke into a smile that almost shattered my heart. She looked fucking beautiful. She had on a light pink sundress. I had never seen her in a dress before, and the combination of sexy innocence felt like it was going to end me. Her chestnut hair hung down to her shoulders in soft waves. Her hands were clasped in front of her nervously.

“Hi,” she said softly as I walked up.

“Hi,” I said back, as coldly as I could muster. Her face fell a bit, but she drew herself up a little taller and tried again.

“Could we talk for a few minute?” she asked.

“So talk,” I retorted, shrugging my shoulders. I crossed my arms in a show of impatience.

Seton’s brow furrowed in confusion and I could see her falter. My heart literally ached as I watched her. It was all I could do not to take her in my arms and whisper that I was sorry, that I loved her, that I wanted nothing more than to be with her. But I couldn’t do it. If I really loved Seton, there was only once choice. And I was making it.

She looked around the bar nervously and said in an almost-whisper: “Could we talk somewhere more private?”

“Fine.” I turned on my heel, not waiting for her to follow, and stomped back to one of the apartments we keep available for unexpected late nights and the occasional visitor. I walked through the door and threw myself on the couch by the window, not waiting for her to sit. “What?” I demanded.

“Grey…” she pleaded. “Why are you being so mean?”

“We’re done, Seton,” I barked at her. “You know it, and I know it. Your kicking me out was just the final straw. You shouldn’t have come here.”

“But Grey.” Her eyes began to fill with tears, and I could see her trying not to let them spill over. “I… I came to tell you I’m sorry for that night.” She sat down on the edge a chair adjacent to me. “I was just so shocked at what you’d told me. I was upset, and didn’t know what I was saying.” She leaned forward, her eyes imploring me. “I know it’s not your fault, what happened to my father. And I know it isn’t the club’s fault, either.” She shook her head. “It was just one man, who had an affair with one woman, and my father got caught in the middle.” She looked at me now, her eyes shining. “I remember you, you know. I remember your eyes from that day, looking into mine. Yours was the one face in the crowd I saw. That I still see, all these years later. At the time I hated you for being a witness to it. But now… now I think it makes me feel better that you were there. Greyson,” she whispered. “I love you.”

It was as though someone had taken hold of my insides and was ripping them out of my body. I had never said I love you to anybody in my life except my mother, and I ached in a way I could never have imagined with the need to say it to her now. Seton was everything I had ever wanted in a woman, and I hadn’t even known it until now, when it was too late.

But then again, it had always been too late.

“No,” I snarled. I stood up and began to pace. “No. Get out, Seton.”

“But Greyson,” she cried, her voice determined. “I know you feel something for me. I know it! You can’t just deny everything that’s happened between us.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I yelled before I could stop myself. “It’s not safe for you here! This life, it’s not for you, Seton. You’re not cut out for it.”

Seton blinked, and her eyes went wide for a moment. Slowly, she stood, and in a voice that was almost impossibly calm, she said: “Don’t you think I should be the one to decide that?”

“No! I shouted. “Fuck, Seton. You have no idea what you’re even saying! You’ve been to college! You should be, I don’t know — working in an important office somewhere, married to a guy who wears a suit to work! You’re not some club member’s old lady!”

“I wouldn’t be ‘some club member’s old lady’,” she remarked, daring a tiny, hopeful smile. “I’d be the president’s old lady.”

“Goddamnit, no!” I thundered. Her face fell. “No, Seton.” I motioned at the door. “Get out. Now.”

Her eyes filled again, this time with angry tears. Furiously, she brushed them away with the back of her hand. “You hypocrite!” she cried. “How dare you!” I blinked at her in surprise, and she nodded. “That’s right! You’re a fucking hypocrite! When I came to you and asked you to kick Cal out of the club, you told me I needed to let him make his own decisions. That he was an adult. And yet
you
! First you lie to me about your uncle and don’t give me the chance to decide for myself whether it mattered, and now you tell me the truth, but you don’t give me the chance to decide for myself whether I want to be with you. Why the fuck is that your decision and not mine?”

Seton strode forward towards me, fury in her eyes. She stopped not a foot from me, locking her gaze onto mine. “Tell me you don’t love me!” she challenged. “Say it, if it’s true! But don’t fucking lie to me! I deserve better than that!”

I couldn’t meet her gaze. I wanted to say it, but I just couldn’t.

I looked away. “Just go, Seton,” I said quietly.

“You fucking coward,” she whispered. A single sob escaped her. Anger welled up inside me, but I pushed it down, knowing that she was trying to provoke me into doing something, anything. I stood there, rigid and silent, as she turned and fled, sobbing, from the room.

It was done. All over. The hardest fucking thing I had ever done in my life. I sank back down on the couch and reached into my pocket for a cigarette. I noticed my hands were shaking.

I knew that from now on, the eyes that would haunt me wouldn’t be those of the little girl who had just lost her father. They would be those of the woman whose heart I had just shattered.