Rich in Love: When God Rescues Messy People (21 page)

When I look at Ruth and Mac, I think of God’s specific answer to my specific prayer. When God does this, my soul is overjoyed, feeling as though we can conquer any obstacle that is in front of us. I tell my little ones they have superpowers and can conquer the highest mountains—through the power of God.

chapter 21

the sheep and the goats

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

James 1:27

The number of kids in world who currently need a home is over one hundred million.
1
In the United States, children in foster care are nearly four times more likely to commit suicide than other children.
2
Fifty-nine percent of juveniles arrested for prostitution in Los Angeles County were in the foster care system.
3
Sixty-six percent will be homeless, go to jail, or die within one year of leaving the foster care system at eighteen.
4
This is more than tragic. It’s shameful in a country like ours.

We feel it’s time for us to become more vocal about what we believe to be the mandate from God in James 1:27. The verse tells us that we are expected to visit the orphans and widows with the intent of meeting their needs. And what does an orphan need most? A mom and a dad.

People have asked how we could have made such serious decisions about children so quickly over the phone, without praying about whether we should let more kids come into our home. When God says, “Don’t murder or steal,” I don’t have to pray about whether I should be involved in those things, because I already know his will. In the same way, God says in his Word that we should take care of the widows and orphans. I don’t have to pray to know if this is his will because he already told me it is. He wants us to do it. Period. And Domingo and I felt that as long as God kept bringing us kids, and we had room, we would keep taking them in.

In Matthew 25:31–46, Jesus talked about the end of time, when all the nations will gather at the throne of King Jesus, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. The King welcomes the sheep into the kingdom and sends the goats to eternal fire.

The sheep are the ones who took care of his needs whether he was hungry, thirsty, in prison, or needing clothing or a place to sleep. The goats neglected his needs.

Each group questions the King. When was he hungry? Thirsty? When was he in need? To the goats he says, “I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me” (v. 45).

To the sheep the King says, “I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!” (v. 40).

We felt “the least of these” included orphans and kids in the foster care system. If it does, and the church is ignoring them in their need, then the church is in real trouble. Certainly many churches are eager to help the lost and the orphans in other countries, but what about those in our own neighborhoods? Aren’t we told to love our neighbors as ourselves? Jesus didn’t
command
you to love yourself; you do that automatically. You eat when you’re hungry, you sleep when you’re tired, and you keep your body clothed and groomed. The command is to love your
neighbor
in the same way that you care for yourself.

These kids are our neighbors, and they need food, beds, and people to clothe them and parent them. We should automatically be caring for them and meeting their needs.

As you can see from the statistics, a staggering number of children in our country are in this situation and need moms and dads. Sending money and giving food or clothing are good things, but I challenge you to do more. Why not give a lifetime commitment? Isn’t God’s commitment to us for a lifetime?

church programs

Our churches have programs for everything. There are programs for recovery, divorce, widows. There are programs for children from birth through high school. Then there are the ones for men, women, family, marriage, parenting, singles, college, and career. Don’t forget the plethora of activities for fellowship and evangelism. It seems as though there’s always a Bible study series or class to help us enhance our Christianity.

However, there’s trouble in the church. The divorce rate is up, as well as the number of members struggling with alcohol, drugs, and pornography. Many people in the church are on antidepressants because they can’t cope. The family is falling apart—dads aren’t leading and moms aren’t following, and the kids are walking away from their faith. With all these great programs, why is the church having such a hard time?

If we stopped all these programs that help us focus on ourselves and followed the Spirit’s leading instead, what would happen? I believe we would be walking in “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal. 5:22–23). It’s when the flesh leads us by our passions and desires that we are blinded by a veil of self-centeredness. Galatians 5:19–21 says, “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.”

If we were to follow the Spirit, I believe not only would we not need all the programs we have, but we would be automatically taking care of the needy—including the orphans.

I think of the thousands of parents who are involved in parenting classes, hoping to create the perfect family by training their children to become obedient and Christlike. Think of how quickly their children would learn by example if they took in a child to show him or her the love of Christ. This could be the greatest gift you as a parent ever give your birth children—for them to see your Christianity in action.

And don’t you want to see God take a few loaves of bread and a couple of fish and feed the five thousand? Then step out in faith and take in a child or two. It will be an adventure you will never forget. Stepping out in faith brings us closer to God and puts us in a front-row seat to watch him in action.

the challenge

We are honored, privileged, and blessed to live in this country. And we are thankful that it has programs and systems in place to take care of the orphans. We know it’s not perfect, but nevertheless we thank God for it. We have worked with many social workers who labored long and hard hours on behalf of the kids. We admit that there were times we didn’t agree with the system or some of the workers. But God always intervened and changed our hearts or theirs. Our family is filled with gratitude for those many workers who stood behind our family and helped us navigate the maze of the system.

However, we know many workers who have seen so much child abuse they’ve had to walk away from their jobs because they couldn’t handle it anymore. We know workers who are burned out because of their heavy caseloads. If the church were more involved in taking in children from the foster system, these workers wouldn’t have such heavy caseloads because there wouldn’t be as many kids who needed help.

We do want to acknowledge and thank the many foster parents who truly seek the best for the children they care for. God bless those who labor so hard on behalf of the kids. They all desperately need your prayers—the workers and the foster parents as well as the system.

We would take in more children, but we’re full! The county says we’re maxed out and will not give us any more. We trust that if God has other children for us, he’ll make a way. Domingo and I turned sixty a year ago, so we don’t have a whole lot of time left, but God knows our time clock and will provide accordingly.

We continually share with our children that as a family we need to help the needy—especially widows—and we do. We are teaching our children by practice and example that when God puts a need in front of us, it’s our responsibility to follow through.

In the end, one thing is for certain—we will all stand before God as he sits on his holy throne. There will be two lines—one for the sheep (those who took care of the needs of “the least of these”) and one for the goats (those who did not). If you died today, which line would you be standing in? Which line do you
want
to be in? I don’t know about you, but I want to be in the middle of a bunch of woolly sheep.

conclusion

What does it take to raise foster kids? Two dummies and a Bible.

As I come to the ending of this book, I realize how very rich in love my husband and I are. I think of how God, in his beautiful grace, took these two naive young kids and tucked them under his wings. How he brought us to our knees and revealed his will and purpose for our lives, gently guiding us and then forgiving us when we got in his way. So many times we took his hand and held on so tightly, afraid to let go. Then he gently released us and showed us he would never give us a task we couldn’t accomplish with his help.

For these past few months, I have had to go back in time and remember things I had locked deep in the vault of my heart. I must confess it was difficult for me to write about the events in our distant past and to relive many of the things I had chosen to forget. After all, these things are
past
. We are so different now.

One night I read Domingo the part of the story about when we got married. As I got to the part where I wanted to go home because I was homesick, I started to cry. Domingo reached over, put his hand on me, and said tenderly, “Irene, you were just a little girl.” Yes, we were so young, and our lives were chaos because there was no God in them.

When Domingo and I talk about our salvation, we always share our past. But we’ve never talked intimately about the pain we both suffered. So in writing this book, we have had to look at and face the demons from our past, unearthing some of the things we had buried for a reason. Thankfully, this hard work was a healing process for us. We both thank our Father for forgiving us, stepping into our lives, and leading us forward.

Those were the trials God gave me so that he could perfect me. And the more I have grown, the more I have learned God will never give me more than I can handle. There will always be trials in my life, but my sweet Jesus will hold my hand through them. Sometimes I forget that even my marriage can be a trial that perfects me, and then I remember that my troubled marriage taught me about forgiveness, love, and humility.

Many have asked why I stayed in the marriage. I really can’t answer why, because it’s too complicated—even for me to understand. What I do know is I wouldn’t change a thing if that’s what it took for me to be where I am today. After all, now I’m married to an amazing man. He is the godliest man I know. When God called him, Domingo did a 180-degree turn and never looked back. My husband is selfless and compassionate to orphans. When he speaks, you can hear the love and passion in his voice for these helpless children. So I praise God for these forty-five years of marriage to the same boy. Think of all I would have missed had I not stayed!

I pray that as a result of revealing some of the more shameful and broken areas of our lives, this book will touch many broken hearts and give hope to many who suffer. Our God spoke the universe into existence; he can fix any broken relationship or broken heart.

life in the Garcia household

Life in the Garcia household can be crazy hectic or quiet with bodies and pillows all over the floor as the kids watch a movie. Domingo has initiated Movie Night, which includes all the junk food the kids wish they could eat during the week but aren’t allowed to. Popcorn, soda from the soda machine a client gave us for Christmas, and sometimes ice-cream sundaes or candy. I can tell you, these kids love Friday nights!

For their birthdays, each child gets to pick out what he or she wants for dinner and dessert—pizza is often the food of choice. And we have a lot of birthdays in our house. There’s always someone or something to celebrate.

During the week, Domingo teaches both the younger kids and the older kids from the Bible. The older kids study deep topics from the Word on their own, then Domingo asks tough questions when they gather for the official study. They are assigned memory verses and receive a small candy bar as a reward if they can say them. The older kids also participate in the simpler Bible study Domingo has for the younger ones. Every child has a memory verse that’s appropriate for his or her age or intellectual level. And to help the squirming, squiggling kids stay on task a little better, they each get a small pile of some sort of crunchy treat like Cheetos to munch on while they study.

School begins at 7:00 each morning during the school year. Domingo is in charge of math and science, I take care of English—reading and writing—and we share history. The kids also have supplemental classes at a local school. In church they either attend Sunday school or help out in another class a younger sibling is in.

Our garage has been transformed into a playroom for all ages. There’s a pool table, workout equipment—including a treadmill—and television for approved movies and educational video games only. For example, the kids are learning all about the animals of the world through an animal Monopoly game. If you open a large, homemade wooden box near the garage door, you’ll find a massive tangle of tennis shoes. Dig through them, and you’re likely to find a pair that fits you—if you can find its mate.

Outside, Domingo has created a haven for kids. There are three trampolines and a bouncy playground thing that looks like a plane and seats six kids (or a few kids and one crazy adult). In the center of it all is a three-story clubhouse that is every kid’s dream. On the second floor (which can be reached only by a ladder) is a room with fold-down bunks for sleepovers. There’s also a minimicrowave for popcorn, a minifridge for cold drinks, and an old cast-off TV set on which to play Xbox games. The third floor can be reached only by a knotted rope so the kids can learn more motor skills. Up on the third floor are some old baby car seats. Domingo discovered they are perfect for young boys who want to hang out and play games or pretend.

On the other side of the house, Domingo has built a long, three-sided shed that houses the many bicycles (ten!) our family owns. Each bicycle slot has a wooden knob above it for the bike helmet to hang on. Now, whether the bikes actually make it into the shed is another story.…

Beyond that is Domingo’s shop—which he wisely ordered larger than he thought he’d need for all his tools and equipment for repairing cars and building things. Also housed in the shop are our dirt bikes. Since our boat was the only item we couldn’t sell when we moved north, we decided that perhaps God was encouraging us to keep it. And it has been a joy. There are a number of lakes not too far from our home, and we have spent many a lazy summer’s day hanging out on the boat or zipping around the lake, dragging some sort of inflatable water toy with shrieking children clinging to it.

All over our wooded three acres are places for kids to hide, imagine, climb, and ride bikes over dirt trails. (Can you tell Domingo never stops?)

Domingo and I are excited for this journey we are on. Our kids have had so many obstacles and disabilities that for a long time all we could do was use our energy to try to stay afloat. We have been working hard training and schooling our children and trying to get the new stuff in their little hearts and get the old stuff out. We can see God’s work in this, especially when folks come over and can’t believe these are the troubled children who came to live with us. Only God can do something like that.

2013

Now that you’ve heard the stories, I’m sure you wonder where the kids are today.

Our two oldest boys have grown up sharing us with many other children. We are thankful they embraced their brothers and sisters, then followed us in the same journey with their own families, each of them adopting children and teaching them that no matter where they came from, all are loved equally. Both of them have endured many trials, but they know God is waiting for them at the finish line.

Esther has encountered many obstacles in her life, but she is learning to conquer her weaknesses. When the men in our church built our addition, they gave her a beautiful room with her own bathroom and deck. She is my right-hand helper. She does so much for all of us. God gifted her with hospitality. This girl can cook! We enjoy her many food creations and her delicious baked goodies. When my kids want cookies or sweets, she whips them up like it’s nothing. We could have never taken in so many kids without Esther always joyfully working in the background.

Alfred is living in Southern California. He cares for my ninety-one-year-old father, who is suffering from Parkinson’s disease and dementia. Alfred is so kind and tender to him. We are grateful for his gift of compassion.

Marie is now in her final phase of nursing school. If all goes well, she will graduate next year with her RN degree. It wasn’t easy for her, but she persevered despite her learning disabilities.

Vivian is happily married and raising a beautiful family. She has become her family’s strong anchor—her focus is raising her kids. She is very involved with them and lays down strong boundaries for her children.

Doreen and Felix have chosen more difficult paths for their lives. But I know it’s not over yet. We still pray for them, wanting the best for them.

The younger children still struggle, just like normal children. But they are amazing kids. Among them we have those who are extremely creative; are outstanding jocks; are beautiful, beautiful singers (can knock your socks off); are excellent writers; love music and dance; work hard; have photographic memories; are intellectually gifted; and are just so cute! Our goal is to find their gifts, talents, and strengths, then help them develop and nourish them. We know each child has a different bent, so each one will need to be taught differently. Besides developing their life skills, our ultimate goal is to paint a clear picture of who God is so they will have an understanding of him and love him with all their heart, soul, and might. As they develop a relationship with God, our hope is they will see clearly what their purpose in life is too.

Domingo has been a full-time dad ever since Mac came to us. He is the one who keeps track of the kids’ schedules. He takes them to doctor’s appointments (and there are many!) and doles out medicine and injections. He loves his kids, and they love him. After dinner, as the girls assigned kitchen chores clean up, he sits in his rocker at the edge of the dining room, kids clustered around him like he’s Santa Claus, waiting to hear their deepest wish. Oh, he’s such a good dad! He takes the boys on “man trips” to teach them the many skills involved in being a true man of God. He believes in the development of every part of a child. He doesn’t focus only on the spiritual or emotional but on the physical aspects as well. He proudly shows photos of his boys, when they were under ten years of age, taking an engine out of a truck while he gave instructions from the sidelines. He taught them well!

God has blessed me with two spheres of influence. At the salon, my role is to be a light to all who come in. I want everyone—from my assistants to clients to sales reps—to hear about the great God I serve and the wonderful things he has done in my life. At home, as mom, I keep the household running by assigning chores for housecleaning, laundry, and kitchen duties. One day a week we girls take a couple of hours to clean house together, singing, laughing, and yes, sometimes grumbling. But we get it done! We love it when the boys go away so we can have girlie time. Whether we’re having “piglics” (picnics) on the floor of our living room, talking girl talk, or going on special outings, you can be sure we’re going to have a great bonding time.

I find that, still, God uses my children to teach and humble me. I may feel like “big stuff” at the salon because I’m in charge, but at home, I am continually aware of all the places within me that still need growth and change. When we took in kids, I thought it was so God would use us to bless them. Silly me! Yes, they benefited from our love, but God also used them to teach and bless
me
. He uses them to sift and refine me, bringing me closer to him.

Even though Domingo and I are over sixty, we have many years left to raise our younger children to adulthood. We continually pray for good health so we can keep up with them! They are our joy, and we love them very much.

We now have four teens in our home. I must say—this sure makes life an adventure! Soon we will have seven teens! We continually go to one of our favorite verses, James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (
NIV
). How many times has God shown me that his wisdom is all I need? Here is our perfect Father, the one who created us, saying, “I have all the answers. I know the blueprints for each of my children, and I will share those with you. All you need to do is ask.”

These last years have been extremely draining as we have been knee-deep in raising our children while trying to figure out each one’s bents so we can encourage them as individuals. Every time I felt like I couldn’t deal with another issue, a new one arrived. I talked to God alone in my closet, out loud in my car, or quietly in my head about everything—praying without ceasing (1 Thess. 5:17). I long to spend my time alone with my God. I feel like the psalmist who said, “As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God” (Ps. 42:1
NASB
). I cannot make it through a day without talking and praying to my Hero, my God, my Father.

Domingo and I pray that we will teach our children all we know and believe about our King so they will walk with him one day. We pray that we will live our lives in obedience and with joy, giving God all the glory. For he who is richest in love has passed those riches on to us so that we can give them to others.