Authors: K.A. Holt
I am not a stone.
I am not a rock.
I am not giant and unblinking and cold.
There is an earthquake.
In my guts.
Shaking and quaking.
Quaking and shaking.
Cracking and jagged.
Jagged and cracking.
Breaking everything into sharp points,
poking my insides
until I want to scream.
But instead, I put my head on my desk
and close my eyes slowly
and wonder how the earthquake in my guts
isn't shaking the whole classroom.
Kelly looks at me.
Her head is on her desk, too.
Those freckles are the same color as the desk,
like the desk has splashed a little on her face.
She blinks.
I blink.
She slides the paper into her lap,
the paper with my Harry poem.
She crumples it and drops it on the floor.
She smiles.
I stare.
One side of my mouth twitches up.
It's hard to smile with so many
jagged places.
001.94
Not the poetry section,
the mystery section.
But there's a book misshelved.
A book with poems and quotes
short and funny
that go off like firecrackers in my brain
surprising me
until I laugh and laugh
for the first time in days and days.
And I see her smile,
Mrs. Little behind the checkout desk,
not looking up.
I put my poem in the book
and put the book on the right shelf
with the other poems.
Maybe Mrs. Little will find it
like I found her misshelved book.
And maybe she will laugh
with fireworks in her brain.
Instead of chasing Kelly
or punching Giant John like pizza dough
I try to be Godzilla
to Robin's Mothra.
I am bigger
but he is suddenly meaner.
My words, in my notebook
have given him power over me
which isn't fair.
Paul would say it
is
kind of fair,
in a karma kind of way.
But never forget
Paul is annoying.
I see the library window from the recess field.
Maybe I could go there
like Godzilla in the ocean.
Regenerate my powers.
But no.
Robin and I shout at each other,
shooting fire from our mouths.
Angry enemies.
He still wants to be the Poetry Bandit.
He still wants all the credit.
When I get close to his face
the fire from my mouth to his ear
burns the truth in his head.
Mrs. Little knows about me and the books
.
Hartwick knows about me and the books
.
The Poetry Bandit has been discovered.
The Poetry Bandit is done.
Like a moth to flame
I lure Robin in with my tractor beam of words.
I call him all the worst things:
A baby. A jealous nerd. Ugly.
But he is word-proof now, a fireproof moth.
He does not combust.
He expands.
Kevin, Kevin, poetry boy
, he yells.
Kevin has 900 brothers who all hate him
.
Kevin has no friends
.
Robin grows ten times bigger than my Godzilla.
Swollen with angry revenge.
Kelly grabs my hand
in the middle of the shouting fight
with Robin.
My face catches on fire.
She drags me off. She says,
Maybe if you apologize to him, he'll stop
.
And I say,
Bluh, whugh, huh blerf
because she's still holding my hand.
808.51
Not the poetry section.
Again.
I smile.
There is a note.
A flyer.
I unfold it as if it is a treasure map,
or a secret message from the FBI.
Instead, it is an announcement.
Beatnik's Brews
Poetry Night
Friday
8 pm
And a handwritten note:
If your parents give permission, I can give you a ride
.
I look at the checkout desk
and think about the silver car with a dent
that I sometimes see Mrs. Little climb into
after school.
I wonder if it smells funny in that car.
If the AC works.
What music scrambles from the speakers.
Mrs. Little glances up
over her half-rectangle glasses
and
smiles.
The light catches the diamonds
on the sides of her glasses
or the fake diamonds
or whatever.
Her whole face is sparkly,
and for just a speck of a second
I see what she looked like
when she wasn't 9,000 years old.
I smile back.
I put my poem in the book,
and put the book on the right shelf
with the other poems.
Maybe Mrs. Little will find it
like I found her folded flyer.
And maybe she'll smile
at the words I wrote.
I don't sing anything myself today.
Instead I slide a paper under the door
and run fast to my room
before Petey can call me a turd.
Football on TV.
Somehow the whole family is home.
A packed house.
Even Patrick, home from college for the weekend.
Paul and I on the floor,
cheering.
Dad throws chips at us.
He is laughing.
Wrong team!
he yells
and we know it
which is why we cheer.
Mom reads a book,
her feet in Dad's lap.
Petey and Philip call plays
before the announcer says them.
Patrick is in the kitchen
eating all the food.
We are a real family.
Like a TV show,
but a classy one
with a live audience laugh track.
I make it a rule
to not think about school when I'm at home.
But I can't help wonder