Rewind (22 page)

It all started when I was in the fifth grade.  Our class was out at recess playing a game of flag football, girls against the boys. 

There stood Penny Clark, her hands cupping her nose, “Ronnie it’s just a game of FLAG football!”  she cried.  I had punched Penny when she yanked my flag off of my hip and did a victory dance in front of me while waving my flag in my face. 

I put the flag back on my hip after she dropped to the ground and the flag landed at my feet, “It’s a boys sport you got what you deserved.”  I told her.  My class mates were standing around me in a circle as a teacher ran across the playground.  When she seen Penny she started yelling at me and sent me to the principal’s office.  I sat there and listened to the short, fat man preach about how I shouldn’t hit other people “Especially a girl.”  I wanted to laugh and tell him my step dad did it to my mom all the time.  I wanted to tell him that he hit me time after time when I didn’t do something perfect to the T the way he wanted it done. 

Mom showed up so the principal told me to wait in the hallway so he could speak to her in private.  I knew she wouldn’t tell him why I was such an angry kid, instead she would lie and tell him she didn’t know why I did what I did and that she would have a talk with me about it. 

I got a week of out of school suspension since this was the third time I had hit a person, Penny was the first girl.  On the drive home mom was quiet in thought as she drove.  When we pulled in the driveway she unbuckled her seat belt, “Your dad is going to be very mad, you know he doesn’t like when you draw more attention to this family.”

She was right, he was livid.  He beat the hell out of my small fifth grade body then started on mom.  With a week out of school he left no part of my body un bruised. 

Mom didn’t help matters any when she came into my room later that night after my step dad had left to go to the bar.  She sat down on my bed and pulled me into her side, “Honey I know you see it at home but you don’t understand why he does it to me.  I deserve it, he does it to teach me the right way to love him.”  What she said made no sense to me.  Mom left my room with a soft click of the door behind her. 

~~~~

My junior year of high school I was dating the co-captain of the dance team, Chenay Miller.  She was a senior, long beautiful blond hair, nice tits, and a rockin’ hot body.  I lost my virginity to her in the bed of my truck the summer before school started.  She liked hard, rough, skin biting, nail digging sex.  Chenay was everything in my eyes, until I walked into the locker room to change into my football gear and found her straddling the bench riding the senior defensive end’s cock.  They didn’t hear me come in, I watched as her tits bounced up and down, her head was throw back, his hands were on her hips.  “Come in me.”  She said as she ground down on his cock, her hands squeezing his chest.  His grunts filled the locker room, he pushed and pulled her hips faster and faster until they were both crying out their release.  His release…inside of her.  “Best sex ever, it always is with you.”  She smiled down at him and kissed him.  I fucking lost it, I charged across the room.  She glanced up, sat up straight his cock still inside of her. 

“You fucking whore.”  I screamed as my fist connected with her face, sending her flailing and crying to the floor.  I looked down at Jeremy, “How long have you been fucking her?”  I yelled. 

He looked down at her then back up at me, sat up from the bench grabbed his gym shorts.  “All fucking year.”  He told me. 

I looked down at Cheney, “You’ve…you’ve been cheating on me?”  I yelled.  My entire body was vibrating with anger.  Cheney stood from the floor and gathered her clothes, blood trickled from her bottom lip. 

“You…you fucking hit me.”  She stuttered out as she put her clothes on.  “To answer your question, yes I’ve been cheating on you.  Where the hell do you think I go when I leave your place after we have boring sex?  Jeremy makes love to me, you…you just fuck.  Terribly at that.”  I swung to hit her again but the anger had boiled in me so much I blacked out. 

I came too with my coach and some of the team standing around me.  The coach yelled at the players to get out of the locker room, so they all scurried out. 

“You’ve got some explaining to do boy.  She hasn’t called the cops but she said she is going to.”

I sat up and rubbed my hands down my face, images of her riding Jeremy flashed in my memory, “I walked in here and found my girlfriend fucking him.  I fucking snapped.”  I told coach. 

He sat down beside me, “I think you need to talk to somebody about your anger son, I know this isn’t the first fight you’ve been involved in.  If she calls the cops you’ll be lucky if the judge doesn’t send you to juvi-hall.  You’re a good guy get some fucking help.”  He stood and started to walk out.  “You’re running suicides and tires for practice.  I’ll work that anger out of you one way or the other.  Don’t fuck up this year and your senior year, you’re a great player you could easily get a college scholarship.”  Then he left the locker room. 

The rest of the year I never dated.  I hooked up with random girls on the weekends but never dated them. 

My senior year I met a girl at a party after a game one night.  We had been sneaking glances at each other most of the night.  I knew she didn’t go to our school and that she wasn’t from the same town as me.  Finally as people were leaving the party I decided it was time to go talk to her.  Her name was Darcel, she was there with some friends that attended the high school an hour away from ours.  We danced, she grinded against me, hands roamed bodies, until we finally couldn’t stop the inevitable.  We both wanted a quick lay so that’s exactly what we did.  She filled the quiet night darkness with screams of pleasure, we rocked the cab of my pickup until neither of us could move.  Once we exchanged phone numbers she pulled her clothes back on and left.  I didn’t really expect to hear from her again and didn’t plan on calling her, I had made it very clear that I didn’t want a relationship and she was totally on board with being each other’s booty calls. 

I signed with Washington State Hawks that football season, I called Darcel so we could meet up and celebrate.  Again, she was totally okay with how things were between us.  It was exactly what I needed, I had come to the conclusion that a steady girlfriend was something I didn’t need.  As the school year went by Darcel and I would meet on the weekends, our weekends consisted of watching movies, having sex, going out to eat, and having more sex.  When she told me she had been accepted into Harvard I was pretty bummed, I liked her I just didn’t want to be with her and now with her leaving to go to college so far away I knew that things were going to have to stop for good between us. 

College at Washington State my freshman year was a breeze, my classes were easy, football was going great, and the amount of hot ass women on campus made finding a lay pretty god damn easy.  I still talked to Darcel throughout the year, we would text each other sexual things and even had phone sex a few times.  Sounds lame but watching a woman masturbate on Skype, I’m a man, I had to have a release too!  When I started dating a woman that was in one of my business classes, I told Darcel, she was actually very happy and said that the woman was lucky.  I believed her, I loved that Darcel could see the good in me.  Then again she had never been close enough for me to struggle with my inner demon.  I dated Felicia most of my freshman year at WSU, our sophomore year we were still together.  Over Thanksgiving break I went home with her and met her family, her parents were in shock when I walked in.  Come to find out they didn’t know she had been dating, I caught her mom chewing her out for not focusing on school but Felicia promised her that her grades were still outstanding.  Then Over Christmas break I took her home to meet my mom and step dad.  Peter, my step dad, was pissed he pulled me to the side and warned me that if I fucked up and had to be bailed out again he was going to whoop my ass and end my football career.  We stayed there one night and left the following day. 

When our sophomore year ended she dropped a bomb on me, “I’m pregnant.”  I went fucking crazy on her.  I wasn’t ready to be a dad, I was too young to be a dad, and sure as hell didn’t want a child while in college.  I told her that if she didn’t get an abortion that our relationship was over, she would never get a dime of child support from me and I didn’t want anything to do with the kid when it was born.  She sobbed and repeated over and over that she was sorry, but I knew why she had done it, why she had trapped me.  Felecia had seen me talking to other women on campus and was jealous.  “Please don’t do this Ronnie, I didn’t do it on purpose.  I love you, we can make this work.”  She said as she put a hand on my shoulder after I turned my back and told her to get the hell out of my house.  That one hand on my shoulder sent me over the edge.  I spun around and got in her face, tears fell down her cheeks and she held her breath…waiting…waiting for me to explode. 

“If you love me like you say you do, you’ll get an abortion.  It’s that fucking simple.”  I seethed in her face. 

She shook her head no, “I…I can’t, I’m against abortions.  This is a human, it’s something we created together.”  She cried and tried to reason with me.  But I was having none of it, it was all bullshit.  I pulled my fist back and slammed it into her abdomen.  Her scream filled the room, more tears fell, and more anger raged through my system.  Felecia curled into a ball on the floor, I grabbed her by the hair on the crown of her head and pulled her up so we were face to face.  “Stop…please stop.” She begged. 

“Get the fuck—OUT!”  I released her hair with a shove causing her to stumble into the door frame when she lost her footing.  I never wanted to see her again, “NOW!” I screamed and started after her.  My roommate walking in the front door stopped me in my tracks.  He looked at Felecia, then at me, shrugged his shoulders and went to his room.  Felecia left that night, still clutching her abdomen and crying.  I ran out the door after her, just as she started to back out of the drive way I slapped my hand against her driver side window.  She slammed on the breaks and rolled her window down, “If you fucking tell anybody what just happened I’ll fucking kill you.  You deserve what happened in there, don’t fucking test me past this point.”  Her hands shook as she nodded her head and wiped more tears away then she pulled away and disappeared down the street away from me. 

The thing about college is the women seem fucking desperate to get laid, desperate for a steady boyfriend, and even more desperate for attention.  They dress like sluts on the weekends trying to grab the attention of the horny drunk guys on campus.  Most of them succeed, some get fucked against the wall in front of a party of people and some get gang banged at a party just for the attention.  It didn’t matter if they were a part of a sorority, had a scholarship, or were just there to get away from their parents.  Not ALL of the girls acted like this, some really did attend college for the education towards their future. 

Shelby, drop dead fucking hot, blonde hair, blue eyes, legs that went on for miles, plump pink lips, was one of them.  She rarely came to the parties at our house or any frat houses but when she did all the guys took notice and all the guys tried but got turned away.  Except for me. 

Shelby and I didn’t start dating right away, we were friends for a while.  Just like Darcel, she was fun to hang out with, studied hard, and had a good head on her shoulders.  I had no trust in women after what Felecia did, and had no intention of putting myself in that position again.  Women plus trust did not equal love in my mind.  It equaled trouble.  After about four months of each of us resisting each other’s chemistry Shelby and me ended up having sex.  It was fucking awesome.  She was a virgin, she was perfect in every way.  We took things slow and I let her decide when it would happen.  Shelby was like a breath of fresh air for me, she was always there for me.  We studied together, spent a lot of time together.  We both eventually admitted that we had fallen in love.  Something I thought I would never say to woman again but with her it was easy.  Loving her was easy, she didn’t test my patience, she didn’t go around flirting with other guys.  She was mine.  Our sex life was over the top fantastic, I had made it very clear that I didn’t want kids and she was totally okay with that since we were still so young.  I slowly started to trust her.  She had eyes for only me, my temper didn’t flare until she had study group and I caught her with one of her girlfriends and three guys.  They all scurried out of her living room once I gave them a get the fuck out of here look.  No matter what Shelby said after everybody was gone, I couldn’t get past seeing all of them so comfortable in her house. 

“Ronnie, I really think you should talk to somebody about what makes you so angry.  You’re mad over nothing, we were studying I told you that.  God.”  She threw her hands in the air and started to walk away from me. 

It was the first time I hit her, but it wasn’t the first time seeing the fear in a woman’s eyes made me feel like I was invincible.  “Don’t ever fucking walk away from me again, we are going to talk about this shit.”

She sobbed, “Just get help.  Please Ronnie, don’t do it for me, do it for yourself.”  She pleaded with me. 

I pushed her away causing her to stumble back and land on the couch, I slammed the front door behind me when I left.  Then I called the only person that had ever understood my problem, my old high school coach, Coach Hastings.  We talked for over an hour, he
understood
me.  “Ronnie, you have to remember, women know how to push our buttons, they do it on purpose.  Sometimes, you have to prove to them that you won’t stand for it.  They say the male species is complicated,” he laughed, “They are the ones that don’t think before they act.  Calm down and let her calm down, when you are ready to talk to her, kiss her ass and she’ll forgive you.  Call me anytime you need to talk.”

Shelby and I needed the break, so, for three weeks we didn’t see each other at our houses.  We would talk at school and go our separate ways at the end of the day.  When we finally talked things through I told her that I was going to get counseling.  She threw herself at me, kissed me all over my face then we spent the rest of the night tangled in my bed sheets.