Revolution 2020 (7 page)

‘I really like
you,’ I said. I wanted to say ‘love’, but did not
have the courage.

‘I like you
too,’ she said.

‘Then why
won’t you kiss me?’ I said.

‘I don’t
want to.’ She faced me squarely. ‘Don’t get me
wrong. You have been my best friend for years. But I’ve told
you earlier ...’ She went silent.

‘What?’

‘I don’t
see you that way,’ she finished.

I turned away from
her.

‘Gopal, please
understand. You are disturbed so I don’t want to

‘You don’t
want to what, Aarti? Hurt my feelings? Well, you have.’

I checked the time.
My watch said 4:50 a.m. I had to return the boat. I picked up the
oars again. ‘Go back to your place,’ I said. She
complied. We remained silent till we reached the ghats. Phoolchand
gave us a smile, which evaporated fast when I glowered at him.

We stepped off the
boat.

‘You want to
come home later today?’ Aarti said.

‘Don’t
talk to me,’ I said.

‘You are being
an idiot,’

‘I
am
an idiot, don’t you know? That’s why I couldn’t
clear the AIEEE,’ I said and walked away without looking at
her.

Like AIEEE, I did
not make it in the JEE either. Raghav did, with an all-India rank of
1123. It turned him into a mini-celebrity in Varanasi. Local papers
carried big stories the next day. Four students from Varanasi had
cracked the JEE. Among those four, only Raghav had cleared the exam
as a resident of Varanasi. The other three had appeared from Kota.

‘Why did they
go to Kota?’ Baba mused, looking up from the newspaper.

Baba had resigned
himself to my being a loser. He did not react to my not obtaining a
JEE rank at all.

‘Kota is the
capital of IIT coaching classes. Tens of thousands go there’ I
explained.

Every year, the tiny
western Indian town of Kota accounted for a thousand, or a third of
the total IIT selections.

‘What?’
Baba said. ‘How is that possible?’

I shrugged my
shoulders. I didn’t want to discuss entrance exams any more. I
had secured seventy-nine per cent in class XII. I could do BSc at the
Allahabad University. The 120-kilometre commute would be difficult,
but I could move there and visit Baba
on
weekends.

‘Which IIT is
Raghav joining?’

‘I don’t
know,’ I said. ‘Baba, can you give me two hundred rupees.
I need to buy college admission forms’

Baba looked like I
had stabbed him. ‘Aren’t you repeating AIEEE?’ he
said.

‘I will join
the Allahabad University and repeat from there,’ I said.

‘How will you
prepare while doing another course?’

‘I can’t
waste a year,’ I said and left the house.

                                                     
♦

I had to meet
Raghav. I had not even congratulated him. True, I did not feel any
happiness about his JEE selection. I should have, but did not. After
all, we had been friends for ten years. One should be happy for pals.
However, he would be an IIT student and I’d be a fucking
nobody. Somehow, I could not feel thrilled about that. I practised
fake smiles while pressing his doorbell. Raghav opened the door and
hugged me straight off.

‘Hey, nice to
see you,’ he said.

‘Congrats,
boss,’ I said, my lips streched into a smile and teeth
sufficiently visible.

‘Now I can say
I know a celeb.’

I came inside his
house, a modest three-bedroom, BHEL-provided apartment. Newspapers
with articles about his selection lay on the dining table. Raghav’s
father sat on a sofa with visiting relatives. They had come to
congratulate the Kashyaps. An IIT rank is a huge event - akin to
climbing the Mount Everest or being on a space mission. Mr Kashyap
smiled at me from a distance. Call it my over-imagination, but his
greeting seemed like the one you give
to
people
well beneath your stature. I am sure if I had had a rank, he would
have stood up and shook hands with me. Anyway, it didn’t
matter. Raghav and I went to his room. I sat on a chair and he on the
bed.

‘So, how are
you feeling?’ I said. I wanted to know how it felt to get one
of those stupid ranks that turned you
from
coal to diamond in
a day.

‘Unbelievable,’
Raghav said. ‘I had thought A1EEE maybe, but JEE, wow.’

‘Which IIT?’
I said.

‘I will join
IT-BHU. I will get a good branch and be in Varanasi too,’
Raghav said.

IT-BHU, the
Institute of Technology at the Banaras Hindu University, was the most
prestigious college in Varanasi. It conducted its admission process
through the JEE. However, it didn’t have the same brand equity
as an IIT.

‘Why BHU?’
I said.

‘I want to do
journalism part-time. I have contacts in newspapers here,’
Raghav said.

When people are
offered something on a platter, they don’t value it. Sure,
Raghav had a thing for writing. He had published some letters to the
editor and a couple of articles in some papers. However, this sounded
insane.

‘You will give
up an IIT for a hobby?’ I said.

‘It is not a
hobby. Journalism is my passion.’

‘Why are you
doing engineering then?’

‘Dad. Why
else? Oh, I have told him I am taking BHU because I will get a better
branch like Computer Science. Don’t tell him anything else.’
‘Raghav, you still...’

‘Raghav!’
Mr Kashyap shouted from outside.

‘My relatives,
sorry. I have to go,’ Raghav said. ‘Let’s catch up
later. Call Aarti also. I owe you guys a treat.’

He got up to leave.

When people achieve
something, they become self-obsessed.

‘Want to know
what I am going to do?’ I said casually.

Raghav stopped. ‘Oh,
sorry. Sure, tell me,’ he said. I don’t know if he cared,
or if he felt obligated.

‘Allahabad
University. I will take a second attempt from there,’ I

said.

‘Sounds good,’
Raghav said. ‘I am sure you will crack something. At least
AIEEE.’

When people clear
JEE, they start using phrases like ‘at least AIEEE’. I
smiled. ‘Baba wants me to drop a year to attempt again.’

'You could do that
too,’ Raghav said. His father shouted out for him again.

‘Go, it’s
okay,’ I said. ‘I’ll also leave.’

‘See you,
buddy’ Raghav patted my shoulder.

                                               ♦

‘No, Baba,’
I said. ‘I am not going to Kota.’

Without my
knowledge, my father had spent one whole week researching on Kota.
‘Bansal and Resonance are the best,’ he said.

‘How do you
know?’

‘I am a
retired teacher. I can find out.’

‘Great,’
I said.

‘I am ready to
send you. Tuition is thirty thousand a year. Living expenses around
three thousand a month. How much is that for twelve months? Thirty
plus thirty-six thousand ...’ Baba mumbled to himself.

‘Sixty-six
thousand!’ i said. ‘And a wasted year. Baba, who are we?
Kings?’

‘I have a
forty-thousand fixed deposit I haven’t told you about,’
Baba said. ‘I saved whatever I could in the past three years.
Enough to get you started. We’ll figure out the rest.’

‘So blow up
whatever little money we have on tuitions? In some faraway place?
Where is Kota, anyway?’

‘In Rajasthan.
It’s far, but there is a direct train. Takes twenty-two hours’

‘Baba, but...
why can’t I join college? Give me the money for that. At least
I will have a degree.’

‘What’s
the point of a useless degree? And how will you do a repeat attempt
without better coaching? You just missed a good rank because of a few
marks. Maybe Kota will help you get those extra marks.’

I was confused. I
had never thought of a second attempt, let alone going so far for a
year.

‘You have to
give it your best. Look at Raghav. He’s set for life,’
Baba

said.

‘
Look-at-Raghav
’
,
yes,
the
new
medicine
being
shoved
down
every
Varanasi
kid
’
s
throat
right
now.
‘We can’t afford it,’
I said, collecting my thoughts. ‘Besides, who will take care of
you here? Allahabad is nearby. I can come every week. You can
visit...’

‘I can manage.
Don’t I do most of the housework?’ Baba said.

I thought of Aarti.
Sure, she had said no to me in the boat, but I knew how much she
cared for me.
Not
a day went by without us talking. It was she
who suggested I go to a college here, and I’d already found out
the best

course I could get
with my percentage. How could I tell her I am going to Kota?

Of course, I
couldn’t give Baba this reason to stay in Varanasi. ‘I
promise I will work harder next time,’ I said.

We finished dinner
and I began to clear the table.

‘You will keep
doing domestic chores here,’ Baba shouted suddenly. ‘You
are going.’

‘You have
forty thousand. What about the rest? What about expenses such as
travel, books, entrance exam fees?’ I said.

My father showed me
his shrivelled index finger. It had a thick gold band around it. ‘I
don’t need this useless ring,’ he said. ‘We also
have some of your mother’s jewellery.’

‘You want to
sell Mas jewellery for coaching classes?’

‘I had kept
all that for your wife, but after you become an engineer, you can buy
them for her yourself.’

‘What if you
fall ill, Baba? Better to preserve all this for medical emergencies.’

‘You join an
engineering college and my age will reduce by ten years,’ Baba
laughed, trying to soften the situation. I saw his face, one front
tooth missing. His laughter meant everything to me. I thought about
Kota. They did seem good at making students clear entrance exams. I
thought about the downside - the money required, the uncertainty and,
of course, staying away from Aarti.

‘Do it for
your old man,’ he said. ‘I’d move with you to Kota,
but it’s hard for me to travel so far. We have to maintain this
little house too.’

‘It’s
fine, Baba. If I go, I’ll go by myself,’ I said.

‘Your mother
too wanted you to become an engineer.’

I looked at my
mother’s picture on the wall. She looked happy, beautiful and
young.

‘Take care of
your father,’ she seemed to tell me.

‘Will you go?’
Baba said.

‘If it makes
you happy, I will.’

‘My son!’
Baba hugged me - the first time since the AIEEE results.

‘Show us
 black ones,’ Aarti said to the shopkeeper. She pointed to
a set of twelve clothes hangers.

We had come to a
household items shop in Nadeshar Road to buy things I’d need in
Kota.

‘Just because
I am helping you shop doesn’t mean I am happy about you leaving
Varanasi,’ Aarti said.

‘I won’t.
Say the word and I will cancel my ticket.’

She placed a palm on
my cheek. ‘I hate it that my best friend is leaving. However,
it is the right thing for you to do.’

She approved of the
hangers. They cost fifty bucks a set. ‘Uncle, I am buying
towels, soap dishes and so many other things. You better give a good
discount.’

The shopkeeper
grimaced, but she ignored him.

‘Thank you for
coming. I would not have known what to buy,’ I told

her.

‘Have you
taken cooking vessels? Forgot, no?’

‘I am not
going to cook. They have a tiffin system.’

Aarti ignored me.
She went to the utensils section and picked up a large steel bowl and
held it up.

‘For
emergencies,’ Aarti said. ‘If I came to Kota with you,
I’d cook for you everyday.’

Her fair hands held
up the shiny vessel. The picture of her cooking in
my
kitchen
flashed in my head.
Why
does
Aarti
make
statements
like
these?
What
am
I
supposed
to
say?
‘I’ll manage fine,’
I said.

The shopkeeper made
the bill. Aarti looked at me. She hypnotised me every time. She was
turning prettier every week.

A small girl who had
come to the shop with her mother came up to Aarti. ‘Do you come
on TV?’

Aarti shook her head
and smiled. She turned to the shopkeeper. ‘Uncle, twenty per
cent discount.’ Aarti wasn’t too conscious of her looks.
She never checked herself out in mirrors, never had make-up on, and
even her hair often flopped all over her face. It made her even more
attractive. ‘Should we leave?’ she said.

‘Whatever.’

‘What
happened?’

‘At the last
minute you say random things like “if I came to Kota’”

‘I could. I
will tell dad I also want to repeat a year. You never know.’
She winked.

I stared at her,
seeking a hint of seriousness in her comment. Would that be possible?

‘Really?’
I said, almost believing her.

‘I’m
joking, stupid. I told you. I’ve enrolled for Psychology
honours at the Agrasen College.’

‘I thought you
...’

‘Why are you
so gullible?’ She burst into peals of laughter.

‘Gulli...
what?’ I said. She pulled my cheek. ‘Oh’ I said and
composed myself.

Of course, no way
she could come to Kota. I am not a gulli-whatever person. I
understand things. Still, Aarti could defeat my logical faculties. I
stopped thinking when I was with her.

I collected the
purchased items and noticed her paying the shopkeeper.

‘Wait,’
I said. ‘I will pay.’

‘Forget it.
Let’s go,’ she said. She tugged at my elbow and dragged
me out of the shop.

‘How much?’
I said as I fumbled with my wallet.

She took my wallet
and placed it back in my shirt pocket. She placed a finger on my
lips.