Revive (The Revival Series Book 1) (13 page)

Chapter 18

A month later, Carrie climbed the stairs to her apartment and slid the key into the lock. Opening the door and sinking into the comfort and familiarity. At the same time she felt lost, she was a different person to whom she was when she was last here and even though she had lost one of the most important people in her life, she felt like it had all happened for a reason. Even though it was hard to admit to considering the circumstances but she felt as if things were better.

Putting her case and bags into her room, she made her way into the kitchen and made a cup of coffee before going to sit in the living room, staring out over the London skyline. Leaning over she picked up her wedding photo and took in the image of the happy couple smiling back at her. It was hard but she knew what she had to do.

Going into the bedroom, Carrie took a small box from her bedside draw; a box full of things that were important to Carrie and held memories. Sifting through she found what she was looking for. A small silver and black key…Ian’s car key. Taking a deep breath Carrie slid her wedding ring off her finger, before dropping it into the box and shutting the lid. She knew if she was going to continue to move on she needed to overcome her fears. Picking up the phone she dialled Joe and Sandra,

“Hello” A man’s voice answered

“Hello Joe, its Carrie”

“Carrie my love, how are you?” Joe answered in a sympathetic voice.

“I’m good but I need to talk to you about something?”

After a long conversation with both Joe and Sandra, Carrie had told them all about Annie and there were a lot of tears shed on both sides. Carrie also talked to them both about an idea she had and they all agreed to it and decided to meet up the following day.

Grabbing her coat the next day she made her way down to the parking garage below the apartments and found Ian’s small black car, looking pristine and like new. Carrie’s car had been written off by the insurance company after the accident but Carrie had never wanted to part with Ian’s pride of joy and despite not feeling confident to drive it she had still continued to pay for the insurance and keep it taxed and in a drivable state.

Opening the car door, she took a deep breath, filling her lungs with as much air as she could, before sliding into the driver’s seat, the cool leather, made her shiver as it touched the back of her legs. After a few more deep breaths she slid the key into the ignition and started the engine. The car roared to life with no problems and Carrie closed her eyes, willing herself to have the courage to drive again.

Carrie reversed the car out of the parking space at a snail’s pace before driving around the parking garage a few times, waiting for the courage to brave the main roads. Eventually she knew she had to bite the bullet and she pulled out of the garage and turned right down the road. She felt herself aware of every car around her, expecting every other driver to slam into her, but they didn’t and the more she drove the more she relaxed. Driving out of London she made her way to the motorway and kept going.

3 hours later she found herself back in her home town, it had hardly changed since she had last been and the area brought back lots of happy memories from when she had grown up. Eventually she pulled the car up at the side of the road and jumped out of the driver’s seat, taking in the salty sea air that hit her nostrils.

Walking towards the beach she spotted 2 familiar faces smiling at her. Walking up she hugged both Joe and Sandra one by one.

“Thank you so much for this” she said

“It’s our pleasure Carrie” Joe replied taking his wife’s hand. Sandra looked upset and Carrie couldn’t blame her, it was a big thing to do yet at the same time she knew they all felt it was right.

Walking to the water’s edge, Joe pulled the container out of the bag he had been carrying and kissed the lid.

“Carrie...” he pointed the container towards her and she shook her head.

“No Joe please, It’s only right that you both go first” Joe passed the container to Sandra who wiped a tear away from her face and removed the lid.

“Ian there isn’t a day goes past that I don’t miss you, and it pains me to do this but I know this is where you belong. You loved it here as a child and spent every minute you could here and I want you to be where you would feel most at peace. My baby boy I miss you more than words can say” Sandra put her hand in the container and took out a handful of Ian’s ashes, letting the wind and the waves take them, before passing the container back to Joe.

“I am so proud of the man you became son, not only did we raise a fantastic human being but you brought such a wonderful person into our lives. Carrie will always hold a special place in our hearts along with your daughter who would have been beautiful having you both as parents. Rest in Peace my boy” Joe did the same as Sandra and let a handful of Ian’s ashes go before giving the container to Carrie.

Carrie was just about to speak when Joe stopped her,

“This should be between you and Ian. We will wait by the car” Taking Sandra’s hand they both made their way back up the beach. Carrie looked down at the container not knowing what to say and deciding to just go with whatever came naturally out of her mouth.

“Ian, you were my first love and I knew straight away you were the one for me the first time I bought you on this beach. You loved it here and would bring me here every chance you got and I know this is where you would want to be. I miss you so much everyday and it kills me not knowing how our future would have panned out if things had have been different. What would our little girl have looked like? What would she have grown up to be? But I know now that I can’t dwell on the past. I need to move forward and I know that’s what you would want me to do to. I know you and Annie have each other up there and that you are taking good care of our little girl, and now you have my mum to look out for you as well” Carrie took a deep breath and let the tears fall down her cheeks before continuing.

“I’ve met someone special; he will never be you and will never take the place you hold in my heart. I love him but it’s different to how I loved you. Ian I could never replace you, but he is taking a different place in my heart and in my life, and I know you would want me to be happy, and to move on and I feel I’m finally ready to take that step, and laying you here to rest I think is the first step for me.”

Carrie gently tipped to remaining ashes out of the container into her hand and held her hand out to the sea.

“I love you and miss you so much” She whispered as she let the ashes go with the wind and into the water.

Rubbing the tears off her face Carrie turned and slowly made her way back up the beach to where Joe and Sandra were waiting for her.

“Are you ok my dear?” Sandra asked taking in Carrie’s tear stained face, and putting an arm around her shoulders.

“I’m fine, its hard but I know it’s the right decision” The pair nodded in agreement. “Let’s go and grab a coffee, and you can tell us the rest of your news” Said Joe taking Sandra’s hand and leading her down the path. Carrie followed, taking in a few deep breaths preparing herself to tell them all about Daniel.

Once seated inside the little seaside café, Joe ordered them all drinks and they sat making small talk before the waitress bought the hot cups over and put them on the table in front of them.

Taking a gentle sip trying not to scold her tongue, Carrie sat up straight needing to just get everything out in the open.

“Okay, well as you both already know before my mum passed away, I went to Devon to spend some time with her and my brother. Before then I had hid myself away and threw myself into my work and I hadn’t seen them in two years. I hid from life as much as I could as facing reality was too painful.” Joe nodded in acknowledgement; they had noticed the drastic change in Carrie after Ian’s death but never wanted to mention it in fear of pushing her away. Carrie took another sip of coffee before continuing

“Anyways the trip away changed me in many ways I wasn’t prepared for, not only was I able to repair the relationships with my family but I also met someone” Carrie fiddled with a sugar packet, nervous about the reaction they would have over her seeing someone new.

“It’s taken me a while to realise how I felt but I’ve found someone I really care about and although I can promise he will never take Ian’s place in my heart, he has his own place and I thought you should know”

Looking up she saw tears in Sandra’s eyes. Joe leaned across the table and took Carrie’s hand in his own

“Carrie, sweetheart, you deserve to be happy; Ian would want that more than anything, he would hate to see the shell of a person you were when he died. And if this man makes you happy then you need to grab hold with both hands and work for it, and we will be there for you every step of the way”

“Carrie, I ask you to just promise me one thing” Sandra said, sniffing back her tears “Please don’t forget us, you are like a daughter to us and I wouldn’t want to lose you as well”

“Sandra, you will never lose me, you are stuck with me I’m afraid” Carrie said a small relieved laugh escaping her lips “I want you to meet him and give me your blessing, and however things work out, I want you involved so please don’t worry about that. You are both my family, and always will be”

Later on that evening Carrie laid in bed alone, staring at the ceiling. She used to love the peace of being alone, getting lost in a book and having time to be herself but today she just missed Daniel.

She laid there just wondering what he was doin;, if everything on the farm was ok and then it occurred to her that making a long distance relationship work was going to be hard work. 6 hours travel time between them didn’t sound long but it wasn’t as if you could just pop down for a day visit that easily and she wasn’t sure how things would work. All she knew was that she missed him terribly.

As 4am arrived on the clock, she jumped out of bed and padded out of the bedroom, grabbing her mobile phone before curling up on the sofa. She scrolled through her contacts before finding Daniel’s number and pressing call. It was very early in the morning but she couldn’t wait any longer and she needed to hear his voice. He was always up early for starting work on the farm so it shouldn’t be a problem.

“Carrie?” Daniel answered, a questioning tone to his voice, obviously wondering why Carrie was phoning at such an early time, when she should be sleeping.

“Hey, sorry to call so early but I couldn’t sleep”

“Sweetheart you can call me whenever you want to, you don’t know how good it is to hear your voice” Carrie blushed and was glad he couldn’t see her reaction

“I miss you it feels like ages. Listen erm what are you doing this weekend?” She asked butterflies flapping around in her tummy with nerves.

“Just the usual, whys that?”

“Well I know it’s a bit of short notice, but could you come up here? I need to get some things sorted out but I want to see you”

“Let me speak to Graham and see if he can cover for me, but I’m sure it will be fine. I miss you too”

They continued chatting until Daniel needed to go out onto the farm. At 6am Carrie went for a shower and got dressed for work, and followed the same routine as usual, but today was different. Today she had made a big decision and she needed to push things through before she changed her mind.

On the drive to work, Carrie sang to the radio, and felt relaxed. She had finally gotten over her fear of driving again and she loved the feeling of being behind the wheel. Pulling into her works car park, she grabbed a space before getting out her mobile and texting Leah, asking her to meet for lunch, before texting Daniel to tell him she loved him.

As she entered her office her phone beeped; it was a message back from Daniel, saying I love you back and reading the words on the screen made Carrie’s tummy do somersaults.

After a few hours staring at her computer screen daydreaming, she finally received a reply from Leah agreeing to lunch, and Carrie packed up her stuff and left the office as fast as she could, arriving at the café before Leah did.

After Leah arrived the pair ordered their usual lunch and drinks and had the usual chit chat they normally did.

“So, I need to talk to you about something” Carrie said a small smile creeping across her lips

“Shoot, what’s up?” Leah answered taking a bite of her chicken sub roll

“Well, I’ve made a decision about something and I wanted to tell you before I did anything else”

“Carrie spit it out hun, before you bounce off the chair in excitement” Carrie giggled and sat on her hands

“Ok well, you know about my relationship with Daniel and everything, but I’m finding the distance between us really hard, and although I haven’t asked Daniel yet I’m thinking of moving to be closer to him”

“Carrie, as I have said all along you need to do whatever makes you happy. If Daniel is the man you want to be with then go for it! But what are you going to do about your job?”

“I don’t know yet, I’m hoping I may be able to get some freelance work, maybe working from home for a bit, I mean nothing will happen overnight, I still need to find somewhere to live and we know that won’t happen fast”