Revenge of the Kudzu Debutantes (25 page)

Bentley lifted the Rigby, and sighting carefully, aimed at the sow. She stood watching them from the ridge, the rifle shot still echoing through the canyons. The sow dropped to her feet, and turning, disappeared over the ridge with the cub following closely behind.

Bentley lowered the Rigby and turned around slowly. “Didn’t I tell you to put the safety on?” he said to Leonard. “Didn’t I tell you over and over to put the damn safety on?” He set the Rigby down and knelt beside Redmon. Blood had begun to seep through the hole in Redmon’s boot. Seeing this, Redmon began to scream.

“Shut up, man!” Bentley said. “You want that grizzly coming back?” Redmon clamped his hand over his mouth and watched Bentley, wild-eyed, as Bentley carefully untied the boot and slid it off Redmon’s foot. The sock was soaked in blood, but when he took it off Bentley could see Redmon’s wound was superficial. “It’s just a scratch, man,” he said, shaking his head.

“I’ll bleed to death,” Redmon said, “way up here in the wilderness.”

“No, man, you ain’t gonna bleed to death over this little scratch.” Bentley took a handkerchief out of his pocket, wrapped it tightly around Redmon’s heel, and then put the sock back on. He lifted the boot but Redmon shook his head. “You don’t wear the boot, you can’t walk,” Bentley said to him.

“I can’t walk anyway,” Redmon wailed. “I’m shot!”

Leonard climbed down slowly out of the tree. His face was white. His lips moved soundlessly. Charles climbed down behind him.

“You boys will have to carry him,” Bentley said to them, rising.

Charles looked at Leonard. “You carry him,” he said. “He’s your client.”

“G
ODDAMN
,” R
AMSBOTTOM SAID
, when Bentley called that night to tell him. “Are you telling me one of them actually shot the other?”

“Yeah, but it’s only a flesh wound. I bandaged him up, gave him a bottle of whiskey, and the yahoo is sitting in front of the fire singing some song about rednecks and mothers and goat ropers. We’ll leave in the morning and be back at the house by mid-afternoon or thereabouts.”

“Hell, we don’t even need to worry about Nature whittling them down,” Ramsbottom said, chuckling. “They seem to be doing a pretty good job of that themselves.”

CHAPTER

SEVENTEEN

B
ACK IN
I
THACA,
the wives were dealing with their own disasters.

Nita spent Wednesday morning housecleaning and at eleven o’clock she stopped and went to shower before the two o’clock closing at the bank. But at one o’clock her cell phone rang and it was Dr. Osborne telling her he had been unable to transfer the funds and they would have to push the closing off until tomorrow.

An ominous feeling settled over Nita. She wasted no time calling Lavonne.

“Goddamn it,” Lavonne said, scratching relentlessly at the rash on her arm. “What’s his number?” She forced herself to calm down before she called him. If he heard panic in her voice, the whole deal would collapse. She forced herself to believe she had another buyer waiting in the wings, and when she had somehow managed to convince herself of this falsehood, she called Osborne.

“We’re not playing around here,” she said. “Either you want the car or you don’t.”

“I don’t think you understand how hard it is to move such a large sum of money. I can wire transfer the funds, although they won’t guarantee fund availability until Monday, but if you want a certified check, it’s going to take a day or two.”

“A day or two? You’ve known about this for over a week.”

“Look, it’s a short time frame. I’m doing the best I can do.”

“How many 1931 Duesenburgs do you know that have gone on the market recently? Call Nita in the morning to confirm you’re ready to close. If you don’t show up tomorrow at two o’clock with a certified check, we’ll sell to the other buyer.”

“What other buyer?”

“The other buyer who’s ready to close tomorrow at two o’clock,” Lavonne lied.

D
ALLAS
P
ADGETT, THE
associate Lavonne had arranged to handle the closing with Delores Swafford and the Winklers, called Thursday morning to say he needed to postpone the closing until Monday. Lavonne scratched furiously at the hives that now covered her chest and stomach. She tried to keep her voice calm.

“I told you, Dallas, we have to close tomorrow. Friday morning at eleven o’clock. That’s the deal. That’s what the contract says.”

“I’m just not comfortable with it, Lavonne. I’ve never done an all-cash deal, especially one that involves such a large amount of cash. I mean, Leonard didn’t leave me any instructions, which isn’t like him. He didn’t leave me a memo or an e-mail or a phone message, nothing.”

“So what are you saying, Dallas, that I made the whole thing up?”

“No, no of course not, Lavonne.”

“You saw the power of attorney. You’ve got a contract, right? The title is clear, right?”

“Well, yes.” She heard the hesitation in his voice. “But normally, there’s a bank involved and a closing like this takes weeks to put together. I don’t know, it just seems so
hurried.
”

Lavonne thought,
There’s a reason for that, you pinhead.
She curled her fingers into a fist to keep from scratching and tried to convince herself she had the power to pull this off. She made herself believe she didn’t care if the closing went off or not. She told herself she didn’t need the money; that her business partnership with Mona Shapiro, that her own financial security, wasn’t dependent on this closing. She pretended she had just won the lottery.

“Look, Dallas, you do whatever you have to do.” Her voice sounded surprisingly confident and unconcerned. “I’m just telling you the Winklers have been after us for months to sell the house to them, and Sunday night they called with a cash offer we couldn’t refuse. It was late or Leonard probably would have called you then. He was in a hurry to get out of town Monday morning or he probably would have sent you a memo. All he could do was sign the power of attorney and then ask me to handle it while he’s away.”

“I just wish I could talk to Leonard.”

“Well you can’t, Dallas. He’s where he can’t be reached by cell phone. That’s part of the appeal of the place.” She thought,
I don’t need this closing.
She thought
, Please, God, let this closing come off as planned.
“You saw the contract. The contract is clear. We have to close by Friday or the deal’s off.”

“That’s another odd thing,” Dallas said. “I’ve never seen a contract with a five-day closing stipulation.”

“Look, Dallas, you’ve obviously made up your mind not to do the closing, which makes it kind of difficult for me because who else am I going to get to close it at such a late date, but if that’s your decision, fine. I’ll just try to explain to Leonard when he gets back that the Winklers have walked and the huge amount of cash he expected to see in his checking account isn’t there because you got cold feet about doing the closing. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“Goddamn it. Let me think about it.”

“Call me in an hour.” She hung up. She drove to the bakery feeling like she was standing in the shadow of Mount St. Helens minutes before it detonated. The day was cloudy and rainy, which matched her emotional state perfectly. Wet leaves littered the pavement. Woodsmoke curled from chimneys and hung like a dense fog over the tree-lined streets and rows of neat houses. She was supposed to be meeting Nita and Eadie to go over last-minute details, but all Lavonne could think about was how terrible it was going to be trying to pay rent on a bookkeeper’s salary, assuming, of course, she could even find a job. Assuming it didn’t take Rosebud Smoot ten years of litigation to squeeze out of Leonard whatever money she had coming to her.

N
ITA HAD ASKED
Jimmy Lee to drop her off behind the building and let her walk, but he insisted on dropping her off at the front door so she wouldn’t get wet. When he insisted on anything, she was powerless against him. It was only because he was an honorable man that their lovemaking hadn’t progressed beyond the kissing and cuddling stage, because the truth of the matter was, if he had insisted on moving things to the bed, she would have been powerless against that, too. There were times when she regretted her decision not to sleep with him until after she had confronted Charles. Until after she had decided what to do about her marriage. There were times when she thought about the way his hair curled against the nape of his neck, or the way his arms felt around her, or how sweet his breath was upon her face, times when she thought:
Charles hasn’t been faithful to his wedding vows, why should I be faithful—technically at least—to mine?
But she was a good girl. She had been a good girl all her life. She couldn’t go and change who she was now, even though her husband was a faithless bastard, even though she was in love with someone else.

Nita looked over her shoulder as she climbed out of the truck. She and Jimmy Lee tried to be careful, but it was dangerous being seen with him. Charles wasn’t the kind of man to forgive her for anything, especially Jimmy Lee. He was the kind who would take her children away from her for spite and pure meanness. If the sale of the Deuce didn’t go through and she was forced to stay with Charles until she could figure out a way to leave and take the children, her relationship with Jimmy Lee would have to end. She couldn’t risk Charles finding out and punishing her through the children.

And it was beginning to look increasingly as if the sale of the Deuce was not going to take place. The closing was supposed to happen this afternoon at two o’clock, but Dr. Osborne hadn’t called to confirm this. She had called him twice and left messages and he hadn’t returned her call either time. The thought of failure depressed her. The idea that she might have to give up Jimmy Lee thundered through her head, slow and somber as rain on a tin roof.

Eadie and Lavonne were already waiting for her. Nita shook her umbrella out and left it sitting just inside the door.

“Don’t tell me,” Lavonne said when she saw her face. “Dr. Osborne hasn’t called you to confirm the closing.”

Nita shook her head and sat down. “He hasn’t,” she said.

“Damn.” Lavonne scratched dejectedly at her stomach.

“You really need to get someone to look at that rash,” Eadie said.

“It’s just nerves. I always break out in hives when I’m nervous. I always break out in hives when my life is falling apart around me and I’m powerless to stop it.”

“You just need a drink.” Eadie waved at Mona. “Hey, Mona, do you have any alcohol in here?”

“Alcohol?” Mona was busy rearranging the glass case.

“Scotch, whiskey, tequila?”

“I’ve got some Mogen David in the back.”

“That’ll do. Bring it up front.”

“No,” Lavonne said. “I’ll just have a cup of coffee.” She rose but Mona shooed her away and said, “I’ll bring ya’ll a cup. You just go on with your revenge planning.”

Lavonne scowled and looked at her hands. Eadie laughed and said, “Isn’t this supposed to be a secret? The revenge planning, I mean. I wonder how many people in town know about it now.”

“What difference does it make?” Lavonne said. “I’m pretty sure the closing with the Winklers is off. I’m pretty sure the sale of the Duesenburg is off.” All Lavonne wanted was what was fair. She was pretty sure she could make her daughters understand the necessity for the divorce without having to tell them about Leonard’s cheating ways. She had let them go to Costa Rica with friends for the fall break and she planned on telling them when they got back. She hated having to move so quickly and so furtively but she had no choice. Leonard had left her no choice. The money she would receive from the sale of their house almost equaled the money Leonard had hidden away in his secret bank accounts. She could go after that money, and after Leonard’s partnership interest in Boone & Broadwell as well, but Lavonne didn’t want to be vindictive. All she wanted was enough to make a fresh start. All she wanted was what was fair. She wanted the proceeds from the sale of their home and she wanted the beach house sold and the proceeds put into a college fund for the girls. Other than that, Lavonne wanted nothing else from Leonard Zibolsky.

“I hate to be the bearer of more bad news,” Eadie said cheerfully. “But Billie Stubbs, the woman who’s buying our household goods, can’t get a truck until Saturday.”

“Good God!” Lavonne said. “There’s no way she’ll be able to load up two households of furniture and do it before the husbands get back. Their flight gets into Atlanta at four o’clock. That means they’ll be home around seven-thirty.”

“Yeah, I know it’ll be a tight fit, time wise and all,” Eadie said.

“Mona,” Lavonne shouted, “bring me that Mogen David.” She tapped the table with her fingers to keep from scratching. “You seem pretty chipper considering all the bad news,” she said to Eadie.

“I’m just more used to dealing with heartache and disappointment than you are.”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with Trevor being back in town, does it?”

Eadie checked her nails for flaws. “What makes you think that?”

“Lee Ann Bales saw him out at the flower store buying truckloads of calla lillies for Tonya.”

“He wasn’t buying flowers for Tonya, he was buying them for me,” Eadie said quickly.

“Okay,” Lavonne said. “I get it.”

Mona set a nearly empty bottle of wine and three glasses down on the table and Eadie poured them all a jigger-full. “I’m not taking him back, if that’s what you’re implying,” she said. “I’m just saying I’m not as worried about money as I once was because I know I can get him to be fair. As long as Tonya’s out of the picture, I’m not worried. Which is a good thing because it turns out the history museum isn’t interested in buying the Thomas Jefferson letter or the Nathan Bedford Forrest medical kit without Trevor’s signature on the bill of sale.” Eadie looked at Lavonne. “I’ll stoop to anything but forgery,” she added apologetically.

Lavonne shook her head. “You know, theoretically you’re no longer a part of this little scheme. You don’t need to cheat your husband to get him to be fair to you, and you won’t have photos of him with female impersonators to bargain with anyway.”

“Don’t be bitter, Lavonne,” Nita said.

Lavonne sighed. She pulled her sleeve up and scratched despondently at a red patch near her elbow.

Eadie swirled her wine in her glass. “I talked to Ramsbottom this morning.”

“Oh God, don’t tell me the husbands are already on a plane headed home.”

“Relax.” Eadie patted Lavonne’s arm. “No wonder you’ve got hives. Ramsbottom promised me he wouldn’t let them leave before Saturday.”

Lavonne took a deep breath and sighed. At this time, any good news was welcome.

“Ramsbottom said Leonard had actually managed to shoot Redmon.”

“What?” Lavonne set her glass down.

Nita put her hand over her mouth. “Is he dead?”

“No, he said he just winged him, whatever that means. He says they’re still up at the camp and won’t be headed down until tomorrow morning, so it can’t be that bad. The female impersonators are already at the ranch, but Ramsbottom swears he’ll keep them all apart until Thursday evening.”

“Pray they don’t decide to head back early,” Lavonne said dejectedly. “Pray the closing with the Winklers goes off and the closing with Dr. Osborne goes off, and Ms. Stubbs shows up with the truck and the money she owes us.”

Eadie put her glass down and, leaning forward, gave Lavonne a little shake. “Now listen, we have to be honest here. The plan’s pretty complicated, we knew that from the beginning, and we didn’t have a lot of time to pull it off, so we all knew the chances of success were slim. You can’t beat yourself up over this, Lavonne.”

Lavonne pulled her sleeve down. “If this is your idea of a pep talk, it isn’t working.”

“Maybe Ramsbottom will wind up getting us pictures we can negotiate with, and maybe he won’t. Maybe all of our little plans for coming up with ready cash will pan out, and maybe they won’t. Whatever happens, I still say—good for us! I’m glad we didn’t just sit back and act like victims. I’m glad we did
something,
even if it fails, even if it all goes to hell in a handbasket—”

“Even if we all go to prison?” Lavonne said.

“Even if we all go to prison. It was still worth the risk. Even if we wind up broke and lonely and it takes Rosebud ten years to get the money that’s coming to us, I still say we did the right thing by trying to embezzle money and humiliate our cheating husbands.”