Revenge Of A Band Geek Gone Bad (5 page)

Lana greeted me at the door of her family's white colonial a
nd pulled me inside.  The
Brody
s
’
home is the exact same model as ours except Lana's parents aren't neat freaks like mine.  Dirty dishes cluttered up the sink and a pile of laundry was strewn about the living room floor.  I could see a bright-pink thong peeking out of the top.  That probably belonged to Lana's older sister, Jen.

Lana dug around in her purse for a minute then pulled out a tube of pink lip gloss.  "Pucker up," she told me, painting a coat onto my lips.  She stood back and admired her work.  "It looks good.  You really ought to wear more makeup."

"I'll have to take it off when I play the flute."

She pouted.  "But band's not until last period!  And what if Josh wants to kiss you?"  She made kissing noises.

"Stop!"
  I demanded.  "All he's doing is driving me and I'm already nervous about that.  Don't make me feel worse."

"Well, you do look nice," she said.  "I like that skirt."  Her mouth spread into a grin.  "And I'll bet Josh likes that shirt —- it's nice and tight. 
Shows off your boobs."

"Oh, God."
  I wrapped my arms across my chest.  Yes, I wanted to look good, but I wasn't sure I was ready to be looked at like
that
.  I’m just not good at flirting and having boys stare at me makes me uncomfortable.

"Relax, Mel, showing him what you've got is a good thing," Lana reminded me.  She looked down at her chest.  "Believe me, I wish I were as big as you."

"Tell that to my mother!"  I began to pace, realizing that Josh would be arriving in only a few minutes.  "Lana," I admitted.  "I don't know what I'm supposed to say to him when he gets here."

She laughed. 
" 'Hello'
or 'Good morning' is always a good start."

"No, really, what if I say something idiotic or can't think of anything to say at all and then he thinks I'm weird and mute and then tells the whole band about me?  What do I do?"  I knew I was starting to panic, but couldn't help it.  It still seemed so alien to me that a good-looking guy would want to drive me somewhere once, let alone two times.

"Melinda," said Lana in her most patient voice.  "You guys had a nice talk the other day, right?"

"Right."

"And you said you liked talking to him on the phone, right?"

"Yeah..."

"So chill!
  Just ask him about this Kathy thing or whatever.  Don't overthink anything."  She smiled.  "This isn't like a music audition or anything.  There's no 'right' thing to say."

"I guess..."  I couldn't quiet the butterflies in my stomach but figured that Lana knew what she was talking about.

###

Soon Josh's green station wagon pulled into Lana's driveway.  She bounced up and down, her curls flying.  "Ooh, this is so exciting!" 
she
squealed.  "Little Mel is getting picked up for her very first time!"  I reached out and put my hand over her
mouth to shut her up.  I so didn't want Josh to hear that.

"Hey, Mel ... uh, Lana," Josh said, waving out the window. He leaned over to get the passenger door for me.  I couldn't help but notice that his blue T-shirt brought out his eyes.  The shirt said "Ramones" on it.  That's a band my dad listens to.

"Hey, Josh!"  Lana called back as I got into the front seat.  "Have fun!  See you at school!"  She winked.  "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

"Oh, God," I muttered, sliding down into the seat.  Perhaps I should've had Josh pick me up at my place after all. 
Turns out Lana was
behaving
worse
than my mother.

###

Josh had on the same rock station he'd been playing on Friday.  He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as I stared out the window.  "So, Lana seems nice," he began.  “She must care about you if she was seeing you off this morning.”

I turned to face him and felt myself relaxing, as I had the last time he’d driven me.  Lana was right; he wouldn’t have picked me up if he didn’t want my company.  "She is a good friend, even if she can be strange sometimes," I said.

He shrugged.  "Believe me, I can hardly judge that.  She used to date Kenny Samuels, right?"

"Yes."  I didn't bother to tell him how Ken had lied about her losing her virginity to him.  "So anyway," I said, trying to change the subject.  "Uh, what did you want to do with Kathy?"  I still didn't know if I wanted to go along with this, but I did promise I'd give him a chance.

Josh smiled.  "Well, I can't tell you everything because I need to take care of some final touches today," he explained.  "But... I can say this.  My plan involves something that's smaller than a bread box and bigger than a pea."

"Huh?"  I tried to think of what this could possibly be.  There were about a million things that fit the description.  Then it came to me: eggs.  Josh wanted to egg Kathy.  "I'm not egging her," I said aloud.  "That's way too extreme."

Josh cracked up.  "Oh, we're not doing that.  We're not egging her or toilet papering her house or anything stupid like that.  My plan is a lot
more simple
... and less messy."

"Then what is it?"  I asked again.

"Sorry, Mel, I'm
gonna
need you to be a little uh, surprised to pull it off," he told me, "because if you have to think too much about it, I have a feeling you'll back out."  He caught my horrified face and chuckled.  "Don't worry.  I promise, it's not illegal, it won't hurt anyone and it won't get you into any trouble.  But," he assured me, "It
will
make Kathy freak.  And that's what we want, right?'

"Uh, right.”

###

That afternoon, I eagerly met up with Josh in the band locker room.  Most of my
bandmates
store their instruments in there, but I always take my flute with me just because you never know who might decide to steal some things.  Josh was standing in the corner, partially obscured by the spare bass drum.  "Mel," he hissed.  "Come here."

I took a quick look around to see if anyone would notice us skulking in the corner but everyone was too busy chatting and getting their instruments.  No one cared about us.

Josh handed me a small, white box.  "Okay, this is it," he said, his eyes gleaming.  "You're
gonna
love this."

I slowly opened up the box ... and nearly dropped it on the floor.  Inside was the biggest cockroach I'd ever seen.  Seriously, this thing was several inches long.  I stifled a scream.

"Relax, Jiminy here is just a hissing cockroach," Josh said, taking the box from me.  "I got him from the pet store today.  Believe it or not, people keep these things as pets."

"Jiminy?"  I squeaked, eyeing that —- that horrible
thing
.  "That's not a cricket, Josh!"

He shrugged.  "Well, he looks like a Jiminy to me.  And he's here to help us.  We —- actually, you —- will be doing the honors."

"Oh my God, you want me to
touch
it?"  I shuddered and backed away.  I didn't want to look all scared and silly, but you have to understand, I hate bugs.  If I see so much as a spider in my room, I'll call in my dad to get it out of there.

"You don't really have to touch it, per se," Josh explained, "but just find a way to get him into Kathy's vicinity."

"And then what?"  I still didn't quite get this plan.

"Oh, she'll go crazy.  And then Francis will go crazy.  And then Francis will go crazy on Kathy."  He laughed and clapped his hands at the thought of all of this happening.

"But how am I supposed to do this?"  I asked.  "I don't know if I can really drop a roach into her things without her well,
noticing
."

Josh's lips spread into that lopsided grin.  "That's where I come in.  I'll create a diversion."

###

We entered the band room and I approached my new seat ... the second chair.  Resisting the urge to kick it, I slowly sat down and unpacked my flute.  Meanwhile, I carefully placed Jiminy under my seat, praying that no one would see him.  Maya Chen, who sits third chair, gave me an encouraging smile.  "Sucks that you lost your seat," she told me.  "You're so good."

"Thanks," I said, thinking that maybe sitting next to Maya wouldn't be completely horrible.

Then Kathy arrived.  Dressed in a green sundress, she looked every bit the queen she seemed to thinks she is.  She pasted on a huge pageant-style smile as she ascended her throne, a.k.a. the first chair.  "This is so cool, now I'm going to get to play all the solos!" she burbled as she leafed through the music.  She turned to me. 
"Oh, sorry, Mel.
  I guess that means you won't get them now."  She laughed.  "But life's full of disappointments, right?"

"Right," I said, sneaking a quick peek under my chair to make sure that Jiminy was still safe in his box.  He was.

"So, did you have a good weekend?"  Kathy went on, doing her whole fake-friendly
schtick
.  "Oh, wait, that's right.  You probably did nothing this weekend. 
Because you have no life."

I didn't answer, figuring she'd get hers when Jiminy was released.

"Well, you know what I did?"  Kathy was saying.  Maya rolled her eyes at me.  "I went to this awesome party with my boyfriend.  He came down from college just to see me.  But you wouldn't know about that, would you Mel, since no boy has ever liked you."

Okay, this was quickly getting old.  By now I was itching for Josh to do whatever "diversion" he was planning.  Then, as if I’d summoned him with my great mental powers, Josh swooped over to the flutes and stood right by Kathy.  "Hey, Kath," he said, smiling at her. 

She made a face.  "What do you want, Josh?  Or did me spilling soda on you
not
give you the message?"

Josh shrugged.  "I just wanted to congratulate you on getting first chair is
all.
  You deserve it."

That made Kathy smile.  "I know, right?  I've worked so hard to get it."

"Oh, really?
  Well, uh, what exactly did you do?"  Of course, Kathy, who loves to talk about herself, began to ramble on about how gifted her private teacher thought she was.  As she spoke, Josh raised an eyebrow and subtly nodded at the box, signaling me to let Jiminy out.  But when I reached for him, the roach was gone.  I surreptitiously held up the box to show him. 
Josh's eyes widened in alarm.

"Oh, uh, well, Kathy, it was nice
talkin
' to you," Josh said. 
"Congrats again on being such a perfect specimen of a human."
  I stifled a laugh as Kathy looked at him, puzzled.  I then set about dealing with Operation Cockroach.

After a quick scan of the band room, I saw Jiminy scuttling toward the oboes.  That was only a few feet away from me, so I leaned over to grab him (
Ewwww
!).  But just then, Mr. Francis arrived, looking as crotchety as ever.  He adjusted his maroon pants and orange shirt and held up what was sure to be the first of many batons he'd use that day.

"I hope you all had a restful weekend because I'm going to work you like dogs!" he growled.  "I was extremely disappointed in your auditions the other day..."  He gave me a pointed look.  "But now that that's over, I'm going to fix that.  So be prepared to drill, drill and drill.  By the time I'm finished with you, your instruments are going to be permanently welded to your bodies and you're going to be breathing notes!"  A drop of sweat plunked down on his podium, signaling the end of his tirade.  He held up his baton to begin.

I still had a roach to catch.  By now, he'd moved from the oboes to the clarinets.  Josh caught my eye and mouthed, "Did you get him?"  I mouthed back, "Nope."  He mimed banging his trumpet against his head.  Ken gave Josh a funny look, so Josh sat up straight, pretending that nothing had happened.

For the next 20 minutes, I kept an eye on Jiminy.  The little guy sure seemed to like exploring the band room.  After scurrying past the clarinets, he crept behind Mr. Francis's podium; he then climbed up the wall, right near the poster that said, "Scale Model," and had a drawing of musical notes in a heap.  “Are you okay?” Maya whispered to me as I squirmed around.  I prayed that she wouldn’t notice the bug.  “I’m fine!” I lied.  Mr. Francis glared at us and we shut up.

"That's not how
Annie
is supposed to sound," he bellowed at the trombones. 
"You're supposed to sound like an orphan, who's cold and lonely and misses her mommy!  You guys sound like you're ready to go to the circus!  I want SORROW!  And DESPERATION!  I WANNA HEAR YOU ALL CRYING FOR YOUR MOMMIES, DAMMIT!"

The trombone players cringed at the attack.  Jiminy fell back onto the floor.  Now I at least had a chance to grab him.  I turned a little in my seat and caught Josh's eye, then pointed to the ground.  He motioned with his hands to act now.  Jiminy again scuttled away, but did move closer to the flutes.

"Kowalski, do you have a problem?"  Mr. Francis cut in, as he noticed Josh waving at me.  "Is it your goal to interrupt every single one of my practices?"