Revenge Of A Band Geek Gone Bad (16 page)

"Mel, stop, you're
gonna
make me cry."

We hugged again just as Josh pulled up.  A skinny guy with a mop of curly brown hair called out to us, "That's all right, ladies, don't stop what you're doing on account of us.  Pretend we're not here."

"Uh, sure," I laughed.  "And you are?"

"This is Lenny
Xergeldogger
," Josh said, nodding toward his passenger.  "Len works at my mom's diner and is an old friend of mine.  He's a senior at Smithfield High.  He's
gonna
help us out tonight."

Lenny was about six feet tall and kept his long, curly hair in a ponytail.  He wore a Cornell sweatshirt and jeans, but was thin to the point that it was hard to believe that a body existed beneath the clothing.  His features were so stretched out, his long nose and chin —- which was hidden beneath a scraggly goatee —- gave him a somewhat rat-like appearance.  Yet his brown eyes and wide smile were warm and inviting.  "This is Lana Brody," I said, motioning to my friend, "and I'm Melinda
Rhodes.  We go to school with Josh."

"Cool!"  Lenny shouted, pumping his fists.

The four of us got into Josh's car, with Lenny sitting in the front.  "Hope you don't mind me sitting shotgun," he said, turning around in his seat.  He pointed to his long legs.  "These guys don't fit so well back there."

As he spoke to me, I was overcome by a powerful odor.  I then realized what the stench was:  Lenny smelled like wet dog.

Lana noticed, too, because she had one hand over her nose and one over her mouth so he wouldn't see her laughing.  Pretty soon, I was doing the same; within a few minutes, we were both
hiccuping
because we were giggling so hard.

But Lenny was proud that he'd managed to get our attention.  "I didn't know I was that funny!" he said.  He waved a hand in the air.  "Leave it to the
Lenster
to get the party started!"

###

We rode for a few minutes, laughing and singing along to the radio, but then Lenny turned back around to us.  "So, uh, Melanie," he said to me
,  "
Josh says you're a flute player and you're playing tonight."

I smiled. 
"Yeah."

"Are you any good?"

"She's great," Josh told him.

"She is," Lana agreed.

"Thanks," I said to my friends, "but I'm pretty nervous."

"Don't be, I think that's so cool," Lenny replied.  "I once tried to play recorder at summer camp, but a bee flew into it and went up my nose."  He burst into a deep guffaw —- "HA-HA, HA-HA, HA-HA!" -- sounding as if he were suddenly possessed by a donkey.

"Um, sorry to hear that," I told him.  "And it's Melinda."

"Sure thing, Miranda."
 

Lana glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow.  "So, uh,
Squiggy
," she said, barely containing a snort, "how is it being a senior?  Are you going to college?"

Josh and I chuckled at her little
Laverne & Shirley
joke.  Lenny didn't get the
“Lenny and
Squiggy
” reference.

"It's Lenny," he reminded her.  "But to answer your question, uh, Laura, yeah, being a senior rocks!
It's
like, 'Hey man, I rule the school.  Get out of my way, you freshman!'  And the parties -- whoa!  This one time we crashed out at my buddy
Chaz's
for, like three days.  It was a weekend of non-stop fun.  I don't even remember half of it.  HA-HA, HA-HA, HA-HA!"

"Sounds like a blast," Lana said.  She rolled her eyes.

"Oh man,
Lina
, you don't even know.  Sit back and listen because I can seriously write a book about my weekends.  HA-HA!  There was that one party
Chazzy
and I went to where everyone puked at once..."

Josh eyed us turning green through the mirror and quickly changed the subject.  "So, Lana, I know you and Mel grew up together, but were you always best friends?"

Lana looked at me.  "You didn't tell him about the aliens? Well, you see..."

"I once met an alien," said Lenny.  "It was out on my cousin's farm in Texas.  He offered me his blue moon crystals."

“Anyway," Lana said, loudly.  "Melinda and I didn't really become close-close until we were in the first grade together.  At recess, the boys used to play this game where they'd pretend to be aliens and capture us.  Then they'd do experiments on us.  One day, Bobby Williams tried to shove an ant up my nose.  Mel heard me screaming and threw a dirt wad at him and he stopped.  We've been best friends ever since."

"Whoa, that reminds me of another time at
Chazzy's
place," Lenny said.  "His friend knew this female mud wrestler...

"Lenny," I interrupted, looking over at Josh.  "How did you and Josh ever become friends?"

"The
Joshter
, he saved my butt," Lenny said proudly.  "I was working at the diner about two years ago and was about to get my ass fired because I broke a whole bunch of plates.  Josh talked the manager into giving me another chance.  And, Lily, you know, Josh's mom?  She's like my mom, too.  Whenever I screw up, she gets my back.  HA-HA, HA-HA!"

I imagined Lily "got Lenny's back" all the time.  But we'd have to hear his stories later since we'd arrived at the school.  I picked up my flute and music and turned to Josh.  "Okay," I said, "Your time is up and I think you owe me after the ride we just took.  Now you
have
to tell me what this plan is."

###

A few minutes later, the four of us huddled in the bushes behind the school.  "So, this is it?" I asked, my eyes widening.  "
This
is the thing you've been keeping secret from me?"

Lenny stood before us in the strangest drag costume I'd ever seen.  He wore a long, hot pink skirt with an odd patchwork pattern on the hem.  His stockings were red and white striped, kind of like you'd imagine Santa's elves in.  His top was a blue and green plaid blouse covered by a powder-blue, ruffled, 1970s-type blazer.  To complete the look, he'd tied his c
urly mop into
three frizzy pigtails.  He hid his face behind a plastic
Xena
mask.  In his hand, he carried a ukulele.

Lana rolled on the ground in hysterics.  Josh looked proud.  I just stood there, confused.

"It's a great plan," Josh insisted.  "Lenny will stand outside the window of the band room.  Then Mel, you'll give him a signal when it's Kathy's turn to play.  Len will heckle her until she messes up her solo.  It's a no-brainer."

Lana glanced at Lenny.  "You can say that again."

"But what about security?"
  I asked.  "Don't you think people are going to well, notice some weirdo hanging around outside?  The cops will be on it in no time."

Josh grinned.  "No they won't."

I stared at him.  "How can you be so sure?"

"Trust me," he said.  "I have the perfect plan to ward off security.  I'll create a diversion."

"And I'll help," Lana announced, flashing me a smile.  "Josh is going to need company while he carries this out." 

I could only dream of what they would be talking about.

###

Once I was inside, I put Lenny and the plan out of my mind and concentrated on my upcoming performance.  I found an empty practice room and after going through my scales, slowly went through the more difficult passages of my solo.  I was just getting to the part with the octave jumps when Kathy marched into the practice room without knocking.  She eyed my red dress.

"I like it, Mel," she said looking me up and down, "but can I give you some fashion advice?"  She smirked.  "Big girls shouldn't show off their arms. 
Especially if they're going to be playing the flute."
  She lifted her arms up into position.  "See this here," she said, grabbing her toned
tricep
.  "On your arms, that's going to be wiggling all over the place like Jell-O."  She chuckled at her description.

Secretly I wondered if she was right; showing off my arms was something I wasn't entirely comfortable with.  But I refused to let her get to me; she'd get hers soon enough.  "Thanks for the tip," I told her, forcing myself to smile.  I examined her green, strapless gown.  "But you might want to make sure that your boobs don't pop out while you play."

She backed away a few inches, probably fearing that I'd hit her again.  I decided to make nice.  "So what are you playing, anyway?"  I asked.  "Is it anything I know?"

Kathy reached into her folder and pulled out her copy of Eugene
Bozza's
"Image," which is one of the toughest flute pieces out there.  For one thing, it's for solo flute, so there's no piano part to pick up the slack.  The middle section flies by at breakneck speed.  And the octave jumps that are in it make the ones in Poulenc's piece look like a walk in the park.  I've tried to play "Image
"  —
- very, very slowly —- but have never felt confident enough to perform it in public.  To say I was impressed was an understatement.

"That's awesome," I said, meaning it.

"Thanks."  She smiled and seemed to be genuinely flattered by my compliment.  "I wasn't sure if I should go for it, you know with it being without the piano and all, but I love this piece."

"Me, too.
  I've listened to it being played online about a million times and never get sick of it."

She fidgeted for a moment.  "Uh,
wanna
hear a little?" she offered.  "It'll help me get ready if I play for someone first." 

"Sure."  I cleared off the music stand.

"Okay," she hedged. "I'm kind of nervous about this middle part," she admitted, indicating the octave jumps.  "I keep messing up on the second half, especially on that run down."  Still, she took a deep breath and threw her shoulders back ... and plowed through the jumps with no problems.  I applauded.

"That's amazing," I assured her.  "That section is a killer. 
Do
it like that and you'll be fine."

She blushed.  "Thanks.  Well, what are you playing?"

I held up my music, not quite believing that we were actually
kinda-sorta
bonding
.

"Oh, I love the Poulenc," she said.  "Can I hear yours?"

"Okay."  I arranged the piece on the stand.

Just then, Ken popped his head into the practice room.  He whistled as he got a look at my outfit.  "Nice dress, Mel!" 
he
said.  "You clean up well."

"Hi, Ken," Kathy said loudly.  She tried to bat her eyes at him, but the move made her look like she was having a seizure.

"Oh, uh, hi, Kathy.
  Good luck tonight."  Ken waved to me.  "Good luck to you, too, Rhodes."

After Ken left, I picked up my flute so I could play some of the Poulenc for her.  "The octave jumps are driving me a little crazy," I confessed, "and that transition to the middle..."

Kathy's expression had changed.  She was no longer smiling and instead had a scowl on her pretty face.  She held up her hand.  "Know what, Mel, spare me, okay?" 
she
said.  "I don't have time for this.  I think I played that piece in kindergarten, so if you can't get it, maybe you should go back to something easier, like 'Mary Had A Little Lamb.' "

"But..."  What the hell just happened?  Did an alien take over her body?  I quickly realized that this wasn't about Kathy having a split personality; it was about Ken.  It was just killing her that he and I were on friendly terms.  A surge of triumph shot through me.  If she insisted on being a bitch, I was perfectly capable of being an even bigger one.

"Look, I've got to finish warming up," I said, turning my back to her.  "So please get out of here.  I want some quiet while I'm getting ready."

"I don't see why you're even bothering," she said.  "My piece is a lot more difficult and I'm the better player.  There's no way that guy is going to pick you for his orchestra."

I shrugged.  "We'll see."

I smiled to myself as I thought of what awaited her.

###

A few minutes later, it was finally time for the recital to begin.  For most school functions we use the auditorium, but since this crowd wasn't as large, the event was simply held in our band and orchestra rooms.  The school tried to make them look a little
more classy
by hanging streamers from the ceiling and putting out tables full of snacks and punch.

Once everyone was seated, Mr. Francis waddled to the front of the room, where his podium usually sat, while we gathered in a semi-circle behind him.  That evening, he was wearing a black suit and tie, not to mention a smile.  In other words, he could almost pass for normal.  If we told the guests that he got a perverse pleasure out of shrieking at the band and breaking batons, they probably wouldn't believe us.

After making a few opening remarks, our conductor motioned to us.  "It now gives me great pleasure to introduce the best of the best," he announced.  "They've all been working really hard and I think they could give any professional musician a run for his money.  Of course, I'm extremely biased."  Everyone lau
ghed.  "So here are
Sequoia High's wind ensemble and symphony orchestra students!"  The room broke into applause.