Revenant (29 page)

I did. And before I knew it, I fell
asleep.

* * *

I dreamt of Gage. He was standing in the center of a room, moonlight
streaming in from open windows. The light surrounded him and shimmered across
his features. He looked handsome, dashing in a dark suit and red tie.

I
was standing in the corner of the room wearing a fancy black gown. It was
strapless, with a full skirt that hung all the way down to the floor. I swayed
back and forth and watched the delicate ruffles on the skirt make the same back-and-forth
movements.

Gage
reached out a hand to me. I glided across the floor toward him and he pulled me
into his arms. Before I knew what was happening, we were dancing as hauntingly
sweet music filled the air.

His
strong arms were around me, holding me tight while I rested my head against his
shoulder. I felt safe, and for the first time in a long time, completely
content. We danced for a while, holding each other, and then the music stopped.

Gage
pushed me away and I stumbled into the shadows. Skittering sounds
filled
the darkness. Somewhere not too far away
I could barely make out the indistinct outline of…something. There were sounds
of shuffling, but no snarling or growling. No red eyes peered at me from the
darkness. It wasn’t hellhounds out there watching
me
…it was something else.
Something
bigger, something darker, something more ominous.

I
shivered in my fancy strapless gown. A rose fell through the air and dropped to
the floor. Its red petals spread out on the ground. I watched as the petals
transformed into a puddle of blood that grew and spread, and I moved back quickly,
afraid I would get some of it on my shoes or my lovely dress.

Then
Gage called to me. I turned, and he was there, standing before me. His eyes
stared deeply into mine.
They’re so
beautiful
… I’d never realized before. Their color was such a pale blue,
they almost looked white. They glowed in the darkness like a beacon calling out
to me. I felt feverish, on fire, as I stared into those eyes.

Gage
gave me a smile. His fingers came up and gently stroked my cheek, my neck. I
sighed with pleasure as he touched me. Then he leaned in and his lips were on
mine. I felt the heat of his body as he pulled me closer.
I’d never felt so safe, so loved.

I
knew in
that
moment
that I would always be his.
Forever
.

* * *

With a start, I woke, my heart pounding in my chest. The
room was awash in candlelight. Dean must have lit candles after he put me to
bed. I gazed around the room and tried to
shake
off
the image of the dark threat in my dream and the even more appalling
sense of warmth and
joy
that had
been somehow tied
to Gage.

I
sat up and raised a shaking hand to my temple. Did I
really
just dream of Gage? Of us
dancing
and kissing, and—most disturbing of all—I liked it? I could still
feel the warmth of his lips on mine. No, that wasn’t a dream—it was a
nightmare. With fierce movements, I swiped the back of my hand across my lips.
Feeling sick to my stomach, I rubbed my palm across my sweating face, trying to
clear my thoughts.

I
got up and walked over to the shattered mirror. My image was scattered, a
distorted reflection off each broken piece. And that’s how I felt. Somehow
broken. Not quite myself.

There’s something wrong with me
.

The
dream kept flashing in my head. Why did I dream of Gage? He was someone I
despised, a monster to be feared and hated. Suddenly a conversation I’d had
with Sonja came back to me. Sonja said none of the girls could resist Gage.
She’d told me I would find myself falling for his charm eventually. I rubbed my
hand across my lips again, trying to wipe away the warm, lingering feeling of
his kiss.

I
looked in the mirror, feeling dazed, and then my legs buckled. I barely caught
myself on the edge of the dresser.
What
is wrong with me?

When
I’d made zombies before, I’d felt exhausted, but this was more than exhaustion.
I felt weak and oddly cold. I pushed myself off the dresser and made my way out
of the room and down the hallway. With each step, I felt more sick and shaky. I
used the wall to steady myself as I went.

I
got as far as the living room when a voice called out from the corner, “You’re
up.”

Dean
sat in the dark in one of the old chairs. Three candles resting on the surface
of the piano cast strange shadows across the room, and I couldn’t quite make
out his face.

“Were
you making more zombies for Gage?” he asked.

“I…I
was.” I struggled to force the words out, knowing he would despise me because
of them.

He shot out of the chair. “I would
rather die than be a part of this.”

My legs felt so shaky, I found myself holding
on to the side of the piano for support. “You need to leave now while you still
have time.”

“How can you do this?” he demanded,
ignoring me. “How many people will die because of the zombies you raised? How
many deaths have you already caused?”

I flinched at his words.
How can I make him understand?
“Do you
know why I sought out the Death Arts, Dean? I watched Macaven murder my family
before my very eyes. I saw my father’s throat get slashed. I watched a bullet
tear through my mother. They killed my brother and ripped his spirit from his
body. Was I just supposed to walk away? Their murderers came after me and I
thought they were going to kill me, too.” Anger filled my voice. “I had to
avenge my family. I had to find a way to protect myself. I know you think the
things I did are unforgivable, and maybe they are, but I can’t take back
what’s happened
.”

His face registered shock. He never
knew about my family. I’d never told him why I’d sought out the death dealers.

“Do you see now why I did what I did?”
If only he could see, could understand the reasons behind my actions.

At my words, the look of shock was
replaced by one of disapproval. “All right, now I understand why you learned
the Death Arts. And I know what you went through back at the asylum. But now,
here
, you have a choice. You don’t have
to do whatever Gage asks. You don’t
have
to raise zombies for him.”

I wanted Dean to hate me, to just leave
already—to disappear like everyone else I’d ever loved. I stood looking
at him, swallowing the words I wanted to say in my defense.

“Am I just supposed to tell you
everything is okay? That what you did doesn’t matter?” Sadness filled his eyes.
“I know you had your reasons, but, Colina…the things you’ve done…”

When I didn’t say anything, he went on.
“I care for
you,
I do, but I’m trying to
come to terms with all of this.” His eyes were staring directly into mine. “You
have to understand—I feel betrayed. Everyone knew the truth but
me
. I feel crushed that you felt the
need to lie to me after all we’ve
been through
.
You saved me—you brought me back from being trapped deep inside myself. I
know if it weren't for you I’d still be back at the asylum; I’d still be a
human vegetable. I owe you my life. I gave you my heart.” He turned away from
me, but not before I could see the hurt that filled his eyes.

“But your actions brought down hell on
earth for my people. We’ve always had an uneasy relationship with the outside
world. I know people feared death dealers, but it was only because they didn’t
understand us. I always hoped that
one day
things would change and the world would accept us, but now there’s no hope of
that ever happening.” He spun back toward me. He was angry now. “They are
hunting our kind. They feel justified in killing
us
because they think we’re monsters.”

“I’m
the monster,”
I whispered.

His anger
was instantly replaced
with a look of
pity. He started to reach out for me, but then steeled himself and spoke calmly.
“You’re not a monster. But we shouldn’t be here. You should never have agreed
to raise zombies for Gage.”

“And
if I said no, he would have killed you. He would have killed Wendy.”

“You
should’ve let him,” Dean said softly.

“I
wasn’t going to stand by and watch you die!” I cried out.

“Instead
you do whatever Gage asks, no matter the consequences.” He did reach out and
grab me this time. His hands came down on either side of my shoulders, and he
gave me a hard shake. “No one’s life is worth doing what that madman wants. You
can’t keep going along with his plans.”

I
pulled away from him, but we stood staring at each other for a long moment.

I
could not stand to see him look at me with such disdain. I closed my eyes and a
tear slid down my cheek. I wanted him to turn away from me, and now he finally
would.

I felt
him wipe away the tear and opened my eyes to see his face close to mine. Those
blue eyes stared at me, and then he surprised me when he leaned in and brushed his
lips gently against mine. I wanted to feel Dean’s lips crushing against me. I
wanted to wipe away the awful image still floating in my mind of Gage kissing
me. I pulled Dean closer.

Did he
still care for me? Did I want
him to
? When
I hesitated in kissing him back, he suddenly stopped, dropping his arms and backing
away. “Promise me you won’t do what Gage wants anymore.”

I knew
I couldn’t make that promise. And as soon as I told him, he would go.

I tried to say the words that would
make him leave, but suddenly I couldn’t seem to speak.

Dean’s
expression changed to one
of concern
. “Colina, what’s wrong?”

I tried to answer him, but I couldn’t
move—not my lips, not my arms, not my legs. And worse, I couldn’t catch
my breath.
My chest felt so heavy.
I
tried to breathe, but each breath was a struggle. My vision became spotty. Time
slipped away as I floated in and out of consciousness.

I heard yelling and
other noises—
sounds of bodies moving,
people talking close
by
. I looked up into
Dean’s eyes. He was gazing down at me. I realized I was laying flat on the
floor with no memory of falling. Then
I felt Dean’s lips on mine. It took a long moment for my
fogged brain to realize what was happening. Dean wasn’t kissing me—he was
blowing breath into me.

His
hands pushed down hard on my chest and excruciating pain shot through me. I
wanted to cry out, but no sound escaped my mouth. I could feel my ribs cracking
as the awful pressure seemed to crush all the way through me. I knew on some
level
that Dean was trying to save me, but the
pain was so intense that if I could have spoken, I would have begged him to
stop.

Dean
yelled, “Colina, don’t leave me!” His mouth crashed down on mine, and his hands
pressed down hard against my chest again.

And
then there was nothing but silence, which dragged on until I heard a
voice—Sonja’s voice—whisper in the dark, “Dean, stop. You can’t
save her. Look at her. The color of her face, her lips are blue… Stop it, Dean.
Colina’s gone. She’s dead.”

I
felt myself slowly drift away.

* * *

“I wasn’t planning for all this to happen so soon. All my
timetables had to move up. You understand.”
It was Gage.

I couldn’t open my eyes—I
was completely paralyzed
. I could feel my heart
faintly beating in my chest and I was barely inhaling
; my breathing was so shallow that my chest no longer rose and fell.

Gage’s
voice came again, “You must
understand.
This is
necessary.”

Is he talking to me?
I could feel wind blowing
against my face.
Are we outside?
What
I thought might be damp grass pressed against my back.

“Not
to worry, this is not the first time I’ve worked this spell. Years ago I spent
a lot of time with a shaman. He was kind enough to show me the ways of his
people…before I killed him.”

Cold
fingers trailed down my bare arm.
“I could have
done the spell without having you here at all, but this sort of magic has much
more power if the subject is present.”

He
moved away and I heard the sound of a striking match. The smell of some
sort of
incense burning filled the air,
drifting around me and making my throat burn. I wanted to cough or even
swallow, but my body wasn’t taking orders.

“Not
to worry, it’s all part of the reawakening. I gave you a little something to
make you more pliable, a little more subject to suggestion, and, of course, to
keep you from running away while I work.” I could feel Gage’s hands on me
again. They moved along my neck. “Soon—very soon, my love—you’ll
take your place by my side.”