Reunion (11 page)

He gently grabbed my hands away from my face. He used his fingers to brush away my tears. Sam spoke.

“I don’t think I have ever known a braver person in my life than you Savannah. What happened was supposed to happen. It was meant to be. The path was chosen for your dad. I believe that. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate. I also believe that he already knew all the things you said to him. He loved you so very much.” Sam raised my chin up again so that when I looked up I was looking into his eyes. He smiled softly.

“He also wasn’t the only one who loved you.”

“Loved?” I asked as if he was referring to loving me in the past tense.

“Yes Savannah I loved you. You were my world. You left me. You broke my heart. You ran away.”

I pulled my hands away from his and I shot up. “Well I guess there is nothing more to say. I feel like a fool the way I just opened up to you. I let my guard down. I need to go.”

I started towards the door. I opened it and he slammed it back shut before I had a chance to exit. He spun me around and grabbed my shoulders. He shook me a bit. Not enough to hurt me but to make me pay attention.

“You tell me how you felt Savannah and it was raw and real. You tell me you told your dad to watch over me? Why? We were done. I wasn’t ready to be done. You took that away from me. I didn’t have a choice.”

“I thought I didn’t have a chance Sam. We were going to talk about starting over and being with each other forever. I thought you chose Christa. “

“Yes and I didn’t and you never even asked me about it. You took someone else’s word over mine. Now that you know the truth how’s it make you feel?”

“How do you know I know the truth Sam?” He kept his hand wide spread over the door and I felt the heat from his body. I smelled the beer on his breath.

“I knew you were going to come here tonight Savannah. Tyler. He called me to tell me you were on your way. He told me about what down with Christa tonight and what happened five years ago. When I went into the bathroom I called him back to let him know you were here safe. I told him to tell Georgia and the girls you were ok. I know they would have been worried.”

“Safe?” I asked. He took my face into his hands and whispered. “I always want to keep you safe Savannah and I don’t want you to run anymore. Stay right here.” He beat on his chest slightly over his heart.

“If you do that I will never let you go but you need to stay. Stop running from me. I can’t keep chasing you.” His moved his face closer to mine. I could feel his breath on my lips.

“Tell me you will stay with me Savannah. Tell me you love me and you won’t run from us again. My heart wouldn’t be able to take it. You always have been my heart since that day in the school hall way. I knew I wanted you from the minute I heard your sweet voice before I rounded that corner and crashed into you. On purpose I might add.”

“You did that on purpose?” You could of killed me Sam.” I relaxed a bit.

“Not exactly but when I heard you I hid behind the wall and peered around to get a look at you. You wore your track uniform. I guess you had a meet that day as well. Your hair was pulled up in a pony tail. What I didn’t see was those amazing eyes. I hadn’t seen them until I knocked you down and helped you up. You looked into my eyes and I knew from that instant you were mine.” He breathed every word against my parted lips. I could feel the heat between us and my knees became weak.

“How do you remember all that? It was so long ago.” I stuttered.

“I will always remember the first time I fell in love.” With those words I grabbed him by his head and pulled his lips to mine. I knocked over his hat and he pinned me against the door. He lifted my thighs and I swung my legs around his waist. He thrusted into me so my back banged into the door. My hands went immediately to his soft waves of golden brown hair. Our tongues were intertwined and his kisses were deep and they invaded my mouth. His free hand was on the back of my neck and the other holding me up. I moaned and said “ I love you. I love you. I’ll never leave you again. I’ll stop running. I need you Sam. I need you so much.” The tears came in sheets out of my eyes. He wiped them away.

“I love you so much Savannah baby. You are mine.” I pulled away and smiled at him.

“Don’t ever call me Savannah again.” He smiled in return and said “Savy, I want you.” My head fell back and I whispered “ I want you too. I need you Sam. Take me to bed.”

He never let me down. We continued to kiss and touch all the way to the entrance of his room. He turned me towards the door and leaned me against it. He felt for the handle and opened it. I could feel the unusually warm October breeze coming through the large windows in the front of his room and I listened to the faint music from one of the bars below us. He gently lowered me onto his bed. I sat up on the edge of the bed. Sam Kneeled between my legs. He gently took off each of my heels and began massaging my feet. “Remember when I used to do this for you after a long night of waiting tables at Roy’s?” I touched his cheek and smiled back at him. He began kissing the top of my feet and then started up my ankles. I leaned my neck back and began to feel tingles throughout my body. It was dark except for the light from the street lamps shining through the window but I could still see his beautiful face as he kissed and caressed me. He slowly reached under my dress and pulled off my underwear then proceeded to climb on top of me. Covering me with soft touches and kisses. My hands found his hair and we kissed for what felt like eternity. I rolled myself on top of him and took off his shirt. The heat from our bodies was radiating throughout the room and I felt like the temperature rose among us. I found the zipper to his pants and I gently tugged them down over his waist, down his muscular thighs. He slowly raised my hands over my head and took off my dress. Once it was off he backed away slightly and gazed at me. He looked at me as though he hadn’t seen me naked a million times before. When he spoke his voice was soft and a little shaky.

“My God Savy. You have grown into such a beautiful woman. Look at you.” He shook his head again and bowed it. He raised his lips to mine and we laid back down. His hands began to knead my breasts and I arched my back to meet his mouth to my chest. He kissed and tenderly took each nipple into his warm mouth. He was gentle and slow and I knew my body was reacting to the ache I felt between my legs. My hips began to rock as he made his way back to my mouth. His kisses grew ever so deep and his tongue caressed mine. The more he did this tantalizing thing to me, the more hot and ready I became. I slid his hand down between my legs and placed his finger inside me. He let out a seductive moan.

“Oh my God Savy, you are so hot and I love that I got you this way. I love the way you feel. I missed this so much. ” I could feel his erection on my leg and I knew I needed more. I needed him. Now.

“Please Sam. Fuck me now.” With that he entered me with ease and control and again like so many other times before in our life he rocked my world.

“You feel so good baby.” I begged him for more and he gave me more until my body and his started to convulse from the both of us coming together. It was as though we never missed a beat.

Afterwards we lie there in the dark listening to the sounds of our own heavy breathing. He stroked my hair and I rubbed my hands gently on his chest. “Wow! Sex with you at 28 is a lot different than at 22. I’m not too sure if you have had a lot of practice Savy but whatever you were doing. Wait I don’t even want to think about that.

I smacked his chest. He laughed and with that he rolled me over in a quick one time move so that he was now on top of me. I could look into those green eyes of yours forever. And I will Savy.” I looked into his sunset colored eyes and they began to darken with passion and desire.

“Again so soon sir?” I asked and with that his lips were upon mine. He began to bite my earlobes and kiss my throat. His hands were entwined in my hair and his soft gentle kisses filled me with desire for him as well. He began moving down over my breast lower down my belly and I felt nothing but ecstasy. He kissed along my belly button and I leaned my head back closing my eyes in preparation for where he was about to go. Suddenly he stopped.

“Savy? What is this scar you have here below your bellybutton?” My head shot up and I began to sweat.

“It’s nothing.” I felt him trace the scar with his finger.

“Sav this doesn’t look like nothing. “ I pulled away and made my way towards the head board. I couldn’t look directly at him. I blurted the first thing out of my head.

“I uh, I had a Appendectomy a few years ago and that’s what it’s from.”

He stood up at the edge of the bed looking quite confused. “ Sav I’m not a Doctor like our friend Jack Becker but I’m pretty sure the appendix is on the left side of your body. Why if you had a surgery like that they would cut you so close to your…..” Then he stopped. He looked at me with concern. “ Savy, I’m going to ask you again. What is that scar from? It was never there before. I have not been with you in 5 years. What is that scar from?” I felt like my chest was caving in and my heart began to beat out of I grabbed my underwear and put them back on. I found my dress and wrapped it around my body.

“Savy that Scar is very close to your…? It’s right above your pelvic bone? Is that a ….” His eyes widened and he looked up at me with terror in his eyes. I buried my face in my hands not wanting to look at him. “ SAVANNAH ANSWER ME!” He yelled.

“I’m so sorry. I should of told you a long time ago. I’m so sorry.”

“So you’re sorry that you had a baby by another man and you didn’t tell me about it? What the fuck Savannah.” He started to dress quickly.

“No Sam.” I said and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “The baby was yours. It was our baby.” He froze and looked at me.

“My baby?’ he said quietly. “Our baby?” The look on his face was agonizing.

“Yes Sam. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after I came home from our reunion. I thought you were with Christa and I didn’t want you to be burdened with it. I thought if I hid from you well I....That’s why I changed my number, my e-mail and then I moved.”

“You what? You were always going to hide this from me? But what were you going to do when you came back to town with a baby on your hip? Pass it off as someone else’s?” He shook his head as to get the thought out of his brain.

“I was going to tell you after the baby was born.”

“Where is the baby Savannah! Where is my child! Answer me right fucking now!”

“There is no baby Sam.” He fell to his knees and covered his face. “Oh God you got an abortion ? But wait I don’t understand how did you get that scar then. I’m so confused and I think you need to start explaining Savannah before I lose my fucking mind!”

CHAPTER 8

SURVIVING WITH NO SECOND CHANCE

I can remember being quite tired after my visit home earlier that month. I thought it was mental exhaustion from my encounter with Christa and my need to run away from the situation with Sam. I had moved abruptly from my apartment at the end of October. I needed to have a fresh start. Maddy and Georgia had come up to help me move. We were sitting at lunch and the smell from Maddy’s Shrimp Tempura turned my belly as well as my face turning a pea shade of green.

“Sav you don’t look so good.” Maddy said. I wiped the sweat from my brow and said.

“I’ll be fine. I think it’s just my nerves. I haven’t had much of an appetite lately.” When they brought out Georgia’s Eel roll I could feel the chunks of vomit rise into my throat and I sprinted towards the nearest exit. I threw up on the sidewalk of the restaurant. Maddy and Georgia came out to check on me. “Jesus Sav. What the hell is up with you?” Maddy grabbed me from underneath my arms to help me up and I yelped “ Ugh that hurts Maddy.” “What hurts Sav your arm pits?” “ No Mads you grabbed the sides of my breasts and they have been so freaking sore lately I can’t even stand the shower head hitting them.” Maddy and Georgia looked at each other. Then back to me. I leaned against the brick wall of the outside of the restaurant. Then it hit me.

“Holy shit I’m pregnant aren’t I?” They both started to laugh. “What the hell is so funny! This is not funny. It’s Sam’s baby.” Then laughter turned to speechlessness as the reality set into them. We headed back to my apartment. On the way we stopped by a Pharmacy so I could be 100% sure that I was pregnant and it wasn’t just the flu. 5 pregnancy tests later and my fears stared me square in the face. “What are you going to do Sav?” Maddy asked.

“No way you’re having that asshat’s baby now is there?” Georgia said.

“I don’t… I don’t know what to do… I know I can’t get rid of it but I do know Sam can’t know. At least not now.”

“He’s this baby’s father Savannah you can’t keep this from him.”

“Yes I can and will. I want nothing to do with Sam Reynolds and this baby will be a direct link to him. He will want to find me and want to take care of me through this pregnancy. He is with Christa now and I’m not dealing with the two of them for the rest of my life. This is the way it has to be and Maddy you have to swear on your life this is between us. I will tell my mom and Ella, Trish, and Lil. They are coming here in January and I’m sure I may be showing by then so I have to tell them. I just can’t bear the thoughts of that man being in my life right now. Please understand Maddy Please!” I begged and pleaded to her. “I will keep your secret but I don’t approve and I’m not happy with this decision but I am glad you will keep it and I’ll do whatever I can to help you and help this baby. “

“Me too” Georgia chimed in.

“I Love you both. Thank you for being my best friends.” I hugged them both.

The beginning of my pregnancy was uneventful. A little morning sickness here and there but nothing unusual. I went home for 3 days during Christmas and I told my mom. “ I had a feeling Savannah when I saw you Christmas Eve eat almost an entire Turkey and you have never eaten Turkey in your life. Are you keeping the baby?”

“I can’t get anything past you can I mom? And yes I’m going to keep it. And please I need to keep this from Sam. At least until after the baby is born.

“Savannah I’m not at all pleased with your decision to keep this from Sam but you are an adult and my feeling is sooner or later the truth always comes out in the end. It will be hard to live here and see his mom at the diner knowing I’ll be keeping this from her. What are we going to tell your father?”

“Nothing mom. I don’t want to upset him right now. He hasn’t been feeling good lately. He’s losing a lot of weight and not eating. I’m concerned.”

“I know dear. He has an appointment with Dr. Craig next month for his check up so we will see what’s going on then.”

I went home and spent New Year’s alone with this little baby living and growing inside my body. I cried at the thoughts of Sam being with Christa tonight and here I was carrying his child. What was I thinking? Could I do this on my own?

The girls came up in January and when I picked them up at the train station and they saw my little belly against my tight black t-shirt I thought they were catching flies by the way their mouths hung open. I told them the story and we made a pact not to say anything. They swore and I believed them. Lil had told me she saw Sam in DC a few weeks before Christmas and he asked about me and she told him not to bother cause she wasn’t sure what had happened and she wasn’t the person to ask. She told him I moved and he asked for my address which she denied him.

“Sav he looked broken hearted when I told him it wasn’t my place to give him your address. He looked devastated. I mean really devastated.”

“I appreciate that Lil. He is out of my life for now and has moved on and so will I, I mean we.” And I patted my belly.

February came and when I went to my doctor’s appointment I told him that I was a little lightheaded and crampy. He took my blood pressure and it was very high. They did an ultrasound and he told me it looked like I had something called Pre-Eclampsia. He explained the condition to me and its risk factors. I became very scared. He ordered me on bed rest for the up coming week and he would check me in the office after the week was up. He assured me if was nothing I did but that I should try and remain stress free and get help at home if needed. I was aloud to get up and down to use the bathroom but that was about it. I called my mom to tell her and she said that she couldn’t come up because my dad was going to have a series of tests done to determine why he was losing so much weight. She sent Georgia instead. She had a break from school luckily. The following week I went back to the doctors and he told me my blood pressure was a bit lower but not enough to get off of bed rest so he wrote me out of work for the next three months and I was banned to the couch or bed with a stress free environment. Georgia, Maddy, and Ella took turns coming up for a few days at a time. They cooked meals for me, did my laundry and we watched movies and played video games. They were God sends. Lil and Trish came up together one weekend and they gave me a manicure and a pedicure and they even gave my hair a trim and a facial. I felt like a princess. My friends from work took turns at meal times to get me lunch and dinner and magazines.

The memories of that cold February day still played in my brain. Maddy had come up to help out for a few days and I was feeling good. My blood pressure was still a little high but Maddy made sure all my meals were sodium free and I was keeping myself well hydrated. We were sitting on my sofa watching a chick flick one evening and I got a call from my mom.

“Hey mom how’s it going how’s da...”

“Savannah?” She was crying. “Oh baby I’m so sorry to have to tell you this over the phone and I’ve kept it from you long enough but I’m so sorry Daddy is sick. I’m so sorry.”

“What! What do you mean? What are you telling me mom.” I began to scream. “ He’s in the hospital baby. Its pancreatic cancer sweetie. I’m so sorry.”

I dropped the phone and began screaming. Maddy grabbed the phone and began talking to my mom. I got up from the sofa and paced the floor. Maddy begged me to sit down. She went to get me a glass of water. “ Your blood pressure please Savannah.” He told my mom she would call her back once I calmed down. “MY FATHER IS DYING MADISON! HE’S DYING AND I CANT HELP HIM!” I fell to the floor screaming and sobbing.

Maddy came next to me and wrapped her arms around me. “It’s going to be ok. It’s going to be ok. You need to relax Sav. Please.” She pleaded again. Just then I felt a strong twinge of pain in my belly and I looked down to see a puddle of blood between my legs. “Maddy?” I looked at her and that’s the last thing I remember.

“Sam? Are you listening?” I looked over at him and he was still standing there at the foot of his bed.

“Finish Savannah. What happened?” He said not looking at me.

“When I woke up Maddy, Georgia and my mom were there standing in my hospital room.”

“Mom?” I grumbled. Savannah honey you are in the hospital. Try not to move but you are going to be fine.” I tried to focus but I was still groggy from what ever they gave me. I reached down to touch my belly but it was soft. I let out a cry of anguish. “ NOOOO!!!” The nurse came in and shot something in my arm and I passed out. I woke up a day later and Maddy sat at the foot of my bed sleeping in a chair. “Maddy?” I whispered. She sat straight up and rushed to my bedside. “Sav how are you baby? How do you feel?”

“Sore and confused. Please tell me what happened. Is my baby gone?” “Yes Savannah. He is. I’m so sorry.” “ He?” I whispered. The tears began to flow from my eyes.

“Sav it was the Pre-Eclampsia. It was the uncontrolled They needed to save one of you and your chances were better. You could of died Savannah. They tried to save him but it was so early. He was only 23 weeks. They needed to get him out or you would die.” She bowed her head and began to cry.

“Maddy where is he? Can I see him? Can I see my son?” The nurse came in and explained to me that it was my decision to see him and that he was not fully developed. She described what he would look like. I didn’t care I just wanted to hold my son. About a half hour later the nurse came back with a small blue blanket. I sat up in bed and she handed me the baby. He wore a little knitted hat and was bundled up. I pulled down the blanket to get a better look at his tiny face. My heart broke right there in that room. My tears fell on him as I cuddled the tiny boy in the blue blanket. I whispered “ I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. I did my best. I love you baby. I love you. Please forgive me.”

“You did everything right Savannah. You took great care of yourself. This just wasn’t meant to be.” Maddy said to me. I just held him for what seemed like forever. His skin was soft and transparent like rice paper. The nurse told me I didn’t have long with him because they needed to do what they had to do with him. The nurse and a social worker came in to ask me a few questions. They asked if I wanted him to be buried or cremated. I chose cremation so I could have his ashes and he would always be with me. When they tried to take him from me cried knowing that that would be the first and last time I would ever hold him. Maddy crawled in bed next to me when the nurse left with the baby. She held me and let me cry. Then in Sam’s bedroom. Nothing but silence.

“So is that it?” Sam asked.

“Is that it? I replied. Yes Sam. That’s it. That’s what happened. I didn’t have to go to therapy, be put on anxiety medicine or anti-depressants or go through trauma when they gave me his ashes. I didn’t have to go through naming him on his birth and death certificate. I haven’t had to live with this for the past 4 years by myself.” I told him as I looked away.

What’s his name.” He asked. I turned back to face him.

“What?”

I’m asking you what was my sons name damn it?”

“Charlie. After my dad.” Things remained quiet for a few minutes. He turned away and walked out of the bedroom. I gathered my shoes and followed behind him slowly. He stood in front of the counter top in his kitchen and reached up in a cabinet for a glass. He opened another cabinet and took out of bottle of whiskey. He filled the glass up half way and drank it with what seemed like one gulp. He put the glass back down and leaned both his hands on the counter. He sighed and without turning to me said. “Get out Savannah.”

I started walking towards him and I placed my hand on his shoulder. Sam spun around and grabbed my hand. Tears were streaming down his face. “Don’t you touch me. Don’t ever touch me again. I hate you Savannah. You deprived me the knowledge that I had a son. That you were even pregnant. I didn’t get to hold him, or feel him kick you. I didn’t get to see his face or even name him but I’m sure I’m on the fucking birth certificate. How could you do that to me Savannah! HOW COULD YOU!” He screamed. “GET OUT OF MY LIFE.”

I turned around and ran out the door. I ran into the empty streets and the morning sun was just coming up. I hailed a cab and told him to drive fast. I cried in my hands the whole way home to my moms. How could I have done this to him? How could I hurt someone I loved so much? He didn’t deserve that. What was wrong with me? The cab pulled up to my mom’s house. I got out and Georgia opened the front door. I walked up the steps and collapsed in her arms on the front porch.

CHAPTER 9

MOVING ON

I sat at the table still in my clothes from last night. Georgia had made a pot of coffee and I sat there with her and my mom. I sipped the coffee and put down the cup on the table which was buried beneath a sea of used tissues.

“Savannah you knew someday you would have had to tell him.” My mom said.

“How mom? Honestly how? The only reason he knows now is because he saw the scar. He knew what kind of scar it was. It’s not your typical c-section scar. They had to do it quick and it is much bigger than most. It’s big and ugly. Just like my lies.” I began to cry again.

“Sav you thought at the time you were protecting him and you and the baby for that matter.” Georgia said to me with care. Her voice soft and comforting.

“And I made you both and my friends lie. How could I ever forgive myself for making you do that?”

“We did it because we love you Savannah. Forgiving is a part of life my love. ” She stroked my hair.

“It’s time to move on Savannah. You will never forget baby Charlie and Sam may not forgive you and your heart may be broken but you need to get on with your life. I have dealt with the pain of losing your dad but I woke up every morning, got dressed and went to work after he died because life goes on Savannah. You can’t change your past but you can create your own future.”