Authors: JJ Harper
At first I didn’t think Ryan had heard me and part of me hoped that was so, but the slight hesitation in his step makes me think that he had.
This is so different than I imagined seeing him again would be, I expected to see him at the reunion and our eyes would meet across the crowded ballroom. Shit, I sound like I’m in a chick flick. Come on Nico pull yourself together. But my mind is full of not only the image of me having my face fucked by some homophobic tormenter, but the memories of my past before Franco found me, the dirty, seedy past that caused me so much pain.
Did Ryan really wait at the hospital because he wanted to or because his job makes him? I’m not naïve enough to think he wants me back in his life, but he did call me babe
and
he didn’t let go of my hand as we walked up the stairs. What does it all mean? Letting my eyes droop and close I give in to my body’s need for sleep, as I succumb and my body totally relaxes my last thought was of Ryan calling me babe.
My head is full of pictures, violent images of my past life mixing with the recent attack, of Palmer forcing my mouth down on him, of other hard hands forcing me to the ground. The fists and feet pounding into my body over and over, I can feel the bones breaking under the force of their hatred. I can’t stop my scream, the pain bursting through my body! Oh God, it hurts, it hurts so much! Please stop, no more. I can’t take any more. I can feel arms tight around my body but these aren’t hurting me, who is this? Where am I?
I quickly open my eyes, it’s daylight now, the bright light of the sun blazing through the window allows me to take in my surroundings. This isn’t my house. Then the grip around me loosens and moves away from me.
“Nico, it’s okay. You’re at my place. Don’t you remember we came back here after the hospital?” Ryan climbs off the bed and moves further away.
“Fuck Ryan, what happened?” I still feel all shaky, the sweat on my body is chilling my skin, I need a hot shower. As I lift my hand up to my head I can feel the pain in my ribs making me wince. When I look at my hand I can see the split knuckles and the dried blood crusting into scabs, lifting up my filthy shirt my ribs are colorful but the skin seems to be intact.
I look over at Ryan and see trepidation in his eyes. “You were crying out in your sleep. Shit Nic, you scared the crap out of me. You wouldn’t stop; I didn’t know what to do.”
“So you held me?” I shake my head; I can’t believe he would do that for me. “Do you have any idea how long it’s been since someone held me? Shit Ryan.”
I can feel tears building in my eyes; I sure as fuck don’t want to cry in front of him again, last night was humiliating enough. Jeez I’ve just scared the crap out of him with my nightmare; this will quickly send him running to the hills. I’ve got my fingernails digging into my palms to stop the tears from falling, once I’ve got that under control I can look back at him. Oh God, he is so beautiful, so much more powerful than I remember. He stands in front of me in only a pair of sleep shorts, his body is perfectly formed, his muscles defined. I need to get out of here; I’m not going to be able control my feelings for him if I stay here.
When I finally lift my head up to look at his face, taking i
n
his sleep messed caramel colored hair then looking down to his stormy grey eyes, I’m stunned that he seems to be holding back tears too. I have to leave here; I can’t do this to him, I can’t dump all of my shit on him. Maybe if we’d just met at the reunion, but not now, not after he had to save me from being beaten half to death and raped. It’s too embarrassing, and to see where he lives, in this expensive home proves that he has done well; he doesn’t need any trouble or complications from me.
“Yeah, shit. Look Ryan, I’m sorry to have woken you, hell I’m sorry you had to help me out in the first place. Look, can I grab a shower? Then I’ll call a cab to get me back to the Marriott. I can be out of here in 30 minutes tops.”
“What? No! No Nico, you can’t go.” He looks horrified at the thought, does he truly want me here? “I’m sorry if I overstepped the mark but I didn’t know what else to do. You looked and sounded in such pain. I wanted to calm you, to make you feel safe. I’m sorry babe.”
There he goes again calling me babe, when I catch his eye I see him realize what he said. “Shit! Nic, I’m sorry. Alright I’m going to go and put some coffee on, you go grab a shower and then come down and join me.” He turns quickly but I can’t let him leave me like this.
“Hey Ryan.” I wait for him to turn around. “Thank you.” He nods and walks towards the staircase his head is low, I know I’ve caused his confusion.
Having a shower was harder than I thought due to all of the sore spots all over my body, just getting out of my clothes was exhausting. There’s no way I’m going to be able to put them back on and not just because of the difficulty factor but they are filthy and torn making them fit for nothing but the garbage. The hot water pounds against my tender skin, but I can feel it beginning to rejuvenate my aching body.
There’s a pile of fluffy navy blue towels folded on a shelf above the sink and a thick toweling robe in matching blue hanging on the back of the door. I hope he doesn’t mind me wearing it but there’s no chance I’m putting those jeans on again, maybe he can lend me some sweats. I wipe the steam from the mirror and take a good long look at myself. The bruises have spread down my cheek and over the bridge of my nose, but the swelling has gone down allowing me to open my eyes fully. But apart from the bruises I don’t look any different, my hair is still black and in need of a cut, my jaw still has its usual stubble, my eyes are still the same bright blue so why do I feel so different? It’s Ryan, I know it’s being back here. Will he want me back? It’s time to find out. Taking one final look at my reflection I head off to find him.
It’s easy to find the kitchen by just following my nose and the rich aroma of good coffee. Hesitating at the doorway since I can’t see Ryan anywhere I call out. “Hey Ryan, where are you man?”
His head pops around a corner and he smiles and wow that just about takes my breath away. Fuck, he is so gorgeous. How the hell am I going to control myself, my dick is already pulsing and thickening under my robe. Shit, don’t show me your dimples. Fuck there they are. Great, I now have a full on hard on making it impossible to take even one step towards him.
“I hope you don’t mind me wearing this?” Shit, why did I say that now he’s going to look at me again. I see his eyes darken as he runs his eyes over my body; I know he’s noticed my dick because a tiny shy smile creeps across his face for just a moment.
“No…” He gives a little cough. “No, of course not.”
“It’s just that my clothes are filthy and to be honest after last night I just want to dump them.” I have managed to get my dick under a little bit more control so I can walk across the kitchen to where he is sitting.
“Crap, I should have thought of that. Look, sit down have a coffee then we can go up to my room and I can get you sorted.” He blushes as he hears what he has just said. “For clothes, I mean. Sorted for clothes. Fuck!” He drops his head into his hands and I hear him start to laugh. I can’t help but join in but then it hurts my ribs, causing me to hiss out in pain.
“Jesus, Nico. Just sit your ass down in that chair and don’t fucking move. I’ll get you some coffee, d’you want something to eat? The doc gave me some pain meds for you to start today, let me grab them for you.”
“Nah, I’m good, just coffee. I don’t think my stomach can cope with food yet.” I watch Ryan as he walks across the kitchen floor; his butt is high and firm under a pair of well-worn Levi’s that are hanging just low enough for me to see the top of his ass and the two dimples above. My mouth waters at the thought of running my tongue between those cheeks and down to his… No! What the fuck am I doing? Shit, now my dick is hard again. I watch him quickly rearrange his junk. Hmm is he affected by me? Then I get my answer when he turns and I see the outline of his thick cock pushing against the worn fabric.
“Here you go, have that, then we can talk. I’m sure after ten years we have got a lot of news to share. I don’t have to go to work so we are good for time. Then we can go back to your hotel, although I think you should stay here at least until tomorrow. Just to make sure your concussion clears.” He’s rambling, is he nervous?
“I don’t want to put you to any trouble Ryan, I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than nurse me.” I grasp hold of my coffee mug to stop myself from reaching out and stroking his face. I want nothing more than to run my hand over the shadow of a beard on his jawline, well, apart from sliding my tongue up his neck, kissing the bulge of his Adam’s apple before leading to his chin and then his full soft lips. Fuck, I can’t stop a moan from escaping softly from my mouth.
His eyes dart down to my mouth making me run my tongue over my bottom lip then bite down, I see his hands clenching as they rest on his thighs. The black of his pupils has covered the silver grey of his irises as his desire heightens. I have to break our stare so I lift the coffee to my mouth, shit it’s too hot against my split lips.
“Christ! I can’t even get a coffee without hurting, those fucking assholes, Ryan. Why would they do this to me? What have I ever done to them? Shit I haven’t seen them for ten years.” This time I’m not able to control my emotions and my hands tremble as my eyes fill with tears. “Fuck this! I am not letting those bastards have the satisfaction of hurting me even more.”
“Come on Nico, let’s go and find you some clothes, then I’ll call the station and find out what’s happening to those three sleaze-balls.” He leaves his mug on the table and stands up. I follow suit and we make our way back upstairs, even though the staircase is wide enough for possibly four people to walk up without touching, we manage to have the back of our hands brush against each other more than once.
I follow Ryan down to his room; I’m intrigued to see what his private, personal space looks like. Is he still a compulsive tidier? Are his clothes still hanging in sections and sub sections or folded to perfection. He’d run away screaming if he could see the state of my room, I’m not dirty by any means but I am untidy. As he pushes open his door I’m surprised how much I want to be in here with him, as I walk past him I feel his hand again brushing gently over mine. What does all of this mean?
“Come on, I’m sure my jeans will fit you, although you’ve gotten well-muscled up.” I know he’s going to know I’ve checked him out now but I don’t care I want him, but do I want him to know I’ve been following his career? No not yet, I want to find out if I have a chance of getting him back before I embarrass myself with that admission. Still, after all these years I want him so damn much. I can smell the scent of his skin as he walks past and my head is full of dirty thoughts, of things I want to do to him, my mouth waters like he is the most delectable flavor I’ve ever had. Crap, now my dick is getting hard again I’m only just back to normal after my boner in the kitchen, of course I noticed his. I mean; it was too huge to miss, that seems to have muscled up as much as his body has.
This thought makes me laugh out loud and I see him raise an eyebrow quizzically at me, I’m not sharing
that
thought with him so I just shake my head. I can’t get rid of my smile though, it’s well and truly plastered to my face. I can see he is nervous as he looks around my room; he takes in the cool colors contrasting with the dark wood furniture. As his eyes rest on my extra-large king size bed he blushes just slightly, a pale rose tint blooms over his cheeks, is he thinking the same dirty thoughts as me?
As he stands still and silent, I can look over his bruised face, and my anger builds again, the fucking assholes! Shit, they have always ignored my sexual orientation, I think that’s because of my past and now I’m a cop, so I thought they had gotten over it, had finally matured. Obviously not.
“Just some sweats will be good and a T-shirt will do, I’ve got my stuff back at the hotel.” His gaze settles back on me and he smiles shyly.
Reaching into a drawer in my dresser I pull out a pair of soft jersey boxer shorts but he shakes his head, hmm a commando kind of guy, nice. Then from another drawer I grab a black t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and hand them over. Our fingertips touch making a jolt of electricity race up my arm, his too by the way he quickly moves away.
“Thanks, I’ll go change,” He says, clearly not able to look at my face as he takes the clothes then turns away.
I watch him walk back towards the guest room; his long legs quickly cover the few feet of hallway. I follow him, I don’t know why but I can’t stop myself. I tell myself I’m just going to walk past and head down stairs again, but as I look through the open doorway my feet halt. Fuck. I can see his naked back as he drops the robe on the unmade bed.
His skin is covered in stunning artwork. I know I’ve seen it in his photographs but it’s here and real in front of me now. A huge tree covers his back, the branches all twisted and gnarled as they spread over his ribs and shoulders. The colors are autumnal, rich browns and greens along the trunk and branches but with different shades of red, amber, orange and yellow making up the leaves. Some are falling and scattered at the base. It is one of the most beautiful tattoos I’ve ever seen.
I can’t stop myself; I walk towards him just as he bends to step into the sweatpants. His ass is a work of art by itself, a true bubble butt. My hand reaches out to him and I run it down the length of his spine, his head shoots up and he turns to look at me. I fully expect him to shake me off before moving out of my reach, but he doesn’t.
“You are beautiful Nicky.” I still have my hand on his back but it is now resting at the base of his spine, just centimeters from his sexy ass.
“I’d forgotten you called me Nicky, nobody else has ever called me that.” He straightens up pulling the pants up, covering his ass and from what I glimpse, his rock hard dick. He turns around and catches me staring at his ass and takes a step towards me as I also move. I don’t know who makes the first move but suddenly our mouths collide.
This is a hard, teeth clashing, lip biting, tongue battling kiss. My hands grab his hips and pull him roughly against me; his hands are around the back of my neck holding my face as close to his as he can. Letting him take control, I don’t know how much or what exactly he wants from this. Will it just be a pent up long lost kiss or does he want it to move on to more? He devours me, his tongue sweeping along my teeth before licking the roof of my mouth, his teeth nip and nibble over my top lip before pulling the bottom one between them causing a groan to build deep inside me.
After what seems like a life time we break apart, our breathing is labored as we drag oxygen into our air starved lungs. Nico rest’s his forehead against mine with his hands tangled in my hair. My hands have moved from his hips and are resting on his rock hard ass, holding his groin against mine. Our cocks are rubbing against each other, I can feel the dampness from the pre-cum leaking from the tip of mine. Tipping my head up I capture his lips again, this time gently as I move my tongue across the seam of his mouth asking for entry once more. As a moan travels from his chest, I breathe it in and match it with another of my own. Our mouths reacquaint each other again and it feels like every other kiss I have had from other men has been worthless, lacking. We are made for each other.
As our tongues tangle lazily together my hands creep up his back, holding him as tight as I dare. I barely remember his injuries but the tension I feel from him as I pull him close reminds me, leaving me to just rest my hands on his ribs, stroking them softly. This time when we stop I step back, making some space between us. His hands slide out of my hair and over my shoulders, moving down over my chest until they rest on my hips.
“Jesus Ryan, I’ve missed you every fucking day for the last ten years.” I can hear the raw emotion in his voice and my heart stutters at his declaration.
“I’ve missed you too Nicky, I don’t know how I survived you leaving. I’ve been living a half-life without you, taking stupid unnecessary risks.” I let go of him and my hands travel up to my head and knit together at the back of my skull. Looking into his eyes I can see the regret blazing through. “What do we do now?”
“I don’t know. A lot of bad shit has happened to me Ry and I’m not sure if it’s something you could deal with. But fuck me…” His eyes flare with desire when he recognizes his words. “I want you. I want you so fucking much.” Stepping back I watch as he sits on the edge of the bed, his arms resting on his knees looking up at me. “This is your call Ryan, it’s up to you. Do you want to know all of my dirty past, or will it be too much for you?”
I look hard at him, I can see fear and caution in the tension of his jaw but I can see desire and maybe even love shining in his eyes.
“Have you killed anyone?” I watch as he chuckles.
“No, I haven’t killed anyone.” He shakes his head.
“Are you wanted by the police for any reason? Have you been in jail?” This time his smile is bigger as he again shakes his head in negative.
“Okay, do you do drugs?” Hell it’s hard not to just tell him I don’t care what he has done, but I have worked hard to earn the respect of the community. As a gay cop I had a lot to prove to this close-minded town and I have respect now.
“No, I don’t do drugs, I have learnt the hard way to respect my body.” He has sat up now and has his arms straight behind him on the bed keeping his leaning body supported.
“Okay, then yes I want to hear about you, I want us to be open and honest, so feel free to ask me any questions about my life.” Walking towards him I stop in front of his legs and watch in surprise as he opens them allowing me to step between his knees. As I take a step closer he sits up and reaches out to me.
“Fuck Ryan, I can’t believe I’m here, that you’re prepared to give me a chance to explain myself. To let me apologize.” His arms wrap around my waist and his head rests against my stomach, my hands stroke softly through his hair caressing the soft black strands. It’s longer now than when we were at school, I like it.
The image of him in my bed with all mussed up hair sends a message to my cock, I feel it twitch and swell. I feel Nico’s smile and his quiet laugh against my stomach as he feels it too, my hands grip his hair tighter, making him moan.
“It’s not fucking funny Nic, do you have any idea how much I want you?” My fingertips are massaging his head gently now and I notice he squirms too. Ha! Payback!
But his hands move to the waistband of my jeans, his fingers dip under the edge moving towards the fly, he makes short work of the button and zipper, pushing the denim away from my body and down to the top of my thighs. My cock springs free and bounces off my stomach, I can hardly breathe as I watch him. His eyes look up to mine daring me to pull away, as the tip of his tongue licks across the swollen purple crown, capturing the bead of pre-cum bursting from the slit.
I can’t take my eyes off him as he starts to lick up and down my whole length, fuck, the sensations running through my body has my toes curling. His hand cups my balls squeezing them gently before rolling them around his palm just tugging slightly, the other hand is stroking between my ass cheeks, getting closer and closer to my hole. With his mouth over the head of my cock he sucks long and slow to begin with then takes me deeper and harder. I watch as his cheeks hollow as he sucks me into the back of his throat.
“Fuuuuck!” I’m panting hard now as I start to count in multiples of thirteen in a desperate attempt not to just shoot my load down his throat. The noises coming from Nico as he works me over don’t help my control as he hums, making his throat vibrate.
“Crap Nicky, I’m gonna blow if you don’t slow down.” This just makes him pick up his pace; leaving my tight balls alone his hand moves back to the base of my shaft he pumps me as he sucks. Then just when I know I can’t hold on, his thick finger nudges through the tight muscles of my ass, he probes deep inside me searching for my prostate. With just one swipe over the sensitive gland I’m gone.
My hands are gripping his hair tight in my fists as he swallows everything I’ve got, the suction lightens as I soften but sucking enough to milk me dry. I feel my knees buckle as he pulls his finger out of me and I sink to the floor, my head resting on his knees. His hands are in my hair now smoothing it away from my sweaty forehead, as my eyesight returns to normal and my breathing regulates I start to laugh. What the fuck has just happened?
“I didn’t think I was that bad?” A wry voice breaks through my addled brain.
“Bad? Fuck Nicky, I have never come as hard as that before. I mean ever. Fuck!” As I lift my head up off his knees all I see is his beautiful smile. “Jeez Nico, I…” I see him raise an eyebrow and I stop what I was going to say. Shit, I was going to tell him I love him. No, I can’t give my heart away to him again, not so soon; I need to know more about him and him to know more about me.
“What? What were you going to say?” His hand has cupped my chin and his thumb is stroking my cheek. God the emotions this man is stirring in me. How bad is it going to hurt when he leaves?
His eyes narrow as if he can read my mind. “Don’t think like that babe. Look Ry, let’s get dressed and go and sort my shit out at the hotel, then maybe we can go somewhere to talk, okay?” He kisses the top of my head and I blush at the sweetness of it.
“Okay, I think my legs are working again now.” We both laugh as I stand up. My jeans are still around my thighs and my now dormant cock lies limply between my legs.
“I’d forgotten how much I love your dick, Ryan.” As he speaks I feel the blood rush back to the center of his observation. “Shit, you don’t take long to recover, do you?” His finger reaches out to stroke my semi.
“Don’t you dare, Nico Angeles. Get dressed, come on.” I step out of his reach and pull my jeans back up and rearrange my dick
again.
“Yes sir, you’re the boss.” He grabs the black T-shirt and drags it over his head. Then we are ready to head out.