Return to Shanhasson (7 page)

“Don’t delay too long, my heart.”

She pressed against Khan’s flank and
wrapped her hands around Rhaekhar’s bare thigh. Someone in the watching group
of gossipers gasped, but she ignored them. “Three days.”

“And three nights,” he growled, the
muscle flexing beneath her. His hands tightened on the reins and he shifted in
the saddle, but Khan was too well trained to prance aside in response. “Plus
your own saddle time to catch me. Now I know where we got the name ‘Three
Hells.’”

She couldn’t help a small laugh. “Poor
Khul. Perhaps I should bring an extra vial of that oil home with me in order to
make it up to you.”

Leather creaked as he leaned down. He
stroked his thumb across her lips. “Do so. I believe the promise I made to you
was perfectly clear.”

She swallowed hard and refused to sneak
a quick peek at her Blood she knew stood at her back. “Are you sure that’s a
promise you’re willing to keep?”

“Absolutely.” He laughed softly, still
stroking her lips. “Sal offered to let you eat him up. Let’s see if he
survives.”

Despite his teasing, she knew what he
wanted. He wouldn’t with a whole herd of outlanders watching their every move.
But she would.

Fisting her hands in his hair, she
dragged his mouth to hers.

On a low rumble of approval, he
straightened and hauled her up into his lap. Tangled in his long hair,
surrounded by his strength, bonded through his love, she kissed him with no
reservations. Flung wide open, her heart, mind, and bond were his. As golden as
his eyes, his bond lit the darkest corners of her soul. Where she carried
Shadow, he brought light and warmth and unquestioning love. The best gift she
could give him was to let him see and know her heart as no other.

They may have loved and lived together for
years, but only rarely did she show such vulnerability. She never wanted him to
be stained by her darkness or turn aside in horror at what he might see in her
heart.

:Never.:
His bond blazed, a beacon so bright that even the indestructible glowing red of
nine Blood bonds dimmed in comparison.
:I
will never turn aside from you, Shannari. My heart is yours. My love is
unshakeable.:

:Even
when darkness swallows me whole?:

:Then
all I possess will be swallowed as well. We shall not surrender this
kae’don, na’lanna.
I shall never
surrender you, not while I have breath in my body.:

His bond shone in her mind, his body an
invincible shelter. How she longed to simply curl up in his arms and let him
carry her away from the constant political turmoil, endless assassins, and grim
destiny.

She felt it, then, the great temptation
to simply love this warrior, with no Rose Crown weighing down her head, no High
Throne hovering in the background, no allies and wars, no dread beasts of
Shadow on the horizon.

He’d do it. He’d leave his Camp. He’d
drop every last bead from his hair, rip off his honor, and walk hand in hand
with her and their children to a place where no one knew she was the Last
Daughter.

Opening her eyes, she met his molten
gaze, still locked mouth to mouth and sharing the same breath. Unshakeable,
he’d said, and he meant it. For her love, he’d turn his back on every single
thing in this world. If he thought any danger approached, he would meet it
singlehandedly and count his death as nothing if it meant she might live.

Love, the greatest gift of all, and the
greatest sacrifice.

Everything unraveled in her mind. All
the plots and schemes, her strategy for keeping her throne and driving back the
Keldari raiders who encroached deeper into the Green Lands each and every day.
His own battles had become hers; naturally, she strategized with him on how to
keep the Nine Camps united and strong. Now, those Camps dispersed, fluttering
away in a tremendous wind.

Dust. Everything was dust. Everything
tumbled to the ground, the Shining Walls that had never been breached by any
army—except hers—mere rubble.

She felt poised over a bottomless chasm.
Any move could plunge her into darkness. Shanhasson stood on one side, her
people, even the Nine Camps of the Sha’Kae al’Dan and other nations of the
world. They hung by a thread, but that thread was tied to her. It dragged at
her constantly, such a weight, such a burden.

Every muscle ached. Her heart yearned to
soar, galloping like the wind across the hills to wander in the holy secret
Tenth Camp at the top of Vulkar’s Mountain. There, she would hold her Shadowed
Blood again with Rhaekhar at her side. Her children could grow safe and happy,
untouched by the world’s responsibilities. They could all avoid the insidious
taint of Shadow.

She closed her eyes and wrapped her left
hand around Gregar’s ivory
rahke
. Her
palm burned, the memory of how she’d sacrificed her own blood a searing memory
that would never die. Once, the knife had gleamed in her hand, a beacon of
light in the darkest Shadow, but ever since she had taken Shanhasson, the light
in the ivory
rahke
had died.

What
does it mean? Have I already lost this battle?

In her mind, she stared at the slender
thread that bore the weight of the world. One cut, and all her worries and responsibilities
would slide into oblivion. She’d be free.

Rhaekhar’s breath puffed gently against
her face. “Decide. I love you either way.”

Tears flowed down her face. It would be
heavenly to be free. Free to love, free to live away from the turmoil of the
High Court and most of all, free from Shadow. Yet there were no promises ahead,
even if she cut her responsibilities and ran with Rhaekhar somewhere far away.

Shadow would never let her hide from
this world for long.

Blessed
Lady, what would You have me do?

Crystal water welled deep within her
soul. Cold like a pure alpine spring, that water had never seen the Shadow of
night because the Lady’s Moon was a constant beacon in the night.

A hint of midnight velvet glided through
her mind: Gregar, her laughing Shadowed Blood. He’d already paid the ultimate
price for her love. He’d died to save her life, and nothing she’d done had been
able to save him.

:I
would die a thousand times to know your love once.:
He whispered in her mind, the chilling Shadow of his gift spreading across her
back, his favorite position of defense.

:What
am I supposed to do? What is the Gods’ will?:

:Love.
Whatever that means. Even when it hurts so badly it would be a mercy to die a
thousand deaths.:

She felt the swords hacking at his body,
as though the day of his death played out in his mind. No pain had kept him
from her, no steel, no creature of Shadow, not even death.
:Nothing will keep Khul from you, as long as you love.:

:I
loved you and you died. I lost you.:

Wracking pain filled his bond as if the
last fatal wound struck him again, the sword slicing his heart in two.
:You never lost me,
na’lanna
, else I would not be here. You will never
lose Khul, either.:

 
Her heart stuttered, refusing to beat. Her
mind reeled. She felt again that sense of falling, the world coming undone,
fading away to nothing.

Yet Rhaekhar’s arms held firm. Gregar’s
cold ghostly weight remained at her back. Beyond, she felt her nine Blood
encircling her, their bonds blazing red in the darkest shadow.

:Your
Lady blessed you well.:

Which could be considered a curse, for
those whom She blessed well, loved, and lost.

:Are
you saying I should abandon Shanhasson and flee with Khul?:

:You
know your honor. You know Khul’s. You know mine. You know your Blood’s. Love
them and live with honor. Love never dies,
na’lanna
.:
Yet his bond rang with grim finality
like a funeral bell.
:The cost is great
for so much love. Flee your destiny, abandon
kae’valda
, yours and Khul’s, and yet you must still pay the cost. Love will hurt
you,
na’lanna
, as I hurt you. As Khul
will hurt you, and Dharman if you let him. Yet without our love, you will not
survive.:

:How
will Khul hurt me?:

Awful silence filled her mind, bleak,
cold and empty.

Gregar suddenly felt far away. His voice
had been ragged with pain and sorrow. Was he leaving her? The thought shredded
her heart all over again. Despite his death, she’d been able to hold him in
Dreams. If she lost that too…

She couldn’t bear to lose him again.
:Gregar, don’t leave! Tell me what I should
do!:

:Shannari
dal’Dainari never ran from anything.:

* * *

NO MATTER HER INNER TURMOIL, Dharman
knew what she would decide. Khul’lanna had as much courage and honor as any
warrior, and no warrior of honor would turn away from his duty, destiny, and
the Gods’ will. She wouldn’t, either, no matter how much she longed to simply
disappear from the demands of the world.

If only she could face her heart with as
much courage.

Not once had she thought of her Blood.
In all those moments of temptations and struggles, she’d never considered what
such a choice would cost them. She was their sole honor; if she died or tossed
aside her own honor without a care in the world, she would destroy them
utterly. If she asked, Dharman would follow her into the Three Hells simply
because he loved her.

But the thought hadn’t even occurred to
her.

She made a low sound of regret and
pressed her face into Khul’s neck, burrowing into his arms as though she wished
to climb inside his body and never leave. She stroked her fingers lightly
across the mark on his throat. She breathed deeply, long inhales as though she
could drag him into her lungs and never let him escape.

Then Khul’lanna and High Queen of all
the Green Lands straightened her shoulders, lifted her chin, and smiled, albeit
shakily and tear-stained. “The Lady’s Moon shines in your eyes.”

“And I love you, my
na’lanna
Evening Star. I shall guide my life by your light. I shall
wait for you no matter how long it takes.” Khul turned his attention to her
Blood. “If any harm comes to her, your blood is mine.”

“No harm shall come to her,” Dharman
replied flatly. He couldn’t even look at her. “My blood has always been hers,
and Khul’lanna has always been yours.”

She sighed, bewilderment flickering
through her bond at his words.

“I am not the only warrior who loves
you,” Khul reminded her gently. “I am not the only warrior who wishes he could
carry you away to safety and never let you fight another
kae’don
, risking your life for outlanders who know nothing of the
cost.”

“Gregar—”

Dharman stiffened, his shoulders shaking
with rage and hurt. He would have wheeled and strode away, if only he were free
to do so, yet honor and his love chained him to her side, even when she wounded
his heart.

“Oh, Dharman,” she whispered in a
shaking fragile voice that made him want to unsheathe his
rahke
and
plunge it into his heart.

He fought to keep the bitterness and
agony hidden from his face and voice. That his bond raged with such emotion and
she remained oblivious confirmed that she only rarely listened to his bond. He
touched hers constantly, her barest thought or feeling ringing like a bell in
his mind. “I may be your First Blood, but I always knew you had a First and
Second between us and your heart.”

After one last kiss, Khul lowered her
back to the ground. An entire herd of outlanders had gathered to gawk at the
barbarians. Dharman knew the weight such constant attention put on her mind and
heart. That she loved Khul enough to put on such a display didn’t surprise him.

What rocked the earth beneath Dharman’s
feet was her hand sliding into his hair. A tug brought his mouth down to hers.
She whispered against his mouth, “I’m sorry.”

Surely a hundred years had passed since
she’d last kissed him. Preparing to challenge Theo for the High Throne and afraid
all she loved would die, she’d let him kiss her before Khul and the waiting
outlanders. Then it had been brief and hard, full of desperation and fear. This
kiss was a slow exploration, a promise of so much more. Dharman tasted her
mouth, the softness of her lips, the rich darkness of her tongue sliding into
his mouth, and his hurt melted away.

When she pulled away, he reminded her
solemnly, “You promised something else that day.”

Vulkar, he loved the way her cheeks
colored. She stole a quick look at Khul still waiting on his
na’kindre
, not a hint of anger on his
face that she’d kissed another warrior in front of him. “I never—”

“Aye, she did,” Khul interrupted. “It’s
past time for her to repay that promise. The first night she’s back in my
blankets in my tent in my Camp with me, you will receive what she promised.”