Return to Celio (21 page)

I’d wasted a year and a half on a man who had been unfaithful to me since the moment we arrived in this Podunk town, maybe sooner, but definitely before we ever went to California.

I wasn’t judging him for that. I mean, obviously I’d operated outside our relationship as well. I never planned on developing feelings for Darrios. But at least I tried to be honest.

I had no idea Darrios would have been able to bring me such happiness. And now it was over. I’d made so many mistakes. The devastation swirled around me, encompassing my entire being. My head pounded and my stomach churned.

Gregg was still babbling apologies.

“Just stop, please,” I pleaded. “I don’t understand this. If you didn’t love me, why did you push me to move here? To leave the job I loved...and my home?”

Gregg looked at the floor and shook his head.

“I...I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Maggie.”

“Stop saying that,” I yelled. “I don’t care if you’re sorry!”

Amanda turned to me. “Don’t pretend to be so goddamn naïve, Maggie,” Amanda said icily. “Do you really believe Gregg chose to live in Peanut Falls for the
ambiance
of the town?” She ran her talon-like fingernails down his arms and smiled an evil smile.

I swallowed hard. I wasn’t heartbroken by Gregg’s betrayal, like he thought. I was heartbroken because I allowed myself to fall in love with a beautiful man and then I left him. I mean, obviously I still would’ve had to come back for my brother and my aunt, but...

“Maggie, I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“No you’re not. You’re sorry I came out of my coma and forced you to deal with me. You know what though? This is good because I never realized what a cruel, controlling, thoughtless, self-centered son of a bitch you really are.” When he started to protest, I snapped, “Gregg...just go and leave me alone.”

I looked at him, for the last time, I hoped. He turned, took Amanda by the elbow, and left. I sighed with relief, which then turned to happiness five minutes later when my brother walked in.

He smiled broadly and rushed over to hug me. The tears started again, but this time they were tears of joy.

“Oh Brendan, I missed you so much.”

“Wow, all the way from a coma? That’s really something.”

“No, silly, before that.”

Brendan pulled a chair closer to the bed then sat down. He took my hand and kissed it. “So what do the doctors say? When do you get to leave these luxurious surroundings?”

I shrugged. “Everybody’s kind of vague around here. I really don’t know anything.”

Brendan puffed out his chest. “Leave it to me, sis. I’ll find out what’s going on.”

He started to get up but I grabbed his arm. “That can wait. Please just sit with me for a little while.”

He nodded and smiled. He ruffled my hair and sat back down.

“Where’s Aunt Gin? Isn’t she with you?” I asked, looking over his shoulder.

He shook his head and grinned. “Actually, she doesn’t even know about you, about this. She took off a couple of days after you left on one of her wild adventures. Apparently, she met a man.”

I raised an eyebrow. “And she ran off with him? That’s not like her.”

“She sent me a postcard last week. She says she’s having the time of her life. I didn’t have a return address, so I couldn’t tell her about your accident.”

Relieved, I laughed a little. Leave it to Aunt Gin. At least she was all right. “That’s good. At least she’s having fun and not worrying.”

Brendan agreed and then asked me what happened with Gregg. I told him how Amanda showed up in our room in Hollywood.

“That bastard.”

“He’s been sleeping with her for awhile. At least since he took this job.”

“I’ll fucking kill him!”

“No, Brendan, please don’t do anything. I’m fine. You know what? I wasn’t happy with him long before the trip. Before we ever moved. I just didn’t know it. I guess I didn’t know how happiness felt.” I beamed. “But I do now.”

“So what are you going to do, Maggie?”

“Brendan, I need to tell you something and I need you to
not
think I’m crazy.”

He leaned in smiling and teasingly said, “Too late.”

I gave him my most serious look and he sobered. I took his hands in mine and shared the story of Celio. Naturally, I left out the details a brother wouldn’t want to hear, but I needed him to believe me and understand. I could tell he was trying. When I finished, he blew out a breath and shook his head.

“Mags, I know you believe all that happened, but you have to admit it sounds kind of
Wizard of Oz-ish
, don’t you think?”

“I know it does, but, Brendan I swear, it’s real and Darrios is real...and I love him.”

“Maggie...”

“I can prove it. Check out my neck.”

I bent down and flipped my hair over my head. The wound had started to heal, but it still looked nasty.

“Jesus, Maggie, what is that?”

“I told you. It’s where the viocomen got me, just outside of Midland.”

“I have to admit, it does look like something clawed you, but...”

“I promised Darrios I’d find a way back to him and I want to do that, but I hate the idea of leaving you. Come with me.”

“Maggie, I...”

“Oh Brendan, you’ll love Celio.”

“Maggie, please, listen to me. Even if there was such a place, I couldn’t go.”

“There
is
such a place.”

I knew he was having trouble believing me, but he’d come around. At least he didn’t laugh in my face like Gregg did.

“Maggie, you know I’m committed to Social Saviors. I joined right after I graduated. You remember, don’t you? It’s always been my plan. I was supposed to leave for Africa the first of the month. I asked them to postpone my deployment due to your coma and they agreed, but I’m still committed. I’m going to be there at least two years. Please tell me you haven’t forgotten. We’ve talked about this. You were fine with it before.”

I smiled and squeezed my brother’s arm. “Of course I remember. That’s been your goal since you were little. Don’t postpone. Follow your dream, Brendan. I’m happy for you,” I said, totally meaning it. I’d gotten so caught up in my own situation, I’d let his slip my mind. He needed me to be excited for him and I wasn’t going to let him down. “It’s just such a long time.”

“It is, but think of the good I’ll be doing. Think of all the children who will get to drink clean water and have medicine and go to school,” he said excitedly.

“I know, sweetie. You’re going to save the world. You always were. I hope those kids in Africa know they have their own personal superhero.”

“Are you okay with this?”

I put on my best happy face. “Of course I am. You have to live your life and make your own dreams come true. If you’re lucky enough to get the opportunity, you have to take it.” Darrios’ face flashed before my eyes. “You may not get a second chance.”

Brendan hugged me then began going on about all his plans and ideas. After a little while he checked his watch and jumped up.

“I need to get going. I love you, sis. I need to get my shots and I have a ton of paperwork. But I’ll be back tomorrow. Are you sure you don’t want me to postpone?”

“Brendan, go to Africa. Aunt Gin will be back soon, I’m sure, and those kids in Africa are waiting on you.”

He gave me the boyish grin that always melted my heart and saluted me. He kissed me on the forehead and then practically skipped out the door.

Suddenly, I felt very tired.

Chapter Seven

His gentle touch still lingered on my skin, I still savored the sweet taste of his kiss on my lips, still heard the soft, seductive sound of his voice, and his warm, inviting laugh.

I imagined his arms around me making me feel safe and loved, and I still held his heated, fiery passion, not to mention my own, vividly in my mind. In fact, they were far more alive than any memory I had of Gregg. Darrios was
not
a dream.

He was real. He had to be. I couldn’t bear it if he wasn’t. I reached up and rubbed my temples. An ugly sliver of doubt was attempting to creep into my mind, despite my efforts to push it away.

How could I have been in Celio with Darrios when Gregg said I was never missing? Would Gregg lie? Of course he would. He already had. Still...

I reached behind me to rub the stiffness out of my neck and searing pain shot through me. The gash the viocomen gave me. I giggled to myself, relief flooding over me...reminding me that Darrios hadn’t been a figment of my imagination; that the burning in my loins for him was, in fact, for a real man.

Then just as suddenly, my feelings changed. Into something dark and barren, devoid of anything but a hollow desolation that used to hold my heart. I wept with despair. He was gone...I was gone.

I felt myself being pulled into an undercurrent of tremendous grief, threatening to sweep me under and drown me. I couldn’t fight it. It was more than I could handle.

I had willingly left the man who brought me happiness for what? Clearly, I didn’t deserve to be happy. I’d spared the feelings of a man who had already left me, who had moved me to a place I loathed, while the whole time being unfaithful. And I had forsaken the man who stood by me, who had risked his life to save me, who had loved me.

Eventually, I ran out of tears, but the devastation to my psyche lingered on. I couldn’t function. I became nothing more than an empty shell.

****

Gregg and Amanda had long since gone and my hysterical reaction to the realization that I loved a man whom I could never have landed me at least four, maybe five more days in the hospital, the Peanut Falls Hospital for psychiatric evaluation and observation. How ridiculously ironic.

Loss and devastation consumed me, ate away at my bones, at my tissues, filled my lungs, engulfed my heart, and ripped at my soul. I had never in my life experienced such pain.

With every day that passed, I realized my love for Darrios at a deeper level, and my self-hatred for not seeing it sooner growing along with it.

My depression had reached its peak by noon of the fourth day. That’s when the pain changed. Into numbness...into a cold, hollow lack of feeling, like my chest had caved in and just nothing remained. That was worse.

The image of his hands on my body flashed through me, causing me to gasp. That heavy feeling in my heart returned and I sighed. The numbness hurt less, but at least the pain had been a reminder to me that Darrios did, in fact, exist.

I missed him every minute of every day. Sleep was the only time when I could escape my bonds of agony. I hoped he had forgiven me by now, although I wouldn’t blame him if he hadn’t.

****

We were sitting on a blanket, on the beach by the lake, face to face. The sun shined brightly, and the slight breeze, wafting the sweet, fragrant scents of the flowers in the nearby meadow, welcomed us. The warmth of the sun caressed my face like a lover.

The soothing sounds of the waterfall slowly bubbling over the gentle slopes of the rocks only added to our spiritual and sensual heights.

Darrios smiled at me and traced my jaw line with his fingertips. I shuddered, immediately aroused by his touch. He kissed my forehead lightly, and whispered my name, brushing his lips over my eyelids and then my nose. I felt his sweet breath on my face and longed for the taste of his kiss.

He took my face in his hands and gently kissed my lips, lingering for a moment, opening his eyes, and gazing into mine. He smiled wickedly and pulled me to him, kissing me deeply and hungrily. I reached for him, returning his kiss, the flames of desire licking at my soul.

I woke up, begrudgingly, not ready to face the day or anyone in it. I sighed, sadly, realizing my dreams would be over just as soon as I opened my eyes. I wanted to go back to sleep, to recapture the beauty that was Darrios.

****

The days dragged on. I think I’d been in the hospital for eight days, but it could’ve been more. At my insistence, my brother went home, with the doctor’s promise to call him if I showed any change.

I cared about nothing. I went through the daily motions without feeling. I ate without tasting. I heard without listening. Nothing mattered anymore. The only thing I looked forward to was sleep...when I could be with Darrios again, if only in my dreams.

The afternoon seemed particularly long. The rain had started late in the morning, only fueling my depression. I watched the shards of water pummeling the ground just as the jagged edges of pain had pierced my heart. I wished I could revisit Celio.

****

The rain had stopped by the time I woke up. The sun shined brightly through my window, not that it mattered to me because torrential rain continued to pour over my soul. An orderly backed into my room pulling a wheelchair. Before I could protest, he said, “Enough of all this gloom and doom, missy. What you need is some fresh air and sunshine.”

“What I need is for you to leave me alone,” I barked.

“Not gonna happen,” the orderly sang out.

I sighed, becoming increasingly agitated. “You’re wasting your time. I’m really not in the mood.”

He turned around and smiled. The recognition came in sort of a wave a slow motion, but it almost made me forget my situation for a moment.

“Bonnie? Oh my God, Bonnie! Wow, I must really be crazy.”

He winked at me. “Not as crazy as you might think, love.”

I reached out and touched his hand. “It is you, isn’t it? What are you doing here? How did you get here? And why are you dressed as a man? How did you know...? God, it’s good to see you, Bonnie. You are not gonna believe what happened.”

“I know exactly what happened, right up until the part where you came back. That, I did not see coming. You’re really making me work this time, Maggie. And the name’s actually Bernie.”

I sucked in a breath. “
The
Bernie...Fairy Godmother Bernie?”

He laughed. “I’ve never heard that analogy before, and I’m not sure if I like it, but for the sake of argument, yeah, that Bernie.”