RESURRECTED (2 page)

Looking back, having Scarlet had been the best decision of Caitlin’s life. She was the joy of her life—and of Caleb’s, too. Caitlin believed that even without a child, they would have married anyway. They had tried throughout the years to have more kids, but for some reason, they’d never been able to. So it ended up being just she and Caleb and Scarlet, just the three of them in this big house. Sometimes she wished they’d had more kids to fill the house. But she was grateful and happy for what she had.

They had both wanted to get far from New York City, wanted a wholesome life for Scarlet, so they’d headed two hours north and settled in a small, idyllic town in the Hudson Valley, a place where they could live in peace and tranquility. Caitlin had been thrilled when Sam followed them, and eventually, when Polly did, too. Life was finally coming together for her. She felt so blessed to be able to live tranquilly in a small town, her family close by, with an adoring husband, a best friend, an amazing brother, and a child she loved more than anything.

Sometimes, when she reflected on her childhood, she felt pangs of anxiety and upset. Looking back, she wondered about her Dad, who he was, why he had abandoned them all, why her mom had always been so mean to her. Why she couldn’t have had a more normal upbringing, a less dysfunctional family.

But whenever these thoughts overcame her, Caitlin forced herself to just push it all to the back of her mind, to focus on what she had, on all the good in her life. She didn’t want to linger in sorrow and guilt and upset. After all, it didn’t do any good. She could just as easily choose to focus on all the blessings she had, all she had to be grateful for.

Growing up, everything had seemed so important. Her friends, her boyfriends, her parents, her school…. It had felt like everything was permanent, would last forever. She’d been unable to envision a life beyond that. But now, looking back, at 33, she realized how insignificant all of that stuff was. It all felt so distant, so far away. In retrospect, none of it even mattered anymore.

“Caitlin?” came a voice.

Caitlin blinked, snapping out of it. She looked over to see everyone staring at her.

“Hello, Earth to Caitlin?” Polly said, and they all broke into laughter.

Caitlin blushed. She must have zoned out again.

“Sorry,” she said.

Caleb came over and kissed her forehead.

“You okay, baby?” he asked. “You’ve been spacing out a lot lately.” Before Caitlin could reply, Polly yelled:

“I see her! Scarlet! She’s outside. Hurry!”

As everyone rushed to the front door, she quickly lit the 16 candles on the cake, then hurried to the parlor to join them.

Caitlin positioned herself so that Scarlet wouldn’t see the cake, standing right in front of the door, her heart racing. As she waited, she heard footsteps on the old porch, and was surprised to hear two sets of steps. She’d assumed Scarlet would be coming home alone, and didn’t know who could be with her. Ruth whined like crazy.

Scarlet opened the door, and as she did, they all yelled: “SURPRISE!” Scarlet stared back, wide-eyed, looking completely shocked. Caitlin felt victorious that she’d actually managed to surprise her—Scarlet, of all people—the smartest person she’d ever known, and the hardest person to surprise with anything. Scarlet was also the most beautiful. As she stood there, with her perfectly-chiseled pale face, her large, crystal-blue eyes, her flowing, red hair, she was breathtaking. In some ways, she reminded Caitlin of Caleb.

Ruth barked and barked and Scarlet leaned over and hugged her. Scarlet’s face lit with excitement as she stood back up and broke into a huge smile, revealing perfect white teeth.

“That’s why you didn’t call today!” she said.

Caitlin hugged her, smiling over her shoulder.

“I wanted you to be surprised! Happy birthday, sweetheart. We love you!” Scarlet then hugged Caleb, and he hugged her back firmly.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart!” he said.

But as Caleb looked over Scarlet’s shoulder, at the person standing in the doorway, his expression hardened.

Caitlin looked and saw that in the front door, stood a boy, maybe Scarlet’s age, 16. Hands in his pockets, he wore a plaid shirt and jeans, with longish hair, and looked up warily at both of them.

Caitlin had never seen this boy, but was suddenly overwhelmed by the strangest feeling that they’d met. He seemed so familiar that it bothered her.

Scarlet must have noticed the sudden tension in the air, because she turned.

“Um…guys,” she said. “Like, sorry, I didn’t realize everyone would be here. This is my boyfriend. Blake.”

“
Boyfriend
?” Caleb asked warily, surprise rising in his voice.

Blake
, Caitlin thought. How did she know that name? Somehow, she felt she did.

Blake looked cautiously back and forth between Caitlin and Caleb.

“Um…hi,” he finally said, shyly.

“Dad, be nice,” Scarlet cautioned.

Caleb held out a large, firm hand, and Blake reached out tentatively. Caleb shook his hand hard—just a little bit too hard, Caitlin could see.

“Any friend of my daughter is welcome in our home,” Caleb said, though Caitlin could see his jaw tighten. She also noticed he chose the word
friend
, not boyfriend.

“Hi Scarlet!” Sam yelled out, and came hurrying over and gave her a hug.

“Oh my god are you gorgeous or what!?” Polly screamed, as she hurried over and wrapped Scarlet in a big hug, picking her up. “Oh my God, look at that hair! And those earrings! And those shoes! Where did you get those? Oh my god, you look stunning! Stunning!” Polly said.

Scarlet smiled wide as she embraced Polly, who was like a second mom to her.

“Thanks, Polly. You look great, too.”

Caitlin gently herded them towards the dinner table, and as they all were getting closer, she hurried around behind Scarlet and placed her palms over her eyes.

“Don’t look!” Caitlin said, as she walked Scarlet across the dining room. As they neared the table, Caitlin pulled back her hands.

Scarlet’s eyes opened in surprise, and she broke into a huge smile.

“Oh my God, you got it for me!” she screamed, and turned and hugged Caitlin tightly.

Caitlin beamed with satisfaction. It was Scarlet’s favorite cake, a red velvet cheesecake she’d once had in Manhattan and never forgot. The bakery in the city was the only one that made it, and Caitlin had taken a special trip the day before, two hours each way, just to get it for her.

Scarlet turned to Blake, who was lingering back; she grabbed his hand and pulled him forward, right next to her.

“Oh my god you don’t understand!” she gushed to him. “This is the world’s best cake. You have to taste it!”

As she spoke, Caitlin could see the love emanating on her face towards Blake. And it was reciprocal. That made her very happy—and nervous at the same time. She knew how easily Scarlet fell in love, and didn’t want to see her get hurt.

Scarlet blew out all the candles, and as she did, everyone cheered.

“Thanks mom,” Scarlet said and hugged Caitlin again, “you really surprised me. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Caitlin said.

*

They all had a lovely meal together. Blake joined them, and the six of them sat around the table, eating course after course, laughing, talking about the amazing year in store for Scarlet. Polly brought a bubbly, vivacious energy to the table, and having her and Sam there made the house feel so much bigger to Caitlin, so much warmer. It felt like a real home.

Having Blake there, Caitlin realized, was a welcome addition, too. The six of them all fit comfortably together, as if they’d all known each other forever. The conversation never stopped, and neither did the laughter.

They all ate way too much, then sliced the cake, and ate even more. Then came the coffee, and tea, and more desserts—boxes of cookies which Polly and Sam had brought. Ruth sat at their heels, and they threw her scraps all night. Especially Scarlet, who Ruth adored more than anything. The love was reciprocal—most nights Ruth slept in Scarlet’s room, and if anyone came anywhere near it, she growled.

Polly, so excited, couldn’t wait to give Scarlet her presents, so she, characteristically, gave her the gifts right there, at the table, and begged her to open them on the spot. Caitlin didn’t know who was more excited—Scarlet or Polly. As always, Polly was way too generous. Scarlet opened gift after gift.

Scarlet, so appreciative, got up and hugged her, and Sam.

After the conversation died down and they all began to get up from the table, Caitlin finally found her opportunity. She was dying to give Scarlet her gift, a very important gift, which she’d been waiting until her sixteenth birthday to give. As the others began to filter out the room, she went to pull Scarlet aside—but was surprised to see her reach for her coat.

“Scarlet?” Caitlin asked, surprised. “Are you going out?” Scarlet paused in the doorway, with Blake, and looked back, hesitant, looking a bit guilty.

“Sorry mom,” she said. “I didn’t realized you expected me to stay. I was going to catch a movie with Blake. For my birthday, you know?”

Caleb looked over, concerned.

“Um…if that’s okay?” Scarlet added.

Caleb looked down at his watch, looking unhappy.

“Well, it is a school night,” he said.

But Caitlin reached out and placed a hand on his wrist. She smiled.

“Of course it’s okay, honey. It’s your birthday. I’m glad you guys are going,” she said, meaning it. Caitlin felt a little sad for herself, because she wanted to hang out with Scarlet, to talk to her more on her birthday—but she was genuinely happy for her that she had Blake.

Scarlet broke into a smile, looking relieved.

“But before you go, can I just have a minute?” Caitlin asked. “There’s something I want to give you. It’s your birthday, after all.”

Scarlet smiled.

“Sure,” she said. She turned to Blake. “Just wait for me on the porch, I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“I think porch-time is a great idea,” Caleb said, not missing a beat as he walked to Blake and draped an arm over his shoulder. “I think I’ll join you. It will be a perfect opportunity for us to get to know each other.”

Blake looked nervously back at Scarlet as Caleb led him outside.

“Dad, be nice,” Scarlet cautioned.

Caleb turned and smiled as he opened the door, leading Blake to one of the overstuffed wicker chairs on their wide, Victorian porch.

“Don’t worry honey,” Caitlin said, as the door closed behind him. “I’m sure he will be. And by the way, I really like Blake.”

Scarlet smiled as the two of them walked through the windy, quirky house to a small sitting room, lined with bookshelves.

As they entered the room, Scarlet’s eyes opened wide in surprise at the site of a small gift box sitting on the coffee table.

Caitlin beamed. She had been preparing this for the longest time. Now, finally, it was the perfect moment.

“You really didn’t have to get me anything, mom,” Scarlet said. “That cake was more than enough.”

That was Scarlet. Always so considerate. Always so selfless.

“This is an important one,” Caitlin said. “Go ahead. Open it.” Scarlet took the small box and removed the delicate wrapping. As she did, it revealed an antique, mahogany jewelry box.

Scarlet looked over at Caitlin in surprise. Clearly, she was stumped. She slowly opened it, and as she did, her eyes opened wide.

“Oh my God,” she said, raising a hand to her mouth. “I can’t accept this. It looks so valuable. It looks, like, ancient!”

Sitting there, against black velvet, was a small, silver necklace. An antique cross.

Scarlet held it up, examining it, struck by its beauty.

“Where did you get it?”

“My grandmother gave it to me,” Caitlin said, “when I turned 16. And her grandmother gave it to her.”

Caitlin took the necklace, went behind Scarlet and draped it around her neck, clasping it. She then came around and examined it, smiling.

“It fits beautifully,” Caitlin said.

Caitlin had stumbled across the necklace just the other day, in the attic, and knew Scarlet should have it. After all, she didn’t wear it herself anymore. It was so beautiful, and mysterious, with that strange inscription in Latin on the back.

“I’ll never take it off. I love you mommy,” Scarlet said, hugging her.

Over her shoulder, Caitlin felt Scarlet’s tears.

Caitlin had no idea what she’d done to deserve such an amazing daughter.

“I love you, too.”

*

Caitlin lay there, in bed, late at night, in the dark, tossing and turning. Caleb had been asleep for at least an hour, and she listened to the steady, measured sound of his breathing. She was always amazed at how well he slept.

But not Caitlin. Most nights, she had a hard time falling asleep. She reached over her bedside table and turned the clock towards her: 12:30. She had laid down in bed over an hour ago, and still nothing.

She lay on her back, resting her head on the pillow, staring at the ceiling fan, thinking. Her mind raced, and she couldn’t get it to quiet down. Tonight was worse than usual. She wondered if she was stirred up because it was such a big day, with Scarlet’s turning 16. She remembered when she, herself, turned 16, and she still felt in some ways like it was yesterday—to think of her daughter turning 16 was surreal. It was so weird to think of herself as a mom. In some ways, she really was still the same 16-year-old Caitlin.

What bothered her most wasn’t what she remembered—rather, it was what she could
not
remember. It was like there was some hazy corner of her consciousness that she couldn’t quite get to come into focus, some deep part of her brain where things were murky. She willed herself to focus, to think back to the day when she herself turned 16, to remember everything that had happened that day, all the details—and was frustrated to find that she could not.

Often, Caitlin tried to remember her upbringing, especially her early childhood, convinced that she must have some early memories of her father.
Something
. But she often drew a blank, or muted images, so vague and muddled that she didn’t know if they were actual memories or just her imagination, just something she had concocted over the years. It was like there was this huge black hole in her memory, this hidden part of her life that she just could not remember. And it bothered her to no end.