Restoring Grace (47 page)

‘
Well,
perhaps it wasn't all bad,' she said, trying not to
sound smug as some
of the pleasanter memories came back to her and she thought back to what she'd
been doing in the early hours of the morning.

Ellie abandoned the sink,
dried her hands on her jeans,
glanced at the
door to check that Allegra hadn't crept up on them and joined her at the table.
'So, you and Flynn?
Are you . . . an item?’

For a moment Grace had
felt fantastically happy when
she thought
about Flynn. It had all seemed so right at the
time.
But now, suddenly, her spirits plummeted, bypassing reality, taking her
straight to depression. Tired
ness,
uncertainty and the stress of lying to Demi's mother
conspired to swamp
all positive feelings. 'I don't know! We might.' She wasn't actually sure.

‘Well, did you do it?'

‘Do what?'

‘
Don't mess
me about! You know perfectly well what
I mean!'

'Did we make love? Yes, we did.'

‘
And was it
all right? I mean, it worked OK?’

‘
Yes!
You're so nosy,' she added without rancour. 'Well, it doesn't always, the first
time,' said Ellie. Aware that Ellie had much more experience than she
did, Grace said, 'It was better the second time,
of course.’

And then laughed at the look on Ellie's face.

‘
So tell me,
before your sister comes back! Are you and
Flynn an item?’

Grace pushed her fingers
into her scalp and rubbed, as
if trying to pummel her brain into
being logical. 'The trouble is, Ellie, I had a rather overprotected childhood,
and then I was married very young. I don't know all the signals. I never learnt
how to do "dating". Does going to
bed
together mean you're an item? When I was a girl you
didn't go to bed
with someone until you were an item. I seem to have done it backwards. And . .
.' She groaned, laid her head on her arms and closed her eyes.

‘
What?'
Ellie was beside herself with frustration. Grace
kept beginning to confide in her and then stopping. It
was
driving her mad.

‘
We had
unprotected sex,' Grace mumbled into her arms.

‘
Did you?' Ellie didn't know quite what to say. Was she
expected to tell Grace off? Or tell her that it was fine? She
didn't
feel qualified to do either.

‘
What
happens if I get pregnant?' Grace was still talking
to the table and
Ellie had to struggle to hear.

‘
Well, you
do,' said Ellie, a little bitterly, because she had
not had unprotected sex and she had still got
pregnant.

Grace raised her head.
'He'll think I did it to trap him.
He knows I want a baby.’

Ellie sat down opposite
Grace. Perhaps if they were
face to face,
Grace would stop flinging herself about.
'Then it's all right if you get pregnant. He won't think
you were trying to trap him, and, after all, presumably
he had
unprotected sex, too.'

‘
What?' This
was a bit complicated for one who had
had so little sleep.

‘I mean,' explained Ellie, 'he didn't produce a
condom
and you didn't say you didn't need
one because you were
on the pill, or something?'

‘Of course not.' It was Grace who looked over
her shoulder for Allegra this time, but fortunately she and Hermia apparently
had a lot to discuss.

‘Well then. You're both adults, you both did
it, you'll
both take the consequences –
which, I might add, are not
that bad!'

‘I'm sorry, Ellie, that must have sounded
dreadfully
tactless. I just don't want Flynn
to think I tried to manip
ulate him into something he doesn't want.'

‘He won't! He's a nice guy! A very nice guy,
and he
knows what you did as well as you do.
And . . Ellie
paused, wondering if she should stray into such sensitive
territory and then deciding that she had to. 'I think he's really fond of you.’

Grace gave Ellie her full attention. 'Do you?
Why?'

‘I've been telling you for ages that he cares
about you.
The way he was with you. The way
he called you "my
love".
It's all proof.' Ellie had been unreasonably touched
by this endearment,
possibly because it was one she'd have given anything to hear from Ran.

‘You think that's significant? It isn't how all
men talk to the women they've just had sex with?'

‘
No! Oh,
Grace, you're so lucky.' Ellie laughed. She had
had a trying night, too,
and now it was her turn to prostrate herself on the kitchen table, to smell its
woody, bleachy, old-knife smell, and observe a smear of raspberry coulis at
close quarters.

‘
So tell me
what happened between you and .. .
Thingy? Allegra will be back at any
moment.'

‘
God, Grace, I made such a
fool of myself! He told
me
quite clearly that he's not remotely interested, and obviously thinks I'm a
complete slapper.' She sighed
gustily. 'I
did everything except get into bed with him,
and he kissed my nose!'
Ellie suddenly began to cry. 'Sorry,' she sobbed. 'It's my hormones.’

Grace found some kitchen
towel and handed it to Ellie,
who was crying
quite noisily now. She patted her
shoulder.
'That sounds . . . quite sweet, kissing your nose,'
she
said.

‘I didn't want sweet!' wailed Ellie. 'I wanted
sex!'

‘Did you really not want a relationship, too?’

Ellie straightened up, blew her nose and pushed
her hair out of her eyes. 'We've been over this. I'm pregnant, Grace! What sort
of man would take on another man's child?'

‘A nice one?'

‘Exactly, and Ran isn't nice!'

‘Nice enough to give my paintings to, though.’

Ellie smiled, as she was supposed to. 'Oh, he's
definitely the best person to have them. He said they were dreadfully
unstable—'

‘I know how they feel.'

‘But that they should be worth a lot of money.’

Grace looked guiltily in the direction of the
door to check Allegra wasn't in earshot. 'But he doesn't know how much?’

Ellie shook her head. 'Not
his thing. I expect he'll know
how to find out, though.'

‘
And you're
going to be his apprentice? Won't that be
a bit difficult? After he's
turned you down?'

‘
Yes. No. I
don't know. Not sure I care.' Ellie felt it was
time to put her cards on
the table. 'The thing is, I think
I've gone
and fallen in love with him. And if I'm sweeping
his studio floor, or
whatever it is apprentices do, I'm at least seeing him.'

‘You love him? How can you tell?'

‘
You loved Edward. How did you tell?’

Grace sighed the sigh of
painful years. 'I couldn't think
about anything else but him. He took
up every atom of
my existence. There was
not part of my head that wasn't
filled with him.'

‘
Exactly,'
said Ellie softly. 'That's how I feel about Ran.’

Grace sighed again. 'The
trouble is, I was hardly aware
of Flynn before we - had sex. He's
always made me a bit
nervous - maybe
because I realised he liked me, and then
he asked me out after the first wine tasting, but I've been
so
used to being in love with Edward that I didn't really
think much about it. Then I was really pleased to see him
when
he turned up last night.'

‘And you were miffed when he didn't reply to
your invitation.'

‘Was I?'

‘Yes!'

‘But I wasn't - I'm not - in love with him in
the same way I was with Edward.'

‘But you do really like him?'

‘I don't know! Flynn is like a warm blanket,
wrapped
round you, protecting you from the
cold. Edward was
like the sun. The source of all life, but too bright to
look at. I knew he wouldn't - couldn't - love me for ever. But Flynn is . . .
different.'

‘I think there are lots of sorts of love,' said
Ellie. 'And that's one of them.'

‘The thing is . . .' Grace paused, trying to
put her feel
ings into something at least
faintly comprehensible. 'What
I feel
for Flynn is so unfamiliar. And if I don't recognise
it, how can I trust
it?'

‘
You don't
have to decide. No one's going to rig you
up to a lie detector and ask you if you love Flynn. You're
not
on
Trisha.'

‘
But I
ought to know, oughtn't I? You shouldn't sleep with someone you feel ambivalent
about.'

‘
But you don't feel
ambivalent —
whatever that means
- about him, do you? I
mean, you'd be upset if anything bad happened to him?'

‘
Of course I would, but I'd feel upset if anything bad
happened to Mr and Mrs Rose, or any of the people who came last night. But is
that enough?'

‘It's enough for now. You're allowed to have a
relationship for a bit before you decide where it's going and
all that. You don't have to decide if this is for
ever
instantly, just because you've slept together.'

‘Are you sure? It seems a bit . . . I don't
know, really. Wrong?'

‘
Well, it
isn't. Join the twenty-first century, Grace! You
may live in a
seventeenth-century house but you don't have to live by seventeenth-century
rules!'

‘I'm not sure people were all that moral then,
either.'

‘So stop worrying about it! Now let's get
cleared up.
What on earth has happened to
your sister? Do you think
you should go and look?’

But just then Allegra appeared, looking a
little windblown. 'We went for a little walk. Hermia wanted to see the garden.'

‘
What?'
Grace was furious. 'If Hermia wanted to see
my garden, she could have
asked me to show it to her!'

‘No need to get all worked up. You were busy
and she only wanted to see a bit of it. Let's sit down. I've got something I
want to tell you.’

Ellie hovered, wanting an excuse to leave. Seeing
this, Grace said, 'You couldn't just run up and have a look at Demi, could you?
Just check she's all right?'

‘Certainly. And would you like me to dismantle
the
ping-pong table, or shall we leave it up for a bit?’

‘
I don't know,'
said Grace. 'What do you think?'

‘I'll have a
look and decide.' Ellie left the room, trying not to look as if she was
running.

‘Well now,
Grace, I've got some really good news!' said Allegra keenly.

‘
Have you? Did the man
make a mistake and find out
I haven't got dry rot after all?'

‘No! Don't be silly! But they are willing to
knock five
thousand pounds off the price.
That's jolly good, isn't it?'

‘Yes, it is.' There was
still twenty-five thousand to find,
but it was an improvement on thirty
thousand.

‘They'll want to come and photograph the
results, of
course, so they can use it in
their brochure. Oh, and you'll
have to write a testimonial. Do you think
you could do that?'

‘
I do write
wine articles, I think I could probably
manage a few words saying what
lovely boys they were, and what a good job they'd done.'