Resisting Perfection (The Perfection Series Book 2) (4 page)

But I’m sure every girl he has ever fucked over has thought the very same.

No, I won’t believe it until he can look me in the eyes and tell me that what we had was nothing. I want to hate him for what he has put me through but I can’t until I know he really means it.

Fenton

Put the gun down, son!”

I hear them out there with their bullhorn, trying to get me to come out.

“Why should I? Everything I have is gone. There’s nothing left for me now,” I shout out the window to them. No answer they give will persuade me, though.

“You can’t see what you have in front of you because of the pain you’re feeling. All of that can go away if you just let us help you.”

“You guys don’t know what I’m going through. None of you motherfuckers have been where I am, why do you think you can help me?”

“We can help you, you have to trust us.”

Trust them? That’s funny! I’ve done nothing but trust them my whole life and look where that has gotten me.

“I don’t trust anyone. Everything has been taken from me. How fucking fair is that? Why should I ever trust anyone again?”

“Bring us the gun, you don’t want to cause that little boy the same pain you are feeling, do you?”

I look into the eyes of the scared little boy and my stomach rolls with disgust. I took his mother and him from the street, for no other reason than I wanted to. All I knew was someone other than me needed to suffer. Someone needed to feel the pain I am feeling. I’m tired of being the only one to carry this burden.

The boy whimpers and my stomach rolls again. The filthy room smells of mildew and screams of desperation. I have no idea if someone lives here or where I am. This was the first door that was unlocked in this godforsaken apartment building full of junkies. The adrenaline and drugs pumping through me cloud the morals I know I have. That’s the story of my fucking life.

Is this what I’ve become? A fucking kidnapper? Am I going to kill them? Why not? No one thought about me when they took everything from me.

“Tell me why I should keep you alive?” I ask her.

“My baby needs me.”

I look to the ceiling in exasperation.

“Do you hear that God?” I scream, adding, “Her baby needs her. She needs to stay alive for her baby. But no one kept my mother alive. No one cared enough for her to make sure she was here for me.”I pull the bottle of tequila from my pocket and take a long pull before wiping the tears from my eyes. “You are a fucking liar!” I scream, as she cries her fake tears. Her little boy screams when I raise the gun to her temple. She tries to quiet him but he is terrified. I blow out a deep breath as the warmth continues to fall down my face. This is not me. I would rather die than continue with this lifestyle.

The cold sweat running down my back and the shaking in my shoulders wake me. My eyes feel like sand paper as they try to open. After pulling my face from the pillow, I wipe the drool from the corner of my mouth and sit back against the headboard of the bed. After a few minutes in the conscious world, I realize I don’t know where I am.

“Oh God, what have I done now?” Piper is going to kill me when she finds out. \

Closing my eyes, I try to remember what happened last night that led me here. All I can remember is Piper crying, but why? Obviously it was my fault but what did I do this time? Remnants of cool steel on the back of my head seep into my thoughts and then everything comes crashing back.

“The roof. Fuck!” If my head weren’t pounding so fucking hard, I would get up and try to find her.  But all I can think of is pulling the coolness of the pillowcase to my head to try and ease it a little.

“She’s going to be ok, Fent.” My head jerks to the side, quicker than it should be moving, making it pound even harder. When the pain subsides a little and I am able to focus, I realize its Camille and she is watching me intently.

“Where am I?” And how did she get pulled into this?

“We decided you needed to get away last night, so I brought you to my house. No one will know where we are. Did you have the nightmare again, Fent?”

“Does Piper know I’m here?”

“Piper saw us leaving the bar but she doesn’t know where we were going. Did you have the nightmare, Fent?”

“Well thank you for bringing me here but I think I need to go.”

“Are you sure that is safe?” she questions.

“We both know the answer to that but when have you ever known me to back away from danger?”

“Fenton, the stakes are a little higher now. You aren’t only thinking of yourself.”

Suddenly my headache is getting worse. How the fuck did we get in this situation?

“I know but I need to get out of here. I won’t put her in any unnecessary danger, I promise.”

“Fent, I can’t let you do anything that you are going to regret. You have already separated yourself from her; don’t make things worse by stepping back into the same situation.”

“Look, I am not going to see Piper, ok? I just have some shit that I need to take care of. Please don’t lecture me about keeping her safe. I know what I have done to her and I know she needs to be free from me. I’ve started the process of getting this shit over with, I can’t stop now.”

“Did you have to nightmare again?” she asks again and I realize she isn’t going to back off until I answer her.

“How did you know?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“You were thrashing and talking to Danny,” she answers.

“I haven’t had it in a long time but I’ve been thinking about my past a lot lately. Piper has made me question every morally inclined decision I’ve ever made and that being the precipice of my life, the damn nightmare was bound to return.”

“Does she know about that time in your life?”

“No. I’ve only given her vague tidbits. I knew as soon as I told her she would be gone and I wasn’t ready for that,” I confess.

“That’s pretty selfish of you, Fenton.”

“Don’t you think I know that? I‘ve already promised myself if she ever allows me back in her life after all this is over, she will know everything.”

“You’re still hoping for that?”

“You know I am, Cam.”

“Please be careful and remember there are people in this world that love you,” she adds quickly.

As soon as the words leave her mouth, I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. Fuck! Could I possibly feel more like a dick? No one has said those words to me in a long time. I’m not even sure how to respond without sounding like a jackass, so I remain silent.

“It’s ok, Fent. I know we’re just friends. But you have to know that my feelings for you are a little deeper. I know your heart belongs to Piper and I have come to accept that. But please believe me when I say I have your back and will always be here for you and I want you to be safe.”

“Thank you, you’re a good friend. You’re one of the few people I have always been able to count on. I promise, I will return safe. I’m just going to do some information scouting.” I kiss her on the forehead and turn to leave. I know she is expecting more of an explanation but I can’t give her one. As harsh as that sounds. I need to get out of this house and find out what kind of damage I’ve caused this time.

I roll my shoulders to ease the sudden tension.  This has to end soon, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to handle it. The stress before was getting to be too much and that was with Piper distracting me. Now, I have to worry about her being away from me and in danger. This is going to be pure hell. I wish to God I would have just kept her with me instead of sending her off to take on the world alone.

“Is my bike here?”

“Yes. After you passed out, I had a friend go with me to get it from the bar. It’s in the garage.”

“Did you tell this friend anything?”

“Fenton, what do you think of me? I’ve been preaching to you all morning that you need to stay here. I wouldn’t tell someone else what is going on.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just so fuckin’ stressed, you know? I knew this day was coming, I guess I wasn’t as prepared as I thought. Listen, I have to get out of here. Please don’t worry about me, I will be safe. I promise. I will call you later when I have more information.” My adrenaline is pumping so fast I nearly run out of the house. After putting on my helmet, I push the little button to open the garage and sit on my bike waiting. I stare at my bike for a minute and begin mentally piecing together everything that is about to happen. I’ve dreamed of this day for so long and now that it’s finally here, I’m not sure if I am excited or nervous. I used to wake every morning hoping it would be my last day at James but never really thinking it would ever happen. Now that time is here and I don’t know where to begin.

Without another thought, I turn her over and she purrs to life. The vibrations from the bike, and the anticipation for the events to come, accelerate my adrenaline to high. I almost feel as though I took my first bump of the day. My nose twitches at that thought and I feel guilty. I promised myself this morning that I was done with that shit. If I want to have any chance of succeeding with this plan, I have to be focused and clear of any distractions. If I fail, I will have broken Piper’s heart for nothing.

Just as I am about to take off, the door to the house opens exposing Camille. She smiles weakly at me and I give her a two finger salute as I pull up the stand of the bike and twist the accelerator to take off. As I turn the corner accessing the road from the drive-way, a lingering feeling of danger runs cold through my veins. I feel as though I am riding to my demise. But I will gladly accept that demise if it means I am able to keep Piper safe.

At first, my selfless feelings scared the shit out of me. I can barely keep myself out of trouble and the thought of adding another person to my madness is insane. As I ride into battle so to speak, all I can think about is keeping Piper safe. I don’t know what is in the future for us, maybe nothing, but I got her into this mess and I am damn well going to get her out of it.

After I turn the corner that leads to my house, I’m on high alert. It was a big gamble returning. If someone were looking for me, this is the obvious place but maybe they were deterred since I didn’t come home last night.

Riding past my house, I check the perimeter of the front grounds. No stone seems to be unturned. The window panes are clear and free of cracks and the driveway is empty. My pounding heart continues as I drive down to the stop sign. An empty side mirror relieves some of the tension.

I turn back toward the tracks and my body readies itself again and my heart begins racing. I continue surveying, this time the back perimeter of the land. The tall switch grass slowly sways to the north with the wind. The leaves are rustling and the tracks are unoccupied but ready for their master. The ominous feeling in the pit of my stomach begins to lessen as I make my way around the last quarter of the land with nothing strange happening.

Once I make it back to the driveway, I decide to shut the bike off and walk to the house. I need the silence to aide in my stalking. There is no doubt if someone is waiting for me they’ve already heard the loud pipes of my bike. But if I approach the house on foot, they won’t know when or where.

I move slowly, as if to get to know the grounds intimately, weaving in and around the tree line that is nestled around the front yard. Even though the looming essence of the house is straight ahead, and I have no idea what it holds, the chances are slimming as my pursuit of danger is turning up nil.

When I finally make it to the side of the house, I stop to regroup. I have no formal training in reconnaissance; I am being guided purely by instinct. If I learned nothing else when I was living the life, I definitely learned never to be caught unaware and always observe your surroundings. One blade of grass bent the wrong way or one curtain not drawn could mean life or death, if you aren’t paying attention. I find a little peace in knowing I have witnessed nothing out of the ordinary and probably everything will be fine. But the moment I let my guard down is the moment I am in the most danger.

I slowly make my way around the back side of the house, ducking under windows and stopping every few feet to listen to my surroundings. The silence is almost maddening but I’ll take it if it means my house is safe.

I finally make it to the back of the house and decide there is no one back there. I search my tool box for something useful, just in case someone is waiting for me inside. I quickly grab a screwdriver, hoping to God that I won’t have to stab someone in the neck with it. I check the bottom of my boots for anything that may make noise on my wooden floors. Nothing. Good.

I was certain when I had this back door replaced I needed to keep the sunlight out but now I’m cursing the decision as I cannot see inside. I gently test the door knob and am surprised to find it unlocked. My heart begins racing again and I curse the situation. With my back against the door, I survey every nook and cranny of the kitchen. There is nothing out of place not even a speck of dirt on the floor. This not only appeals to my obsessive behavior but also sends a jolt of hope through me that everything is fine. Taking a long stride to my right while continuing to keep the counter to my back, I nearly make it to the family room in one step. I remain still a moment to brace myself for what I may find before looking around the corner to the next room. The sweat begins beading on my forehead and I know I need to get this over with. Finally, I turn the corner, keeping the wall against my back and my stomach drops when I notice shards of glass strewn and the sofa cushions slashed. Slowly, I begin tiptoeing around the glass when I hear a whimper from upstairs.