Resisting Her (22 page)

Cole shifted her on his lap — providing just
enough room between them to undo his jeans and free himself.
Savannah crouched in front of him and peeled off her jeans. Cole
assisted, tugging the material down her legs until she could kick
the jeans to the floor. She watched as he made quick work of
putting on a condom, then sunk down onto him without hesitation,
surrendering as he filled her.

“God, you’re tight.” He pressed a kiss to her
mouth. She gripped his shoulders, her nails biting into his skin,
and began to rock against him.

Watching her move above him, testing and
finding her rhythm, was the hottest thing he could’ve ever
imagined. Her tight body riding his was too much. His head dropped
back against the sofa and his eyes drifted closed. She placed a
palm on either side of his face and he opened his eyes. She leaned
in to kiss him, their tongues colliding and breaths mingling.

“Cole…” she grunted, bracing her hands on his
thighs as she lifted up and down.

“You feel too damn good. How is this even
possible?” “Because it’s us,” she said simply.

He believed her assessment. Wholeheartedly.
But wouldn’t deny the fact that scared the shit out of him. He had
never known a better lover, which made no sense, considering
Savannah’s lack of experience. Their bodies fit together like two
halves. There hadn’t been any hint of a fumbling, awkward stage
like he’d known with previous lovers. Their bodies were so in-sync,
they seemed to anticipate each other’s movements and respond in
turn, bringing pleasure that he hadn’t known could exist before
Savannah.

Her flesh gripped him from the inside out,
and he felt her begin to tremble. She rode him fast and hard as she
reached climaxed, whimpering a series of tiny moans then fell
forward onto his chest, completely spent. Watching Savannah orgasm
quickly brought him to his own climax. She no longer seemed capable
of moving against him; he gripped her waist and lifted her up and
down on him a few final times until he followed her over the
edge.

Cole shoved his feet into his shoes and
wandered to the kitchen. “I have to go out for a little bit.” He
rested a hand on her hip and leaned in for a kiss.

Her eyes flew to the clock on the stove. He
knew that his Sunday appointments were becoming a point of
contention in their relationship and a source of burning curiosity
for Savannah. She opened her mouth, the question right there on her
tongue, but paused. What would he say if she finally had the
courage to ask? She closed her mouth and nodded. “Okay.”

He left a few minutes later. He was tired of
feeling like he practically needed to sneak out of his own house on
Sunday afternoons. He hated the guilty feeling that followed him as
he drove. He didn’t like leaving Savannah. He didn’t like that he
had to do this. But this was what needed to be done if he wanted to
right his past wrongs. And he owed her this much — one hour of his
time. And he knew Savannah would never understand it.

***

Savannah dutifully followed Marissa from
store to store, until her back ached and her arms quivered from
carrying all the shopping bags. They ended up at Liam’s pub for a
drink. Liam poured them each a glass of chilled white wine and set
a bowl of salted almonds in front of them. Savannah noticed his
eyes strayed to Marissa’s every few minutes, regardless of who he
was serving at the bar.

Savannah took a sip of her wine.
Mmm.
Sweet notes of pear and a crisp apricot finish met her tongue. Her
mind wandered for the hundredth time to Cole and his hasty
departures on Sundays. She considered asking Marissa about it, but
decided against it since she wasn’t sure she could handle the
information. “Can I ask you about Cole?” Savannah bit her lip, the
butterflies taking flight inside her.

“Sure.” Marissa shrugged, popping an almond
into her mouth.

“Cole’s sort of…” She frowned struggling for
the right words. Hard to get to know? Closed off?

“Emotionally stunted?” Marissa offered.

Savannah exhaled, a breathy little laugh
escaping. “Yes.”

Marissa nodded and smiled weakly. “You care
for him.”

It wasn’t a question so Savannah didn’t
bother to answer. Was it that obvious?

Marissa contemplated the contents of her wine
glass, twirling the stem in her hands. “There’s something I want to
tell you.”

The feeling that the next few minutes were
going to change things considerably pulsed low in Savannah’s
stomach.

Marissa confirmed that several months ago,
Cole confided in her about his night terrors. He wouldn’t talk
about it for the longest time, but Marissa was unrelenting after he
began losing weight and dark circles etched themselves under his
eyes. He’d confided in Marissa about a case where an innocent girl
was caught in the crossfire and ended up taking a bullet before he
could take the suspect down. Marissa forced him to go to a doctor;
he got on prescription anti-anxiety medication and sleeping pills
that he took for months after her death. But he never really
properly dealt with things, or accepted that her death wasn’t his
fault.

“But they were never
involved…romantically?”

“No. They’d literally just met. Cole was
there when she died and he blamed himself that he couldn’t protect
her.”

Stunned into silence, Savannah nodded. He was
rehabilitating her, not because he had feelings for her, but
because of his guilt over another girl’s death.

“Are you okay? You’re pale,” Marissa
said.

Savannah’s ears thundered with the sudden
rush of blood, but she managed a nod. “I’m fine. I just didn’t
know.”

Marissa patted her knee. “I figured as much.”
Marissa polished off the rest of her wine, and waved Liam off at
his offer of a refill. “My brother’s falling for you. He just
doesn’t know it yet. Be patient with him, okay?”

Savannah nodded, her mouth dry and her
stomach turning somersaults. “Can we go?” She knew Cole would be
back from whatever it was he did on Sundays and they needed to
talk.

Marissa nodded, left a large tip for Liam,
then drove her home.

After wrestling in shopping bags of clothes
she no longer even remembered buying, Savannah scooped Cuddles up
into her arms and headed outside, not quite ready to face Cole.
When she reentered the apartment, she found him in the kitchen,
digging through the take-out menus. “Hey, I didn’t know when you’d
be home, so I figured I’d order out tonight.”

Savannah released a squirming Cuddles to the
floor and stared at her feet.

“What’s wrong?”

Hot, salty tears stung her eyes. “We need to
talk.”

The single tear rolling down Savannah’s cheek
held him immobile for a moment. “Savannah?” He stepped in closer,
guiding her by the elbow towards the sofa. “Tell me what
happened.”

She fell to the couch, curled her legs under
her, and let out a deep sigh. “I talked to Marissa today.”

“Okay…” He braced himself, unsure what was
coming.

“She told me about the girl…that passed
away.”

“Oh.” Cole feared it was something far worse,
something he’d kept buried away from everyone. But even as his
pulse spiked, he knew it couldn’t be. Because that was something
not even Marissa knew. And he hoped she never would.

In a shaky voice, Savannah admitted to Cole
that she feared it meant what was between them wasn’t real.

He’d never considered the connection, but
when confronted with the information — the link was obvious. Of
course what he felt for Savannah was in a whole other league, his
feelings for her much more intense. Christ, he’d been sharing his
home with her for months now.

“That’s all I was to you? Someone to save
since you couldn’t save the last girl?” The tears flowed freely,
and she curled into herself, hugging her knees to her chest.

“Savannah…that’s not…”

“I needed saving at one time, but not
anymore…not now. Now I just need…” She paused, breather breathing
shaky.

“Tell me.” He pulled her closer, forcing her
to disentangle from her perch on the couch.

“To be loved. To be accepted.”

The deep knot that had been sitting inside
his chest broke, and he drew a deep breath as though it was his
first. His resolve broke away and he pulled Savannah to his chest.
“Shh. It’s going to be okay. I promise you, you’re so much more to
me than a lost girl to save. Maybe that’s all this was at the
beginning, but not now.” It was the most he could give her. He
couldn’t promise her a future or unending love and devotion. His
heart was little more than a scrap of flesh in his chest. It had
been obliterated and smashed into tiny pieces one too many times.
And his dirty little secret — the reason he left every Sunday—was
going to be the final straw that drove her away. If they declared
their love for each other, it would only make their eventual
falling out that much worse.

Savannah’s hot tears dampened his neck and
ate away at his control. She pulled in a shaky breath at an attempt
at getting her emotions under control.

“Cole. That wasn’t your fault. You need to
move past it. Overcome this fear of losing someone because you
couldn’t save that girl.”

A timid frown pulled at his lips. He hated
how she looked at him. Like he was the one who was damaged. “God,
Savannah, you should be with someone who teaches you how to live
life, not someone who’s scared to live it, too.”

“So we’ll teach each other. We’ll take things
one day at a time, be there, discover new passions and dreams
together. We’ll hold each other at night when the fears try to
creep back in.”

He looked at her with anguish. If he could
give her the world, he would. But he wouldn’t have her settle. Not
for him. Not when she deserved so much more. He didn’t think there
was ever two people better suited for each other, but something
inside him seized up and he couldn’t say the words. He couldn’t
tell her everything would be okay, he couldn’t promise her forever.
Not with all his baggage.

Silent tears streamed down her cheeks, and
Cole wiped them away. “Don’t cry. I’ve got you. I’m right here.” He
rubbed her back, and she let the tears come. Cole continued rubbing
her back, murmuring soothing endearments near her ear, and most of
all, he just held her and let her break down. He felt sure that her
collapse was more than just from the information Marissa had shared
with her. He’d been waiting for everything to hit her for some time
now. And it seemed it finally had. Eventually her sobs quieted into
little hiccups and Cole urged her from the crook of his neck that
she’d claimed as her own.

She covered her face with her hands. “Don’t
look at me. I’m hideous.”

He chuckled and removed her hands. “You’re
not hideous.” Her eyes were swollen and red, her skin splotchy.
“You need a tissue, maybe, but you could never be hideous.”

She smiled and playfully swatted his hands
away. “I’m sorry I’m such a girl.”

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
“Never apologize for that, babe. Trust me, I’m very glad you’re a
girl.” He wiped his thumbs underneath her eyes, capturing some of
the black mascara pooled there. “Go get in bed. I’ll get the
tissues.”

She nodded and headed off down the hall.

Cole joined her in bed, his hands full with
Cuddles tucked under one arm and a box of Kleenex in the other.
“Special delivery.” He smiled, placing the over-excited puppy on
the bed. She quickly bounded over to Savannah and began licking her
face.

Savannah giggled and set the puppy on her
chest, patting her back. “Thanks.”

Cole tucked the blankets around her. “Just
get some rest, and I’ll take care of ordering dinner. Any special
requests?”

She shook her head. “Anything is fine. But no
pizza. Oh, and maybe some dessert.”

He chuckled. “Anything, as long as it’s not
pizza and includes dessert. You got it.” He turned off the lights
and left, the heavy feeling once again settling inside his chest.
Seeing her reaction tonight brought resounding clarity to his
Sunday excursions—he could never ever tell her about Abbie. It
would break her.

***

The following morning Cole laced up his
running shoes. On his way to the running trails, he passed by his
SUV and caught sight of s a white piece of paper tucked under his
wiper blade.

A sinking feeling in his gut told him this
wasn’t an advertisement like solicitors sometimes left, blanketing
all the cars. His training kicked in. He glanced around at his
surroundings, but nothing was out of the ordinary. He plucked the
scrap of paper and unfolded it.

You took something of mine and I will be back
for her.

Fuck.
Shivers crawled up his spine and
his muscles tensed. He had been fearing for weeks that Dillon would
reappear. He pocketed the paper and tore back up the stairs toward
Savannah.

He kicked off his running shoes in the foyer,
thankful that Savannah liked to sleep in on Sunday mornings. He
debated what he would tell her when she woke. At least the building
required a key to enter. He ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t
want to alarm Savannah, but was it even safe for her to go to work
tomorrow? He paced the kitchen to avoid punching the wall. He
needed to get his shit together and have his game face on by the
time she woke up. He pressed the heel of his hand against his
heart. Fucking chest was tight again.

He made a cup of coffee and brought it to the
breakfast bar with trembling hands. He was too keyed up to sit, so
he stood there, sucking down sips of the too hot coffee. He
wouldn’t tell Savannah. Not yet. Tomorrow he would go to work,
gather anything he could find on Dillon, and he’d have Savannah do
the same. He’d escort her to her car, send her to work like normal
and then set about tracking this asshole down.