Resistance (Replica) (15 page)

Rain continued to patter, and if Dante’s kiss hadn’t been warming her from the inside out, Nadia would have shivered in the damp chill. Rainwater had soaked through her sweater wherever it wasn’t protected by Dante’s coat. Drops pattered against her exposed cheek. And she didn’t give a damn. Dante was kissing her, and he
meant
it, and that was all that mattered. It was the most glorious thing she’d ever felt, and she wanted it to go on forever.

Dante pulled away long before she was ready. He was breathing hard, and she could feel the tension in his body, tension that spoke of a desire and longing that matched her own.

“We have to stop,” he whispered, his lips still within kissing distance of hers.

“Why?” Nadia asked, trying to close the distance, but Dante cupped his hand around her cheek and held her off.

It was so dark, Nadia could see little more than shadows, and yet she was intensely aware of his gaze burning into her, and there was a slight tremor in the hand against her cheek. He took a deep breath, then swallowed hard before he answered.

“Because if we don’t, this is going to go too far.” He shifted beneath her, making her even more aware of his obvious arousal.

By the values of Executive society, they had already gone
way
too far, mostly because of the difference in their social status. But even if Dante were a respectable Executive, going any further than heated kisses would be unacceptable. An Executive girl was expected to maintain her virtue for the man she was destined to marry. Once she became a full adult in the eyes of society—which wouldn’t happen until she was in her twenties—the rules of conduct would relax slightly. But a girl of Nadia’s age would be ruined. Of course, Nadia already
was
ruined in the eyes of society, because everyone assumed she’d been sleeping with Nate. The fact that it wasn’t true was of no importance.

“It seems to me that since I’m ruined anyway, I can decide for myself how far is too far,” she said, trying to convince herself that this, at least, was a good thing.

“You’re not ruined yet,” he murmured as his thumb caressed her cheek, his hand still burning hot against her skin. “The new marriage arrangement hasn’t been made public, and it’s always possible it will fall through before anyone but your family knows.”

Technically true, she supposed. But if the Chairman decided she wasn’t a fit bride for his son—or just that he wanted to punish her for having blackmailed him into destroying Thea—it seemed unlikely her arrangement with Nate would be allowed to stand even if Agnes were somehow removed from the picture.

“Besides,” Dante continued before she could voice her opinion, “if we were going to take this any further, I’d rather it be sometime when it isn’t cold and raining and generally miserable out.”

That point was considerably harder to argue, and some of the starch left Nadia’s spine.

What was she
thinking,
anyway? She was not reckless. She was not impulsive. She didn’t dive into things without examining the consequences carefully in advance. She’d felt a reluctant attraction to Dante since they’d first met, but that attraction hadn’t truly caught fire until she’d been locked away in this forsaken retreat, cut off from all men and boys.

Was any of it real? Or was she just using Dante because he was convenient? Could she possibly trust herself when her life was crumbling around her and her emotions were in a constant state of turmoil and confusion?

Nadia shivered, and Dante cuddled her closer. The rain was starting to let up, but she was already soaked through. Even if no one saw her sneak back into the dorm, her clothes wouldn’t be dry by morning. Whoever came in to tidy up would find the wet clothes and know she’d been out in the rain. Not to mention that the book she’d been carrying with her was probably ruined for good. Maybe that would cause nothing more than a few raised eyebrows, but she would have to assume her “guardians” would keep a closer eye on her from now on, wondering what she was up to wandering around in the rain late at night.

“I might not be able to come tomorrow night,” she said, deciding to ignore the issue of what she and Dante might do if they met again in better weather. “They’re going to know I snuck out tonight, and I don’t want anyone to get curious. The staff here are so nosy, I wouldn’t put it past them to have someone follow me.”

Dante nodded. “I understand. I’ll be here anyway, just in case. And if you think someone might be watching you, you probably should sneak out as usual and then just take a nice long stroll around the grounds. If they think that’s what you’re doing every night, they’ll lose interest real fast.”

Nadia couldn’t help but smile. “I’m lucky I can get advice from a real live spy.”

“Don’t take chances,” he warned. “I’m here if you need me, but don’t give them any more reasons to watch you too closely.”

“I won’t,” she promised.

She had a feeling that by the time the next night rolled around, she’d be longing for company once again, and the urge to meet Dante would be hard to resist. But he was right. If she wanted to make sure he could continue to visit like this, she had to exercise a little restraint. No matter how hard it was.

CHAPTER TEN

Nadia
saw no sign that her midnight walk in the rain had caused more than a raised eyebrow from her keepers. No one questioned her about the wet clothes, nor about the ruined book, which was removed from her room while she was out at breakfast. Even so, she felt as if eyes were on her at all times. A paranoid delusion, maybe, but she forced herself to humor it anyway, just in case it wasn’t so paranoid after all.

Her mind kept replaying the sensation of Dante’s kiss, and sometimes she could almost feel the tingle in her lips.

He was an impossible dream, of course. Even if she didn’t end up spending the rest of her days hidden behind the walls of a retreat, she could hardly be with someone like him. Even ruined as she was, she would be expected to consort only with “her own kind,” and Dante would not qualify. Never mind that “her own kind” would do nothing but sneer at her for her scandalous past.

When Sunday afternoon rolled around, Nadia wasn’t at all sure what to expect. She wasn’t sure she could face a repeat of the last visiting day, but surely her family would relent now that the initial shock of her fall from grace had worn off.

Now if only Nadia could figure out whether a visit from her family would be a good thing or a bad thing.

She missed everyone, of course. Even with Dante’s visits, her loneliness at the retreat was palpable and oppressive. But how could she possibly face her mother, knowing what she knew? And how was she supposed to pretend she
didn’t
know? She was a reasonably good actress, skilled at hiding her true feelings—a survival trait for an Executive who spent so much time in the public eye—but she wasn’t sure her acting skills were up to the task.

The possibility of having to face her mother almost convinced her not to make an appearance at the visitors’ lobby at all. Staying away provided the additional benefit of not knowing if no one showed up to visit.

However, Nadia wasn’t a coward, and she wasn’t going to let the situation turn her into one. So at three o’clock sharp, her pulse pattering and her palms sweaty, she marched herself to the visitors’ lobby.

Too restless—and nervous—to sit, Nadia paced. She would have loved something alcoholic to soothe her nerves, but apparently retreats were the one place where the legal drinking age was enforced for Executives, and the oh-so-helpful servers who wandered the room brought her fruit punch so sweet it made her teeth ache. She carried it around with her anyway, taking an occasional sip just because it gave her something to occupy her attention.

The good news was that Nadia didn’t have long to wait before the suspense was ended. When the first group of visitors was escorted into the lobby, she immediately spotted Gerri among them. She quickly scanned the rest of the group, but there was no sign of her mother or her father. She tried not to think too much about the bizarre mix of relief and hurt that churned inside her. Her hand was shaking just a little, so she put down the drink she didn’t want anyway and tried to walk calmly across the room to meet Gerri halfway.

The “calmly walking” thing lasted about two steps, and then Nadia’s feet developed a will of their own and propelled her across the remaining distance at a pace just short of a run. With a choked-off sob, she flung herself into her sister’s arms, so glad to see her she felt she might explode with it. Gerri hugged her back fiercely, showing no sign that she was annoyed by the undignified display.

“Glad to see you, too, kiddo,” Gerri said, and it sounded like she was fighting tears as hard as Nadia was.

Nadia sucked in air, trying to loosen the aching knot in her throat. Hurtling across the room and throwing herself into Gerri’s arms was undignified enough. She was
not
going to let herself cry. Public emotional displays were frowned upon in Executive society and also tended to attract unwanted attention from the press. There was no press here to take embarrassing photos, but Nadia was sure gossip could and would make its way out into the world if she made anything like a scene.

Reluctantly, she pulled away from Gerri’s arms, though somehow their hands became linked in the process. Nadia searched her sister’s face, looking for signs of disapproval, or anger, or disappointment. Gerri was every bit as good as their mother at conveying her unflattering assessment with nothing more than a facial expression, but the look she was giving Nadia now seemed suspiciously like pity. Which made Nadia’s battle against tears just that much harder.

“Let’s find a quiet corner to talk, shall we?” Gerri asked with a forced smile.

Nadia, uncertain of her voice, merely nodded and led Gerri to a cozy love seat in a secluded corner. She could read the tension in every nuance of Gerri’s body language, and she realized her sister was bracing herself to tell Nadia the terrible news about Nate’s new engagement. Acting uncommonly impulsive, she decided to save Gerri the trouble.

“I know about Agnes Belinski,” she whispered, and saw Gerri’s eyes widen in shock.

“How could you possibly…?”

“I have my ways,” Nadia answered, feeling a hint of satisfaction at having resources Gerri didn’t know about and couldn’t expect her to have. “I can’t tell you what they are, and you’d better not let
anybody
know that I’ve already heard.”

Gerri cocked her head, regarding Nadia with unbridled curiosity—and maybe a hint of respect, as well. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Nadia summoned a smile she didn’t really feel. “You have no idea.” Even the fake smile was almost impossible to maintain, so she quickly let it fade away. “Mom sent you in to be the bearer of bad tidings, didn’t she?”

It wasn’t like Esmeralda had a problem with confrontation. Nor did she have a problem with detailing Nadia’s inadequacies to her face. But perhaps sending Gerri had been something of an act of compassion. Maybe their mother thought the blow would be softer coming from her. Which was almost certainly true. No matter how unfair her mother thought Nadia’s disgrace might be, she would still consider it to be Nadia’s fault. Nadia had had one job in life: to be perfect, at least until her engagement to Nate was finalized. She had failed, and her mother would never be able to hide her disappointment and anger.

Gerri sighed and patted Nadia’s shoulder gently. “Actually, it was my idea. Mom is…” She shook her head. “I was going to say she isn’t herself, but that’s not true. It’s like she’s herself times two million.”

Nadia knew exactly what her sister meant.

“I figured getting the news would be bad enough without having to deal with the critique that would come with it if she told you,” Gerri continued.

Nadia nodded, certain that Gerri had made the right decision. Nadia knew exactly how her mother felt about her right now, but at least she didn’t have to have that disappointment shoved in her face. And she wouldn’t have to fight her desire to express her own feelings in return. Her relationship with her mom might never recover from such a confrontation. It might not even now, but as long as Nadia didn’t have the opportunity to say the ugly things she was thinking, there was a chance.

“And Dad…?” Nadia inquired.

Gerri made a face. “Had some kind of important meeting he just couldn’t miss.”

It was not impossible for a man of their father’s rank to have important, can’t-miss meetings on a Sunday afternoon, but Nadia could easily read between the lines. “In other words, he’s had it up to here”—she held her hand over her head—“with confrontation and he can’t face one more.”

Gerri nodded. “That’s the gist of it, I’m afraid. I think he and Mom are just short of meeting at dawn with pistols.”

Nadia would have laughed at the image of her parents dueling if the whole thing hadn’t been so depressing. And if she hadn’t felt so sure her mother would win the duel. She looked into Gerri’s eyes.

“I can’t live the rest of my live in a retreat, Gerri. I just can’t.” A hint of panic tinged her voice, and she made no attempt to hide it.

Gerri reached out and squeezed her hand. “It seems to me there’s an obvious solution to all your problems.”

Of course it seemed that way to Gerri. She knew Nadia had powerful blackmail material against the Chairman, and not knowing what that material was, it would seem to her that using it to force the Chairman to reinstate the agreement between their families was a no-brainer.

“Please tell me you kept your promise,” Nadia begged, sidestepping the issue for the moment.

Gerri frowned. “I haven’t retrieved the recordings,” she said. “Yet. You promised you would explain. Now might be a good time.”

Too bad Nadia had never quite figured out
how
she was going to explain. She would love to unburden herself, tell Gerri everything. But the fact was she didn’t dare. Knowing the truth about Thea was like having a death warrant with your name on it, which was why neither Nadia nor Nate could tell anyone, even—or maybe
especially—
the people they loved the most. If the Chairman ever caught the slightest hint that they weren’t upholding their end of the bargain, he would stop upholding his.