Reshaping It All (25 page)

The urge remained for a while, but I refused to sin against God. Instead I would pray, "I love you, God. Help me to walk away from food. Through You I have freedom of choice." I walked through many weeks both believing and saying that prayer.

To this day I don't struggle with food as I once did. But if the thought ever popped into my head, I know that there isn't anything Jesus Himself hasn't been tempted with and yet remained sinless. God won't give me more than I can handle and always provides a way for escape. I choose that escape when I walk away from the fridge. I have a choice: I can open a tub of ice cream, or I can walk into another room and read a book. I have choices, and I keep it in check by making the right ones. I want to please God, I want Him to be happy with me, and I want to be a good servant to Him. That is my goal.

After I talked with my pastor and met with Stacy, I wanted to share my struggles with Val. I felt vulnerable. Would he get it? Would he understand how much I lacked self-control and how difficult this journey might be for me?

His father, who smoked for years, went to his doctor who said, "Quit smoking, or you may have a heart attack." That was it—no patch, no weaning, no nothing. He quit. It was as simple as that.

Val has that same level of self-control. For him self-control seems to come easy, and I was concerned he might expect that level from me. I explained to him what a struggle this was in my life. He didn't have the response I was expecting at all. Instead he listened to my struggle with sympathy, he was happy I shared it with him, and I was happy too. He said he would pray with me and help me along the way.

I felt disgusted, unhealthy, and out of control, but now I wonder if perhaps God allowed me to walk through this fire so I'd be equipped to comfort those who walk through it too. I can say that I know what you're going through if you are gripped by food. I am finally free, and you can be too.

Don't be surprised if you fall off the wagon. Many of us on the health train find it's going well for a while, but then as we're digging deeper into the Word, we face a relapse. Be prepared. The enemy is trying to knock us off course. There may be a point where you trip up, fall on your face, and return to bad habits. I've been there. I've done that. Through Christ we can dust ourselves off and get back in the race. Even when we don't believe in ourselves, Jesus believes in us enough to put out His hand and pull us back on the track.

Many women who have lost weight gain it all back and then some. Of course they ask themselves, "Why bother if I just repeat the same cycle?"

I say because it's different when you're fighting the battle with Christ on your side. Keep a healthy body for Him, and you won't fail the same way as you did in the past.

I'm healthy because I want to be used by God to the best of my ability and as much as He'll allow me to be used. Health, fitness, and size act to glorify Him in my line of work. In my industry I need to stay in shape and be fit so I can get the types of roles I like and with those roles glorify Him. By doing that, I become a living testimony.

The entertainment industry is largely based on vanity. There is a standard I need to keep with each project I do. My goal is not to have an amazing body when I hit the next magazine cover (although that'd be nice!). It's that in everything I do, including my work, I want to glorify the Lord.

Weight loss and health are specific to each one of us; therefore we shouldn't be looking beside us for that measuring stick of self-control, size, or beauty. I can't compare myself to Val any more than you should compare yourself to other women at the gym. We're uniquely created, each facing our own set of circumstances and struggles.

If you're being tested, I'll tell you why. God is requiring more of you. Being good isn't good enough. If you really want to be transformed by the Spirit, as I hope you are seeking to be, He wants every area of your life to be handled in a
spiritual
way.

The Pantry

CHOCKED-FULL OF FOOD FOR THOUGHT

The Main Ingredient

When dealing with bad habits we have, we need to ask ourselves if we are battling a moral or a spiritual issue. If what we are doing is hurting our walk with the Lord, then we need to come to a place of true repentance where we are down on our knees before the Lord asking for forgiveness and help.

A Slice of Advice

Dear Candace,

First off, I just want to say what a true blessing you are to me! So thank you so much for your time and great words!

Lately it seems that I have a hard time letting go of the sins I have committed in the past. I know I have been forgiven due to asking God for forgiveness and basically saying that I am sorry, but I still think about things I have done, and it brings me to tears sometimes.

I rededicated my life to God a few months back. I have been visiting churches in my area, but it's been hard, trying to back away from "worldly" things that are out there.

I was brought up in a Christian home. My grandfather is a preacher at the church I went to in my hometown, and at age twelve I was saved by asking God to come into my heart and forgive me as a sinner. When I graduated from high school and started college, I started going down the wrong path, and then I would feel guilty and ask for forgiveness. Only a few months ago I realized I needed to change and start putting God first in everything I do. I know that if we ask God to forgive us, we are forgiven, but how do I shake this feeling of "why did I do that?"

I have been reading my Bible, and I just got the book you recommended: The Way of the Master. Any advice you have would be great!

—Renee

Dear Renee,

Thanks for your e-mail. I'm so glad you got
The Way of the Master
because that's the book I'd recommend reading.

I suspect you've never come to a place of godly sorrow. I'm talking in tears, on your knees, over the sin in your life. It's a place so deep inside of you, where you understand how offensive you've been toward God. Then understanding what He did for you on the cross and His grace.

I know you know "all the words" and what they mean, but I don't know that you've been affected by it in your soul. It didn't happen for me until after I read
The Way of the Master.
Maybe this will trigger it for you too, or maybe it will be something else.

In any case, once you've experienced godly sorrow, you can come to a place of true repentance. Asking God to forgive you, and turning from your sin. See, it's not just about feeling guilty over it and confessing it but feeling so sorrowful that you don't want to do it anymore. When you've asked for that forgiveness, it's been given to you. There's no reason to wallow in the guilt; that's not going to do anything. You have to trust that once you're forgiven, you're forgiven.

"Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you (Acts 13:38). Move on, and move into a right relationship with God. Dig into the Word to get to know Him better and what He wants to do with your life.

—Candace

A Pinch of Practicality

Stop beating yourself up over the mistakes you've made, and start rewarding yourself for the good choices your make. One way to do this is by keeping a jar close by into which you drop a coin each time you make a conscious effort that benefits your body, soul, or spirit.

You'll discover that the little choices we make add up quickly. Decide to use the money at the end of each month to reward yourself in some way. With the money you've saved, buy a pair of earrings, a lip gloss, or (if you've saved enough) a great pair of jeans. It will make you feel good and encourage you to make wise decisions more often.

Food For Thought

• When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, "I will return to the house I left." When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation. (Matt. 12:43–45)

• I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (Rom. 7:15)

The Candy Dish

Great effort is required to arrest decay and restore vigor. One must exercise proper deliberation, plan carefully before making a move, and be alert in guarding against relapse following a renaissance. —Horace, Roman poet

From My Stove to Yours

Lemon and Dill Baked Salmon

Serves 4

Ingredients

8 thin slices fresh lemon

4 (6 to 8-ounce) skinless salmon fillets

Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

2 tablespoons of freshly chopped dill

1 tablespoon olive oil

Directions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Season each salmon fillet with salt and pepper and place in a large 9 x 13 shallow baking dish. Lay two lemon slices on top of each fillet. Mix oil and dill and pour over the salmon. Bake for 10 to 15 minutes.

SIXTEEN

It Is Well with My Soul

I'll never forget that morning—how cold the air felt around me, while the warmth of God's hand waxed my soul. We went in for the pre-op appointment and met with the surgeon. It was the first time he was able to look at the CT scans and provide us with an informed analysis. In our previous meetings, he went off the reports, but that morning, after closely reviewing the films, he was able to give us the full diagnosis. It wasn't good. We were looking at a
cholesteatoma,
which is a cystic mass, or an accumulation of dead cells, much like a tumor, in the middle ear. Unfortunately the cholesteatoma was not in the early stages and had in fact been there for a while. It was quite large. If left untreated, the mass would cause permanent deafness and move on to other areas of the body, including the brain.

He then told us that they would have to do a much more invasive procedure that would involve not only removing the cholesteatoma but also cutting out much of the cartilage, causing a wide-open hole in our little boy's ear that would be prone to serious infection. If this was to be done, Lev would never be able to get his ear wet or swim again for the rest of his life. At four years old Lev was already a master diver, and so the thought of separating him from the water he loved so much was heartbreaking for us.

The doctor also warned us three times saying, "Be prepared for the possibility of facial nerve damage because the size of the cholesteatoma has severely wrapped itself around those nerves."

It was an emotionally exhausting day, preparing for the worst yet hoping for the best. I would have loved to have heard better news, but his words didn't fall in our favor.

Lev is my saving grace. He's tenderhearted, sensitive, and truly has a heart for God. Some say he's the spitting image of me with his little round nose and almond-shaped eyes. Regardless of how much effort I do or don't put into growing his faith, he loves the Lord. He's diligent in all that he does, whether it's getting his homework done or his chores. Bright and intelligent, he is a straight-A student, and his teachers never cease to tell me what a joy he is to teach. Like his dad, he's a genetically gifted athlete, competing in tennis and hockey, and playing just about any sport you could possibly imagine. I love his smile.

That smile was present the morning we arrived at the hospital. In spite of his condition, his courage shone through, offering a sense of peace to both Val and me. We arrived at 6:30 a.m., he was in surgery by 11:20 a.m., and for the next hour we prayed, patiently waiting for news.

Words can't describe the joy that flooded our hearts the moment the nurse spoke those words, "They are performing the lesser of two surgeries." And while we waited another hour or so for the doctor to give us the final news, we knew the grace of God was upon us and that Lev would indeed be okay.

The surgery went well. The cholesteatoma was large indeed, but they kept working at it and were able to remove it without opening the inner ear canal. There wasn't any facial nerve damage whatsoever, but out of the three hearing bones, two of them had already been destroyed. They removed those two as well as half of the remaining bone. His little head was wrapped in bandages, and while his body was weak, his spirit was strong. Lev is nearly deaf in his right ear, which is truly the least of our worries.

It was an exhausting experience for any parent to go through, but we found comfort in knowing that so many people were praying over Lev and the doctors, and for that we are eternally grateful. Faith and prayer carried us through, along with a sense of peace and assurance that only comes from the Lord, the greatest physician of all.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:6–7)

The peace of God has been a lifeline for me over the years. When I'm tired, stressed out, angry, or at the end of my rope, I try my best to remember, "It is well with my soul." I know that regardless of what I am put through on Earth, my spirit cannot be touched, I can rest in that knowledge because I am safe in His arms. He is my shield.

Say the word
affliction,
and you can't help remembering the Israelites. They finally fled Egypt, leaving a life of slavery behind them; and before they knew it, Pharaoh was hot on their tail. God hardened the heart of Pharaoh knowing that he would pursue them and as a result was able to show His power to save.

Imagine it this way: say you make a decision to live well today. You decide that you're going to start eating well, and you plan to walk thirty minutes every day, starting tomorrow! You've decided that you've lived in bondage to food far too long, and you want to leave it behind in search of the promised land. A land flowing with milk and honey, where you are free from the pull of the fridge door, and you are in the groove of a fitness routine.