Rescue My Heart (15 page)

Then he felt a warm, wet nose in his ear. Opening his eyes, he met Milo’s.

Dawn’s first pink light was just creeping in. Adam
pushed the dog back a few feet and then looked down at the warm, sexy female in his arms. Her perfect little ass was spooned up against him. They were both naked, but basic chemistry had kept them warm. Hell, they could have kept all of Idaho warm with the heat they’d generated all night.

Holly’s skin was scented with her usual enticing sexiness, though she also smelled a lot like him. It was erotic and…disturbingly intimate. He carefully rolled to his back.

Holly murmured something, flopped over, and scooted in to once again plaster herself to him.

Not him, he corrected. His heat. She was a heat-seeking missile. Her hair looked like an explosion in a mattress factory, flowing wildly over his arm and chest, tickling his nose. Before he’d even realized what he was doing, he stroked it back from her face.

In her sleep she scowled, an expression he was well used to. There hadn’t been much to smile about between them.

Until last night, anyway.

At that uncomfortable thought, he began the tricky extraction process, pulling back, trying to disentangle himself from her. Not easy when she now had a grip on him with
both
fists, her thighs tight around one of his. Her breasts were pillowed against his chest, and when he shifted, her nipples puckered tight. He knew it was just a physical response to stimulation or maybe from the cold air around them, but it didn’t stop his mouth from watering with the need to take a taste.

He resisted, barely, and only because he was already feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet for letting this happen between them.

It
shouldn’t
have happened. Holly was hopes and dreams. She was…
forever
. Adam no longer had hopes and dreams; he was working on just getting through the moment. And forever? Forever was an
f
-word. He managed to move back another inch, and she actually made a soft
little mewling protest that was both the sexiest and sweetest sound he’d ever heard.

Aside from the sounds she’d made last night.

All those years ago, she’d always responded to him with open eagerness. It had never failed to excite him then.

Seemed nothing much had changed now, either.

Of course, in those days she hadn’t had anyone to compare him to in the sack, and that had been a rush all on its own. But even without that element, she’d been different from other women. She’d roused a protective, possessive nature in him that he’d never felt before. Of course he’d been young, stupid, and completely ruled by his dick.

He had no idea what his excuse was now.

He gently pulled his legs free from hers and came up on his knees, getting his first good look at her in the ambient early dawn light. Creamy skin, warm, gorgeous curves, and…patches of whisker burns on her throat, breasts, and between her legs.

You are a complete asshole
, he thought, and spread the sleeping bag over her, forcing himself up.

He pulled on his clothes and boots and moved outside where the icy cold air slapped him in the face.

So did his moral compass.

Overnight, the snowfall had coated the land with enough powder to give depth to its features. He could see for miles, a broad sweep of spiky, naked trees and vast, rambling land, beautiful in its simplicity. He eyed the sky. Dark and tumultuous. They’d be lucky to make it another hour without more snow. It was the sort of morning that called for crawling back into the bed that held a warm, sexy woman waiting for him.

But that wouldn’t fly.

He glanced back at her, where she lay curled up in his sleeping bag, only her blond hair showing.

God, how he loved the smell of a woman’s hair. Not something he’d given much thought to in…
well, years. He’d been busy with other things like consecutive tours of being dropped into places that didn’t even officially exist, backing up the good guys, losing half his unit because of bad intel, and then falling into a deep, dark pit of despair and guilt for being alive, all of which tended to chase away thoughts of the ladies. He drew a deep breath and had to shrug that off for now. Therapy 101—sitting on the guilt was unproductive.

Not that
that
had ever stopped him.

But he had other issues at the moment. Namely the caves.

He and Milo did their business. His shoulder was bothering him so he pulled off his shirt again, and then disregarding both the icy air and Dell’s strict instructions, he removed the bandage as well. Everything seemed okay. He tried to replace it himself but couldn’t quite manage that on his own. He was twisting around and doing his best when he found Holly standing in the ranger station doorway, looking only half awake and completely befuddled.

She’d wrapped herself in his sleeping bag, which slipped off her shoulder, revealing black lace. He didn’t often give much thought to a woman’s underwear. Mostly he liked it skimpy and on the floor, but that had been shortsighted of him because this little peekaboo hint was really nice, too.

Realizing he was staring, she turned and vanished into the shelter, then reappeared a moment later in her clothes. She was still looking a little blown away at the fact that overnight their landscape had turned into a winter wonderland.

Taking in her sleepy-eyed stupor, it was impossible not to feel a small surge of satisfaction for having rendered her so completely befuddled. “You okay?” he asked.

Her cheeks flushed, but she nodded, and he wondered if she was thinking about just how
very
okay she’d seemed only a few hours ago—while panting out his name in that sexy, breathy little whisper.

But whatever she was thinking, she wasn’t sharing. And she didn’t move from the doorway, either, instead staying far out of arm’s reach, which meant she was wary.

Or smart as hell.

He tried to look into her eyes, but she was looking off to the right, at the long fingers of fog rolling in on the early morning air.

“Should we talk about it?” he asked, hoping like hell that she would say no. Talking wasn’t high on his list of favorite things to do.

She shook her head and began to gather up her hair in that way women had, quickly piling it on her head, tying it there with an elastic band she pulled from her wrist. She moved to him, hand out for the new bandage. He held it up, along with a tube of Neosporin, and her fingers brushed over his shoulder as she turned him. Even this minor contact made him hard.

“Didn’t Dell tell you not to touch?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t he also say if you did, he’d put a dog cone on you?”

“Yeah.” He scowled. “So?”

“So, do you want to wear a cone around your neck?”

“He’d have to catch me first,” he said.

She snorted, finishing with the antibiotic ointment. “Is Dell fast?”

“Yes. But I’m faster.”

She replaced the bandage. “It looks good, Adam.”

“Thanks.” He craned his neck and met her gaze. “You’re a lot hotter than my last doctor.”

She gave him a look. “I’m the hottest anything you’ve ever had.”

When he laughed, she smiled in response, and then looked around. “It snowed.”

“Yeah. We were too busy to notice.” The memory of what they’d been too busy doing made him even harder.
Holly’s gaze dropped to his mouth and softened, giving him both a rush of lust and something else.

Unease.

Because he knew that look. It was the look of a woman who’d found something she wanted. Oh Christ. The repercussions of last night were going to hit right here and now.

His own doing.

He pulled on his shirt, and then his sweatshirt and jacket. Stalling techniques, of course, while he tried to decide how best to give her the bum’s rush out of here without analyzing last night too closely.

She turned to him, eyes serious, unhappy, and his gut tightened. Hell. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t ignore this. Not with her. “I’m going to ask you again,” he said quietly. “Are you okay? Do we have a problem?”

“No,” she said. “Of course not. My father’s missing—his phone is
still
off, by the way; I checked before I got dressed—and I just slept with one of the biggest mistakes of my life—a mistake who thinks
I’m
the mistake—but no, there’s no problem.”

“Okay, now I see,” he muttered, stepping toward her. “I
knew
we needed to talk about this.”

“Look, forget it. Let’s just get a damn move on. It’s what you do, right? When the going gets tough, you get going.”

He opened his mouth, because that’s
not
how it had gone down—
at all
—and she knew it, but he caught the flash of misery on her face before she turned away, so he held his tongue. “Holly.”

“Great,” she said, tossing up her hands. “Here it comes.”

“Here comes what?”

“Your morning-after speech,” she said. “I tried to avoid it, but some things I guess there’s just no avoiding. So go ahead, Adam. Get it out before it chokes you.”

He drew in a slow, deep breath. “Last night—”

“Wait.” She jabbed a finger at him again. “I should warn
you—even though
I
just said last night was a mistake, if
you
say it, I
will
hurt you. Because I was lying, Adam. And don’t think I can’t hurt you. I’ve been taking kickboxing. I have moves, you know. Badass moves.”

“Holly.” He grabbed the hand she was waving around. “Nothing with you has ever been a mistake.”

“But?” she asked. “Because there’s most definitely a
but
coming, I can feel it.”

He met her gaze. “But I don’t want what you want.”

She narrowed her eyes. “And what do you think I want?”

“A committed relationship.”

She sucked in a breath. “And what about you? What do you want?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” he said. “It’s not what you deserve, believe me. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

She nodded once, like she understood, then shook her head. When he opened his mouth, she glared up at him so he shut it again and gave her a moment.

“So…you feel nothing for me?” she asked.

Christ, she slayed him. “I feel entirely too much for you,” he corrected. “But it’s not enough. You deserve it all, Holly.”

She blinked, clearly startled by this. “You mean another marriage?” she finally asked. “A white picket fence?” She let out a low laugh that held no amusement. “I’ve had those things. I don’t want them again.”

“You may not want them now, but when the times comes and you change your mind, you need to be with someone who wants those things, too. I’m not that guy, Holly.”

“I don’t like it when people tell me what I want, Adam.” She turned away, looking toward the woods. “You have no idea what I want.”

That was undoubtedly true, and it also proved his point. He knew nothing about being in a relationship day in and day out with a woman. He could satisfy her physically, but
no matter if he wanted to be the One for her or not, he’d let her down because he couldn’t keep her satisfied emotionally.

“And, anyway, this isn’t even about me,” she said. “It’s about you.
You
don’t want to have to be vulnerable to
me
. To anyone. You don’t want to open up to me.”

“I’ve opened up and shared more with you than just about anyone else,” he said.

“But you’ve still held back. You think you have to be perfect or some other such idiocy. But you’re forgetting, I already know you’re not perfect.”

Direct hit. And they both knew she was no longer talking about last night. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” he said.

“You made a blanket decision about us without me. That’s what hurt me.”

“Yes, I did that,” he agreed. And he’d do the same thing again. “Come on, Holly, you know that back then a life with me was a guaranteed life of hurt.” He’d done her a favor by breaking things off before heading into the military. He’d always looked back on it just like that, telling himself she’d be happier without him.

Which meant that he had no right to feel anything for her now. He’d had his chance, and he’d made the choice to walk away. He’d refused to alter his life to fit her into it. He hadn’t been willing to add the complication. He wanted things as simple as possible.

Holly was a lot of things, but simple wasn’t one of them. Then or now.

“So what was last night, then?” she asked.

Well, hell.

“You don’t even know, do you,” she said in disbelief.

No, he didn’t. He didn’t have a clue.

“Really?” she said when he remained silent. “You’re going to go with the whole Dark, Tortured, Silent persona? Fine. That’s fine, Adam. Stick with what you’re good at. Because you
are
good at that. You’re the master at that.
Sucking people in with your quiet, sexy charm, allowing them to think that they’re special to you, that you’re letting them in, all the while you’re keeping them at arm’s length and not letting them in at all.”

He rubbed his jaw and studied her, wondering if she was always so damn prickly in the mornings. Another question that would be better kept to himself. He knew better than to get dragged into a fight with her on a mountaintop with a possible storm coming and her father missing and her emotions so high. Maybe he could tease her to break the mood. “Last night,” he said. “When we—”

She closed her eyes. “Yeah, what about it?”

“You came, right?”

“Oh my God.” Her eyes flew open and she gave him a narrow-eyed look. “You think I faked the orgasm?”

“
Three
orgasms,” he pointed out, giving himself away. He’d known she’d come. He’d known exactly when and for how long, and he’d be reliving the moments for a long time to come.

Realizing he was pulling her leg, she blushed. “I wouldn’t fake.”

“Good to know,” he said. “But you seem pretty cranky for someone who got some, so…”

“Okay,” she said, backing away. “Fun as this awkward morning-after is, I’m going to…” She gestured to the woods.

“Wait.” He pulled a small canister of pepper spray from his backpack. “Take this with you.”

“For all the rapists that hang out here?”