Requiem (63 page)

'A small group?
The values of NeoCorp hold the minds of at least half your
population.'

'What about the
Insolvency?'

'They are the
other half and we have tried to convince them of their fate but
they share no interest in what we have to say. The infection of
dogma persists even within them.'

There was a
sound inside her head. Like the crashing of some far reaching wave,
like a ceaseless roar, slamming itself into the sides of her skull.
'No one?' she said. 'You could convince no one?'

'Our mercy has
its limits. If you believe yourself to be their saviour then you
are welcome to try.'

Tialus kept her
eyes fixed on Seline. Seline wanted to see her falter. She wanted
there to be something in Tialus's words that would betray her true
intentions. Vindication had come far too easily.

'You want so
desperately to believe that our decision will change,' said Tialus.
'It will not.'

'We need to do
something. I can't just sit here and-'

'Where has this
sudden sense of patriotism come from? The entire latter half of
your life has been spent hiding from your past and now you suddenly
jump to the defence of those you disowned?'

'Things change.
I've changed.
Humans
can change.'

'We cannot
afford to pay the costs of such blind hope.'

Her hands were
shaking. 'There must be a way.'

'If there was
then we would have thought of it.'

'… Destroy the
gate,' said Seline.

'Assuming we
could even do such a thing and assuming we could even predict what
the effects of destroying an Atlas Gate might be, what would that
accomplish? As far as we know, we're the only ones even capable of
standing up to Icarus. If we cut ourselves off, Icarus will be left
unopposed, free to feast upon our stars and destroy this galaxy.
Not to mention the loss of resources we would sustain from
permanently isolating ourselves from every major star system.'

'The virus
then!'

The counsellors
looked at one another, softly shaking their heads.

'The insights
from the sentinel were too limited to give us anything concrete. We
can't predict what the effects will be.' Her voice became cold,
almost bitter. 'The virus was a dead end.'

Seline was
staring at the floor. Her eyes following the dark, seamed joints of
the floor panels. She wanted them to open and swallow her whole.
One of the counsellors was speaking, the frail one seated on the
far right. His thin, gnarled fingers protruded from his robe and
clutched at each other over his swollen stomach. Seline could see
his mouth moving. It wasn't until he had almost completed his
monologue that she began to distinguish the words and their
meaning.

'-or is this a
perceived guilt?' said the counsellor. 'Do you hold yourself
responsible?'

She didn't even
think of the words, they were already waiting on her lips. 'Someone
has to be responsible. What am I supposed to do if you all believe
your hands to be so goddamn clean?'

'We embraced
humanity but you turned on us, we tolerated you and still you
struggled against us. The time has come to forget you and let your
destiny finally catch up.'

'You can't
honestly believe that we deserve-'

'Mind your
words, Seline,' said Tialus. 'We have done more for you than any
other.' Her voice softened somewhat. 'You needn't blame yourself,
but something tells me we will not be able to stop you.'

'We
deserve-'

'You
deserve
nothing! You squandered your potential and now we
will leave the consequences to you.' She disengaged her eyes from
Seline and glanced at the other counsellors. 'I believe this
discussion has run its course.' Back to Seline. 'As regretful as
these circumstances are, our decision has been made. You are free
to do as you please but you will do it alone.'

Tialus and the
others rose from their seats and began to leave.

'Ask Sear!'
pleaded Seline. 'He's almost spent more time on Earth than me. If
anyone's opinion matters...'

The others had
already left, passing Seline without comment and through the
doorway. Only Tialus stopped. 'We have asked Sear.'

'And you've
ignored what he told you?'

'You assume too
much, Seline. We have considered Sear's words. Perhaps you should
do the same.'

Tialus walked
from the room, leaving Sear and Seline. Belameir waited outside the
door.

Seline's legs
were shaking. Her mind was spinning, faster and faster.

She turned to
Sear. He was looking at her or past her she couldn't tell.

She stepped
towards him. 'What did you tell them?' She didn't wait for a
response. 'Sear! What did you say?'

'I said what
needed to be said.'

'You told them
we weren't worth saving?'

'I told them
the truth.'

'What
truth?'

He looked at
the ground. 'That there's nothing left to save.'

Her feet were
sinking into the floor. The weight was unbearable. She raised her
hand to the side of her head. She watched his eyes, darker than
ever. Silence filled the void between them. Nothing softened in his
expression, nor would it.

It was an
expression that he'd never seen in her before. Nothing was masked.
Tears welled behind her eyes. The colour had drained from her face.
Seline turned to walk away.

'Seline,' said
Sear.

She kept
walking.

'Seline, where
are you going?'

'To Earth.'

'Why?'

'You know damn
well.'

Sear said
nothing more and let her leave.

Belameir tried
to stop her; with words and then his hands but she pushed him back.
Belameir turned to Sear. 'She'll calm down,' he said, 'when she
actually thinks about what's being lost, she'll understand.'

Belameir turned
and started after her.

Sear stood
alone. The scene had imprinted itself into the air. Seline's voice
still echoed in his head. He stepped out of the council chamber,
saw Belameir disappear through the doors at the end of the hall. He
turned and instead followed Tialus.

He found her
alone in the centre of the main foyer, standing in front of one of
the sculptures. A scale model of the Saranture System. The orbits
of each celestial body was a spinning metal ring circling a
metallic star. Sear approached Tialus. The sound of his steps
echoed from every surface. The rings of the sculpture rotated
around one another, spinning in perpetual silence.

'She holds
herself responsible. Surely you can see that,' said Sear.

Tialus turned
to face him. 'And what do you want me to do about it?'

'She's going to
try to go back to Earth. She's going to try to save them.'

'Then let her
go.'

'Is that all
you have to say?'

'It is all that
needs to be said. We've done what we can for humanity.'

He didn't know
why his hands had clenched into fists. He relaxed them. 'I will
accompany her.'

'For what
purpose, Sear? There is nothing that she or you can do that we
haven't already tried. They will not believe whatever you try to
tell them.'

'That may be
true-'

'That
is
true.'

'- but nothing
will stop her. As long as there is time she will keep trying.'

Tialus followed
the motions of the sculpture with her eyes and the thin bands of
light reflecting on its edges. 'It is exhausting. Watching her
struggle,' she said. 'Tell me, how does she cope with such a
convoluted existence?'

'I have no
idea.'

'Nor do I.'

'Then imagine
what it's like to be her.'

'If she holds
herself to blame then I doubt you will be able to convince her
otherwise.'

'I will
try.'

'So you're
going to go to Earth and do what? Yell at them through a
mega-phone? Drug them all into submission? Walk door to door like a
missionary patrol?'

'We'll do what
we can.'

'Which is
nothing. You can try all you want to help that girl but after all
she has gone through do not assume that she can be saved... Or is
it your own redemption that you're looking for?'

'I owe it to
Seline and those people to help until the last.'

'There are more
important things here for you to do, preparations you could help
with.'

'Seline
is
important, Tialus.'

'It is a
pointless expedition. I cannot lend you my support.'

'I don't need
it.'

Her lips moved.
Upon her face the faintest trace of a smile.

'When will you
close the gate?' asked Sear.

Tialus looked
at the time display in her optics. 'You have three days. The gate
will be closed whether you're back or not.'

Seline stepped
from the cab onto the docking platform and strode through the door
of the apartment and into her bedroom. She found her bag under the
bed and began stuffing whatever spare clothes she could find into
it before she heard the sound of another taxi arriving. Shortly
after, Belameir walked into the room.

'You don't have
to come. I don't expect you to,' said Seline.

Belameir looked
at her, humoured by the offer. She continued indiscriminately
shoving clothing into her bag without looking up.

'I'm a human
too, ya know?' said Belameir.

She said
nothing.

'Sel?'

'Fine. It's up
to you.'

'Shouldn't we
have a freighter or a transport vessel?' asked Belameir

'They won't
give me one. But I still have some of the authorisation codes that
Sear gave me for the cruiser.'

'You're going
to steal the fucking cruiser?'

'No. The
shuttle.'

'Sel, are you
sure this a good idea? Icarus arrives in four days.'

'That's why I
have to go.'

'What about
Sear?'

'What about
him?'

'You were kind
of harsh on him weren't you?'

Seline slung
her bag over her shoulder. She walked out of the room, past
Belameir, into the kitchen. Belameir followed her out, grabbed his
copy of Sherlock Holmes from the sofa on his way to the taxi
stand.

Wind was
rushing across the landing. Seline was struggling forward, almost
running. She reached the taxi stand and pressed the call button.
She looked out at the city. She didn't know why but the sight of it
made her sick, like some kind of misdirected insult. She stepped
into the waiting maglev cart.

'Sel! Can't you
wait for just a minute? Talk to Sear, hear him out.'

Seline was
about to close the doors. 'Are you coming or not?' she asked.

Belameir's foot
rested on the edge of the cart. She needed help. She was struggling
but then again, she'd always been struggling. For as long as he'd
known her, Seline had been contending with something much bigger
than herself, fighting everything in her head that she thought
shouldn't be there. Distilling and screening her thoughts so she
could hide from the pain. He wanted to tell her something but he
didn't know what. He reluctantly stepped into the cart. The doors
shut and the cart descended back to the main maglev track and
headed for the docks.

'He said
there's nothing left to save,' said Seline, leaning against the
back of the seat, her eyes closed.

'But... why do
you care so much? You don't owe them anything.'

'Because of my
mother... because of Abigail... because of you. What does it say
about these memories in my head if I try to pretend there aren't
others just like me?'

Belameir looked
at the scars running down Seline's neck. 'I don't understand,' he
said.

She sighed,
wiped something from her eyes and looked into Belameir's eyes. 'I
always thought there was nothing back there for me, that's why I
never cared about Earth, but maybe I've just spent so much time
seeing the worst of humanity that it became easy to ignore what was
good. I focused on the pain and allowed myself to forget everything
else. I can't make that same mistake again. I can't believe that
there isn't something – someone – worth saving.' She looked out the
window. 'He said there's nothing left to save. After everything...
and he still says that.'

'Sel, he
wouldn't have said that lightly. And what's happening... it isn't
his fault.'

Seline closed
her eyes again, kept her face turned to the window.

'We won't have
long,' said Belameir. 'Twelve hours at the most actually down on
the surface before we have to come back.'

'I know,' said
Seline.

Belameir hung
his head down, saying nothing. She was relying on him, yes, but in
the same way she'd always done. She needed him there, not to
lecture her, not to preach to her, but to be there, to be the only
stable fixture upon a constantly shifting horizon. He was the
anchor that kept her from losing herself, she would always drift
with the currents, with the waves, but as long as he remained, she
could always find her way back, if not to home then at least to
him.

They arrived at
the dock and boarded one of the shuttles using Belameir's access
codes. The small vessel lifted from Saranture and passed into the
upper atmosphere. In orbit around the planet was a clutter of ships
and satellites. Those who had received and responded to the
warnings issued by the Yurrick. Pikers, Kallers, even Ordonians.
Most of the aliens were housed in Yurrick transport ships. Some
hung in orbit around Darinus, none permitted to dock on Saranture's
surface.

They headed
towards the Atlas Gate as fast as they could, shadowed closely by
another Yurrick vessel with the same destination.

The ship passed
over the skyscrapers of the Third Corporate Zone. Seline's eyes
scanned the windows for signs of life but they offered only
emptiness and spoke only of abandonment. The streets, too, were
emptied and quiet, hushed by the wind as it blew between the
corridors of buildings and toothpick architecture.