REPRESENTED (5 page)

             
“No” Karin breathed quietly.

             
“Why not?” Miranda asked equally quiet.

             
“Because you are married for one, for another this was over ten years ago” Karin told her practically.

             
“What’s the big deal, we’re both adults” Miranda tried to reason with her.

             
Karin sat up and released Miranda’s hand.  “It’s not a big deal but I won’t be your comfort fuck whenever you have problems.”

             
Miranda was surprised at the language knowing Karin didn’t speak like that and certainly didn’t use the f word.  She sat in the other recliner and put her hands up to her face “I’m sorry.”

             
Karin watched her to see if this was genuine or part of an act.  Certain it was genuine she reached over and patted Miranda on the shoulder and rubbed it.  “Look, we’ve known each other a long time.  It took me a long time to move on from your decision but I haven’t been waiting for you to appear on my doorstep, I’ve moved on too.”

             
“You said you didn’t really have anyone in your life...” Miranda began.

             
“Just because I don’t have someone special in my life doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy people.  I don’t want or need a commitment at this point in my life.  I do what I want when I want.  I don’t need someone to be answerable to.  Some people wouldn’t understand me being able to have several friends that I enjoy physically but others may think I’m playing the field, I’m not.  I’m not a slut either who sleeps with anyone.  I enjoy people and take what pleasure I can when it suits me.  I’m hurting no one and I certainly am not going to hurt Jeff again however indirectly, even if he would never know.”  She paused for a moment “you never told him about us did you?” she asked her friend astutely.

             
Miranda looked at her with tears in her eyes and shook her head.

             
“Don’t you think that says something?  I watched you for a lot of years; you’ve told me absolutely everything about your past.  I know you, or rather I did.  You need the comfort of having someone in your life, always.  I don’t.  I’m okay alone.  I like me.  I don’t want you running to be with me unless you really want me, not what I represent, not someone for the sake of having someone.  I moved on Miranda.  You cut me off after those few times when you and Jeff first got together.  I’ve come to grips with that.  You apparently haven’t.  I’ll always be your friend but you’ve got to
be
a friend, and sleeping with you would only complicate things.”  She looked at Miranda sadly to see if she understood what she was saying to her.  She leaned towards Miranda to emphasize what she was going to say “don’t you think that those few times we were together again after you and Jeff were a couple says something as well?  I firmly believe the only reason you cut me off was so that you wouldn’t be tempted, that I wouldn’t seduce you or something.  That you couldn’t resist?” she grinned as she added “after all, I am so irresistible” they shared a smile.  “Miranda, you’re going to be okay, whatever you decide.  I’m your knee jerk reaction to the fact that your marriage just might be over.  I’ve done this with you before.  I can’t again.  My life is not the same as it was 15 years ago when we first met.”  She looked at Miranda sadly to watch her reaction.

             
“You are different.  You’ve become the woman you always hoped you would.  I see the fine clothes, the respect, and the flirtation.  People are drawn to you in ways you don’t even see.  You are so unaware of it” she marveled.

             
“You know what it is?  It’s confidence.  I finally grew into the confident woman you see here” she spread her arms to emphasize what she was saying.  “It’s lonely sometimes but people are drawn to me because I exude confidence.  I seem to have it all together and they like to reflect in its glow.  I’m not always but I am good at what I do.  It affects my whole life.  People don’t know me really and that’s okay too.  It keeps them at a distance.”

             
“Why be lonely, why be alone?”

             
Karin smiled “because relationships are messy.  I’m not a messy person.  I’m not that Midwestern girl who was raising her kids and barely making ends meet.  I’ve worked hard to get where I am.  The alone isn’t so bad.  I do what I want when I want.  If someone is important in my life I let them know that, I make myself available if I can.  I’ve had a few relationships over the years but nothing I want to screw up my life for, not yet.  Somewhere out there she’s waiting for me.  Meanwhile I enjoy those I come in contact with while they do.”

             
“I could be that person” Miranda stated firmly.

             
Karin smiled “you
could have
been that person.  Ten years ago you
were
that person.  I thank you for showing me what love is but I’ve moved on.  We aren’t the same women we were fifteen years ago when we met and fell in love.  I’m okay with that, I need you to be okay with that too.” She grabbed Miranda’s hand and squeezed it reassuredly.

             
Miranda sighed.  Karin was right. 
This
Karin Myers she didn’t know.  She couldn’t know.  And while she had known her for years she was right that she had cut her out of her life to pursue the hetero life that Jeff offered.  It was up to her to make her own way now.  Karin was comfort food.  The person she was now would destroy her.  There would be none of the discretion that had formed their relationship all those years ago.  While some had suspected they were lovers then no one had really known.  If she moved here Karin wouldn’t hide it.  She would want to be open and Miranda had never wanted that.  Being her friend was all they could ever be.

              The next morning Miranda woke to hearing noise in the living room.  Crawling out of Karin’s bed she noticed the drawer in the side table and tried to open it.  It was locked firmly and she grinned wondering what Karin kept in it.  She got up and headed to the living room to check out the noise and found Karin using a rowing machine.  She must have been at it a while as she had a line of sweat along her back between her shoulder blades.  The dog who had been watching her wagged his tail and Karin looked over her shoulder.  “Hi, there are bagels and croissants in the warming oven waiting for you.”

             
“You went out?” Miranda asked squinting at a digital clock on the oven.  It read 8:15.

             
Karin nodded “I’ve been up since 6 and took D.O.G. for a walk.  Since we had guests we bought some groceries.”

             
Miranda headed over to the coffee pot which smelled absolutely delicious.  This wasn’t regular coffee she suspected Karin hadn’t made this either.  She lifted a cup off the rack and poured.  She could have inhaled just the fumes and been happy it smelled so good.  The first taste was not a disappointment either.  The bagels were delicious as well, pure New York.  She didn’t care where she was, it wasn’t the same as the one she was devouring with cream cheese.  Molly walked in and asked “what is that delicious smell?” and they both watched as Karin put away the rowing machine under the couch and got on a bike that looked like a normal bike except for the tripod stand which made it stationary and began peddling madly.  She was doing pretty intense biking as she continued to sweat to an MP3 player she had attached to her pants with one ear bud in her right ear.  She closed her eyes as she mouthed something to herself.  Molly and Miranda exchanged a look and laughed.

             
“What do you think she’s listening to?” Molly smiled at her mother as she ate her bagel and they both watched their friend.

             
“Probably opera” Miranda said sardonically.

             
“Naw, probably 101 ways to get ahead” Molly countered.

             
“Ha, ha, ha you guys, I’m trying to get in my 10 miles in under half an hour so I can get your sightseeing in before your brother is off work” she informed them “furthermore, I don’t listen to opera in the morning” and then she concentrated on her breathing.

             
The two of them laughed at their host as they got in their morning sustenance and caffeine.

             
Karin was in the shower when Miranda tried to wake Jana to get her going for the day.  It wasn’t a pretty site as the teen was reluctant to awaken and sprawled across the bed and Miranda was grateful Karin didn’t witness it.  By the time Karin came out of her bedroom wearing slacks and a pretty blouse and carrying a matching jacket the tantrum was over and Jana was up and eating a croissant and drinking orange juice.

             
“Where are we going?” Jana asked Karin sleepily.  Her blonde hair was all in disarray, severe bed head.  She really enjoyed sleeping and did it hard.

             
“I thought we’d take a sight-seeing tour, I have a friend who will take us if you’re up for it?” she asked for forms sake.

             
Miranda was sitting out on the patio enjoying her morning cigarette and Molly was sitting in the living room leafing through a magazine she had brought.  Karin looked at her guests wondering how to entertain them.  C.A.T. sauntered in from the bedrooms and headed to the patio.  Molly eyed the cat with distrust but he ignored her as he went to the open door and smelled the morning.  He apparently didn’t like the cigarette smell as he looked at Miranda in disgust.  D.O.G. went over to greet C.A.T. and snuffled along him pushing his nose harder than necessary to incite the cat to play.  Karin watched knowing what would happen shortly as she hung her jacket over the back of one of the bar chairs.  Pretty soon the cat got sick of the poking nose of the dog and took a sheathed paw and batted at the dog who delightfully pulled back and poked again.  They were soon rolling full body contact on the floor as everyone watched.  They didn’t seem to watch where they were going either as they wrestled and rolled playing in earnest.  To hear them though you would have thought they were in earnest combat with the growls emanating from both of them.  D.O.G. barked occasionally and Karin shushed him but in no other way did she interfere with their play.  Jana laughed as the dog thought he had the cat pinned only to find himself on his back with a foolish expression on his face.

             
“Holy Crap!” Molly pulled her feet up before they wiped her out as they rolled by her on the couch.  She watched in alarm as they body slammed each other.  The cat’s ears were totally back and the dog’s expression was gleeful as they attacked each other time and again wrapping their paws around each other in a bear hug.

             
Miranda finished her cigarette and came to the door of the patio and asked Karin who was enjoying the show “don’t they ever get hurt?”

             
Karin shook her head “they’ll stop if one of them yelps in pain but they both enjoy these little work outs.  Later they will groom each other and go to sleep for hours on end.  They are the best of friends.”

             
Just then the best of friends were trying to kill each other as they kicked and struggled to get on top of each other.

             
“This is why I don’t have any plants in here, they’d knock them over” Karin said as they both got on their back paws and boxed.

             
After a long mock battle they were both panting and called it a draw.  It had given Jana enough time to finish her breakfast and she went to get ready.

             
“Where are we going?” Miranda asked as they went down in the elevator and hailed a taxi.

             
“A friend of mine owns a sight-seeing tour company and I called him this morning.  He’s meeting us and showing us New York City and Manhattan” Karin answered.

             
They got into the taxi and Karin said “56th street helipad please” as the taxi took off she glanced at Miranda but she was talking with her girls in the backseat and hadn’t heard her.

             
As they pulled up though Miranda looked at Karin in alarm “We’re going up in a helicopter?”

             
Karin nodded as she paid the taxi.  “Are you game?”

             
The girls were immediately enthusiastic but Karin could see Miranda wasn’t too thrilled.  She let them pull her along though as they entered the building.  Karin grinned and followed.  She went to the counter and said “I’m Karin Myers and I believe...” but was interrupted by the clerk.

             
“Of course Ms. Myers, Chuck is waiting in the helicopter.  I’ll have someone escort you and your party” she signaled to someone behind them and they all turned to see a guy in a jumpsuit and helmet nod to them and indicate the doors at the far end of the building.  They followed him out onto the helipad where a helicopter was warming up.  He opened the back door and they all clambered in.

             
“Hi Karin!” the pilot shouted over the noise which wasn’t that bad once the door was closed.

             
Karin smiled and gave him the thumbs up as they all got into their seat belts.  There was plenty of room for the four of them.  Chuck indicated the headsets that were hanging on hooks above their heads and they all put them on.  The noise was even more drowned out by the muffling of the headsets.  “All set?” the pilot asked, his voice sounding tin like through the headsets and Karin nodded and smiled as she looked to see her friends were all belted in.