Replace Me (23 page)

“Don’t be silly. You can’t fly halfway across the world. Just call him.”

He wasn’t getting it and neither had Joey’s mom. Nobody could understand that my irrational, desperate thinking wasn’t going to go away until I was on a plane, going after the man that I needed to be with. Nothing else mattered. I didn’t care about finishing school, telling my parents, hanging out with my friends. All I cared about was finding Joey, before it was too late, before he’d moved on and found someone to replace me.

“His mom is giving me the address. Sky’s been trying to book my flight for the past hour. I’m going and you’re not going to stop me.”

“It’s too dangerous. Bad things happen to women traveling alone.” Shayne wouldn’t shut up.

Another voice shocked me. “Go with her, Shayne. Make sure she gets there in one piece.” Ashley stood a couple feet from me. She had her hand on her stomach and I thought about the twins she was carrying. So much had happened between me and Shayne and he was still trying to protect me. It didn’t make sense, but my options had run out.

“I will be fine. Once I get to the airport, I’ll take a cab to his apartment. His mom says it’s a good neighborhood and I should be fine, even if I have to wait. She said there’s a coffee shop right across from his place.”

Shayne reached out and took my hand. “I’m sorry for my part in all of this, Lacey. If I would have just let you go, none of this would have happened. I just wanted you to be happy. It sucks that it can’t be with me, but I get it. Just know that I’ll always care bout you.”

Hearing him say it, made me finally feel at peace. Shayne was letting me go and a huge weight lifted off of me. “You were my first love, Shayne.”

He kissed my hand. “I know. Maybe if I wasn’t such a prick, things could have ended up differently.”

“Maybe.”

“Call me when you get back, Lace. I’d like to know you’re alright.”

“I will.”

Shayne and Ashley sat back down at their table while I waited for Joey’s mom. The woman was so desperate to get her son back that she didn’t even argue with me about my decision. The guilt was horrible when I thought about being the reason that she was so sad. My plan had to work. Even if he didn’t love me, maybe he’d still consider coming back for his family. Either way, I couldn’t live another day without knowing the truth.

I walked out to my car with Joey’s information and saw Shayne heading towards me. I turned around and tried to be humble, instead of breaking down again. “I’m fine, I promise.”

“Do you know your flight information?”

“I know I’m flying out of Dulles. The earliest was a redeye to Rome. Sky hasn’t called me back with the exact details.”

“How are you gettin’ there?”

I appreciated him caring, but I was fully capable of getting to an airport alone. “I’m driving. I’ve been there before to drop my dad off when he went on a hunting excursion. It’s no big deal.”

“I don’t want you parking in the middle of the night, all alone. I’m drivin’ you. How about I take Ashley home and meet you at your parents. It’s on the way to the airport anyway. We can get back on route fifty and take it all the way to ninety-five.”

I thought about driving alone in my condition. “I can’t ask you to drive me to go see the other guy. It’s not right.”

“I’m offerin’. That’s different. Besides, I insist.”

“Fine, I’ll text you my flight info. I need to be there two hours in advance, just in case.”

Shayne agreed to wait for my text and headed over to his own vehicle. Once I hit the main highway, I cried the whole way back to my parents. I’d been miserable since I walked out of his door that night, but this was torture. All I wanted to do was feel his arms wrapping around me. I wanted to hear him telling me that I was different. This time, I wanted to believe him. He needed to know that I’d been fighting my feelings for him since that first night.

My text from Sky made me cringe when I saw how much a plane ticket was going to cost me. Twelve hundred dollars later, I was booked on a nonstop flight. With less than four hours until take off, I called Shayne to let him know.

This was really happening. I was doing something crazy and I wasn’t coming back until Joey knew that I wanted him.

Chapter 23

Shayne

I dropped Ashley off and headed toward Lacey even before she’d text me the information. After stopping by to grab some antacids for my upset stomach, I arrived shortly after. She carried one bag out to the car and I put it in the back for her. Once we were both inside the vehicle, I felt like I was going to suffocate.

Lacey remained quiet for a while, staring out the window as I drove. We stopped at a Dunkin Donuts before the Chesapeake Bay Bridge to keep us both awake. Dulles wasn’t that far, but traffic was usually horrendous no matter what time of the day or night it was.

“What if this is a mistake?”

Her question was filled with angst. “If he’s anything like me, he’s crazy about you, Lace. Is that what you’re worried about? Do you really think he’ll reject you?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. What if he’s hooked up with someone else? I’m sure there’s lots of beautiful women in Rome.”

“There’s beautiful women everywhere, but that doesn’t mean he wants them anymore. His brother says he’s crazy about you. He said that he’s never seen him act the way he did about you.”

“What if he hates me? God, we should just turn around. This is a terrible idea.”

I reached over and grabbed her hand. She was shaking, like she did when she was scared or upset. “Calm down. Look, maybe I’m the wrong person to explain this to you, but you need to listen anyway. Guys like gettin’ laid. We like the way it feels to be intimate with a woman, even if there’s no emotional connection involved. It’s just about the pleasure and nothing else. When a man starts to have feelin’s for someone, their needs change. I’m not goin’ to lie and say that Joey wouldn’t sleep with someone else, but if he was, he was doin’ it because bein’ alone is killin’ him inside. The idea of you bein’ with someone else is keepin’ him from sleepin’ and even eatin’. He would do it to relieve the stress he’s under, not to fall in love with someone else.”

Lacey adjusted in her seat, like I’d made her feel uncomfortable, or I had the plague. “You’re speaking from personal experience aren’t you?”

I nodded, but kept my eyes on the road. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Why are you doing this then, Shayne? Why drive me to go be with someone else?”

I glanced at her before looking back at the road. “Because I’m sick of bein’ selfish and gettin’ nothin’ but grief. I’m not right for you and I know it. Yeah, it fuckin’ hurts. I feel like shit every day thinkin’ about not bein’ able to be with you, but I know it’s the way its got to be. I had my chance and we both know how that went. Plus, I’m no fool. That last time we were together, you were different. I could tell I wasn’t the one you wanted to be with that night. I was just too selfish to admit it. These past couple months have sucked for me, except they’ve let me know just how fucked up my life was. I need to change, Lace, because I want to be happy. Besides, I’ve got too much on my plate right now with the twins comin’. Once that happens, the whole family is goin’ to shun me. I’ll be needin’ your friendship then, so I figure by helping you, maybe you can find it in your heart to finally forgive me.”

She reached for my hand and squeezed it. “I do, Shayne. I’ll always be there for you.”

“That means you have to answer my calls, you know.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I’ll work on that.”

We talked about other things, not related to either of our problems for the rest of the drive. After nearly two hours, we arrived at the airport. Lacey got out and came around to my side of the vehicle. Her arms wrapped around my back. “Thank you, Shayne.”

I kissed the top of her head and felt like I was saying goodbye forever. It felt like if I let go of her, she was never going to come back. It was difficult to look her in the eyes. “Anytime, Lace. If he hurts you, call me and I’ll be on the next flight.”

She began to laugh, but I could tell she was starting to cry. “I might hold you to it. Maybe you need to remind me that this isn’t the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

I leaned my forehead against hers. “It’s not stupid. It’s incredible.”

She looked right at me and I watched her trembling lips trying to say words. All I heard were sobs.

We stood there, for what felt like forever, in the drop-off lane at the airport. I didn’t want to let her go, but she couldn’t stand there forever. We kissed, one last time, full on the lips. I ran my hand up and held the back of her head, then finally let go. I wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Have a safe trip.”

“I’ll call you when I get there, I promise.”

Then she walked inside.

I sat back in my car and watched her until she disappeared between the crowds of people. My heart was empty, but I felt happy.

Once I got onto the freeway, I could feel the stinging. I’d been fighting with my emotions for a while and this time, I’d given up. Tears fell down my face and I eventually had to pull over to get a handle on myself. Life was all about decisions, and even though I knew I’d made the right one, I was still the one who ended up alone.

I called Ash once I knew I was good enough to talk again.

“Shayne, are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m on my way back.”

“Do you want me to wait up?”

“Do you mind talkin’ to me while I drive? I could use the company.”

“That bad, huh? I’m sorry, Shayne.”

“It’s not your fault. I made my own choices. It’s just hard sayin’ goodbye. As much as I hated it, I can see how he’d change for her.”

“Like Ford did with Sky.”

“Yeah. Do you think there’s someone out there like that for you and me?”

“I hope so. You’ll find love first. I mean, I’ll be too busy raisin’ these twins. My life is pretty much set in stone now. One day you’ll be free of it all and just be an uncle.”

“Ash, there are men out there that would love to be with you. We just need to be patient.”

We talked for the rest of my ride, making it go by a lot faster. When I walked in the door, I found Ash asleep with the phone still next to her ear. I picked her up and carried her to her room, tucking her into bed.

I may not have gotten the girl I wanted, but I gained a friend that I could talk about anything with.  My family didn’t have to approve, in fact, I liked that they didn’t, because my business was my own to keep.

One day I would change their minds about me. I didn’t know how yet, but I wouldn’t stop working on it until I got it right.

Lacey

Sitting alone in an airport, with a very long flight in front of me, wasn’t exactly easy. I bit all of my fingernails and contemplated calling Shayne a dozen times to come and pick me up. The plane arrived early and boarding started shortly after. Since it was a late night flight, it wasn’t full. I had the whole row to myself. Realizing that I hadn’t packed magazines or anything to bide my time, I decided to try and go to sleep.

That didn’t go very well. The turbulence was horrific and a few times I thought the plane was going down. As much as the stewardess kept reassuring me, I wasn’t good with it until we touched ground. Even then, my stomach was in knots and I puked in the bathroom several times before I could get myself together enough to hail a taxi.

Of course, I didn’t speak Italian, so I had to hand the driver the written address and hope that he didn’t take me to some hostel and kill me.

We pulled up a narrow cobblestone road as the sun was setting. My driver barely spoke English, but he managed to point to the building before handing me back the address. I stood in front of an old metal door with shaky hands, praying that this wasn’t a huge mistake.

Before I could put my fist up to the door, I heard someone coming up behind me. There was giggling and a deep, familiar voice. I turned to see my biggest fear. Joey was standing there, with another woman. I froze and so did he.

The woman, with her strong accent spoke first. She said something in Italian and when I shook my head, she changed to English. “You need help?”

Joey turned to look at her. “Gia, she’s here to see me. Why don’t you go out without me tonight?”

The woman looked from me to Joey. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” She kissed him on each cheek before walking back down the road.

Joey turned to me with confusion in his eyes. “Lace, what the hell are you doin’ here?”

I covered my face. “I’m so sorry. I thought…Oh God, I feel like such a fool.”

Joey pushed me gently to the side and unlocked his door. He grabbed my bag and pulled me inside. After climbing a set of stairs, we went through another door and entered into the main apartment.

I was crying so heavy that I couldn’t even see the place with a clear set of eyes. Joey pulled me along and sat me down on a couch, where he kneeled down in front of me. “I can’t believe you’re here. How did you…What are you doin’?”

I shook my head, unable to tell him the truth. I couldn’t admit that I’d come all this way to profess my love, to a man that clearly didn’t leave Maryland because of me.

He grabbed my hands and put them up to his lips. “How did you find me? Did my mother put you up to this?”

I sniffled and finally opened my eyes. It was blurry, but I could see that he was concerned. “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”

He leaned back and put his head down. “I didn’t need to explain my reasons to anyone, Lacey, especially you. You made it clear that we couldn’t be together.”

“No! You don’t understand.”

He stood up and started pacing. “Lacey, tell me why you’re here. You see, I’m tryin’ real hard to move on. I moved here to get away.”

“Get away from what? Are you in trouble?” I couldn’t understand what he was running from. Clearly since he’d already been hooking up with new people, me being the reason was out. There had to be something else.

He scrunched up his face. “No! I didn’t do anything wrong. Stop actin’ like you don’t know.”

I stood up and followed where he was walking. He came to the refrigerator and leaned against it. My hands touched his back and he didn’t move. “I really don’t know.”