Remembering Us (18 page)

He bites the inside of his cheek and purses his lips together.

“But this place … this place is the best home I’ve ever had.”

Tears fall down my cheeks quietly. I don’t understand why I’m crying, why I’m so moved by what he just said to me, but my heart is breaking for the man who always seems so confident, borderline arrogant.

He sits in the chair, almost afraid to look at me, and all I want to do is go to him, comfort him in some small way.

So I do.

Slowly, I uncurl from the uncomfortable couch that should have been recovered or thrown into a fire at least ten years ago and walk to him. When I stand in front of him, he sits back on the couch, and without knowing what I’m doing, I fall into his lap.

His arms wrap around me instantly, pulling my legs so I’m cradled in his lap and in his arms. His squeezes me tightly and buries his face into the crook of my neck. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close, feeling somehow closer to him in the silence and the wake of his admission than I have since the moment I opened my eyes to the stranger sitting in my room at the hospital almost two months ago.

“Did you and Adam get everything worked out?”

I look at Kelsey over the bar at Hooka’s. I left Adam a couple hours ago after we sat on the couch, not saying anything else to one another. I needed my space. I figure he did too since he was dressed for the gym with a pair boxing gloves draped over one shoulder when I headed out to the coffee shop.

He looked like he had run a marathon, and I realized that even though we may have dated for two years, it was rare for Adam to open up to me the way he did this morning.

It physically drained him.

I felt the same way; which is why I found solace in slugging coffee drinks for the afternoon to a small crowd of artistic types who are probably more hung over than I am.

I lift my shoulders in answer to her question. I still have so many things I need to know, like what she was doing in my apartment this morning. Somehow though, after everything he shared with me this morning, it feels almost like a betrayal to go behind his back and find the answers from Kelsey.

And I realize as I watch my best friend that I
want
to trust him. Even when I don’t understand everything, or know everything, there is always something in me pulling me back to Adam. Wanting to know what he has to say, valuing it more than anyone else; even Kelsey.

“We’re okay.” I offer a weak smile.

She shuffles back and forth on her feet, mindlessly staring at the muffin case.

“I wanted to explain this morning.”

I hold up a hand. “Not necessary.”

Her eyes narrow. “But he didn’t tell you, did he?”

“I don’t know what you were talking about this morning, Kelsey. But, whatever it is, unless you’re involved, I don’t think I want to know.”

“I feel like things are different between us.”

She bites her lips and I see the tears in her eyes. I walk around the bar and hug my best friend in the whole world. I wish I could tell her that things are going to be okay, that everything will be fine, but I can’t because I don’t want to lie.

Something is different between the two of us. Maybe once I remember everything, I’ll understand. But for now, there is a divide that can’t be closed just because we want it to be.

“It’s not your fault, Kels,” I tell her, hugging her as both of us begin crying softly. “I feel like I’m not the same. I know I changed and I don’t remember it, but I don’t think you can go through what I’m experiencing and not be changed by it, too.”

She nods into my shoulder, sniffing her shoulder. “I love you.”

I pull back from her and wipe my eyes. “I know. And I love you, too. I’m happy that you’re with Zander. And I think that once my memories come back, we’ll be fine. I just can’t make those promises right now.”

“I know. I just miss you.” She grins, sort of. It’s a mix of a grin and a wince. “Oh, I wanted you to know. That girl Adam was talking to last night?”

“Yeah?”

“Zander talked to her after you left. Her name is Melanie and she works with Adam. I just thought you’d want to know who she is.”

I don’t think it matters, but I thank her anyway.

She leaves to meet up with Zander to hit their favorite hot springs.

My cheeks blush thinking about the last time Adam and I went there. The grin on her face as she leaves and the wiggling of her eyebrows makes me laugh, knowing exactly what they’ll be doing there.

“What a long day,” Preston says as she collapses next to me on a stool at the coffee bar.

It’s almost ten o’clock at night and I can’t believe that I’ve been here for almost ten hours already. The day somehow flew by. Maybe it was just because I’ve been afraid to go back home and see Adam, uncertain of where we go from here.

I’m finishing the final count on the cash register and Preston has just locked the doors and finished cleaning the floor for the night.

“I’m beat.” I hide a yawn and begin adding up the credit card receipts.

“There’s a band playing tonight at a small rock club just outside Denver. Would you and Adam want to come with me and Benjamin?”

I give her a strange look. “You and Benjamin?”

She laughs. “Yeah, we’ve been together forever. Since we were kids, practically.”

I can’t hide my shock, and based on her laugh, she’s used to it. “But he’s so … normal looking.”

“Hey!” She slaps me with the towel in her hands and laughs with me. “I’m more than a pierced freak with purple hair.”

I know she is, and I know she’s teasing. But Benjamin?

He seems so straight-laced. Like he’d prefer a night at the Opera or a classical music performance. Preston looks like she belongs in a mosh pit. He’s quiet; shy almost. And Preston, well, she’s anything but. Talk about opposites attract.

I may be exhausted, but out of morbid curiosity, I want to see them together in public.

“All right,” I tell her, and pull out my cell phone. I send Adam a text asking if he wants to go out with Preston and Benjamin for the night.

“You’re just going to see what we’re like in public, aren’t you?”

Heat infuses my cheeks. “Maybe.”

She rolls her eyes. “God, you’re horrible. You were like this when you first started working here, too. All wide-eyed and nervous to be around me and the stoners who come in. You changed a lot, you know.”

I look at my phone to see if Adam responded. Also because this conversation makes me nervous.

Preston never talks about me before the accident.

“How so?” I finally ask.

She looks to the ceiling like she’s thinking and plays with her hot pink and purple striped ponytail. The skulls are gone from her finger tips and replaced with hot pink daisies.

“You were … sad the first day you came in. But yet, I don’t know … there was something about you that made me want to hire you right away. Like you were trying to experience something new or fighting to get somewhere.”

“That’s deep.” I grin, but my hands are shaking.

Was I always that obvious to everyone who saw me? Just some lost girl walking around following a path she didn’t want but not knowing what other road to choose?

“Shut up. It’s true though. How much have you remembered?”

I shrug. “Not much. Not about that anyway. I know my parents and I aren’t close anymore. Or, farther apart than we used to be, and I know I turned down the job my dad got for me.”

She nods like she knew this.

I’m guessing she did, her and I being best co-worker friends and all.

“The day you came in here you threw down your resume and after I looked at it, you pressed your hands on the bar, looked me straight in the eye, and said, ‘Listen. I know I don’t seem like the type to work in a coffee bar, but I’ll be the best manager you could ever hire. I need this job. I need to do something just for me and prove to everyone who wants something from me that I can be successful on my own.’”

My entire body is shaking. I can’t believe I would be so bold, but Preston is smiling at me like it was the greatest day of her life.

“What did you say?”

“Welcome to the club.”

She hops off the barstool to go finish cleaning the back room, leaving me alone to wonder what she means.

I’m just putting the money in the safe to lock up for the night when my phone vibrates.

Adam:
You sure you want to go with me?

I know my answer before I have to think about it.

Me:
Yes. How opposite are Preston and Benjamin?

Adam:
This is going to be fun. I’ll be there in ten.

I close my phone. Then I change into an extra tank top Preston has for me in the back room so I don’t have to wear Hooka’s plastered across my chest all night long.

It turns out that Preston and Benjamin aren’t that opposite at all. When we show up to People’s Bar where a local heavy rock band is playing, I almost don’t recognize him.

He has on black skinny jeans and heavy metal chains hanging from his pockets, black onyx rings on his fingers, a nose piercing that is connected to a chain from his nose to his right ear, and his eyes are lined in a dark black eyeliner. His light blonde hair that is usually parted in a preppy way is spiked straight up into the air and out to the sides in clumps. And it’s a lime green color that is completely opposite from Preston’s bright colors, yet complimentary in the same way. I realize it’s probably the perfect metaphor for the entire relationship.

Apparently Benjamin doesn’t feel the need to assert his alternative rock personality at all hours of the day, and instead is happier looking like the shy, pretty boy type when he’s at work.

I was totally fooled.

My cheeks turn a dark maroon color, my chest and neck feel splotchy from the embarrassed heat when everyone turns to me and dies laughing at my shock at seeing his transformation into someone that I would have considered as Benjamin’s evil twin brother.

But the night is a blast. We jump around to the ear-splitting music that is too loud to really talk in. Adam and I don’t touch except for the occasional brush of our hands or legs when we bump into each other. I stick with water, still slightly hung over from the night before, and am pleasantly surprised to see Adam do the same thing.

As the band plays their final song, I take a break from the jumping to lean back against our table and enjoy the night.

My hair is so sweaty it’s sticking to my neck and my tank top is plastered against every inch of my skin. I can even feel the sweat inside my red Doc Marten boots.

But even so, I’ve been having fun all night, getting lost to the screaming musicians who, even though I don’t quite appreciate the type of music, have an incredible sound.

We lost Benjamin and Preston hours ago to the mosh pit down by the front of stage. Occasionally I’ve been able to get glimpses of Preston jumping around, but it’s felt like Adam and I have been on our own all night.

“You ready to get out of here?” he asks, his breath tickling my ear.

I nod, unsure if I can speak.