Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance (14 page)

CHAPTER 11

PENNY

I WALK INTO the bar Monday afternoon and stop a few steps in the doorway.  There's a girl behind the bar with Buddy, and it looks like he's showing her how to use the cash register.  I didn't even know he was looking to hire anyone else.

The girl's red hair is pulled up into a ponytail; and even though I can't see her face, I would recognize that fire engine red hair anywhere.

"Shelby Rae?" I call out.

The girl whirls around, and a smile instantly breaks out on her pretty face.  "Well, shut my mouth!  Penny Preston, you're a sight for sore eyes!" Shelby Rae practically screams as she comes running towards me.  "Thank you so much for helpin' with the fundraiser.  It meant so much to my daughter and me."  She tugs me into her arms for a big, rib-bruising hug.  Then she pulls back, her eyes scanning my face.  "You look prettier than you did in high school.  How is that possible?"  She blows her bangs out of her face and says with a wink, "Must be that city life.  Does a body
damn
good, girl."

I chuckle and can't help the mirroring smile that graces my lips.  Shelby Rae always did have a way with words…and never let anyone else get one in edgewise.  Her mouth got us both into trouble a time or two…or ten back in the day.  "So you're back in town?"

"Yeah.  And working here now apparently," she says while flashing Buddy a glance.

Buddy actually blushes, and I stare at him in bewilderment.  Buddy is never shy around women, but I can remember him carrying a torch for Shelby Rae back in the day.  He must still be holding onto that secret crush.  I wonder if Shelby Rae ever noticed how much Buddy was in love with her back then.  The whole thing makes me think of Tucker Hayward.  I guess he never stopped holding onto the secret crush he had on me either…although I don't know how secret it was considering he asked me out every five minutes.  I think everyone in the county knew he liked me.  Buddy, on the other hand, suffered in silence.  He never asked Shelby Rae out in fear of rejection, I suppose.

I turn my attention back to my friend.  "So…how is…everything?" I ask awkwardly.  I don't know how to bring up such a sore subject.  She lost her husband, and I know how close they had been in high school.  They were inseparable, and Matt loved her with the kind of love that mirrored Colton's love for me --- unconditional.

Shelby Rae keeps a smile on her face, but I can see a sadness behind her eyes that wasn't ever there before.  "Oh, I've been better," she says, her smile faltering a bit.  "Things have been crazy with the move and everything that happened with…"  She swallows hard before saying her husband's name.  "Matt."  She closes her eyes for a moment before she continues.  "But let's not dwell on that right now.  I'm taking it moment by moment, and we just so happen to be in this moment."

I have so many things I want to apologize to her for.  I want to tell her I'm sorry for not being there; sorry for not being a better friend.  At one point in my life, she was my best friend, my partner in crime, my confidant.  We shared so much together; and just like with everyone else in my life when I left for college, I forgot about her, too.  "I'm so sorry I didn't keep in touch," I say as a poor excuse.

"Hey, we both didn't do a very good job with that.  Don't blame yourself, Penny."  She waves her hand dismissively in front of her.  "The past is the past.  We can't change it now, but we can change the future; right?"

"That's right."  And at that moment, I know Shelby Rae and I are going to continue our great friendship.  With a big grin, I say, "Tell me all about Lilly."

Her entire face lights up as she begins to tell me about her four-year-old daughter.  She pulls a picture of her out of her back pocket, and it's safe to say that her daughter has a great mix of both Shelby Rae and Matt.  With fiery red hair, she takes after her mama.  But her brown eyes are definitely her daddy's.

"She's beautiful," I whisper.

The sadness in Shelby's eyes instantly disappears as she tells me about how she managed to get through the terrible twos alive and how the threes and fours are just as terrible.

"I can't wait to meet her," I tell Shelby Rae when she's finished.

"I can't wait for you to meet her," she says, beaming.

I notice Buddy behind the bar watching us.  "I can help show Shelby Rae the ropes if you'd like, Buddy," I tell him.

"Nah.  I think I've got it covered," Buddy says with a sheepish grin.

I've never seen Buddy act like this.  It's so unlike him.  Buddy's usually calm, cool and collected when it comes to the ladies.  This is a whole other side to Buddy, and I think I like it.  It makes me smile thinking that maybe he'll be the one to heal Shelby Rae's broken heart.  Buddy has been pining after her for a long time; but Shelby, much like myself, only had eyes for her high school sweetheart.  Matt was one of the nicest guys I had ever met, and we all went out on quite a number of double dates with Shelby Rae, Matt, Colton and me.

It's a real tragedy that Matt's life ended so abruptly, and it makes me think of how many people have been lost in the past five years.  It's almost unreal how much has changed in such a short time span.

Shelby Rae's voice pulls me from my thoughts.  "We'll chat later?"

"Definitely," I tell her.  Then I look at Buddy and say, "I'm going to go prep for the supper crowd.  Let me now if you need anything."  I wink at Buddy when Shelby Rae's back is turned before I disappear into the back.

The door to Colton's office is closed, and I wonder if he's in there.  I decide that I don't care, but for the next hour or so I glance over at his door at least a thousand times.  Colton and I need to talk.  I don't like this animosity between us, especially if I'm going to continue working here.  I'd like to clear the air, if nothing else.  But I just don't know if he wants to hear me out.  I'm thinking the answer to that question is no.

As I'm cutting tomatoes, I hear a commotion coming from the front of the bar. 
A fight?
  We never have fights in the bar…especially not on a Monday afternoon.  Usually Buddy is able to break up any argument.  He has a gift for creating harmony…especially between drunk people.

And then I hear Buddy yelling, "You can't go back there!  Just because you're the mayor doesn't mean you own the place!"

My body stiffens as I turn to see my parents entering the room.

"Shit," I mutter to myself.

*  *  *  *  *

COLTON

I'M IN MY office going over some liquor orders when I hear yellin' comin' from the other room.  I recognize Penny's voice right away, and she sounds upset.  I go to the door, slowly open it just a crack and peer out.  I see her talkin' to her parents.  I've seen them around town enough times to recognize them.

"So you're slumming around in Crawford's Bar now?" her mom seethes.

"I'm not slumming around, Mama.  I work here."

"You work here?" her mother scoffs.  "Now I've heard everything.  My God, Penelope, what is going on in that pretty little head of yours anyway?  You have a life waiting for you up in New York."

"I told you I'm not going to New York."

"What about your future?  Do you want to ruin that too?"

Penny's hands curl into fists at her sides.  "It is
my
future, isn't it?  I think I can make my own decisions!"

"Oh, Penelope.  Tell me you're not waiting for
him
.  Tell me you're not thinking about throwing everything away for
him
."

My eyes zero in on Penny.  For some reason, I know her mama is talking about me.  And I desperately want to hear Penny's motive for staying in Willowbrook.  A part of me hopes that I'm the motive, but I don't even know why I feel that way.  I'm the one who's been pushing her away, after all.  Fuck, my life is confusing.

"You're the reason we're not together, Mama.  You and all of your lies.  You told everyone I had a boyfriend, and that's why Colt stopped calling me.  And when I asked you why he stopped calling, you told me it was because he had found someone else.  I never came home after that because my heart was ripped out of my chest."  Penny sticks out her chin defiantly.  "My heart doesn't beat without Colton.  Don't you understand that?"

My heart stutters in my chest from her words.  Penny has never even talked about this with me.  I had no idea how deep her feelings ran for me.  She…loved me.  And maybe still does.  I don't know how I feel about that, but it doesn't make me angry or sad.  It makes me…sort of happy.

"Oh, stop with the dramatics, Penelope.  You were better off in New York and focusing on college and your studies.  So I told a few white lies to keep you focused.  So what?"

"So what?  Oh, Mama, you just don't get it, do you?  If I had known Colton was in an accident, I would have come home.  I would have been here for him when he needed me the most.  Maybe I could have helped him deal with things, and maybe he would have never forgotten me!"

"And maybe you would have left college, destroyed your life for that boy, and he still wouldn't have loved you or even remembered you!" her mother counters.

"Yeah.  But I could've tried!  I loved him, Mama."  She stops and takes a deep breath before saying, "I still love him.  I'll never stop loving Colt.  Nothing's going to ever change that."

My grip on the doorknob tightens.  She still loves me?  It's almost like the missin' pieces of the puzzle are suddenly lockin' into place.  No wonder she's been actin' the way she has. 
She's in love with me.

"Not even if he marries someone else?  You know he has a girlfriend, don't you?"

Penny's face tightens up as if she's desperately trying not to cry.  "I know.  I…"  Penny's tough demeanor crumbles a little as her voice cracks.  "It doesn't matter.  I'm not leaving."

Her resolve doesn't sound as strong as it did before, and I wonder what it would feel like if Penny did leave.  Would I miss her?  Would I want her to come back?  I don't know the answers to those questions.  I'm still reelin' from the fact that Penny was in love with me…and still is.  I've been treatin' her horribly, and all this time she's been dealin' with this inner turmoil.  I suddenly feel like the world's biggest asshole.

Shelby Rae suddenly appears in the doorway.  "Only employees are allowed back here.  So unless you're gonna put an apron on and start cookin', I suggest you both leave," she says, glaring pointedly at Penny's parents.

Penny's father leaves first, not putting up a fight.  I noticed that he didn't say a word during the argument either.  Obviously Penny's mama is the only one fightin' her daughter tooth and nail over everything.  Her dad is just sort of a passenger in all this drama.

Eventually, Penny's mama stalks out.  Shelby Rae calls after them, "And don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!"  She gathers Penny into her arms.  "Are you all right?"

Penny nods.  "Yeah.  Thanks, Shelby Rae."

"Anytime."  She hugs her tight before releasin' her.  Shelby's eyes meet mine through the crack in the door, and she cocks a brow.

Clearin' my throat, I open the door and step out just as Shelby Rae leaves.  Penny quickly tries her best to compose herself.  "Hey, Colt.  I didn't know you were in your office."  She sounds embarrassed.  "I just…I need a minute."

I'm not going anywhere.  "I heard everything, Penny."

I can see her visibly tense.  "Oh.  I'm sorry."

I step forward.  "I'm not.  Why didn't you tell me, Penny?  Why didn't you tell me the real reason you didn't come back?"

"Would it have made a difference?" she asks with her back still towards me.

"Maybe," I whisper.  Her shoulders sag, and it looks like she's bearin' the weight of the world.  I feel awful for how I've been treatin' her.  She's endured so much over the past few weeks all because…because she loves me so much.  I walk around and stare at her tear-stained face.  She's so damn pretty it almost hurts to look at her.

Why couldn't I see her before?  It's like I was blind, and now I can finally see her.  I'm finally seein' Penny as more than just somebody tryin' to get under my skin and tryin' to make me remember things I don't want to remember.  She's so much more than that now.  But how do I even deal with that?  Everything between us is fucked up.  If I could turn back time and do it all over again, I would have broken things off with Ruby Sue for good.  But a part of me wants to keep this distance from Penny, because I'll only end up hurtin' her in the end.  Everyone I love gets hurt…or dies.  It's inevitable.  Instead of sayin' another word to her, I turn around and do something I'm good at --- I walk away.

*  *  *  *  *

PENNY

AFTER COLTON LEAVES without so much as a word, I clean myself up and get back to work.  It's almost closing time when Shelby Rae waltzes into the kitchen.  "It's probably none of my business, but…what the hell is goin' on with you and Colt?"