Remember (26 page)

“I think you should test out what happens with the micro-tech.”

“There must be some other way to check how it works. What can seeing it show me?” Claire empties the space before her, supports her head with her hands, and turns to Gary and me.

“I’ll leave you two alone. I had a big breakfast. I won’t end up eating any more than this,” Gary says interrupting us. He ferries his plate to his desk and continues eating/working.

“Just
try
it. It not going to make you forget everything or something more permanent, is it?”
Not a good point.

“How did you want to do it?” Claire says with almost no energy.

She agreed?
“I can get most of the supplies we need. You have the micro-tech, right?”

Claire looks across at her empty plate. “Yes, the capped tube is the hard one to find.”

“I’ve actually found a way to get that. Can architectural tech make anything you want?” I start shoveling food into my mouth, the four spoons still left.

“Yes, we just can’t use the office to do that.”

A full mouth speeds up chewing and swallowing. “Not a prob. You seem familiar with how to do it. You can make one at your apartment. I’ll get everything ready while you’re gone.”

“I’ll do my best.”

I smile smugly at this understanding. “I guarantee you are going to like the results.”

“Nothing has happened yet.”

“Wait and see.”

Tues 7/11/17 1:22 p.m.

C
laire leaves the office. Her black sweater shows a modified argyle with elongated hexagons of grey, white, and lime green wrapped around her tummy. The familiar light grey pants fit in. I decide to go to the sim body lab, the only one open, for what we need. Irena monitors the construction of her sim body — an arm and torso, the arm finished until the elbow. The interior parts build out above this point. The torso’s skin ends at the stomach allowing organ creation. It can’t ever support itself with an incomplete circulatory system.

“You got far.”

“Everything should be modeled by tomorrow. I just need a realistic compilation of tissues. Subdivisions happen after assembly completes. The sim creator suggested making it this way for efficiency. Each part features a genetic mod, mostly with structure.” She moves her arms revealing the desk screen. Most lab screens show to everyone.

“That sounds odd. Why can’t each one be printed by itself?”

She nods before saying anything. “Firstly, assembly, not printing. I don’t understand it, either. It’s not as if I’m making a living creature or something. The organs live inside independent fields. The tech travels a smaller movement path. It makes everything go faster.”

I peek at the screen. “Sure, no worries. I’m in here for some saline and H-tech.”

“That should be around here somewhere. I can help you look,” she says as she moves her various pads onto the table.

“Thanks for the offer. I can get it just fine.”

I look for the sterile saline tap in the cupboard that says
cell growth medium
. The growth solution mixes with saline before use. Just a big container of growing solution sits inside. A double-ended faucet sticks out from the opposing side. A flat black disc protrudes from one half. A shielded radiation source inside the tap sterilizes anything that comes out. Finding a syringe enters my mind. A drawer holds syringes — all of them glass. I get a big one and a glass needle capped at both ends. Opening the base of the needle and attaching it to the syringe happens from muscle memory. I remove the other cap, insert it into the port, and take out 50 or so ml. Recapping the needle upon extraction just happens.

I find the stick-on ports that give syringe access. The assortment of tech across the lab overwhelms with twenty-eight options. H-tech appears somewhere in the middle. I grab the smallest size vial and have everything. Claire will get the container. I reach my desk to keep everything from the lab on the glass top.

I review the class from the first week, while I wait. The macro organization of the peripheral and central nervous systems wrapped up yesterday. The types and function of neural cells come next. Glial cells provide support for neurons, immunologically, nutritionally, and environmentally. Neurons are the fundamental units of the nervous system. I have plenty of examples on how different parts interact to perform basic and complex tasks.

Today we get in-depth on neuronal signaling within and between cells. This means the generation of the three types of potential: synaptic, axonal, and pre-synaptic. How does this encode info and affect other parts of the neuron, other cells? The effects of neurotransmitters and receptors on neighboring neurons and more widespread action (neuro-hormones) concludes everything.

Claire walks in with a clear cylinder at her side. She stops at my desk and sets it down. We’re almost ready.

Claire looks over my supplies. “Do you have everything we need?”

Nod. “I have almost everything here. I don’t have the node or micro-tech.” I pick up the container and think it must be glass.

“Let’s go to my office and get that. Here, I’ll lock your computer.” She uses the screen to enter some combination of keys. A blue outline appears on the edge of the desk.

I have a need to touch the glass top. I get closer and feel a tingling in my fingers. It becomes resistance. I go with Claire to her office. She just opens the door. It must unlock just for her.

“You can stay here. It’s just going to take a sec.”

“Sure.” I take a seat in one of the two chairs, on the right of a big couch that backs the space. No more than one person ever waits here. The comfortable office — similar size to Mekova’s — includes a storage and workspace instead of a server room. My second time teaching fills my head. I don’t have the lesson memorized. Claire returns with three things and gives me each one, keeping one for herself.

“Tech node and additional power (sparkling packet of pink goo). I have the micro-tech right here. Is that everything?”

“Yes.”

“Good, just checking.”

We leave the office with me first and reach the desk, which Claire unlocks. Claire silently preps the tech microscope in the desk for a good view. I measure the volume of the container she made. Dump out the saline in the syringe until reaching 25 ml, 5 less than the volume of the container. I did this at least a thousand times in my doctor years. Set access port to sterile, stick to H-tech vial, access with syringe, and fill vial with water. The displaced air enters the syringe plunger through the second lumen in the needle. Turn the vial upside down and draw back the saline now mixed with tech, allowing the air to return. “Micro-tech?”

“Right here.”

Claire hands over a small disc with access for the needle. Repeat the same process as for the H-tech. The syringe holds 27 ml, now. Put down syringe. Grab the final container and the access port, detached from the empty vial. Attach the port, set to allow access, connect syringe, push in solution, and return to magnification area.

“Those pea size objects in that row are H-tech. The lentil size particles are micro-tech.” Claire points at the magnified image on the desk.

“If you look at the heat map, something is at the end of the container.”

She moves the viewer to that section. The row of H-tech borders some other tech.

Why is it not touching the H-tech? From what I know, the tech creates a network with physical connections. “Why is that by itself?”

“I think it is just malfunctioning. This tech is used?”

I think back to the filled vial. Was it dry silvery sand or wet silvery sand?
“I don’t know.”

“It happens either way, if the tech isn’t handled properly.”

That makes sense. One out of a million could stop working. The manufacturing tolerances couldn’t too exact.
“Are you ready to put on the node?”

“Yes.”Claire has the power source connected to the node and sticks it to the container. The tech off by itself disintegrates into four pieces, the micro-tech (not damaged H-tech). Claire removes the power source. The tech reassembles as before. It moves around collecting four more particles, assembling another micro-tech. Each new one helps assemble. In a few secs, a row of micro-tech forms parallel to the H-tech.

“That’s how it works!” She doesn’t know what to do with herself.

“Are you glad we did the experiment?”

“The results showed me what is going on. It worked.” She looks at me, then at the picture.

I pat the table. “You have your answer.”

“Thanks for helping.”

“We should do this again sometime.”

“Maybe.”

Tues 7/11/17 6:08 p.m.

I
head home after an unusually long day. The early wakeup call thanks to my mission means I would like nothing better than going to bed, right now. Instead, I leave the office with Claire. Our morning convo/argument surely faded, right?

“Hi, Claire. I haven’t seen Zhou anywhere around. Is everything okay between you two?”

“Way to jump in there, Conor.” Claire almost snaps back.

I soften my voice. “So I take it, something is up.”

Her eyes almost brim over with tears, leaving a moist glisten. “Zhou found me cold and impersonal. It just takes me a
ridiculous
amount of time to feel comfortable around people.” Her voice cracks at Zhou.

I’m not sure about digging deeper, but do it anyway.
“Why do you think that is?”

Claire stares wide-eyed (even more than normal) and refuses to blink. She takes a deep breath and swallows before saying anything. “Okay, psychotherapist Abby, I’ll answer your questions. I feel like I’m living two lives. The person I show most people isn’t who I
really
am. That causes people to
perceive
me as cold and distant.” Claire somehow bottles up her emotions with some charade of psychotherapist and analysand.

I look intently at her searching for any sign that she wants me to just shut up. “Is it the same with everyone?”

“No. It varies a lot.” She beseeches me with her eyes. “With
you
it was just a few weeks. Gary is a good example. It took me 2 years to feel comfortable around
him
.”

Her oddities of personality intrigue me almost completely.
“What about a person makes you comfortable with them?”

“That’s hard to explain. I need to feel a metaphysical connection with someone to be comfortable.”

Probably looking for a personality trait from outward behavior or some generally unnoticed cues.
That’s my tech’s interpretation.

“This is… there right away… sometimes. With others, it takes a long time to develop.”

I hold back my skepticism that usually just blurts out.
“Have you tried anything to help you with this?”

She shoves her hands into pants pockets. “No, I don’t think this is a big issue for anyone involved.”

“Are you sure about that?”

She adamantly glares back. “No one is hurt by
this
.”

“Doesn’t it hurt you?” I cringe at my daring, even audacity.

“Let me think about that for a second.”

Sometime during out talk, we stop walking right outside the elevators. A good time to get to our floor. Claire floats around, busy thinking. We wait for our ride, get in, and start going up.

“I guess it does hurt me in some way. I end up distancing myself from others, in most cases. People also think I’m uncaring. That is distant from the truth.” She nears tears, yet again.

Feeling bad my question caused everything to rerun. I distance myself from her by maybe a foot, as if she transformed into a brittle ice sculpture ready to break at any moment.
“What can you do to change this opinion?”

Claire inches closer. “I don’t see a reason to change.”

I lean against the corner rails, hiding from her. “Have you had any issues you want to talk about?”

“Everything was okay until yesterday. Zhou wanted me to be more open with him. I just couldn’t do it.”

I clear my head of thoughts that run free and guilt ridden. I should have done something then or now, but what?
“Is that enough reason alone to change?”

“I’d rather it ended now than later. What’s the point of going after a possibility, if you have a sure thing instead? Doing the safe thing is better for everyone.” She looks me over like a predator eyeing prey.

The elevator opens letting us out. “Is living a sheltered life, actually living any life at all?”

“Every life is equally good. Personal choices don’t make one life any worse than any other.” We hug the wall.

“You can think more about what we have talked about, Ms. Genovese.”

Claire pauses to distance us. “I’ll see you at our next session, Dr. Abby.”

I touch her arm and we both stop. “Are you sure you’re okay, Claire?”

“Let's just say this is a rough point.” She smiles weakly.

“If you need anything, give me a call.”

“You bet.”

I head into my apartment. I’m happy she figured out it couldn’t work between them, soon. I just wanted it to happen a different way. Claire obviously thinks she caused it. That isn’t true. Zhou just isn’t patient enough with her, definitely the right thing to breakup. I have a small lingering thought, something I can’t shake out or away. Given the required time, Claire will open up. Is thinking about it helping in any way (we all know why it happened). Claire seems almost okay with it, but appearances deceive with her.

I decide to relax on the couch and finish reading the study, put my feet up and find the study. Where did I leave off?

(—)

Cumulative Method… Recover Lost Memories… Traumatic Brain Injury

Dr… Mekova… Dr. Ikeyama Kimura… Dr. Lukas Monrovia

Abstract

Despite advances… traumatic brain injury (TBI)… serious problem. TBI accounts… 50%… brain related medical issues… loss… leads… complication attributed… TBI… Up until… point… only therapies originate… industries… entertainment, law enforcement… news publishing… success… therapies varies case to case… methodology… comprehensive… treat… memory lose issues… explored… cross-over study.