Reluctant Surrender (38 page)

The first thing he did when he returned was help her stand. Once she was steady he brought his hands around the front of her and gently released the clamps, working his palms over the stiffened peaks as he whispered, “Hands behind your back, Colin, we still have one more thing to do before our session is over.”

When she shivered, he tipped his head down and nuzzled the leash aside with his chin. Still working her nipples, he breathed against her shoulder, “Are you scared, baby girl?”

“No, I trust you, Ethan. I…”

Was she going to say she loved him? The thought unbelievably got him instantly hard all over again. Damn, she wasn’t up to any more playing tonight. She looked exhausted but totally satiated and he was dying to read it in her eyes.

“It’s Sir. Come to the window, Colin.” He tugged on the leash. Half-pulling, half-guiding her to a spot right in front of the glass. “Give me one of your hands.”

When he had hold of it he brought her arm up and out, shifting to place her fingers against the cool glass. He stayed right behind her and pressing his body into her for additional support, he said, “There’s no more hiding.”

A boat horn sounded and she jumped. “No.”

“Yes, we’re going to take off the blindfold.”

That horn honked twice and she attempted turn away. “No. I don’t want you to.”

“Be a brave girl, Colin. Be my girl.”

“No.”

“Tell me why?” He held her with one hand while he used the other to pull at the knot, but he hadn’t even got one part of it loose when she started shaking. Instantly he felt the change in her and stopped. He thought he heard her whisper something and was just going to tell her to repeat it when she burst out.

“Hostage. Hostage. Hostage.”

Suddenly she lunged sideways, attempting to get away from him and he worried she’d fall into the glass. She was lashing out with arms flailing as she tried to escape.

“Colin? Colin.” Before she could harm herself, he scooped her up and carried her, intent on getting to his room. He tucked her head under his chin and held on to her tight, squeezing her hard, trying to absorb the pain he’d caused her. He’d pushed her too hard. Too fast. Without caution.

He fell against the wall, his back breaking the force of contact as her arms wound around his neck, crushing him as she climbed him to get closer. With her face buried in his hair she cried. Those soft but wrenching sounds undid him.

His head slammed against the wall and he closed his eyes. What the fuck was wrong with him? This kind of breakdown is what he lived for. The softness, the vulnerability, the unguarded moment that would lead to enlightenment. He should have been patient and qualified her fear before he reacted to it.

“I-I’m sorry I messed everything up.”

“Shh, you did fine, baby girl. Very good.”

“No.” She hiccupped, which caused her head to bump against his jaw. “I didn’t. I wanted to. I—”

And she started crying again. Damn.

He pushed off the wall and stalked directly into the master bathroom. When he put her down her hands went to the blindfold. Her fingers pressed against the fabric that covered her eyes.

“It’s me, isn’t it? If I’m hiding behind a blindfold, I can pretend it’s not real, and that I’m not doing these…these…things.” She undid the knot and let the material slide to her lap. When she looked up he inwardly groaned.

Sometimes knowledge was a painful thing and spying the sadness in her eyes he knew she was suffering.

Shit, he didn’t like where these thoughts were taking him, so he turned on the shower and jacked up the steam. Stripping off his leathers, he scooped her up and headed into the spray.

“I like this seat,” she whispered when he sat back on the ceramic ledge and got her snuggled on his lap under the raining water. “The blindfold is a crutch isn’t it?”

Ethan closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the tile. “Maybe.”

They sat quietly for several minutes. She needed time to process things and he was going to let her. She’d know he was there for her and that was good enough for now.

“Sir?”

He opened one eye and angled a look down at her, very happy to see her tentative grin. “You know there are specific times I expect you to honor me. Right now isn’t one of them.”

“I know.” She poked him in the ribs and laughed when he grunted and closed his eye. “I was just checking to see if you were paying attention. Hey.” She tapped his chest and didn’t speak until both his eyes were open and focused in on her. “I want to tell you something I’ve never told anyone else.”

“I’m listening.”

He loved how her eyelashes were rich, black and spiky, making a series of triangles bordering her lids.

“After I took my mom’s ashes and got caught, my dad and Sandra sent me to boot camp.” When he scowled she assured, “Not like military boot camp, but a teenager one. I was only thirteen. Anyway, there were seven counselors there and for the most part all of them were pretty mean, you know what I’m saying? They’d yell at you for looking the wrong way on a one-way street.”

“They should have spanked you. That’s dangerous.”

She rolled her eyes and sat forward. He loved watching her breasts jiggle and shake as she talked. “As I was saying, they were all mean, but there was this one man there. He made all us girls call him Sergeant. Yes, Sergeant. No, Sergeant. That’s how we had to respond to him. He never smiled and for the first week of me being there he picked on everything I did. He told me at least three times a day that he was disappointed in me. That he expected better from me.”

Ethan’s eyes narrowed because he knew where this was going.

“Then one day after I planted the flowerpots in the courtyard with petunias he came over and after examining what I’d done, he told me I did a good job. That I pleased him. I was super excited about that. Feeling like I accomplished something monumental. Oh, he still expected me to address him the same way, but for a few days after that he was kind of nice to me until I had kitchen duty. I had to wash the pots and he was the one who came by to check and see how I’d done.”

She got quiet again and he felt like committing murder. Whatever the guy had done to her had left some scars.

“He checked every pot and pan. Every dish. And when he was done he grabbed me and pushed me over the stainless steel counter. I still remember how cold and hard it was and how he smelled. He smoked cigars and his breath was disgusting.”

Ethan held her tighter while he waited for her to get it all out.

“All the pots scattered but I managed to catch one of them before it dropped to the floor. That’s when I hit him with it a couple of times before I managed to get away.”

“The fucking cowardly bastard.”

She laid her head on his shoulder and snuggled in. “Although he failed in his attempted rape, I realized overpowering me physically wasn’t the only thing he could do to me. The attempted rape was quick. A blur of numerous actions that I survived and escaped from, but the next two weeks, having to face him every day and put up with his ridicule? I think I lost a piece of myself. None of the counselors believed me when I told them what happened and because I told he turned all the girls against me. Each day he’d make a point of singling me out to embarrass me in some way for being inadequate. He made me stand up in front a group of my peers while he pointed out all my faults and I had to agree with him. I had to say, ‘Yes, Sergeant’.”

“You were just a baby.”

“Thirteen.”

He pulled her in closer. “The lecherous bastard. You were in shock. He broke a sacred trust and when he couldn’t physically abuse you he did it emotionally.”

“Yeah, I know, but my point here is that I’d completely forgotten about it. I’d tucked it away until I wanted to suck your cock.”

He nearly sputtered, “I b-beg your pardon?”

“Honey.” She affected a voice that sounded nothing like him, but it was supposed to mimic him, he was sure of it. “I’ve had men beg me, but never to be pardoned, they like the ‘me holding them accountable’ too much.”

Although that sounded like something he may have said he didn’t bother to press her on it because that wasn’t why she repeated it. He knew how her mind worked. She was dealing with her pain the only way she knew how. He crushed her up in his arms and laughed. “Oh no you don’t. No deflecting your way out of this one. I want to know how remembering that lecherous bastard is connected to you sucking my cock. The dots are fairly well spaced, I’m thinking.”

“Meh, easy.” If her hair weren’t plastered to her scalp he imagined she would have flicked it. “I didn’t want to call you Sir because I had a mental block about the Sergeant. But then I was drooling over sucking your dick. And faced with the prospect of weighing the cost verses benefits? I went with the
huge
benefits.”

He kissed her for no other reason than she was an original. Adorable. His.

“I’m sorry that a man you trusted did something like that to you.”

“Thanks, I just wished I’d remembered sooner. What if he did that to other girls?”

“Once you told, you put him on notice, but I can have Alistair check things out. I doubt the guy is still working in the same place, but you never know.”

“That would be great. I’m sure my dad would remember the name.”

It went quiet then, except for the hiss of the spray. He didn’t want her withdrawing from him, so he returned to a lighter topic.

“Huge benefits, huh?”

“Mm-hmm.” She shifted her bottom in his lap and grinned when she connected with his semi-hardness. “Is that a gun between your legs or are you just happy to see me?”

He mouthed the word “wow” and then said, “Lame.”

“It’s surprising how good I feel. I guess it’s good to unlock the cell door once in a while.” She winked and gave him another bum snuggle. “How about we play a game of hide the salami?”

Suddenly his semi-hardness went rock hard. To counter this reaction he mockingly dropped his jaw and she laughed. “Hey, you wanted lame, I gave it to you.”

The sassy little thing. He spread his knees and she fell between them. She’d barely gotten out a gasp when he buried his hand in her hair and pulled, tilting her head back. He waited for her wide eyes to meet his gaze before he whispered, “What can I give you? How about some salami?

Chapter Twenty-One

The next morning Colin got over her disappointment at finding Ethan gone because once she was dressed in one of his dress shirts and foraging for some coffee, she saw that he’d left her not only a note, but a gift on the kitchen counter.

Good morning, baby girl,

You were sleeping so peacefully I didn’t want to wake you. My noontime meeting has been pushed up and I hope it won’t take too long. Maybe we can go for a boat ride. I want to show you something. Until then, I thought after you did your post this morning you’d like to do some reading. I bought this for you. I hope you like it.

E.

Colin carefully undid the paper wrapping and pushed it off the cover. The book was finely bound in black leather and the gilt title embossed across the front and down the spine,
Eighteen Poems by Dylan Thomas
, felt glossy when she ran her fingers over it.

With a deep breath she gently opened the cover and found the letter of authenticity inside. Ethan remembered what she’d said about the poems she and her mother had shared. He’d remembered and he’d gone out of his way to buy her a first edition of some of her favorites.

She wasn’t going to get all weepy, but she did. Between this and how tender he’d been last night she couldn’t help it. Last night had been soul-soothing and this? This was soul-melting. It was the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for her. She couldn’t wait to read some of these, but first she needed to get her to-do list done. With coffee and cell phone in hand she headed into the office to deal first with Casper, then Jo and her real estate broker before she checked on yesterday’s comments and wrote today’s post.

The conversation with Casper was not only short, but totally surprising. He was going to stay at his sister’s an extra four days as he’d been signed up for a bridge tournament and was enjoying the heck out of himself. It made Colin wish the old guy had enough insurance and savings to be able to stay in a community like that full time. There was something to be said for the company of one’s peers. The fact that he was willing to brave the man-slayer for these extra few days proved it.

Jo was her usual self. Funny, exasperating and nosy. Thank God Racy Lacy, a.k.a. “The Doc” was coming home today. She’d been in Sweden learning some new surgical technique for canine dysplasia and once she was rested and back in the groove she’d keep Jo busy.

When she got her real estate agent’s voicemail again, she couldn’t deny being worried. Ben always answered his phone and by now he should have some kind of response from the bank on Wakefield. She’d put in her highest and best offer nearly two weeks ago. What if— No, she wasn’t going to be negative. That decided, she opened her laptop and went to work. She’d gotten through two comments in her previous post and panicked.

Both accused her of being in love with the sexy Dom. What the hell?

She reread the post she’d written about him yesterday and wanted to die. Although she hadn’t overtly come out and typed the phrase,
I’m in love with Ethan White
it was there buried in her words and her readers knew it. She was just plotting some damage control when her cell phone went off. It was Ben.

“Hi, Ben.”

“Colin.”

Her heart sank. “This doesn’t sound like it’s going to be good news. They want more money, don’t they?”

“No.”

Maybe he was fooling with her. Pretending it was going to be bad news when it was really good. Her pulse started to pick up speed. “No?”

“Colin, they accepted another bid. A German winery bought it. I’ve tried to get in touch with their representatives to see if they’d considered selling to you, but you do know that’s about as likely as lightning striking six times in the same place.”