Reluctant Cuckold (41 page)

“Fuck ’em,” Mike said. “I’m serious, fuck ’em. They will never know and who cares what they think anyway. I’m sure they have their own secrets. A lot happens behind closed doors.”

“Not something like this. This is not normal.”

“What the hell does ‘normal’ mean. Two kids and a white picket fence and vanilla sex once a week and church on Sundays. I mean who defines ‘normal.’ You want to follow every societal norm, being whoever society says you should be?”

“I don’t know what the hell that’s all supposed to mean,” I said. “Mike, I’m just a little fucked in the head right now.”

“It’s OK, bro,” he said, as he patted me on the back, “It may take a little while to accept. It was probably was a lot to take in. But I really am your friend, Dave. I mean that.”

“Yeah, OK, Mike, whatever.”

“Look, if you want to just sit here and watch some baseball and decompress, that’s cool with me, too. We can just sit here and drink beer together.”

“Mike,” I said, “what I want to know, is what Ashley texted you.”

“OK, but just calm down first, drink your beer, relax.”

“I am calm, Mike. I just really want to know what she said.”

“OK, OK, Ashley asked when she’d be seeing me again.”

“Can I see the text, Mike, please?”

“Sure,” he said grabbing his phone. “Here.”

It was Ashley’s cell number.

“Hey u, what did u do to me to last nite? omg I’m exhausted. took 2day off. when am i seeing u next?”

I stared at it, re-reading it, re-confirming her number, re-reading it again.

“You OK, bro?”

“Jesus,” I muttered, as I handed his phone back.

“What are you thinking?”

“That I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I understand. It can be a lot to take in, but relax. I haven’t responded back. I wanted to talk to you first. We don’t have to figure out anything this minute. Let’s watch a couple innings, chill out, and catch a buzz.”

“You want a shot?” he asked.

“No.”

“C’mon Dave, let’s do a shot together. Pardon me, sir, we’ll have two shots of Hornitos.”

I sat there staring vacantly at the game until the shots arrived. “I take it we’re not doing vampire shots?” I said.

Mike laughed. “That a boy” he said, “getting your humor back. We’ll do them straight, my man, no training wheels tonight.

“It’s all gonna be good bro,” Mike said, as he clicked my glass.

“So you’re gonna reply to her text?” I asked

“Yeah, how would you like me to handle it?”

“How do you mean?”

“I need to get back to Ashley, but I want your input.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“I was thinking the three of us meet again for dinner tomorrow night. What do you think?”

“What?” I said.”

“Well, I can’t do Saturday, I’m going to Atlantic City, so I was thinking, let’s all meet for dinner tomorrow night.”

Mike could see my distress.

“It’s better that you’re there supporting her, Dave. You don’t want her carrying on any secret affairs. That’s the kind of shit that damages marriages.”

“And last night didn’t damage it? Are you kidding?”

“I think you’re going to find it strengthened it. In the long run, it will. The important thing is being there through the process. It’s going to bring you closer.”

“Mike, I heard you with Ashley this morning.”

“What did you hear?”

“Mike, I heard you fucking my wife.”

“Were you listening?”

“Yes.”

“By the door?”

“At one point, yes.”

“And it got you good and hard, didn’t it?”

“Jeez, Mike.”

“What? You talked to me about jerking off all summer thinking about that dude at that party fucking your wife. It’s OK. You found it exciting. And nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Jeez, Mike, please.”

“What? It’s a normal reaction. I bet you came real good, like you never had before. Hearing your wife all horned out like that.”

“Mike, please, look, I’m just scared.”

“Of what?”

“Oh gee, Mike, I don’t know, like how about what Ashley will think of me, or how can she ever respect me now.”

“She’ll respect you a lot more now than that night she fucked the guy at the party right under your nose. She knows now that she’s got a loving and supportive husband who will even make certain sacrifices to make sure her sexual needs are met.”

“Oh man,” I said.

“C’mon Dave, part of you wanted this.”

“I didn’t want this, Mike. I wasn’t expecting this. I just wish I could go back to three months ago before everything happened.”

“You need to focus on the future with her. I’m here to strengthen your relationship, not pull it apart.”

“Strengthen my relationship by fucking my wife? Do you hear what you’re saying?”

“It may sound unconventional or counterintuitive to you at first, but your acceptance of who she is, and being part of it all, is critical to rebuilding your relationship. I mean, Dave, you know that night at the party wasn’t the first time.”

“Did she say something to you to that effect?”

“I got strong indicators, yes. I mean, a wife doesn’t typically spread her legs for a guy at a party her husband’s at without some back context, you know?”

“What did she say?”

“When I get details, I’ll let you know.”

“Jesus,” I muttered, “Mike, what are you going to text her?”

“Well, are you guys free tomorrow?”

“I have to check.”

“Check with Ashley?”

“Yeah.”

“OK,” Mike replied, “so I’ll text her that we talked on the phone and ask her if is she’s up for dinner tomorrow—the three of us.”

“Mike, why does it have to be tomorrow?”

“Because tomorrow is really the only night I’m free. After AC on Saturday, I’m going to the Open Sunday. Look, if Ashley can’t do it tomorrow, we push it off to next week, but why not see if she can swing it? Rather than you and I figure this out, let’s just see what she says, right?”

“Fine,” I said in a what-recourse-do-I-have-if-she-wants-to see-him kind of way.

“So, I’ll text her now, we cool?” Mike asked.

“I guess so.”

“You know, on second thought,” Mike said, sipping his beer, “maybe you should text her.”

“What?”

“Yeah, maybe it’s better if the invite comes from you. It gives the control back to you. Like you’re setting the agenda and taking charge.”

“Please, are you freaking serious?”

“Dave I really am trying to help here. I’ll text her if you prefer, but I just thought you’d show you were asserting control by giving the invite yourself.”

I zoned out at the game on TV before saying, “Fine, I’ll fucking text her.”

“Hi Ash,” I typed into my phone, “I’m still out w/a client, but I talked w/Mike & any interest in the 3 of us getting dinner tomorrow night?”

Five minutes later, she replied back, “Sure, count me in.”

Mike smiled when he saw her reply and ordered us two more pints. “That wasn’t so hard right?”

I was sinking into my chair.

Finally I said, “Mike, I’m not being accusatory, but last night was your goal all along, wasn’t it, from the moment I sent you her photos? I mean this wasn’t really about helping me gain insight now, was it?”

Mike patted my back. “It was about gaining insight, bro. You got insight, didn’t you? You wondered if that guy at the party was a one-time thing. What did you call it—an aberrant event, right? Now you know it wasn’t.”

“But that was your goal? I mean, to fuck my wife.”

“Hey, Dave, I’m always going to be honest with you. Yeah, I thought Ashley looked pretty damn hot and sexy in the pictures. And I got hard thinking about the possibilities. But if she had thrown the blockades down or acted like she wasn’t up for anything, I would have respectfully backed off. And then I would have honestly told you, hey, I think it was a one-time thing. This was not about me. It was about her. As you said, seeing where her head was at.”

“But that was why you asked me to tell you all her interests. I feel like I made it so easy for you. Like Virginia Tech football—”

“Bro, c’mon. So I follow college football. It was just the flow of the conversation. That was gonna happen anyway. It’s not like I was talking about classical music. I don’t know shit about that, and I wasn’t going to pretend I did. We simply hit it off. There was chemistry between us. It just happened.”

“It’s just how easy she went along with it.”

“Well, our talk when you stepped outside definitely greased the wheels.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just got real with her. Talked about you.”

“Talked about me? What about me?”

“That I was aware of what happened with that guy at the party. I told her we had talked a lot about it. And that opened things up. She started throwing questions my way.”

“What did she ask? What did you say?”

“She asked what you had said about it and I talked in general terms.”

“Meaning what?”

“I said you were hurt by it and scared of losing her. How much you love her. Then I said that you were also aroused by it. That you were turned on learning about a new side to her sexuality.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, she was curious. She wanted to know your take on all of that. She told me she loves you. That should make you feel good, right?”

“Yeah, but what did she think ‘turned on’ meant? That I’ve been masturbating? You didn’t tell her about that, right Mike?”

“Relax Dave. No I didn’t. Just that part of you was real turned on by it. Then I explained that it’s not uncommon. That lots of guys react that way.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I was just being honest. Telling her a few things you found too difficult to tell her yourself. I think she appreciated it.”

I sat there stunned, incapable of responding, just listening.

“Dave,” he continued, “I was just giving a bit of much-needed honesty to the situation. For the sake of your marriage, honesty is the key.”

“Did you tell her we’re not really camp friends?”

“No, honesty has its limits. That’s a white lie that needs to stay a white lie. She needs to continue to think that and I certainly would never tell her otherwise. She would be very pissed at you, if she learned I was a guy you met in an online cuckold room, who you arranged to have meet her.”

“She’s never going to know that, right, Mike?”

“Of course not, never.”

“I think I should probably get going, Mike,” I said.

“It’s going to be OK Dave, trust me. C’mon, give me a hug, c’mon, that a boy, all right, chill out, hang in there, and I’ll see you tomorrow, bro.”

I could feel myself shaking on my walk home. I felt more infinitely fucked than I had been just yesterday. Giving Mike alone time at the bar had sealed my fate. For all I knew he could have told her about how I constantly jerk off and cited Jim Murta’s name. And he had all last night in my bed—when he wasn’t fucking her—to expound on everything. He could have explained to her what the term ‘cuckold’ meant.

I’d revealed very intimate things to Mike. He could tell Ashley about knowing about my premature issues, and it would ring true. Now she’d believe anything he said about me.

And tomorrow I’d have to have dinner as if I had accepted or even initiated this whole fucking arrangement.

Good Lord, what the fuck have I gotten myself into?

I did five rotations around our block before walking into our apartment. Ashley was sprawled on the living room sofa, working on her laptop, when I arrived.

“How was your day?” I asked.

“Lazy. I slept in till eleven—didn’t even make it to the gym.”

“Wow, that is lazy for you.”

“How was your day?” she asked.

“I’m exhausted, and the client tonight came up at the last minute. I’m probably just going to head to bed.”

“OK. You don’t mind if I catch up on emails and join you later?”

“Of course not.”

“Do you know where we’re going tomorrow night with Mike?”

“Not sure yet” I replied, “but I was also thinking I could rent a car when I get out of work and we could probably be down by the shore by four.”