Releasing Me (17 page)

Tears swelled again in my eyes as the shattered pieces of my heart cut even deeper.
“
That’s where she was the night of the fire. In her room––all––a––all a––lone.
”
The memories shook me again as Quinn held me even tighter, using his body to absorb each gyrating sob that vibrated through me.

“
Shh … oh, baby, I am so very sorry,
”
he soothingly whispered.

Shaking my head, I tried to push back slightly so I could finish.
“
There’s more … I’m not finished.
”

When he pressed me back into his chest and spoke, I could tell his own voice was fighting for control.
“
You are for today. You’re finished for today. No more, okay?
”

He offered me an out, a stay of execution, and I accepted it.

*

Exhausted, I fell asleep. When I awoke it was almost 4:00 p.m. and Quinn was still holding me.

“
Hey, beautiful,
”
he whispered.

Squinting my sore swollen eyes, I smiled.
“
Not really where I saw the day going.
”

He kissed my puffy eyes then scooted out of bed.
“
I’ll be right back.
”

A few minutes later he returned with sliced cucumbers in a bowl of water and ice.

“
Spa treatment?
”
I laughed.

“
Well, I can’t have Richard and Gwen thinking I beat you up. Especially since the makeup Mac put over your eye has washed off and now you have two puffy eyes.
”

I closed my eyes as he pulled two slices from the bowl and rested them over my swollen lids.

“
Nobody asked you why you were taking cucumbers from the veggie tray and putting them in ice water?
”

“
They might have, but they didn’t because they’re all passed out in the living room.
”

I laughed.
“
Tryptophan coma, or in Mac’s case, first trimester coma.
”

He didn’t respond to my remark, but I couldn’t see his face and wondered if he was apprehensive about pregnancy talk since my latest revelation.

“
Quinn?
”

“
Yeah?
”

“
I’m fine. I’m better than fine. My best friend is pregnant. I’m going to be an aunt … sort of. So as far as I am concerned, for the next nine months the world revolves around Mac. Besides, I’m sick of being the center of attention, the elephant in the room, the fifth wheel, the—
”

The warm sensation of his lips against mine came as a surprise. He dipped his tongue between them, soliciting a hum of satisfaction from my throat.
“
Mac may be the center of your universe for the next nine months, but you will always be the center of mine.
”

“
Stop! The goal here is to prevent me from crying. So enough with the sappy stuff.
”

“
Sappy stuff? What do you expect me to say?
”

“
Guy stuff … even Mac stuff.
”

He laughed.
“
You need to elaborate.
”

“
You know something like, ‘Mac may think she’s the center of your universe, but I will be the only one with my lips at your hot melting core, rocking your world.’
”
Had I not had the cucumbers over my eyes I would not have been able to say those words, especially with such a deep manly tone. The look on Quinn’s face would have stopped me in my tracks.

“
Dear God, that was the worst impression of me ever. It barely qualified for corny phone sex.
”
He laughed hysterically.

I peeled the cucumbers from my eyes and squinted at him.
“
Are you laughing at me? What’s so damn funny?
”

“
’My lips at your hot core, rocking your world?’ Would that really do it for you?
”
he asked in wide-eyed amazement, still laughing.

Shrugging my shoulders, I tossed the cucumbers back in the bowl.
“
I’m embarrassed to admit this because it sounds so pathetic, but with you, Quinn, words are not necessary. All you have to do is show up, that’s it, I’m yours.
”

Sitting up, I swung my legs off the side of the bed then eased onto my feet to head to the bathroom.

“
Ditto, baby, ditto,
”
he chimed behind me.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Journal Day 97

Grateful for new life.

We spent the
rest of Thanksgiving grazing on the leftover food. The guys retreated to the basement for football while we gals talked everything baby. Mac had wanted to be a mother since the first moment she laid eyes on Sage. She wasn’t with Evan, or anyone else at the time, but with the tragedies that ensued over the following years, her plans to get married and start a family were delayed. In many ways, I became her child. She looked out for me, helped me pursue my new dreams, and was always there for me in a moment’s notice. Even when she met Evan, it was as if they had an understanding that Mac and her broken friend were a package deal. I knew she’d found
“
the one
”
when Evan didn’t hesitate to open his arms to me. My intention was never to be a fifth wheel. Mac deserved someone as equally loving and unconditionally accepting as she was.

Friday morning brought a sense of peace. I hadn’t told Quinn everything, but at least he knew there was more. It no longer felt like I was keeping a secret; although I was aware the day would come when I’d have to share the rest. Opening those wounds again would be torturous, but with Quinn’s love, the pain would eventually subside.

It was common knowledge that I was not a shopper, and Black Friday was the Olympics of shopping. Since I’d conceded that the world would revolve around Mac for nine months, I had to grant her the presence of my company in the massive chaos known as Black Friday in Chicago. Dragging my feet, I enjoyed an extra long shower that morning while Quinn was out running. Just as I was getting ready to shut off the water, I heard the shower door open.

“
Going somewhere?
”
Quinn asked as he moved his naked sweat-glistening body closer.

“
Don’t even tease me. Just back off. Mac’s going to be knocking on the door any minute, and I’m not going to spend another day walking around sexually frustrated,
”
I warned trying to maneuver my way out of the shower without touching him.

My attempt was unsuccessful. In a flash he had my body pinned to the shower wall. His erection brushed my abdomen as my nipples hardened against his chest.

“
Quinn, please don’t,
”
I pleaded in a whiny voice.

He slid his hands up the curve of my hips and continued to my breasts, cupping them while grazing the pads of his thumbs over my nipples. I tilted my head back and released a grateful moan.

“
I told Mac to give you an extra thirty minutes.
”
His deep voice vibrated around me.
“
She knows you won’t be going anywhere today until she’s heard you screaming my name.
”

Jerking my head upright I gasped.
“
You didn’t!
”

He captured my mouth with such passion, I felt weak in the knees. Thanksgiving had been such an emotional roller coaster. My body had been teased almost to the breaking point over the past twenty-four hours, and I was desperate for him. Leaving me breathless, he squatted in front of me, clenching my butt with his hands.

“
I did,
”
he responded in a serious voice before his mouth was at my sex.

I laced my fingers through his hair then clenched them for support. He kissed with teasing motions, occasionally tracing the outside of my folds with his tongue, capturing ringlets of water melting down my body. The firm grip of his hands on my butt was such polarity to the gentle whisper of his lips and tongue.

I yanked his head back.
“
You’re teasing me and I’ve had enough. I love you and the way you’ve been so gentle and understanding with me since we arrived. But right now I’m about to lose it. No foreplay, no teasing and caressing, I just need you to fuck me … hard.
”

His mouth turned up into a wry smile, but his eyes were dark and serious.
“
Turn around then.
”

Without hesitation, I turned around and placed my hands on the tile wall. He tapped the inside of one of my ankles with his foot until I spread my legs more. He reached around to my front and slid his fingers over my sex with one hand for a brief moment until he positioned his cock at my entrance with his other. I gasped as he slammed into me. Pausing a few seconds to let my body acclimate to his fullness, he pulled out then right back in, each time hard and unforgiving. One of his hands guided my hip while the other grabbed my shoulder.

“
Is this how you want it?
”
he gritted through his teeth.

“
Yes!
”
I yelled meeting him thrust for thrust.

He pulled out and turned me around. Grabbing my hips, he lifted me onto him as he pressed my back to the wall. Our mouths crashed together as we had my definition of wild monkey sex in the shower. It was exactly what I needed. His tongue warred with mine as his hands searched my body grabbing my butt, kneading my breasts, and pinching my nipples.

“
Oh God, Quinn I need this so bad,
”
I moaned as my orgasm approached.

My words encouraged him until his pace was out of control.
“
Fuck, Addy!
”
he yelled as his warmth filled me.

He immediately snaked his hand between us and pressed his fingers to my clit.

“
God, Quinn … more!
”
I put my hand over his urging him to continue.
“
Don’t stop, please!
”
I cried without restraint.

While circling my clit, he rocked into me one more time as I found my climax.

“
Yes, yes, yes!
”
My grateful voiced echoed through the bathroom.

My head fell to his shoulder, and I fought to find my breath.

“
Satisfied?
”

“
You have no idea,
”
I breathed out.

Easing me back on my feet, he kissed my forehead.
“
Actually
, I think I do.
”
He smacked me on the butt.
“
Now get going. I need to soap up, and you need to shop until you drop.
”

*

Our Black Friday shopping was tolerable. After just a few hours, Mac was tired so we stopped for a long lunch before hitting one more baby store. By the time we got home, Mac was ready for a nap.

“
Hey, Addy?
”

“
Yeah?
”

“
I have an appointment with my midwife on Monday. Evan will be in court and my mom already has a commitment of her own. Would you consider staying an extra day to go with me?
”

I loaded myself down with all of her bags from the back of the car.
“
Quinn won’t be able to stay, which means I’ll have to try and find a flight out Monday night, but I’m sure it will be fine.
”

“
Thanks, sweetie. Oh did you need help with those?
”
she said with an innocent smile.

“
Just get the door,
”
I demanded, shaking my head.

“
You can put them in the spare room next to yours. I’m going to crash for an hour or so until dinner,
”
she mumbled over a big yawn.

“
Sounds good.
”

After setting all the bags down, I pulled a soft baby blanket from one and hugged it to my chest while I closed my eyes.

“
I bet you were the greatest mom.
”

I jumped and turned at the sound of Quinn’s voice in the doorway.

“
You scared me,
”
I gasped as I folded the blanket and set it back in the bag.

“
Sorry.
”
He smiled as he walked into the room and wrapped his arms around me.
“
Do you want another baby?
”

Squeezing him tight, I shrugged my shoulders because I was afraid of overwhelming him with my honest answer.
Yes, I’ve always wanted to be a mom and I always will.

“
Why? Do you want a baby?
”
I asked looking up at him.

His eyes searched mine for a few moments, then he smiled and nodded his head before pressing his lips to mine. Carrying Quinn’s baby was a thrilling thought, but we weren’t ready yet. He still needed to work through his recovery. Then there was the issue of where we would live, a small topic I hadn’t mentioned since our recent reconciliation. As much as I wanted him to give me back the ring, meet me at the altar, and give me a honeymoon baby, we needed to take a few steps back to make sure we didn’t end up going down the same road again.

“
Speaking of babies, Mac asked me to stay until Monday so I can go to the prenatal visit with the midwife. Her mom is busy and Evan will be in court.
”

“
I need to get back.
”

“
I know. I’ll get a flight out Monday night.
”

“
That sounds good. Listen, I talked with Alexis earlier and she’d like us to go to her house for brunch tomorrow.
”

No!

“
Oh, I guess that’s … just fine.
”

He pulled back to look at me.
“
It’ll be fine. She knows we’re back together and she’s agreed to be on her best behavior.
”

I gritted my teeth together and smiled a big, goofy smile with wide eyes.
“
Alrighty then, I’ll be on my best behavior as well … ‘cause we’re twelve, right?
”

After he finished rolling his eyes at me, I turned, tilted my chin, threw back my shoulders, and walked out.
“
Besides, I’m much too intellectually advanced and socially refined to partake in something as petty and juvenile as a catfight.
”

In the background I heard a soft chuckle, but I continued on to the kitchen without another acknowledgement.

*

Journal Day 98

Grateful for a ladies’ truce.

The interesting thing about my relationship with Alexis was we had not taken the time to know each other well enough to have an accurate opinion about the other. She seemed displeased with me simply because I was not Olivia. I, on the other hand, reached my point of exhaustion trying to befriend her when I realized I never realistically had a chance. We had little in common. Yes, she was a mother, but her kids seemed like trophy kids—a concept I would never understand. I liked yoga and good food; she liked shopping and washing down her diet pills with a glass of wine. I wore comfy casual clothes with minimal makeup; she wore tight designer dresses, high heels, and a complete face painting every time she left the house. She looked fake and acted fake. Even her voice seemed fabricated for each specific occasion. Essentially, we had two things in common: we both had a vagina and we both loved Quinn.

“
I have nothing to wear.
”
I sighed in exasperation.

Quinn laughed.
“
I don’t think I’ve ever heard those words come out of your mouth.
”

He, of course, looked amazing, as if he’d just finished a photo shoot for GQ magazine. He wore black pants and a black button-down shirt with thin grey pinstripes. His sleeves were casually rolled up to his elbows and the first three buttons of his shirt were open.

“
Everything I packed is so casual,
”
I whined as I rummaged through the mess in my suitcase.
“
I would have bought something yesterday if I had known that we were going to your sister’s.
”

He sat on the edge of the bed to pull on his socks.
“
Addy, it’s just going to be her, Mitch, and the kids. It’s no big deal.
”

“
That’s easy for you to say. You look good all the time. Some of us actually have to try.
”

He grabbed my hips and tugged me between his legs. I was wearing my usual black lace boy shorts and matching bra.
“
Baby, you could wear a white sheet and be the envy of everyone in the room. So just throw on some jeans and a top and let’s go before I rip these sexy panties and bra right off you.
”
Clenching the back of my thighs, he pulled me in so his face was nestled at my cleavage.

I grabbed his face and tilted it up to look at mine.
“
You’re right. Intellectually advanced and socially refined people don’t need to wear fancy outfits to mask their lack of the aforementioned.
”
After a quick kiss, I grabbed my jeans from the previous day and a comfy but worn light blue sweater.

“
Are you implying my sister is stupid and unsocialized?
”

“
No, of course not. I don’t know her well enough, or at least I hope I don’t know her well enough to make that judgment.
”

“
I still don’t get what you mean?
”

I walked into the bathroom to apply some makeup as I continued to explain.
“
I guess I just wonder if she acts around you or Mitch and the kids the way she does around me. I’ve never seen her without her makeup perfectly applied or wearing anything but a tight dress and high heels. Even her voice sounds fake, like she’s auditioning for the part of some uppity woman who was born into a wealthy family and has never been on the other side of the tracks, so to speak.
”

Quinn stood in the doorway to the bathroom with his hands shoved in his pockets.
“
Well, she
was
raised in a wealthy family.
”

I leaned in closer to the mirror to apply some mascara.
“
So was I.
”