Regret (Lady of Toryn Trilogy) (17 page)

He fixed her with a red-eyed
stare, and she stared back at him half-earnestly, doing her best not to crack a
grin. Maybe she’d finally lost her mind. Maybe this was the last day that
history would document Ashlyn Li as being of sound mind and body.

“Vargo is right, Ashlyn.”

Oh, great. He was
not
doing this now. No man in his right
mind would do
this
now.

“No man in his right mind would
do this right now,” Ashlyn repeated aloud. It sounded better in her head,
somehow.

“I am a monster,” Drake said,
completely stone-faced.

“Is that your excuse? You’re a
monster so you don’t have to have manners?”

“Ashlyn.” He was still trying to
be serious, but in some ridiculous twist of fate, any hint of seriousness
inside Ashlyn had flown out the window, and all that was left were several
hysterical giggles and flippant denial. Here she was, standing barefoot outside
the healing lodge, in love with a
vampire,
rejecting advances from a
Spartan,
and
Drake was trying to turn it into some kind of on-stage melodrama, as if
reality
wasn’t dramatic enough.

“An hour ago you gave me the
second
resist
stane!” she said,
completely dumbfounded as to this new development. “How can you change your
mind in an hour? I haven’t even
seen you
since
you gave it to me.”

“You can keep the stane,” he
said, and stopped, looking unsure of how to continue. “I just want you to be
happy, Ashlyn. I can’t promise you happiness, not with what I am.”

“Where in
any book, anywhere
does it say that vampires aren’t allowed to be
happy?” she demanded, poking a finger into Drake’s chest with every word for
emphasis. “You are not allowed to be miserable any more. I forbid it. And I’m
going to be Lady of Toryn, so people pretty much have to listen to me. It’s a
law…or something.”

“Ashlyn, would you please stop
acting like a child?” he snapped, grabbing her hand and shoving it away.

That gave her pause. He’d never
called her childish before. Ashlyn fell silent, and looked up at him, dread
creeping into her heart.

“You deserve to be with a man,”
he said, all darkness and gloom and liquid red eyes.

I
could happily murder him right now with my bare hands for being such an
unforgivable ass,
she
thought as he continued.

“A man who can rule beside you,
who can grow old with you. Vargo is right. I am a monster. I certainly
shouldn’t be putting your life in danger as I have, risking your safety for the
sake of my own desires.”

Ashlyn gathered her dignity
around her like a cloak, trying to summon her self-respect and anger and whatever
authority she could muster as his words ripped into her like bullets. “You
should consider your words very carefully right now. Nothing you’re saying is
news to me. I chose to be with you despite whatever dangers you think there
are. And I know you haven’t forgotten that I’ve experienced some of those
dangers firsthand, and emerged pretty much unscathed.”

He flinched visibly at her last
sentence, no doubt remembering the attack by the waterfall. “I’m sorry. But…”
He paused for what was possibly the longest pause ever since the beginning of
time, probably allowing himself time to come up with the most hurtful words he
could manage, and said, “I am…ending this.”

Ashlyn’s eyes narrowed as she
gazed up at him, fury unfurling in the pit of her stomach. “You’re ending
this,” she repeated. “You’re ending what, exactly? The way I feel about you?
The chemistry between us? Somehow I don’t think that’s gonna just disappear
because you said so.”

Conflicting emotions warred in
his expression. “I’m aware of that.”

She waited for him to continue,
but when he didn’t, she shook her head. “So I guess that means you’re just
going to walk away after all this is over, then? Pretend I don’t exist until
FLD has to come together to save the world again however many years down the
line? We’re this way for a
reason,
Drake.
For crying out loud,
you
were the one
who told me no one can run from destiny! I should know. I spent the last three
years convincing myself I didn’t care about you, and that all flew out the
window the minute I looked into your eyes.”

Her eyes were stinging with the
promise of tears, but at this point she didn’t care how pitiful she looked. “Vargo
loves me, and he’s not afraid to fight for me. He has been completely honest
about his feelings from the beginning. He wants to give me safety and stability
and- and
love.
He’s offering me all
of that. But the thing is, I know…I just
know
I’ll never feel safe or loved, unless I’m with you.”

Drake’s eyes glittered, but still
he said nothing, and after a long moment, Ashlyn dropped her gaze to the
handkerchief she was still holding. “The worst part,” she said softly, “is that
I
know
you love me. I know you could
be happy with me if you would just…
let
go.
But nobody can make you start living again. No one can force happiness
on you, Drake. You have to make that decision yourself.”
 

The short pause that followed her
words was the longest of her life, while Ashlyn struggled against the urge to
keep going, to try to convince him using words and logic. There was nothing
logical about love. If that were the case, then she certainly wouldn’t have
fallen for a masochistic and boneheaded vampire with a penchant for drama.

She stared down at the
handkerchief in her hand, deciding impulsively not to give it back.

Finally she looked up at Drake,
and their eyes locked one last time.

“I’m not going to beg you to love
me,” she said, and brushed past him, scooping to pick up her shoes as she fled.

Despite the stinging in her eyes,
she didn’t cry. There was something inside her that refused to be broken,
something reminding her that she wasn’t a child and she didn’t need Drake any
more than he needed her. What she’d told him was a true reflection of her
heart. She would walk away from this without regret.

A sudden wind whipped at her
ponytail, the sound of humming engines reaching her ears, and Ashlyn looked up,
hoping against hope that Aaron had returned at exactly the right moment.

He had.

“Oh, I love you
so much right now,
you ancient crotchety
old pilot!” she exclaimed, breaking into a run. North Camp wasn’t more than a
quarter day’s flight, but for Aaron to be coming back this soon, he must have
left immediately after getting her dad settled and flown through the night to
get back to Toryn.

She took a shortcut between two
lines of houses, dashing between the raised porches of the homes and slipping a
bit in the mud she found there. The airship roared above her head, the noise a
welcoming respite from the self-pity that was threatening to consume Ashlyn’s
thoughts at the moment.
 
She rounded the
corner and nearly collided with Aik, who was exiting the stairwell of one of
the houses.

“Oh geez! Sorry, Aik, you okay?”
She jogged in place, mud squishing between her bare toes. She was too relieved
for a distraction to stop completely.

He ignored her question and
looked up at the airship. “Is he here to take you back to North Camp?”

“Gods, I hope so. I can’t wait to
get out of here and see my dad. Are you coming with us? Actually,” she slowed
her jogging, thinking it over, “actually, it might be helpful if you did come
with us, and stayed with my dad when I have to leave for the coronation
ceremony. I hate the thought of leaving him alone for very long. I know Sara’s
with him, but…”

“She’s a scientist, not a
warrior,” Aik said dryly. “I’d be happy to accompany you, Ashlyn.”

“Oh good. Well- hurry, because if
I had it my way Aaron wouldn’t even touch down before we turn around and head
back to North Camp.” Ashlyn whirled and started running again.

The airship was just landing when
she reached the town square, and she danced impatiently around the clearing,
wanting nothing more than to jump into the ship and order an immediate
take-off. The engines cut off first, and then the ramp began to descend slowly-
way too slowly- as Ashlyn dashed up to it and waited impatiently for Aaron to
exit.

“Hi!” she said excitedly when the
pilot finally appeared at the top of the ramp. “How’s my father? Is he okay?
Can we go back now? Do you need to recharge the airship or anything?”

“Calm down, kid,” Aaron said,
holding up his hands as his heavy boots clanged on the ramp. “What’s goin’ on?
Last I saw there was a big battle brewin’.”

“Oh.” Dang, she’d totally
forgotten that when Aaron had left yesterday, Kou’s army was about to attack. She
supposed she did owe him an explanation. “Everything’s fine. Everyone’s fine-
well, Vargo was hurt but he’ll make it, thank Drago. Kou and Tag got away,
along with a few of their soldiers. For the most part…they’re all dead.” She
frowned. It didn’t sound so great when she said it out loud. If there had been
any way to save those ninjas, or if they had surrendered rather than fighting
to the death, she certainly would have welcomed them back into Toryn with open
arms, but it hadn’t happened that way.

Aaron looked vaguely impressed,
and took his unlit cigarette from his mouth. “So why ya so desperate to get
goin’?” he asked, sticking the cigarette behind his ear.

“I don’t want my dad to be
alone,” Ashlyn said. It was the truth, but not the whole truth. “I just talked
to Restlyn and she’s handling everything for now. I’d like to stay with my dad
at least until my coronation- and hopefully by that point he’ll be well enough
to come back anyway. How is he? Is he doing okay?”

“Better than Sara expected,” the blond
pilot replied. “Even woke up on the way to North Camp. Askin’ after you
somethin’ fierce though.”

“When can I go to him?” At the
moment, the simplicity of seeing her dad again, holding his hand and seeing him
smile, was so overwhelmingly necessary that Ashlyn felt like she might just jump
in the ocean and
swim
to North Camp.

Aaron sighed. “Kid, if you’re
really that desperate, just let me touch base with Skye, and then we’ll go.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank
you!” Ashlyn stood on tiptoe to plant a kiss on his stubbly cheek. “Let me just
get my stuff, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Aaron turned to head back up the
ramp, no doubt going to tell his crew that they weren’t done flying just yet,
and Ashlyn took off for her house. “Oh! Aik!” she said, skidding to a halt as
she passed the wolf. “We’re leaving in a few minutes! Do you need me to carry
anything for you?”

“No, thanks,” he answered. “I’ll
meet you inside.”

Ashlyn sprinted to her house and wiped
off her feet at the door, shoving her sneakers back on before she entered. She took
the stairs to the basement two at a time. The strong smell of ammonia hit her
when she reached the bottom, and she paused for a moment to look at the corner
where Vargo had been attacked. The women of Toryn, so grateful to help out
their future Lady, were nothing if not thorough. Her floor looked cleaner than
it ever had, with no trace of the carnage from the night before.

She shuddered, and whispered another
brief prayer of thanks to Drago for the otherworldly calm and determination
that had steadied her hands as she had struggled to keep Vargo alive with
heal
. She was perfectly capable of
healing minor wounds, but had never attempted anything more than cuts, scrapes
and bruises, or at worst a few gashes. A shredded stomach was something else
entirely, and she’d never been so scared as she was when she kneeled in a pool
of Vargo’s blood, clutching his hand and hoping against hope that her
heal
magic would save his life.

Ashlyn went to the cabinet in the
corner and keyed in the long combination to unlock it, grateful that Kou hadn’t
accessed her weapons during his stay in her home. She grabbed a knapsack and
loaded it with several small throwing knives, along with one large hira
shuriken that she’d never much liked for its lack of balance. Her sword was
already strapped to her back, and she planned on using that as her primary
weapon.

She put the book in the knapsack
as well, reminding herself that she would read it on the ship once they were on
their way.

As an afterthought, she went
upstairs to her dresser and shoved a handful of clothing into the knapsack too.
After this war was over, she would definitely start paying more attention to
her wardrobe.
And I’ll definitely be
getting a haircut,
she thought as she tucked an errant lock of hair behind
her ear. Skye’s chop job wasn’t doing her appearance any favors right now.

When she went outside, she saw
Aaron and Skye at the bottom of the ramp, deep in conversation.

“…Move him to Cosmea,” Skye was
saying as she walked up. “He should be stable enough within a day or two.”

“Poor kid,” Aaron said. “Takes
some guts, attackin’ a bear unarmed. Glad he’s gonna be okay.”

“It’ll be a long recovery,” Skye
replied. “Drake did as much as he could, but there were some injuries that were
just too precise to attempt. He’ll need time, and a real healer to keep an eye
on him.” He nodded to Ashlyn as she drew closer. “Are you ready to go? Aaron
tells me you’re pretty anxious to see your father.”