Redesigned (25 page)

I can’t lose him. I’ll do it. I’ll tell him my deepest fears, and if he leaves me, at least I’ll know I tried everything in my power to make it work.

I shiver in the cold and wait for him to return so I can tell him everything. But he must have used the back door because he never comes out.

Two days later, I still haven’t heard from Reed. I’ve called him three times, and he won’t pick up, despite my pathetic voicemails begging him to call me back.

I’m miserable.

This hurts worse than when Justin broke up with me. I’m not sure I’ll survive the crushing pain that makes it difficult to breath. I want to curl up on the sofa and watch
Gossip Girl
and pretend I never met Reed. That I never fell in love with him.

They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never love at all. Whoever made that shit up obviously never loved Reed Pendergraft.

But I can’t wallow in my misery. I’ve completed all nine designs, and I’m taking the outfits for a fitting this afternoon. Since I haven’t heard back from Evelyn, I’ve finally accepted that Desiree’s parents aren’t going to let her participate. I’ve designed an outfit for her, all I need is the measurements. But that design is for Desiree. Now I have to come up with something entirely new.

But if Desiree can’t do it, I’m not sure my heart can accept someone else taking her place. The alternative is a failed grade and no chance at the design job in New York. After losing Reed, I should try my damnedest to get as far away from him as possible, but I can’t find the motivation. I’m hoping I’ll find it at the center today.

On my way to the workroom, I stop at the coffee shop on campus and order a cup of coffee when I hear, “Caroline?”

I turn in shock, recognizing the voice. It’s Justin. I haven’t talked to him in a year. Since our breakup.

“How are you?” he asks, shifting his weight. He looks like he thinks talking to me might not have been a good idea.

“I’m good,” I lie. “I hear you’re engaged.”

He squirms and looks away. “Yeah.”

“I’m happy for you, Justin.” I’m surprised I actually mean it.

His grin is tentative. “Thanks.”

“Can I ask you a question?” The barista hands me my coffee, and I step to the side to face him.

His eyes shift before he says, “Sure, I guess.”

“Why did you break up with me?”

Justin looks around the room, scoping out the exits.

I give him a soft smile. “Relax. I’m totally over you. Consider this a fact-finding mission.”

He relaxes a bit. “When we were together, I felt like I never really knew you.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “How can you say that?” When I see him get defensive, I hold up my hands. “No, I’m not attacking you. I’m trying to understand.”

The barista calls Justin’s name and he steps over to get the cup. I’m sure he’s going to bolt for the back door, but he comes back. “Do you want to sit down? I have a couple of minutes, if you really want to know.”

We sit at a table for two, and I set my bag on the floor at my feet and wait.

“When we first started going out, you were like this pretty girl with this mysterious persona. You let out little pieces of yourself, one bit at a time, and I kept thinking if I hung in there long enough, I’d find out the mystery. I’d discover the real Caroline Hunter.” Justin’s face reddens. “I realized I loved the illusion of you. I never really knew you at all.”

The blood rushes from my head. “I see.” And I do.

He runs a hand through his hair. “We were kids when we first started dating. Hell, we were eighteen and barely graduated from high school. We didn’t know what we wanted.”

I nod, unsure what to say. Finally, I choke out, “Thanks.”

“I wish you the best of luck.” He stands. “I really mean that, Caroline.”

“Thanks. I wish you the best of luck too. Truly.”

He bends over and kisses my cheek. “I’m glad we had this talk. It’s good to get some closure. I ended it pretty shitty.”

“Yeah, well, water under the bridge and all.”

Justin walks away, and all I feel is numb. No wonder Reed won’t call me back. He probably feels the same way and doesn’t think I’m worth the effort.

I look up at the front entrance, as though my eyes are drawn by some unknown force and see Reed standing outside the glass door. His eyes follow Justin as he walks out the back door. Reed turns around and walks away.

I grab my bag and hurry after him, but a group of students pouring through the entrance slows me down. When I get outside, Reed’s already disappeared into a crowd.

Maybe it’s for the best. Reed deserves so much better than me.

But my heart still splinters into a million jagged pieces.

I call Scarlett, even though I know she’s in the math lab.

“Caroline?” I hear her worried tone.

“He left me, Scarlett,” I choke out, swallowing the sobs building in my chest.

“Wait. Slow down. Reed?”

I find a bench and sit. My legs are too shaky to make it to any spot offering privacy, and I’m in too much agony to care if I make a spectacle of myself. “Yes. He won’t talk to me.”

“No wonder he’s been such an ass. This must have happened a couple of days ago, huh?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know.” But I do. I’m just ashamed to admit it.

“I wish I could get away to talk to you, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

I shake my head and wipe my eyes. “No, I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.”

I release a tight laugh. “No, I’m not, but I’ve been through this before and I survived.” But loving Reed and loving Justin are two entirely different things. I’m not sure I’ll survive this loss.

“I’ll call you when I get done here. Maybe I can bring you your two favorite men.”

“At least Ben and Jerry don’t care if they make my hips wider. They love me anyway.” I choke on the last words.

“Oh, Caroline.” Scarlett’s voice is tight with tears.

“I’ve got to go.” I hang up the phone and smash down my sobs. There’s no time to wallow. It’s time to grow up, suck it up, and move on. Nine kids are counting on me,
me
. The only person who’s ever counted on me is myself and I’ve screwed that one up. What makes me think I can come through for these kids?

I’ve sure as hell failed Desiree.

I head to a bathroom and try to salvage my face. I have to go to the center for the kids’ fitting and I don’t want to go looking like this. I touch up my makeup, and when I’m satisfied I’ve done the best I can, I head to the workroom to get my pieces.

It takes several trips to get them to my car, and I can’t help thinking that if Reed were still with me he’d help me with this. Funny how I got so used to him being in my life in such a short time. But then again, my broken heart doesn’t feel that amused.

When I get to the center, I’m surprised to see Reed’s car in the parking lot. My chest constricts, and I become lightheaded.

Reed is here.

Why?

I get out and grab several hangers and walk into the tutoring center, preparing myself to face Reed. Instead, Lexi meets me at the door.

I blink. “Lexi. What are you doing here?” I try to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

“I thought you might need some help.” She pulls me into a hug that lasts for several seconds.

She knows.

I take a deep breath and try to push away my disappointment with it.

“Are you okay?” she asks, searching my eyes.

“Yeah. Of course.”

She squints, obviously not believing me.

I force a smile and a brightness into my voice. “Let’s get started.”

Lexi helps me bring in the rest of the clothes. We carry them to the classroom we used last time.

I remember Reed sitting next to me. Reed doing his model walk. Reed talking to the kids.

I’m not sure I can do this.

But the girls are excited to try on their clothes, squealing when they see the piles. They have no idea what I’ve made for them.

“Where’s Reed?” one of the girl’s asks.

“Yeah! Where’s Reed?”

Lexi gives me an apologetic look, then turns back to the girls. “Reed is here. He just can’t come see you right now.”

Reed
is
here.

I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. I pull out a chair and sit.

Lexi squats in front of me. “Do want me to have the first girl change?”

I take a breath, trying to get myself together, then stand. This is my project. Fuck Reed.

I have the clothes sorted, according to child, so I hand the first outfit to one of the girls and ask Lexi to have the boys sent in too.

She stares at me for a moment. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

My shoulders stiffen. “I’m fine. I have a job to do, and I’m going to do it.”

Lexi helps me keep the kids organized. She also has a good eye for design and loves what I’ve come up with.

“Caroline, these are beautiful but also practical.”

“But most importantly, they’re affordable.”

Actually, the most important part is that the kids love them. For the first time in days, I feel a semblance of happiness. Even if it’s fleeting.

After they’ve put their outfits for the show on, Lexi and I have them practice their walks.

Brittany, the twelve-year-old aspiring model, has been practicing. When I’m satisfied, I hand them a paper with instructions on when and where to come to the show.

Lexi watches the kids leave the room. “There are only designs for nine kids. What are you doing for the tenth child?” Lexi pauses. “Oh. That’s why Reed is talking to Evelyn.”

My mouth drops. “He’s talking to Evelyn about Desiree?”

“Yeah.”

My mouth goes dry. “Why is he doing that?”

“Do you really not know?”

I shake my head.

“For two incredibly smart people, you are both so dense.” She turns around and walks out of the room. “Come on.”

We carry the clothes out to the car and walk to the main office. Dread drags my feet, making them so heavy I can hardly climb the steps. I want to see Reed. I’m scared to see Reed. Reed looking at me with disgust will kill me.

But when I walk in, there’s no disgust on his face. Only sadness and regret. He’s standing inside the door, as though he’s been waiting for me, although I’m sure that’s wishful thinking on my part. He doesn’t speak, just stands to the side as Lexi and I walk past him.

I follow Lexi into Evelyn’s office and we sit on the chairs, but I’m on autopilot. It’s taking every ounce of self-control not to get up and throw myself at Reed and beg him to forgive me. He’s here, and he’ll have to physically run from me to get away. This might be my only chance to tell him how sorry I am. But now isn’t the time.

Evelyn sits back in her chair. “Reed is a very stubborn and persuasive man. He’s convinced Desiree’s parents to talk to you. There’s no guarantee they will let her be in the show, but they’ll speak to you.” She tilts her head toward the corner. “And Reed.”

My heart leaps into my throat. I nod, unable to speak.

“All I ask is that you be respectful of their wishes. While Reed is representing the Monroe Foundation, you will be representing the charity.”

The enormity of this responsibility isn’t lost on me. “I’ll do my best to not let you down.”

She nods with a smile, then looks from Lexi to Reed. “I need to speak with Caroline privately for a moment.”

My heart hammers against my ribs. I feel like I’ve been called to the principal’s office, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out what I could have done.

Reed leaves the room without a second glance, but Lexi raises her eyebrows in curiosity. I give her a half-shrug.

When they leave, Lexi closes the door, and I’m alone with Evelyn.

She smiles reassuringly. “The look on your face tells me you think you’ve done something wrong. I can assure you that that is not the case. In fact, it’s the opposite.”

My heartbeat slows a fraction.

“Involving the children in the fashion show has filled them with more excitement than any of us imagined. Not only that they are in the show, although some are very excited about that. It’s the fact they are getting one-of-a-kind clothes designed just for them. So many of these children face so many hardships, this is a bright spot for them. Thank you for giving them that.”

I twist my hands in my lap, embarrassed. “You’re welcome. I wanted to make them happy.”

“I know. We all have noticed.”

I wait, wondering if there’s more.

“The Monroe Foundation has learned of your efforts and not only are they impressed, but they wish to offer you a job after you graduate. It would be in conjunction with our organization. You would be in charge of the clothing program for children in need. Instead of giving them gently used clothing, you would be in charge of procuring new clothing.”

I blink as I try to comprehend what she’s saying. “I would make clothing for all the children?”

“No, I think that would be an impossible task for one person. But we have connections to children in need and Monroe Industries has the resources to alleviate need. You would be the liaison.”

I release a breath and grip the arm of the chair. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I hope you’ll say you’ll think about it. You have the enthusiasm and fire to help improve the children’s lives. That’s what is going to make up for the anemic paychecks.” She mentions a salary and my hopes drop.

I try not to show my disappointment. I knew it was too good to be true. “Thank you. I’ll consider it.”

“The foundation would like your answer by the end of the show. If you decline, they believe in the program enough that they’ll find a new liaison.”

“Yes, I understand. Thank you.”

When I leave the room, Reed is waiting in the hall, staring at my photo. He glances up at me with an expressionless face. “We can go see Desiree’s parents in an hour. Lexi had to get back to campus for a study group, so if it’s all right, I’ll ride with you to her parents. And if you could give me a ride back to campus, I’d appreciate it.”