Redemption (Book Two of the Shipwrecked Series) (7 page)

“Och, lass.  I’m
sorry.  I doona ken what came over me.  Sorry…” he trailed off, shaking his
head as he raked his hand back through his chestnut hair. 

Sarah laughed
nervously, seeking to restore the joy that had flowed between them only seconds
before.  What had she done wrong?  How could one simple touch from Quinn’s lips
make her feel so vibrant, so alive?  Her lips tingled in the aftermath of
Quinn’s kiss.  His touch had left her wanting more.

“Quinn, it’s
alright,” she said, reaching up to touch his shoulder.

“No.  It’s no
alright.  I should never have touched ye.  I’m sorry.”

“It was just…”

Quinn shook his
head and cut off Sarah’s words.  “It’s not alright for me tae touch ye like
that.  If ye had any idea of how broken I am, ye would understand.  Ye deserve
better,” Quinn said sternly, berating himself for being so weak as to allow
himself to kiss Sarah.

He turned quickly
and stalked off into the forest, leaving Sarah alone with Mairi and her
conflicting thoughts about what had just transpired between them.

..ooOoo..

The next morning,
Sarah woke up to Mairi’s hungry cries and was disappointed to find that they
were still alone in Quinn’s cabin.  She had not seen him again since their kiss
by the river and the thoughts and feelings that Quinn’s touch had stirred still
clouded her mind.  Kissing Quinn had felt so startlingly right.  Sarah knew
that he had felt the same way.  She had
felt
his response to her in his
touch, his tender kiss.

Why had he turned
from her so abruptly?  Why did he harden his heart towards her when she knew
that he felt something for her?

A soft rapping on
the door of the cabin startled Sarah and her mind snapped back to the present. 
She leapt from the bed and picked up Mairi from the box in which she slept. 
Her sweet baby was hungry, but her cries quieted at her mother’s touch. 
Jostling the baby gently, Sarah opened the door to the cabin and was greeted by
Anna’s smiling face.

“Good morning,”
Anna said cheerily. 

“Good morning,”
Sarah said, brushing the hair back from her face.  She was not yet completely
awake.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” Sarah
said, swinging open the door and ushering Anna inside.

“Quinn asked me to
check in on you this morning.  He was worried about you when he left,” Anna
said as she walked into the small cabin and immediately went to work.  She
walked over towards the hearth and bent to kindle the dying fire.

“Where did he go?”
Sarah asked, the disappointment evident in her voice although she had tried to
hide it.

“He didn’t tell
you he was leaving,” Anna said, standing now and regarding Sarah.  Her words
were a statement, not a question. Anna knew that Quinn had left abruptly
without telling Sarah that he was going.

“No, he didn’t
tell me,” Sarah said.  She was wounded, but tried not to let Anna see her
hurt.  Sarah settled into the rocking chair in front of the fire and loosened
the drawstring on her nightgown, baring her breast so that Mairi could nurse.

“What does that
feel like?” Anna asked curiously, in awe of how naturally motherhood had come
to Sarah.  She had so many questions about becoming a mother and as her
impending delivery became closer by the day, she had become startlingly aware
that she had no one to ask these questions to.  Oh, how Anna ached to have her
own mother here.  There was so much that she wanted to ask, so many things that
she was curious about.

Sarah giggled,
enjoying Anna’s open curiosity.  “It feels funny, but I’m used to it now.  It
hurt a little at first, but now, when she latches on, it’s a relief.  Your
breasts get so full with milk that it feels good to have relief.”

“What happened to
Quinn?” Sarah asked directly, changing the subject back to address the matter
that consumed both of their thoughts.

The smile fell
from Anna’s face.  Sarah could tell that her question had made Anna
uncomfortable.

“What do you
mean?” Anna said innocently.

“He kissed me
yesterday,” Sarah divulged, feeling color flush her face as she though of the
feelings that Quinn’s kiss had stirred within her.

“He did?” Anna
asked incredulously.  Her eyes were wide and despite her best efforts, she
could not hide her surprise.

“I didn’t expect
it, but yes, he did.”

“Oh,” Anna said,
working hard to hide her evident shock at Sarah’s disclosure.  “Well…” Anna
stammered, unsure of where to begin.  “Quinn…um…he, well…”

“Is it that bad?”
Sarah asked, now worried by Anna’s inability to find words.

“Really…he kissed
you?” Anna asked again.

“Yes!” Sarah
confirmed, exasperated.

“There are things
that I can’t tell you about him, Sarah,” Anna began, her hazel eyes searching
Sarah’s face for understanding.  “It’s not like he did anything bad, I
promise!” she reassured, not wanting Sarah to get the wrong idea about her
beloved brother-in-law.  “He has a difficult past, that’s all.  I’m sure that
he’ll tell you about it in time, but you’ll need to be patient with him.”

“Why did he
leave?” Sarah asked, her hurt playing openly across her face.

“He needs a lot of
space.  He likes to be by himself when he’s thinking things over,” Anna said
cautiously.  She secretly hoped that Quinn planned to come back.  Never in her
wildest dreams had she imagined that Quinn would find someone again.

“Will he come
back?” Sarah asked.  She was almost afraid to hear Anna’s answer, and her heart
thundered as she waited on Anna’s reply.

“He’ll come back,”
Anna said confidently.  “I love him so much, Sarah,” Anna confessed as she
rocked forward on her heels and took Sarah’s hand in her own.  “You have no idea
how much I would love it if he would let you into his heart.  I think that you
could fix him, Sarah.  He has so much love to give, but he’s locked it all
inside, hidden it away in a deep dark corner of his heart.”

Tears threatened
to spill from Anna’s eyes and she fought hard to keep them restrained.  “I
think that you and Mairi are the answer to our prayers,” Anna said honestly as
she choked back her tears.  “I can’t tell you Quinn’s secrets, but I have a
feeling that if you give him time, he’ll tell them to you himself.”

..ooOoo..

Three days later,
Quinn returned.  His eyes were brooding and his mood was foul from three days
and nights spend in the cold foreboding forest.  Hunting usually brought Quinn
solace, but it had done nothing to alleviate his suffering this time.  His
nights had been spent in restless sleep, dreams of Mairi and Sarah swirling
through his head.  Sarah invaded his waking thoughts as well.  He remembered
the alluring curve of her mouth and the sweet taste of her lips.

 He worried and
wondered if she was safe back at the farm.  It was these thoughts that had
brought him crawling back to her.  He planned to beg her forgiveness if need
be, and Quinn Murray was not a man accustomed to begging.

He found Sarah
hanging clean clothes on the line with Anna and immediately it was clear that
the women had bonded.  His heart sank when he thought of what Anna might have
told Sarah.  He wanted to be the one who told her his secrets, his heartaches.

As he approached
them, both women stared blankly at him.  It was almost as if they believed him
to be an apparition. 

Without cordial
greeting, he walked briskly towards the women.  “We need tae talk,” he barked
at Sarah, coming off a bit more harshly than he had intended to.  “Please,” he
added for good measure.

“Can you keep an
eye on Mairi?” Sarah asked Anna. 

Anna nodded in
agreement and caught the wet shirt that Sarah tossed in her direction.  She
quickly sent a prayer heaven-ward.

Please let her
love him.  Let her be the one that can restore him.

Quinn reached out
and took Sarah’s hand.  He led her without speaking back to the cabin that they
shared.  He opened the door for her, motioning for her to step inside.           Swallowing
the lump that had built in his throat he wondered how in the hell he was going
to explain himself to her.  He only hoped that he had not ruined what was growing
between them before he was given a chance to explore how wonderful it might be.

“I’m sorry for
leaving,” he said softly as he closed the door behind him and sat down on the
bed.  He lowered his head and held it in his hands as his elbows rested on his
knees.  “I didna ken how else tae deal with the feelings that I have for ye,”
he confessed, still not looking up at Sarah, who stood frozen in front of him.

“You hurt me,
Quinn,” Sarah confessed, unexpected anger boiling up inside of her.  She had no
claim on this man, but she had felt so abandoned, so lost without him.  His
kiss had caught her off guard, but it had felt so incredibly right.  Quinn’s
sudden desertion of her had left her hurt and confused.

“That wasna my
intention.  I’m sorry,” he added sincerely, now looking up and meeting Sarah’s
eyes.  When he saw the tears that she held back, his heart tore.  He had done
this to her.  He hated himself for making her feel abandoned.  “C’mere, lass. 
If ye’ll forgive me, if ye’ll let me explain… c’mere,” he beckoned as he
reached out his arms and pulled Sarah onto his lap.

Sarah fitted her
head into the crook of Quinn’s neck and she rejoiced in his calming, masculine
scent.  He smelled of sunshine, pine needles and the forest.  She loved his
smell and she let his touch calm her, console her.

Quinn buried his
nose in Sarah’s hair and wrapped her up in his strong arms.  It felt so right
to hold her like this.  He wanted to protect her, to beg for her forgiveness,
but for the moment, holding her like this was enough.

Sarah’s fingers
slid between the buttons of Quinn’s shirt and she gently stroked the warm skin
over his collarbone.  She nuzzled against his neck, relishing the feelings of
acceptance and safety that Quinn enveloped her with.

“I left because I
was scared,” Quinn admitted, stroking Sarah’s hair and continuing to hold her
close against his chest.  “I never thought…never expected that I could feel
this way about someone again.  I’ve been trying sae hard to fight the feelings
that I have for ye, but I must admit that I’ve failed terribly.”

Sarah lifted her
head and looked Quinn squarely in the eyes.

“What was I
supposed to think, Quinn? You kissed me and it was the most wonderful…it was
more that I had ever imagined and then you left me!  You left me for three
days!” Sarah said, her voice heated now.

“I doona ken what
ye were supposed tae think!” Quinn said, shaking his head as he looked at the
beautiful woman on his lap.  Hell, he didn’t know what to think about what was
happening between them either!

 “I loved someone
very much, Sarah.  She was taken from me.  The English raped her and then
killed her.  I thought that my heart was dead after what they did to her.” 
Quinn swallowed hard, struggling to remain composed as he revealed the horrors
of his past to Sarah.

“I’m so sorry,”
Sarah whispered, the initial shock of Quinn’s words bore heavily on her face.  Her
expression softened at Quinn’s unexpected revelation.  Despite wanting to
strangle him for leaving her so abruptly with so many words unspoken between
them, she wanted to hug him now, to console him and let him know that he would
be alright. 

Poor, sweet
Quinn.

Sarah’s heart
ached to tell him that she had fallen in love with him and that she would work
tirelessly to piece back together the pieces of his shattered heart.

“After Mairi was
taken from me, I had such a hole torn inside of me that I thought I’d be better
off dead. I tried, but I couldna save her,” he said painfully.   “I’ve felt
nothing for so long.  No pain, no happiness.  Nothing.  The fight went out of
me after I lost her.”

Quinn rested his
chin atop Sarah’s head and looked up at the soot stained ceiling of the small
cabin.  He blinked harshly and fought to hold back the tears that threatened to
fall.

“I thought it
would have been better tae feel pain, tae feel something, anything rather than
nothing at all,” Quinn said shakily as he brought his hand up and raked it
through his hair.  “I just wanted tae feel something tae ken that I was still
alive,” he whispered as he clenched his teeth from the strain of the flood of
emotions that overtook him.

Sarah did not
respond immediately, but was deliberate as she chose her words.  Quinn had
claimed that he was “broken,” and now Sarah had begun to understand why.

“Quinn,” she
whispered as she continued to stroke the skin over his collarbone lightly with
her fingers.  “It wasn’t your fault.  You must forgive yourself.”

“I’ll always think
that there must have been something that I could have done, something that
might have saved her.”

Silence fell
between them for a moment.  Sarah wrapped her arms more firmly about Quinn’s
shoulders and held him.

“I didna think
that I’d ever feel again.  I had expected to live the rest of my days as a
shell of a man…until I met ye, Sarah,” he confessed, stroking her hair softly. 
“When ye came crashing intae my life, I felt happiness for the first time in a
long time.  When I first realized that I had feelings for ye, it was as if my heart
was torn open fresh.  All of my thoughts as fears about what had happened tae
Mairi came crashing back and it was more painful that I could have ever
imagined that it would be.”

“Is that why you
left?” Sarah asked softly.

“Aye.  I needed
tae be by myself so that I could grieve for her properly.  Having felt nothing
for so long, it felt as though I was raw inside.  I was happy tae feel
something even though it hurt sae bad.”