Redemption: A British Stepbrother Romance (54 page)

S
he was pissed
.

I’d expected Nora to be a little off with me today, but I’d intended to explain everything after class. Now it looked like I wouldn’t get the chance.

Nora fled upstairs without looking back. I contemplated chasing after her, but that didn’t seem like a great idea given the mood she was in. Besides, I’d just punched her in face. I didn’t feel great about that, even if it had been during an accident during training.

Why was she so mad anyway? I’d called off one lesson, but that was hardly justification for storming off and being in a mood with me the entire session.

I headed back up to the gym to get some time on a bench, but the second I walked in, Duke yelled out my name in a way that made it pretty clear I needed to get to his office as soon as possible.

“What is it?” I asked. I sensed a lecture coming on, but I could do without it right now.

“Nora’s just told me she’s ending the training sessions with you.”

“Oh.” I tried to look surprised, but given the way she’d stormed off, I didn’t expect her to come back for another session.

“What the fuck happened?”

“If you must know, I punched her.”

“You did what?” Duke yelled. He’d gone into full overprotective father mode now, which seemed a bit extreme given that he’d spent less time with Nora than I had at this point.

“Calm down, it was an accident. Does it really matter? She was going to finish up in a week anyway.”

“Yes, it matters. She’s my daughter, and I don’t like seeing her in the mood she was in a minute ago.”

What had Nora said earlier? She’d trained with Duke in the ring last night.

“Did you tell Nora about Tracy?” I asked Duke.

“Yeah. What was all that about? You’d better not be messing around with Tracy and my daughter at the same time.”

“So you told Nora that Tracy was my ex-girlfriend?”

Duke nodded. “You’d rather I lie to my daughter?”

Christ Duke, enough with the concern for your new daughter. You’re not the only one who cares for her.

“I’d have preferred to be the one to tell her, that’s all.”

“You need to make it up to her.”

If only it were that easy.

“No,” I replied. “Not now. Look, we agreed to a month of training and it’s nearly been that. Now I need to focus on the fight. I’ve put it on the back burner for too long.”

“You’ll keep teaching the other classes,” Duke insisted.

I nodded in agreement. The other classes were easy compared to the thought of dealing with Nora hating me.

Duke didn’t have anything else to say, and Gayle was nowhere to be seen. Thank heaven for small mercies.

My workouts had dropped off recently without me even noticing it. Over the last few weeks, my time in the gym had been spent waiting for Nora to show up, and talking to her when she was here.

Now I needed a proper, vomit-inducing workout. If I could still move my arms and legs at the end of the night then I hadn’t done enough.

I’d been slacking. Weights I once lifted with ease now made my arms wobble after six reps. There had been no outward change to my physique, but the difference in my strength was immediately noticeable.

At first, Nora had motivated me to train harder, and push through my usual barriers, but after a while, I just wanted to spend time with her and I’d sacrificed my training to do that.

I called Ryan over to spot me. Ryan was one of the more vocal guys at the gym, and he knew what I was capable of. He wouldn’t let me get off the bench until I’d pushed every muscle to breaking point.

I listened to his yells and used them to push me to a level where at least I didn’t have to feel ashamed. That would have to count as success today.

“You feeling alright?” Ryan asked. “You usually throw weights like that around for a light warm-up.”

“Bit off my game at the moment,” I replied.

“Not the best time for it,” Ryan said, stating the obvious. “Don’t you have that big fight coming up?”

“Yeah, don’t remind me.”

What I really needed was someone to spar with. Only Ryan and a few women were left in the gym. Ryan didn’t fight, and I’d had enough of hitting women for one day. I sparred with women occasionally, but today it didn’t seem right. Like cheating on Nora again.

I had to do something to prepare for the fight, both physically and mentally. Getting in better physical shape was crucial, but I also had to clear my mind of Nora.

I headed over to one of the punching bags in the corner, and wrapped some tape around my fists. I closed my eyes for a few seconds to channel the anger deep inside. That didn’t take much effort this time around.

Anger wasn’t in short supply, but finding the source of it took more effort. I thought I was angry at Nora for running off, but that wasn’t the case. I was disappointed and annoyed, but I couldn’t be angry. She knew about Tracy, and that was bound to be tough for her.

I tried being angry at Tracy, but how could I be mad at someone who’d just lost her brother? She’d just needed company.

I was mad at Nick, but that didn’t last long either. Seemed kind of petty to be mad at someone for dying.

Then I found the source of my anger. I let loose on the punching bag, swinging my fists into it loud enough to have the chain shaking aggressively as if it might fall down from the ceiling at any moment.

The punching bag wasn’t just a punching bag. It represented the one person I was truly furious at. The one person who had caused me all this pain and anguish.

Myself.

I
stayed away
from the gym for two weeks. I didn’t hear from Riker once in that entire time.

He’d be back to his old ways by now. Training all the hours under the sun, and screwing all the hours under the moon.

Alison and I hung out occasionally when she wasn’t working, but I spent the entire time in a foul mood and eventually started making excuses not to be with her. It was bad enough me being grumpy, I didn’t want to bring her down as well. Being a doctor gave her enough stress for two lifetimes as it was, so she didn’t need to deal with my issues as well.

I’d gone from spending all my free time at a gym, to spending it all at home in front of the television. After about a week, my body started to violently hate the slob I’d become, so I went for runs, and visited other gyms that had day passes.

Without Riker to push me past my normal levels of endurance, the workouts were nowhere near as intense as they used to be, but it was better than nothing.

I did feel guilty for ignoring Duke. We still had a lot of catching up to do, but there was plenty of time for all that. We caught up for dinner and a drink one evening as a compromise.

Duke chose the restaurant, and even dressed up for the occasion. The suit looked like it could fall apart at any second, but given what Duke usually wore, this was a huge improvement.

Duke grabbed the check when it arrived, but looked a little sheepish when fishing around for money in his wallet.

“I, uh, I might be a little short.”

“I told you I could pay. How much do you need?”

“Just the tip, so twenty dollars should suffice.” I pulled a twenty out of my purse and added it to the pile. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s nothing. I’m starting my new job soon, and it’s the least I can do to repay you for all the free lessons Riker gave me.”

We hadn’t mentioned Riker once during the entire dinner. We’d danced around the subject, when Duke had mentioned that the gym was gearing up for the big fight. I’d naively assumed that meant advertising, but Duke explained it was more like ‘greasing the wheels.’ I took that as code for ensuring that all the appropriate legal authorities had been paid off, or at least invited along to the big event.

For a criminal with somewhat dubious ethics, Duke could be surprisingly charming at times. He didn’t seem like my mom’s type, but then few men had been. With a stretch, I could understand the attraction between them.

“I’m paying you back,” Duke insisted as we left the restaurant.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s only twenty dollars.”

“Let’s swing by the gym. I have cash there.”

“No,” I replied instantly, stopping dead in my tracks on the sidewalk.

“Don’t worry, the gym will have shut already.
He
won’t be there.”

I hesitantly resumed walking alongside Duke as we headed back to the gym. Walking inside evoked feelings of nostalgia, as if I were returning to my high school after a decade away.

Like high school, the gym held a lot of painful memories. Good ones as well, but positive emotions rarely won the battle for attention inside my head.

The gym was dark, but the light was already on inside Duke’s office. A feeling of nervousness washed over me as we walked towards the office, but I had no idea why.

A part of me knew I was walking into a trap.

Riker was sat at Duke’s desk, playing with his phone in a distracted way that made it clear he was bored. At least he wasn’t messaging Tracy.

“Hi Riker,” Duke said, as he walked in a took a seat.

“You’re late,” Riker replied. “What’s all this—”

He paused, before turning to look at me as he realized Duke hadn’t walked into the office alone.

“We’ve just come to get some cash,” I said quietly, not able to look Riker in the eyes. He’d lied to me—or at least, kept information from me—but I was still ashamed about the way I’d run out on him the other week. It had hardly been a mature way to respond.

“No, we haven’t,” Duke replied. He reached into his pocket and grabbed a twenty-dollar bill that must have been there the entire time. “Here you go.” I took the note and quickly shoved it into my purse, embarrassed to have been taken in so easily.

Mind you, Duke must have tricked Riker as well judging by the smug look on Duke’s face, and the confused look on Riker’s.

“What’s going on?” Riker asked.

“That’s what I’d like to know,” Duke said. “Although I suspect I may not want all the details.”

Duke stood up again, and wheeled his seat around the desk and left it next to Riker. He then grabbed both my arms and pushed me towards the chair. I considered resisting, but didn’t want to look like a stubborn child in front of Riker any more than I already had.

“I’m going to leave you two alone and you are going to talk through whatever happened. Riker, tell her the truth. Nora, listen.”

“We could just leave at any time,” Riker pointed out.

“I know,” Duke replied. “But I’m wagering that you both actually want this, and therefore you will take a stab at talking this through.”

He was right. I did want answers. Once, Mom had told me that she didn’t know whether or not her clients were guilty, and that she never asked. Apparently it was better not to know.

That had always made sense to me, but now I wasn’t so sure. I might be better off not knowing about the relationship between Riker and Tracy, but I was asking myself about it every minute of every day regardless. Would knowing the truth really be worse than torturing myself with possibilities that were probably far-fetched and not true?

Duke left the office, and a few seconds later we heard the gym door close as well. Riker and I sat there in silence for a few minutes. Neither of us wanted to make the first move.

“We can just leave,” I offered. “I’ll tell Duke we kissed and made up. Well, I’ll tell him we made up anyway.”

“Yeah, let’s leave,” Riker agreed. My heart sank. He hadn’t even bothered to put up a fight. Maybe he had more interesting plans for the evening. “Want to grab dinner?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“I want to talk, but I don’t want to do it here. How about we go and get dinner?”

“I just had dinner with Duke.”

“Oh, okay. Well, how about a drink then?”

“I don’t really want to be in public right now.”

Riker let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine, well you can’t blame me for not trying.”

“Can we go back to yours?” I asked quickly.

I expected him to say no. He might have Tracy there, or there would at least be signs of her presence in his life. Photos perhaps, or a spare toothbrush.

“You want to come back to my apartment?”

I nodded. I couldn’t tell if he was suspicious at my motives or just surprised. I didn’t just want to check out Riker’s apartment. I wanted to vent. I needed to get some things off my chest or there was a very real risk I might explode. That might happen anyway, and I didn’t want it to be in public.

Riker shrugged in agreement and we headed back outside and towards a part of town I didn’t typically venture into at night. Not alone anyway. Next to Riker it was hard to feel intimidated by small gangs hanging around on street corners. Riker was more than capable of looking after himself—and me—and everyone we walked past looked aware of that as well.

Riker’s apartment wasn’t exactly the most warm and welcoming of places, but I took heart from the visible lack of a female presence in the place. From my brief glimpse of Tracy, she’d looked like the sort of woman who would want a tidy home. I doubted she spent much time here.

Riker grabbed us a beer each, which I took willingly. When we’d first met, he’d shown almost as much desire for alcohol as he had for me. Since then, I’d started thinking of him as a health freak who wouldn’t touch a drop. I guess everyone had to have a sin to indulge in.

“You’re pissed at me,” Riker said matter-of-factly. “I take it you know about Tracy?”

“The ex-girlfriend you canceled on me to spend time with? Yeah, I know about Tracy.”

“We split up months ago, and we’re not back together now, so you don’t need to worry.”

“I wasn’t worrying,” I lied. “It just pissed me off that you bailed on me to be with her.”

“I noticed,” Riker replied dryly. “You could have given me a chance to explain.”

“And how long would that have taken?”

Riker hesitated before replying “fair point.”

“Are you going to tell me what that was all about now? Or do I have to storm off again?”

Riker took a long swig of his beer, finishing the entire thing, and then placed the empty beer bottle down on the old wooden coffee table. I cringed, half expecting the weight of the empty bottle to break the rickety old table. It held on, but I dared not breathe on it.

“I’ve known Tracy since we were both kids. We grew up together.”

My heart sank as he talked about her. Tracy would always be there. Tracy was the childhood sweetheart that would always be in his life. Even if Riker and I made a go of things, Tracy would be lurking in the shadows, threatening to jump on him at any opportunity.

“It’s not like that,” Riker said, reading the concern in my eyes. “We weren’t always close, and we’re not anymore, but I was best friends with her brother.”

If his explanation was supposed to make me feel better, then it didn’t.

“I don’t care about all this,” I said wearily. “Just cut to the chase. Are you two back together?”

“No.”

“Then what’s going on?”

“Tracy had news for me. About Nick, her brother.”

Riker had been struggling to get his words out all night, and I’d assumed that was because I wouldn’t like what he had to say. Now I thought it was more serious than that.

My eyes flicked back to the old coffee table where I saw a photo of Riker with another guy. Riker was a lot thinner back then, although just as attractive. He would have had girls flocking all over him in school.

His friend had a big stupid grin on his face, and even though Riker’s smile was modest by comparison, I could tell he was happy in that picture. Happier than I’d ever seen him.

“That’s Nick,” Riker said, noticing where I was looking. He picked up the picture, along with a few others that had been underneath, and handed them to me.

“He seems like a nice guy,” I said, flicking through the photos. Nick was smiling in every one of them.

“He was.”

Was
. I’d heard that before. People used that word when talking about my mom. I’d resisted using it for months, not wanting to accept that I had to refer to Mom in the past tense now.

“He died?”

Riker nodded. “That’s what Tracy needed to talk about. He died a few days ago.”

“How?”

Riker shook his head. “Nick was an idiot. I shouldn’t speak ill of him now, but I can’t help it. He never escaped life in a gang. He had enough fucking chances.”

Riker was angry. I knew that emotion. I’d been through that with Mom as well. I blamed her for dying at one point. Couldn’t she have gone to the doctor’s earlier? They might have spotted the cancer before it had time to spread. That feeling passed quickly when common sense took over, but it might take longer for Riker.

“Are there any recent pictures of Nick?” I asked. “These are all old.”

“No, that’s it. We haven’t seen each other much in the last few years, and obviously we weren’t taking many photos while I was in prison.”

I still knew nothing about Riker’s time in prison, other than a few off-the-cuff comments he’d made about the conditions there. I had deliberately not looked up any information about the case. I wanted the facts to come from him.

“You going to prison didn’t scare Nick straight then?”

“No. It did for a bit, but he kept connections with the rest of the gang, and they dragged him back in. I should have let him go to prison.”

I raised an eyebrow, although he wasn’t looking at me to notice it. “How could you have
let
him go to prison?”

“I thought I was doing the right thing by going to prison.”

“You went to prison voluntarily? So there was no attempted murder?”

“Oh, there was an attempted murder. But I didn’t do it. Nick tried to kill some guy he thought had fooled around with his girl. I took the blame.”

“Why?”

“Nick already had a record. He would have gone down for longer.”

“So you spent five years in prison to protect him?”

“Should have just been three years. The other two were my fault.”

“Let me guess, bad behavior?”

“I prefer to think of it as self-defense,” Riker said with a wry smile. “A guy in prison—Tyler Young—took an intense disliking to me. I’ve never been the type to take a beating if I didn’t have to.”

“Tyler Young? Why do I know that name?”

“He’s a UFC fighter now. Doing quite well for himself. One day—when I make it to the UFC—I’m going to destroy him. He nearly killed me in prison. He’s going to get what’s coming to him. Wait… how do you know that name? You don’t watch UFC.”

“Ah,” I replied awkwardly. “I may have watched some recently. I wanted to see what you were getting yourself into, before judging the whole cage-fighting thing too harshly.”

“You understand now?”

“Nope. It still looks idiotic to me. You’re hurting each other for sport. I have no idea why you do it.”

“Like I said, I want to destroy Tyler Young.”

The anger might just be due to the death of his friend, but it sounded genuine enough. This man carried around a lot of rage. One day he was going to explode.

“Look,” I said softly, “it sounds to me like you did everything you could for your friend. I know you want to blame yourself, it’s only natural, but you have to move past that.”

“You don’t understand.”

“You think I don’t understand the death of someone close? I get it, Riker. But the feeling of guilt will pass.

“This isn’t the first person I’ve been unable to protect. All those close to me die eventually.”

“Who else?”

“I used to have a brother. And a father. Not any more.”

Not many people had it worse than me when it came to legitimate reasons for grief and misery, but Riker had me beat. A brother, father, and best friend. That was enough misery for a lifetime.