Redeeming Love (48 page)

Angel refused to defend herself against Paul. What was the point? She was polite. She was silent. She stood firm even when she wanted to run away and hide in a dark place where she could curl into a tight ball.

I’m not a harlot anymore. I’m not!

But the way Paul looked at her made her remember and feel she still was, no matter what she did. One year did not erase ten, and Paul brought back the dark years with Duke, the years of fear and loneliness and survival. And because of it, Paul’s abuse drove her further into Michael’s arms. The harder Paul tried to drive her away, the tighter she held to what she had. Michael told her not to be anxious about tomorrow, and she concentrated upon wringing the life out of each moment with him. He told her not to be afraid, and she wasn’t, as long as he was with her.

Michael loved her
now,
and that was all that mattered to her. He made 335

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her life meaningful and filled it with new and wondrous things. Though life was hard work from dawn to dusk, he somehow made it exciting. He opened her mind to things she hadn’t noticed before. And a quiet voice in her head said over and over,
Come forth, beloved.

Come forth from what?

She couldn’t get enough of Michael. He filled her mind and heart. He was her life. He awakened her before dawn with kisses, and they lay in the quiet darkness, listening to the symphony of crickets and bullfrogs and the wind chimes. Her body trembled at his touch and sang at his possession.

Every moment of every day with him was precious to her.

Spring brought a wildness of color. Bright splashes of golden poppies and purple lupines stained the green hillsides and unplowed meadowlands.

Michael talked about King Solomon and how, even with all his riches, he could not clothe himself as God clothed the hillsides with simple wildflowers. “I’m not going to plow that section,” Michael told her. “I’m going to leave it the way it is.” Michael saw God in everything. He saw him in the wind and the rain and the earth. He saw him in the crops that were growing. He saw God in the nature of the animals that inhabited their land. He saw him in the flames of their evening fire.

Angel only saw Michael and worshiped him.

When he read aloud in the evenings before the fire, she lost herself in the deep resonance of his voice. The words washed over her like a warm, heavy wave and swept back into a distant sea. Jonathan scaling a cliff to route the Philistines. David, a shepherd boy, killing a nine-foot giant named Goliath.

Jesus raising the dead. Lazarus, come forth!
Come forth!

Michael made nonsense sound like poetry.

She took the Bible and put it back on the mantel. “Love
me,”
she said, taking his hand. And Michael could do nothing else.

Elizabeth came with the children. “Paul told us about a town not ten miles from here. It’s not very big and has little to offer, but they’ve driven in to get supplies.”

Angel noticed the small bulge of Elizabeth’s abdomen. She offered coffee 336

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and biscuits and then sat down to visit. Ruthie wanted to sit in her lap, and she lifted her up. “When are you going to have a baby?” Ruthie asked, bringing stinging color into Angel’s cheeks and a soft, mortified gasp from Elizabeth.

“Ruth Anne Altman, you are
never
to ask things like that,” her mother said, taking her from Angel’s lap and setting her firmly on her feet.

“Why not?” Ruth was not the least discomforted and clearly not comprehending why her mother and Angel were.

“Because it’s very personal business, young lady.”

Ruth looked up at Angel, her eyes wide and surprised. “You mean you don’t want to have a baby?”

Miriam suppressed a laugh and took her little sister’s hand. “I think we’ll go out and swing awhile,” she told them.

Elizabeth sat down again and fanned her hot face. “That child just blurts out whatever she’s thinking,” she said and apologized.

Angel wondered whether to tell her she couldn’t have children and decided against it.

“I came to ask for your help,” Elizabeth said. “The baby comes in December, and I’d like you to act as my midwife.”

Angel couldn’t have been more stunned or aghast.
“Me?
But Elizabeth, I don’t know the first thing about helping someone have a baby.”

“I know what needs to be done. Miriam wants to help, but I don’t think a young, impressionable girl like her should be attending a birthing. It might frighten her needlessly.”

Angel was silent a moment. “I can’t see that I would be any help at all.”

“I’ve been through it before. I’ll be able to tell you what to do. Back home, I had a midwife, but out here there’s only John, and John simply will not do.” She smiled slightly. “He can birth a calf or foal, but he’s perfectly useless when it comes to bringing his own children into the world. He falls to pieces the minute I show any pain, and, well, I can’t go through the whole business without some discomfort, now, can I? He fainted when Miriam was born.”

“He
did?”
Somehow she couldn’t imagine the stoic John passing out over anything.

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“He fell right on the floor by the bed, and there I was, helpless as a turtle on its back and with my own work to handle.” She laughed softly. “He came

’round when it was all over.”

“Will it be very hard?” Angel asked, worried already. She remembered one girl who managed to conceal her pregnancy until it was too late to have an abortion. “Isn’t there a doctor in town?”

“I suppose there might be, but by the time he arrived it would be all over. Ruth only took four hours to be born. This one may come even faster.”

Angel agreed reservedly to help when the time came. “If you’re absolutely sure you want me to be the one.”

“I am,” Elizabeth said, hugging her. She looked greatly relieved.

Angel went out to Michael when the Altmans left. Leaning on the fence, she watched him shoe a horse. “Elizabeth wants me to help birth her baby.”

She watched the lines deepen in his tanned cheeks as he smiled.

“Miriam told me she was going to ask you. She was a little annoyed that she wouldn’t be the one helping bring her little brother or sister into the world.”

“Elizabeth was worried that Miriam might be shocked,” she said. “I, on the other hand, shouldn’t be shocked by anything.”

Michael heard the biting edge in her tone, an edge that had been missing for weeks. He glanced at her. Was it his mention of Miriam that did it? Or was she scared of this additional responsibility?

“If there’s trouble, I’ve untangled a few colts in my time.”

“She said John fainted.”

Michael laughed as he drove the last nail in and cut off the end.

“It’s not funny, Michael. What if something goes wrong? There was a girl in the brothel back in New York who hid her pregnancy long enough so Duke couldn’t force her to have an abortion. Sally talked him into letting her stay, but when her time came, she screamed. I could hear her through the walls. It was a Sunday afternoon, and the place was busy and—” She looked at Michael’s face as he straightened, and she stopped speaking. Oh,
why
had she brought all that up again?

“And what?”

“Never mind,” she said and turned away.

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He came to the fence. “Your past is part of you. And I love you.

Remember? Now, what happened to the girl and her baby?”

Her throat closed tight, and she could hardly speak. “Sally gagged her so she wouldn’t disturb anyone. It took so long. All through the night and into the next day. She was sick for days afterwards, and the baby…”

Sally had kept the other girls away but allowed Angel to come into the room with her to tend the mother and infant. The young prostitute was as white as death and silent while beside her the baby whimpered constantly and was wrapped in a pink cloth. Angel wanted to pick the baby up, but Sally hastily shoved her away. “Don’t touch it!” she whispered. Angel didn’t understand why until Sally carefully unwrapped it.

“What about the child?” Michael asked, pushing a loose strand of golden hair back from her pale face.

“It was a little girl. She only lived a week,” she said bleakly. She didn’t tell him that the baby was covered with sores or that she died without a name.

The mother disappeared shortly afterward. When she asked Sally what happened to her, Sally said, “It’s not for you to question what Duke does.” And Angel knew the girl was dead, fodder for rats in some dark, dirty alley. Just like Rab. Just like her if she didn’t obey. She shuddered.

“Elizabeth has had five children, Amanda,” Michael reminded her.

“Yes,” she said, “and all of them healthy.”

Michael watched the color slowly come back into her cheeks. He wondered what she had been thinking of, but he didn’t ask. If she wanted to talk about it, she would. If not, he would respect her silence. But she needed reassurance. He sensed that. “When a baby’s time comes, there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

She smiled up at him. “You know all about this, too, I suppose?”

“Not from personal experience,” he said. “Tess helped deliver a baby on the wagon train. She said she didn’t have to do anything except make sure it didn’t fall on the floor of the wagon. They’re a little slippery when they arrive. When Elizabeth’s time comes, I’ll come along and hold John’s hand.”

Angel laughed, the tension leaving her. As long as Michael was with her, everything would be fine.

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“Oh, by the way,” Michael said, taking a packet from his pocket. “Miriam asked me to give this to you.”

Angel had noticed Miriam leaning on the fence a long while talking with Michael. “What is it?” she asked, glancing at the neat handwriting she couldn’t read. Duke had seen no reason to teach her.

“Seeds for a summer flower garden.”

As spring warmth turned into summer heat, Angel learned she had her mother’s gift for growing things. The flower bed she laid out around the house became a grand profusion of color. She filled the pitcher daily with pink phlox, yellow yarrow, red lamb’s ear, purple delphinium and white holly-hocks. Blue flax and pristine daisies graced the mantel. But even more than the pleasure she took from the flowers was the pride she felt when she looked out at the cornfield.

She could scarcely believe that the small, shriveled kernels Michael had given her to plant had become stalks taller than he. She walked the rows, touching the towering plants and seeing the developing ears of corn. Had she really helped make this happen?

“Amanda! Where are you?” Michael called.

Laughing, she stood on tiptoe. “Over here,” she called back and then ran down the row to hide.

“All right,” he said, laughing. “Where did you go?”

She whistled at him from her hiding place. She and Ruthie had played hide-and-seek in the rows the day before, and she was in a joyous mood today, ready to tease Michael.

“What do I get if I find you?”

“What have you got in mind?”

“Oh, a little of this and that.” He reached through a row and almost caught hold of her skirt. Laughing, she escaped again. He caught up with her at the end of the row, but she eluded him again and disappeared into the greenery. She ducked into a row and put her foot out as he passed, tripping him. Laughing, she raced back the other way.

“I’m never going to get that fence repaired,” he said, coming after her. He 340

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had just caught her when someone called to them. Michael chuckled. “It’s Miriam again wanting to know if Mandy can come out and play.”

Miriam looked distraught when she reached them, her eyes red rimmed from crying.

“What’s happened?” Angel asked in alarm. “Is it your mother?”

“Mama’s fine. Everyone’s fine,” Miriam said, giving her a weak smile.

“Michael, I need to speak with you about something. Please. It’s important.”

“Of course.”

Miriam took Angel’s hand and squeezed it. “Thanks,” she said. “I won’t keep him long.”

Angel knew she was dismissed. “Come into the house when you’re finished. I’ll fix some coffee.”

She watched from the window as Miriam and Michael talked together in the yard. Miriam was crying. Michael touched her shoulder, and Miriam went into his arms. Angel’s stomach dropped at the sight of him holding her.

A dull pain spread across her chest as she watched him stroke the girl’s back and say something to her. Miriam drew back slightly and shook her head.

He tipped her chin and said something more to her. She talked for a long time, and Michael stood listening. When she finished, he said something briefly. She put her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. Then she headed for home. Michael stood watching her for a long moment. He rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. Then he headed for the fence where he had been working earlier.

Angel waited for him to bring up what Miriam said when he came in for supper, but he didn’t. Instead he talked about how the work was going on the corral and what he would be doing in the afternoon. If Miriam had told him something in trust, Angel knew he wouldn’t break it.