Red Dirt Diary 2

Cover

Dedication

November

December

January

February

March

April

Look out for Blue's next adventure in Red Dirt Diary 3: Blue's News

About the Author

Books by Katrina Nannestad

Copyright

Tuesday, 14 November

I am twelve years old today — a perfect time to start a new diary. Sophie sent me this notebook with little red hearts on the cover, so I might as well use it. I wouldn't be seen dead writing in it at school! I'll use the maggot-shaped notepad Wes and Fez gave me for more public use.

Had a great day, starting with cream and brown sugar on my porridge for breakfast, and the coolest present ever from Mum and Dad — six duck eggs! They're sitting in a cardboard box, with an electric blanket to keep them at just the right temperature until they hatch. They should be ready in two weeks at the most. I can't wait!!!!

After school, Mum took me, the twin tornadoes Wes and Fez and my friends Matilda Jane Sweeney and Banjo Davies over to Dubbo to the circus. It was amazing — trapeze artists, acrobats, jugglers, lion tamers, knife throwers and
the funniest clowns I have ever seen. I haven't laughed so hard since Wes knocked himself unconscious trying to break the Guinness World Record for the largest number of wheelbarrows, forty-four gallon drums and dead sheep to be jumped by a pig and chariot. I was just a bit disappointed that they didn't ask for audience participation. I was busting to see Fez's head shoved into a lion's mouth, or Wes fired from a human cannon — preferably as far as possible in the opposite direction to Hillrose Poo, our beloved farm.

After the circus we went to a café for supper. The jugglers were there having pizza. We went over to say hello and they juggled the salt and pepper shakers and knives and forks while they sang ‘Happy Birthday to Blue'. Mat was dead jealous. All she did on her birthday was have a lame make-up party.

What a fantastic day!

I have a feeling that this new year of my life is going to be a great one.

Wednesday, 15 November

What a disaster!

This arrived in the mail today:

 

Mr James Linley Welsh-Pearson and Miss Katherine Isobel McKenzie

cordially invite
Robert and Valmai Weston and children to join them in celebrating the joyous event of their engagement.

 

1.00 pm
Wednesday, 27 December at the Welsh-Pearson family home
Hathaway Homestead
Old Birch Road
Bundanoon

 

RSVP 11 December

 

What on earth is Miss McKenzie thinking?

And who is Mr James Linley Welsh-Pearson?

Why would Miss McKenzie want to get married? She'd have to leave Hardbake Plains. She loves helping Mr Cluff teach the nineteen kids at our school and living with kind, dotty, old Mrs Whittington. She loves coming out to Hillrose Poo for the day and racing the pig chariots or helping out with the shearing. She
loves the cockatoos, the muddy dams and the dust. She even loves the eight-year-old twin tornadoes, Wes and Fez!

Why does she want to marry this bloke?

It can't be because she loves
him
… can it?

Thursday, 16 November

Showed Mat the invitation at school today.

She pulled a matching invitation from her pocket and started jumping up and down, screaming like a maniac! I was horrified that she was actually
excited
at the idea of Miss McKenzie getting married, so
I
started jumping up and down screaming.

Mat screamed and jumped and cried tears of joy, and
I
screamed and jumped and cried tears of grief. Miss McKenzie joined us and screamed and jumped and cried tears of laughter because being in love has obviously turned her brain to mush. We were like clowns in a circus.

Mat suddenly turned into Matilda Jane the Mature — expert on romance, fashion and filing fingernails. She threw herself at Miss McKenzie
and blubbered like she'd just been crowned Miss Universe. While she was saying stuff like ‘Congratulations-and-I-wish-you-both-every-happiness-in-the-world,' I pulled myself together.

I clenched my teeth and smiled until my face felt like it was going to split and all the freckles were about to pop off. I gave Miss McKenzie a hug. I didn't want her to see how devastated I was, so I wiped my nose and eyes on her lovely curly red hair.

Thank goodness for the duck eggs. Six fluffy ducklings is something exciting to look forward to.

Friday, 17 November

Four
fluffy ducklings to look forward to.

Wes and Fez thought it would be fun to introduce Gunther to the eggs before school this morning. Gunther, the meanest pig on earth, did seem quite interested, snuffling around in an odd sort of way. He was, however, far more excited at the sight of Wes's bum as he bent over the cardboard box.

Gunther charged and bit Wes on the left buttock. Wes jumped around crying and clutching his bum in agony. Fez laughed his guts out, so Wes punched Fez in the face. Fez stumbled
backwards, tripped over and fell onto the box of eggs …

Four eggs remaining.

Saturday, 18 November

Tennis out at the Sweeneys' all afternoon.

I thought beating Mat six – love might cheer me up a bit, but Mat was too obsessed with THE WEDDING to care.

It turns out that James Welsh-Pearson is a lawyer from Sydney. Miss McKenzie met him at a Scottish ball in the July holidays.

Mat is ecstatic.

‘Gavin O'Donnell is going to be a lawyer!' she cried. ‘What an amazing coincidence! Miss McKenzie and I could
both
end up married to lawyers … How astonishing!'

The really astonishing thing is how Mat can
still
dream of riding into the sunset on a white stallion with Peter's friend Gavin O'Donnell,
when Gavin O'Donnell doesn't even know that she exists!

Sophie sent a tragic email from boarding school. She thinks Miss McKenzie's engagement is THE MOST AWESOME THING IN THE
WHOLE WIDE WORLD
. She can't wait to see the engagement ring and ask Miss McKenzie all about her wedding dress and blah, blah, blah. She'd emailed a 5000-word essay on the joys of marriage, but I deleted it after reading the first few lines.

Sophie is such a traitor. Not only do she and Peter continue to return to boarding school every term, despite the fact that I beg them to run away home, now she is acting like Miss McKenzie is doing something great.

Why is everyone so excited about this wedding? It's obviously an embarrassing mistake.

Wes and Fez have stolen the curtain rod from my bedroom, so I have nothing to cover my windows. Gerty, Doris and Mildred, the three greediest pigs in the universe, are standing outside right now with their snouts pressed against the glass. I think they're hoping I'll pass some of my chocolate bickies out to them. There's pig snot everywhere.

Sunday, 19 November

Wes and Fez used my curtain rod as a double trapeze bar today. They tied a rope to each end and hung it off the peppercorn tree. They sat side by side on the bar and swung out. The plan was to leap off together, bounce on the trampoline, fly into the air for a synchronised somersault and land feet first on the grass near the clothesline.

Unfortunately, the trapeze bar bent. By the time they reached the trampoline, Wes was dangling upside down with Fez sitting on top of him. They couldn't jump off, so they swung backwards into the tree trunk where Wes grazed the side of his face and Fez fell into the fork of the tree, grazing half his bum off.

It was fantastic!

Gunther is acting very oddly around the duck eggs. I thought he was going to eat them but he stands in front of the box as if he's guarding it. Every time I get close, his hair stands on end and his nostrils flare.

I got Fez to come and help but every time
he
went near, Gunther bared his teeth and snarled. Sort of like a starving, rabid Rottweiler guarding its bone, only more vicious.

We just had to leave him there in the end.

Dear God, please keep my ducklings safe.

And please don't let Miss McKenzie marry this bloke from Sydney.

Monday, 20 November

Phew! All four eggs are still there!!

Gunther is still there too. But at least he hasn't eaten the eggs.

WHAT IS THAT CRAZY PIG DOING??????

Wes and Fez started an acrobatic craze at school today. They're really quite good at doing cartwheels and inspired a whole heap of kids to start spinning across the playground. Tom Gillies did ten cartwheels in a row until he flipped through the wing of the aeroplane Harry Wilson is building to fly to Greenland. Harry was furious and hit Tom over the head with his flying goggles.

Davo Hartley cartwheeled into Lynette Sweeney and made her cry. Nick Farrel loves Lynette. He was furious so he hit Davo over the head with a plastic cricket bat.

Ben Simpson cartwheeled straight into Sam Wotherspoon's compost heap. Sam was furious about Ben squashing his worms so he hit him over the head with a large zucchini from his vegie patch.

What an awesome lunch time — every bit as funny as watching the clowns at the circus.

Tuesday, 21 November

Count down till harvest!

After all those years of dust and dirt and dying sheep, we're surrounded by beautiful, golden-brown wheat. It spreads out as far as the eye can see, and flows and ripples like water on a lake when there's a breeze. Hillrose Poo has to be the most beautiful place on earth.

We hardly see Dad these days; he's so busy getting the machinery and silos ready. But when we do, he's smiling, whistling and talking about bumper crops.

Wes and Fez started teaching everyone flips at school today. It was going just fine until they talked Lynette into trying a flip off the picnic table. Lynette climbed up on the table, slipped on Sarah Love's salami sandwich and fell on her head with a crack.

Sarah was devastated. She ran to Miss McKenzie, bawling and waving her squished sandwich in the air.

Nick Farrel was really mad that his beloved Lynette was hurt so he hit Wes over the head with a plastic cricket bat.

Mr Cluff got mad and banned acrobatics.

Forever!

Don't know what
his
problem is. He doesn't usually get flustered about anything — not even the really stupid stuff Wes and Fez get up to.