Recycled (29 page)

Drewcila re-ran the fabricated tapes the Lockhede television stations were running. The more she watched them, the madder she got, and then she had a sudden brain storm."Oh, I am truly brilliant!" She got on her comlink."Dartan! Get your ass in my office on the double."

He was there before she had time to lower her arm, bowing and scraping, with his full news crew in tow.

"Not them, just you, Dartan." The others quickly left the office as Dartan moved closer to her desk."Take a load off."

"What, my Queen?"

"Sit down. I want you to see something." She ran the footage again.

"I have seen, my Queen, blatant lies . . ."

"Brilliant propaganda. They are losing battle after battle, and morale, which was already low, goes right into the toilet. How do you raise morale? Tell the people you won something, even if you have to lie. Problem is they don't know who they are dealing with. When it comes to dishing out bullshit, no one can stand shovel to shovel with me. You get what I'm saying, Dartan?"

Dartan swallowed hard."Not really, my Queen; if you'd allow me to bring in just the interpreter."

Drew sighed, thought for a moment, and then spoke slowly."I'm going to make my own propaganda, and you're going to help me."

Dartan chewed on that for a minute, and then his eyes widened."You mean . . . We're going to make up the news? Give the people false reports?"

"Yes. And we're going to boost the signal so that it goes not only on every television in Barious, but on the whole stinking planet."

"Oh, my Queen, I don't think that I could . . ."

"No thinking will be necessary on your part. I will be hiring someone else to do that. All you have to do is follow his guidance. Meet me back here in an hour. I just have a few more things to set up before we go."

He nodded and left the office, head hanging low. He stopped in the doorway and turned to face her."My Queen?"

"You still here, Dartan?"

"My queen, if I do this . . . It goes against everything I believe in. When the people learn what I have done, they will never take me seriously again, my career will be over."

"Who says anyone's ever going to find out? Besides, do you want to be a reporter, or a war hero? The fate of the entire country may very well rest on your shoulders. And here's the shit . . . if you won't do it, I'll find someone else that will, and that mother fucker will be the most famous broadcast journalist in Barious instead of you."

Dartan understood just enough of what she'd said to know that he really didn't have a choice."Always happy to serve my Queen," he said, bowed, turned, and left.

Van Gar walked in, followed by Facto."Well?" he asked flopping in the chair across from her.

"I want you to coordinate half our salvaging fleet. Send them to pick up every single one of your people and have them come directly here as quickly as possible. I need as many as possible of both here in the next thirty-two hours."

"Using this equipment?"

"Yes, can you do it?"

Van Gar looked hurt."Well, of course I can. Shreta can help me. She's homely, but very capable."

"Great. I have to go on a little field trip. Foxtrot! Go and fetch Arcadia."

"Wrist-com, Drewcila," Facto said in a pleading tone.

"Trying to get rid of you again, Factoid," Drew said waving her hand dismissively. Facto sighed and stomped out of the room again."I only have one little thing left to do, and I didn't want stiff pants to know." She got on the intergalactic communicator, found a closed channel, and after several missed tries finally reached the party she intended. A large speckled alien with three chins and one eye filled the screen in front of her."Ah, Viny! Good to see you again."

"Drewcila, always a pleasure. What can we do for you?" the creature drawled, his voice coming out strangely as the translator he spoke into interpreted his language into something she could understand.

"I need a top notch assassin, best you got. Money's no object, and I need him here as quickly as possible."

"Money's no object? A sentence I never thought I'd hear from the lips of Drewcila Qwah. It must be very important. Who is the target?" Viny asked.

"Don't want to say that over the air in case this channel's not as closed as I think. My country's at war."

The alien laughed."It's Barious. Of course you're at war. It's your planet's favorite pastime."

"Yeah, well it's wreaking havoc with my profit margins. I want the war over, and I want it over yesterday, and that's where your people come in."

"You just want one?"

"That ought to do it, yeah. How soon can you get one here?"

"Twelve to fourteen hours . . ."

"That's too long."

"I have one who can get there sooner, but he's sort of a screw up. Missed his last target, and shot himself in the leg."

"Twelve hours is the earliest you can get someone here?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, they're all on this side of the galaxy. It's the busy season here."

"Do the best you can."

"Don't I always?"

"Yes. Give my love to the wife and kids."

He laughed."Caught the wife cheating, and I had the bitch killed."

"Just the kids then." The transmission closed.

"Who are you having whacked, dear?" Van Gar asked coyly.

"Now, now, don't spoil the surprise."

Arcadia and Facto walked in the room.

"What's up?" Arcadia asked. She looked better than she had earlier, so she must be getting over her hang over.

"You and I have to take a little trip."

"Did you talk to her yet?" Arcadia asked Van Gar.

"Not yet. We said we'd do it together."

Drewcila sighed."What's this shit?" Both Van Gar and Arcadia turned to look at Facto."Fraction, be a good man and go fetch Shreta."

Facto made an unhappy noise, turned on his heel and left."All right, now that we've completely ruined the royal tight ass's day, you want to tell me what the hell's going on?"

Van Gar looked at Arcadia. She nodded, so he started, "We've been talking . . ."

"I'm not going to choose between you. Why the hell should I?" Drewcila said with a dismissive shrug."Everything's fine the way it is now."

"We don't want to make you choose between us," Arcadia said.

"We want you to choose us," Van Gar clarified.

Drewcila was silent as they got into the limo and left the castle. Finally she looked at Arcadia."So let me get this straight. I can be with Van Gar and you, but no one else, and not at the same time?"

"That's right."

Drewcila fell silent again, brooding. When she finally spoke again, it was to ask."No one else, you mean like—ever?"

"That's right."

"What if you're both gone?"

"That's not going to happen. No matter how hard you work at it."

She looked at Facto."I just don't know if I could do it. I mean . . . only the two of them, for like the rest of my life, it just seems so . . . restrictive."

"I think if we can share you and only be with you, it's not that much of a concession for you to pledge yourself to us."

"See, and now they're using words like pledge. I'm not pledging shit to anyone. You're my advisor, Fuck Toad, what do you think?"

"I think you're the queen of our country, and that as such you have certain responsibilities. You should find a mate of the opposite sex, and of our race, marry him, settle down in a monogamous relationship, and give the country at least one heir. Since that is about as likely as you ever saying my name correctly more than twice in a row, I think this is a less detestable alternative to what you currently do, which causes the country and the crown constant embarrassment, and has made the tabloids rich," Facto said.

Drew seemed to think about what he said, then looked at him."I've said your name correctly as much as two times in a row?"

"On several occasions, actually."

"Damn! See? I am losing my touch." She looked at Arcadia."What if I say no?"

"Lose us both forever," Arcadia said with conviction. Drewcila gave her an incredulous look."All right!
All right!
If you don't agree to our terms, we are going to be pissy and hard to live with—forever."

Drewcila had no problem at all believing that. After all they'd been doing that for years. Choosing between them would have been impossible. Giving up a long parade of mostly forgettable lovers would have seemed like too much to ask just a few days ago. However after the incident with the sex tattoos, and after sleeping with Zarco and the bad taste that had left in her mouth, giving up what could be equally bad lovers to keep the two best lovers she'd ever had hardly seemed like a sacrifice at all. Then there was that other thing, that thing she didn't like to admit even to herself. She actually cared about them. If she could actually have both of their company all the time without them being at each other's throats . . . well, she couldn't imagine anything closer to perfect.

"You know, until now I have had to keep the two of you in separate parts of the galaxy to keep you from ripping each other apart, and now you're saying you aren't going to fight. That you're going to share me. I just have trouble believing that," Drewcila said skeptically.

"Do you have any real feelings for me?"

And now the bitch was going to make her say it out loud. Drew looked at Facto, who shrugged and said, "Just pretend like I'm not here, just as you normally do."

"You know I do," Drew answered.

"And Van Gar?"

"You know the answer to that as well."

"And we both love you. So neither of us is willing to let go, and I think we all know that you are never going to just choose one of us, because while you'd never admit it, our relationship is much more than just sex, and so is your relationship with Van Gar. After all these years, I think you owe us some sign that you're committed to us."

"Why do you both have to be so stinking possessive? Couldn't we all just get along and let me do whatever the hell I want to do?" Drew asked "Is that too much to ask?"

"Do you really not give a damn about how either he or I feel? What we want?" Arcadia asked."Because if that truly is the case, then maybe Van and I should walk away before we invest too much more of ourselves."

Suddenly Drew felt a horrible gnawing pain in the pit of her stomach.
Oh, my gods! I think that's guilt! Well, that just sucks!

"All right,
all right!"
Drew snapped out."You win. My life is over, are you happy?"

"Yes!" Arcadia threw her arms around Drew's neck and kissed her. To Facto's dismay, articles of clothing started to be removed. He coughed loudly, and the two women turned to look at him.

"What?" Drew asked."I'm making out with one of them, so it's all right. I'm not cheating."

"I'd rather not watch," Facto explained.

"Driver! Stop the car," Drew ordered, pulling out of Arcadia's grasp. When the limo stopped she opened the door and kicked Facto out. She threw a fistful of iggys into his lap."Get a cab. We'll meet you back at the castle."

Facto stood up as the limo took off and brushed himself down. Dartan and his crew, who had been following them, stopped.

"Something wrong?" Dartan asked.

"No . . . I . . . I just wanted to stretch my legs."

"By falling on your rear?" Dartan asked with a smile.

"Young man, I assure you . . ."

"Need a ride, old man?"

"Actually, yes."

The Captain of the Starship Intertwined paced the bridge.

A younger member of his crew turned to look at him for guidance and wisdom, "Captain . . . couldn't we just go around the planet?"

"No! Damn it, son!" he started in a voice so butch it could change a car's tires, "Don't you understand? It's worse than that. If we continue to travel in these temporal streams, we may very well pop back to a time when we didn't exist at all."

A voice boomed from the darkness that surrounded them."Cut! Cut! Could you maybe try a little thing we like to call acting?"

The Captain peered into the darkness and screamed back in his true voice, which sounded very much like he belonged in an all-boys' choir."Don't blame me! I didn't write this Trytee crap. How am I supposed to find any inspiration at all when I'm spitting out such crap as, 'If we continue to travel in these temporal streams we may pop back to a time when we didn't exist at all.' I mean . . . can that even happen?"

Sabtos sighed. The incompetent little fairy had a point.