Recovery (21 page)
Authors: John Berryman
The Lord is known by the judgment
which he executeth: the wicked is
snared in the work of his own hands.
Higgaion. Selah.
which he executeth: the wicked is
snared in the work of his own hands.
Higgaion. Selah.
PSALMS 9:16
He was an inveterate note-taker,
note-maker, self-analyser.
For once the vice would serve a purpose.
note-maker, self-analyser.
For once the vice would serve a purpose.
JOHN BERRYMAN,
ON A FOLDER MARKED “NOVEL NOTES”
ON A FOLDER MARKED “NOVEL NOTES”
Â
Â
[The text of
Recovery
printed in the preceding pages is basically that of the typescript John Berryman left, on his death in January 1972, with handwritten additions and corrections. There is no doubt that he would have revised many portions of the novel substantially, in manuscript andâfollowing his habitâduring the various proof stages. But except for several fragments he explicitly labeled “
end of book,
” no manuscript for the concluding sections, “The Jewish Kick” and “Selah,” has been found. Although he was not given to unwarranted claims about his work, Berryman wrote in one of his letters (July 28, 1971): “I worked hard to become a Jew myself last Fall in hospitalâthe write-up in my novel will kill you laughing.” No trace of this material has been located. For this and other reasons, we have decided to print here some of the notes he left behind. Since he also refers in these notes to his short story of 1945, “The Imaginary Jew,” we are reprinting it in full. Such fragmentary material can hardly replace the portions of the novel that are unwritten, but it affords some insights into the techniques and concerns of John Berryman.
Recovery
printed in the preceding pages is basically that of the typescript John Berryman left, on his death in January 1972, with handwritten additions and corrections. There is no doubt that he would have revised many portions of the novel substantially, in manuscript andâfollowing his habitâduring the various proof stages. But except for several fragments he explicitly labeled “
end of book,
” no manuscript for the concluding sections, “The Jewish Kick” and “Selah,” has been found. Although he was not given to unwarranted claims about his work, Berryman wrote in one of his letters (July 28, 1971): “I worked hard to become a Jew myself last Fall in hospitalâthe write-up in my novel will kill you laughing.” No trace of this material has been located. For this and other reasons, we have decided to print here some of the notes he left behind. Since he also refers in these notes to his short story of 1945, “The Imaginary Jew,” we are reprinting it in full. Such fragmentary material can hardly replace the portions of the novel that are unwritten, but it affords some insights into the techniques and concerns of John Berryman.
âTHE PUBLISHERS]
Â
16 Sept 71
Â
RECOVERY
| Vol. I WARD D | Vol. II THE PRESENT SICK WHITE WORLD | |
|---|---|---|
| Selah | ||
| I. | First Day | Relapse of the Second Step (BVM!) |
| II. | The First Step (I-IV) | |
| III. | Contract One | Slip |
| IV. | Confrontation | The SST and Renunciation |
| V. | The Last Two First Steps | Fidelity |
| Hareford & VT (Assumption) | ||
| VI. | Contract Two | Pike's Peak |
| VII. | Self-Confronted | Berkeley 2 Cor. 5 8 |
| Dry-Drunk | Traumata at Home | |
| âAs It Comes' | ||
| The Jewish Kick and the Fifth Step | God's mercy and the Eleventh & Ninth Steps | |
| Higgaion (12th) | ||
| 300 pages? in 9 sections | ||
| (6 weeks) | 9 sections (9 months)â30 pp. | |
| av. = 270 pp. | ||
| HAPPINhis 2 seminars | ||
| ESS (euphoria) | ||
| cancer-work |
Â
Â
Higgaion
I. FIRST DAY
II. THE FIRST STEP (I-IV)
The Missing Years
The First Contract: Amphitheatre
III. WEEKS FOUR FIVE SIX
IV. OUT-PATIENT PROGRESS
How does that make you feel? (obverse of the Northeast medallion) Ps. 19
12
12
1.
Dec.ââonly some' w
Dec.ââonly some' w
âbelieve my workers' John
âThe hills are fallen unto
me in pleasant places' Ps. 16
6
âThe hills are fallen unto
me in pleasant places' Ps. 16
6
2.
6 months
6 months
There is no such thing as Freedom (though it is the most important condition of human life, after Humility,âwhich does not exist either). There is only Slavery (walls around one) and absence-of-Slavery (ability to walk in any direction, or to remain still).
Slavery is man's condition (the Adam-fall story is right, which required man to walk out of happiness, equipped with his evidently ruining self-will). But it is undesirable. (Why? because it makes me unhappyâunlike the rest of natural existence, stones, stars, flowers, animals, lightning, waterfalls, etc.) How then to escape? (Is escape possible? Yes, because some men have.)
First, is escape difficult (i.e. beyond my powersâtoo difficult)? Evidently, for (1) the walls are strong and I am weak, and (2)
I love my walls
. That Outside may be Hell worse than the hell in here, and I am too afraid of it even to begin action toward it. Existential immoral crisis:
angst
. Effort not only would not avail but is not available. Situation seems desperate. Yet some
have escaped
.
I love my walls
. That Outside may be Hell worse than the hell in here, and I am too afraid of it even to begin action toward it. Existential immoral crisis:
angst
. Effort not only would not avail but is not available. Situation seems desperate. Yet some
have escaped
.
How? (1) historical;
(2) refusing to accept Walls as God's will (the Redemption storyâMoses, Buddha, Christâis true too). With an effort we lift our gaze from the walls upward and ask God
to take the walls away
. We look back down and they have disappeared. We are “free.” But now we are really terrified, because we are programmed-for-walls.
to take the walls away
. We look back down and they have disappeared. We are “free.” But now we are really terrified, because we are programmed-for-walls.
But
are
we now? No, we find to our surprise that we are programmed-for-happiness. So we
happily
find ourselves without walls.
are
we now? No, we find to our surprise that we are programmed-for-happiness. So we
happily
find ourselves without walls.
We turn back upward at once with love to the Person who has made us so happy, and
desire to serve Him
. Our state of mind is that of a bridegroom, that of a bride. We are married, who have been so lonely heretofore.
desire to serve Him
. Our state of mind is that of a bridegroom, that of a bride. We are married, who have been so lonely heretofore.
Life lies open before us, with commitment, its interesting and difficult (but He will guide us) choices, its sweet rewards, its delightful (for we will have become so weary) end: immortal rest.
Â
6th Friday
,
20 November
, 6â7
a.m.
[1971]
,
20 November
, 6â7
a.m.
[1971]
Â
Father's suicide
[for Severance's journal?]
[for Severance's journal?]
Â
He had not exactly lost his faith. He had gone into violent rebellion. God was a son of a bitch who had allowed Daddy to go mad with grief and fear. This sentiment subsided very gradually into a sort of not quite indifference, but two senses remained vivid and even strengthened in adult life. He had no doubt at all about God the Creator and Maintainer of the Universe: the original giant hydrogen atom or whatever and its descendants down to the cortex. And it was perfectly clear to him that God intervened occasionally in the affairs of creatures, for good: heroes, saints, artists, scientists, ordinary people. No sweat. He also believed in the Devil. He believed in miracles and felt indeed not only impatience but contempt when their possibility was denied. The Resurrectionâappearances, say, those at any rate to Peter and the other disciplesâno Church otherwise, eh?âand to Paul. What he did not buy was any regular attention to human affairs on the part of His Majesty. Screw that. Because look at them. Still, he was keen on New Testament criticism. It constituted his only hobby, excluding the arts and star-gazing, and he read the bloody commentators with a sharp eye and desperate envy.
What is the meaning of life?
It must lie in
our
performance
of
God's
will,
our
free-will being
one indispensable tool.
It must lie in
our
performance
of
God's
will,
our
free-will being
one indispensable tool.
1) mate & > children.
2) work
= solve problems
(vs. boredom) sleep, eat, excrete; keep warm enough or cool enough, dry enough or wet enough; wash?
= solve problems
(vs. boredom) sleep, eat, excrete; keep warm enough or cool enough, dry enough or wet enough; wash?
3) play (for some, the lucky, = 2)
4) worship; resist temptations.
5)
help
(others) &
accept help
:
Group, Family, Tribe, Nation.
help
(others) &
accept help
:
Group, Family, Tribe, Nation.
6) confront & survive ordeals.
7)
become, thro' dependence,
FREE.
but he has made both
mysterious, & banned access
to certain all-important
key problems (for instance,
the Resurrection).
become, thro' dependence,
FREE.
mysterious, & banned access
to certain all-important
key problems (for instance,
the Resurrection).
8) Forgive: all, including ourselves.
Severance's re-socialization
Â
SST and Renunciation. Congressional rejection of the SST was the most important thing that has happened in this country for many years, and amazing, for the SST was (1) possible, (2) useless, (3) evil. On all three counts it seemed immensely desirable to many Americans besides those very few who stood to benefit from its further funding. Let me explain.
I agree with those who think our country has been performing not merely wicked actions for many years now but
sick
actions, and I agree with Henry Steele Commager (testifying recently before a Senate committee) that the name of our illness is Power. So, perhaps, do hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, who respond with rage to the invasion of Cambodia but with apathy merely to the invasion of Laos. Some observers have remarked a certain national despair, the response of a patient who learns at last that what he has is progressive and fatal. But the hospital patient does not feel
responsible
for his condition, whereas, though we don't either and so resent it, also we
do
. Our feelings are right. We are not responsible. âMen are not evil-doers: they are sleep-walkers' (F. Kafka). Knowledge is good for its own sake, power is good for its own sake.
sick
actions, and I agree with Henry Steele Commager (testifying recently before a Senate committee) that the name of our illness is Power. So, perhaps, do hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, who respond with rage to the invasion of Cambodia but with apathy merely to the invasion of Laos. Some observers have remarked a certain national despair, the response of a patient who learns at last that what he has is progressive and fatal. But the hospital patient does not feel
responsible
for his condition, whereas, though we don't either and so resent it, also we
do
. Our feelings are right. We are not responsible. âMen are not evil-doers: they are sleep-walkers' (F. Kafka). Knowledge is good for its own sake, power is good for its own sake.
But we are responsible. (Cf. R. Guardini in 1955 to students in Munich.) Only this was wrong. The body politic itself is a victim of disease, producing
sincere delusions
âthat is, lies which the liar believes. However, to be deluded is far worse than simply to be wicked. What is finally scary about our murderers just now, like Charlie Manson's girls and Lt Calley and his collaborators, is their motivesâthey killed at random âwith love' and âfor duty'âand their judgment: the massacre of Asiatic human beings herded into a ditch, Calley testifies, âwasn't any big deal.' This is the self-appraisal of a maniac. Millions of worthy Americans share it.
sincere delusions
âthat is, lies which the liar believes. However, to be deluded is far worse than simply to be wicked. What is finally scary about our murderers just now, like Charlie Manson's girls and Lt Calley and his collaborators, is their motivesâthey killed at random âwith love' and âfor duty'âand their judgment: the massacre of Asiatic human beings herded into a ditch, Calley testifies, âwasn't any big deal.' This is the self-appraisal of a maniac. Millions of worthy Americans share it.
Â
[
Letter mailed to the editor of The New York Times but not printed
]
Letter mailed to the editor of The New York Times but not printed
]
Â
10 April 1971
Dear Sir:
With regard to the agony or outraged or complacent denial or apathy of millions of us over our share if any in the guilt of Lt Calley for what happened at My Lai 4, and over our share of responsibility for other things (a word about that presently), we might seek what consolation is to be found in the wise analysis of the Roman Catholic theologian (now Bishop) R. Guardini. I extract from a complex argument (reported in
The Bridge
, vol. I, ed. John M. Oesterreicher, 1955) a few sentences. Addressing university students in Munich twenty years ago on the responsibility of the German people for the Nazis' crimes, he rejected the view lately (
very
lately) adopted with dismay by many Americans: that which assigns âcollective guilt'. âThere is,' he told his audience, âno such thing. Never can a man be guilty of another man's crime, unless, of course, he cooperates in it or fails to do what he can and should to prevent it. There is no “collective guilt”, but there is collective honor, the solidarity of the individual with his people and of all individuals with one another. If a member of my family commits some wrong, I may say, I am not guilty; but I may not say, It is no concern of mine. For I am part and parcel of my family, and its honor is, within certain limits, my honor. Similarly, each one of us must accept a share of responsibility for the wrong done by our people, since this wrong touches each one's honor and demands of him that things be put right. This is our duty, because injustice must not be left standing: it must be dealt with till nothing of it remains, and this for two reasons. First, it violates the sovereignty of the good, and it is man's nobility to know of this and bear its burden. Second, injustice is real: if not conquered, it continues to work in the ideas begotten by it and in the people formed by them.'
The Bridge
, vol. I, ed. John M. Oesterreicher, 1955) a few sentences. Addressing university students in Munich twenty years ago on the responsibility of the German people for the Nazis' crimes, he rejected the view lately (
very
lately) adopted with dismay by many Americans: that which assigns âcollective guilt'. âThere is,' he told his audience, âno such thing. Never can a man be guilty of another man's crime, unless, of course, he cooperates in it or fails to do what he can and should to prevent it. There is no “collective guilt”, but there is collective honor, the solidarity of the individual with his people and of all individuals with one another. If a member of my family commits some wrong, I may say, I am not guilty; but I may not say, It is no concern of mine. For I am part and parcel of my family, and its honor is, within certain limits, my honor. Similarly, each one of us must accept a share of responsibility for the wrong done by our people, since this wrong touches each one's honor and demands of him that things be put right. This is our duty, because injustice must not be left standing: it must be dealt with till nothing of it remains, and this for two reasons. First, it violates the sovereignty of the good, and it is man's nobility to know of this and bear its burden. Second, injustice is real: if not conquered, it continues to work in the ideas begotten by it and in the people formed by them.'
So no American is off any hook, fellow-actors. The hook is thick and dug deep. Notice â
in the people formed by them.
' We are obliged to hold ourselves responsible not only for a decade
of Asiatic corpses and uninhabitable countryside and genocidal âresettlement' of whole populations of Asiatic villagers, but for what we are doing to the survivors with (for instance, a grant of $21 million last fiscal year; this year: $30 million) to the police of the South Vietnamese regime for whom our men have been dying,âpolice whose âtimely and positive action' (so a high American official officially boasts to our ambassador in that desperate country) âeffectively contained civil disturbances including war veterans, students and religious groups' (so the director of a finely named Agency for International Development, Mr John Mossler, quoted in
The Minneapolis Tribune
, 9 April 1971). This aid of ours, by the way, to the enemies of the progressive elements in their country, is six times as great as our aid to education in South Vietnam. Surely we
did not know
these things. Surely we cannot responsibly continue to support an administration which is thus, by a natural, if loathsome, sympathetic conformation, repressing exactly those possibly democratic elements that all or some of us wish to encourage. Not that any of all this ought to be any of
our
pretentious Government's
business!
ânot even the education bit, when our own schools are at most levels radically unsatisfactory and thirty million Americans are right this bright Spring morning slowly starving.
in the people formed by them.
' We are obliged to hold ourselves responsible not only for a decade
of Asiatic corpses and uninhabitable countryside and genocidal âresettlement' of whole populations of Asiatic villagers, but for what we are doing to the survivors with (for instance, a grant of $21 million last fiscal year; this year: $30 million) to the police of the South Vietnamese regime for whom our men have been dying,âpolice whose âtimely and positive action' (so a high American official officially boasts to our ambassador in that desperate country) âeffectively contained civil disturbances including war veterans, students and religious groups' (so the director of a finely named Agency for International Development, Mr John Mossler, quoted in
The Minneapolis Tribune
, 9 April 1971). This aid of ours, by the way, to the enemies of the progressive elements in their country, is six times as great as our aid to education in South Vietnam. Surely we
did not know
these things. Surely we cannot responsibly continue to support an administration which is thus, by a natural, if loathsome, sympathetic conformation, repressing exactly those possibly democratic elements that all or some of us wish to encourage. Not that any of all this ought to be any of
our
pretentious Government's
business!
ânot even the education bit, when our own schools are at most levels radically unsatisfactory and thirty million Americans are right this bright Spring morning slowly starving.
Other books
Christmas on Crack by Carlton Mellick III, ed.
The Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Whitechapel Horrors by Edward B. Hanna
Never Ever Leave Me by Grant, Elly
Tooth and Nail by Jennifer Safrey
Finding Autumn by Beth Michele
Broken Grace by E.C. Diskin
Storyteller by Patricia Reilly Giff
Return to You by Samantha Chase
Return (Awakened Fate Book 3) by Skye Malone
Beat the Band by Don Calame
